Hell Week

by Squeejee

Ch 1: Mark

Hell Week

An MLP:FiM Fanfiction by Squeejee

Chapter 1: Mark

The cleanup for Rainbow Dash's 21st was almost as legendary as the party itself. With the cyan pegasus passed out from keeping up with Pinkie Pie's biggest party ever, it fell to the party pony and Applejack to pack up the outdoor dance floor. Rarity and Fluttershy were breaking down the tents, and Twilight Sparkle was researching a spell to fix the fissure in the earth. Rainbow Dash came to during the third hour of cleanup.

"Dashie's awake! Morning sleepyhead!" Pinkie Pie loomed and shouted, two things that Rainbow would rather she not do right now.

"HshPinkshPye." Dash rubbed her eyes and sat up (then laid back down, rubbed her head, and sat up again very slowly), realizing it was still dark.

"Here! This'll clear your head in no time." She hoofed her pegasus friend a cupcake, breakfast of champions. Dash bit into it halfheartedly, resting her other hoof against her pounding brow.

"WhzImss?" You know, this cupcake isn't half bad.

"Lots'a stuff,” Pinkie Pie giggled, “like when I drew all over your face!”

“Whaaa!” In a multichromatic blur, Rainbow Dash bucked Pinkie Pie off of her and dive-bombed the nearest lake, mouth open, completely sober by the time she hit it thanks to her friend's special "Pinkie Me Up" cupcake.

"I'm sorry again, Dashie! I really should have told you what was in that thing."

Rainbow Dash sat at the edge of the lake, rubbing the ink off her face with a now blackened hoof. She was dripping wet still, and looked sideways at her friend as she replied.

"It's okay Pinkie, really. Besides, I don't have a headache anymore, so there's that."

Pinkie hugged her, and there was a moment of silence between the two, punctuated by a flash of light and the distinctive crumbling of rock as Twilight finally cast her spell in the distance. Then Pinkie did something completely unexpected.

"Hey, what's it like being 21, Dashie?" The worst part was that she asked it with a SRS BSNS face.

"Awesome, I guess." Looks like the fire team has finally gotten control of the Everfree Forest. Good thing too, I was worried I'd have to go help them. "I don't even know the names of some of those drinks Applejack mixed for me."

"Well, it's just that now that you're 21 you'll be trying all kinds of new things that you couldn't do when you were younger like how you have that Wonderbolts brochure in your room that says you're old enough to join their spring training in two weeks but I secretly hope you won't because it said the camp lasts two months and then when you get in you'll be on the road all the time and we'll never get to see you and do fun things like rollerblading though now that I think of it I've never tried rollerblading before I wonder if it's like ice skating which I love almost as much as candy but that's not fair because candy is the bestest thing ever!"

Wait. What the hay did she just say?

"It's in two weeks."

For the fourth time, Rainbow Dash explained her plans as her friend returned to her. For the fourth time, she saw the look of disappointment cross her friend's face as she realized what it meant. And for the fourth time, Rainbow Dash hung her head.

"You know, just because I can go this year, doesn't mean I have to..."

"How could you possibly say that?" Rarity looked like she was about to freak out. "You've only been talking about this your entire life!"

Rainbow didn't really have a response, but since all her friends were looking at her now, she had to say something.

"It's just... It's something Pinkie Pie said. If I leave, if I actually join them, I won't be able to see you guys again for a long time." She looked around, but didn't really see any of her friends in this light. Smoke from the party aftermath had blotted out most of the stars, and the dull glow of the fire in the distance had faded.

"Well, yeah, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it." Twilight. Huh.

"Ah think it'd be a righ' shame if you di'n' go."

"Besides, you can't let something I said change your mind, even I don't know what I'm saying sometimes!"

"But I've been thinking about it too, and I don't even know if I'm ready!" Rainbow felt tears come to her eyes as she shouted. "I mean, what if I go there, and get left so far in the dust they never let me back? What if I blow it?" A hoof on her back brought her back to reality.

"Rainbow Dash, don't be stupid." Fluttershy? What the hay? "You're the best flier in Equestria!"

"But I-"

"Bar. None."

Four more sets of hooves joined Fluttershy's, and Rainbow Dash couldn't help but hug back as hard as she could. After a moment Rainbow would have preferred last much longer, they separated, and she met Fluttershy's gaze. She had really meant that compliment.

Rainbow Dash had almost forgotten what it felt like to believe that herself.

Rainbow spent most of her waking hours for the next two weeks with her friends, not even thinking about stunt flying. And when Twilight had her second and third sleep overs, Dash spent a number of her sleeping hours with them as well. All to soon it came to an end, and she found herself flying to Cloudsdale at three in the morning.

The air was freezing, which was perfect for shaking off the unfamiliar fatigue of early rising. Dash caught a warm front and rode it in, along with a dozen other early riser pegasi, and they formed a flight, one in front and the rest falling behind in a basic V-formation.

"So." A brown pegasus to her right with a guitar cutie mark.

"Yeah." They crested the top of a very large cloud, revealing an expanse of grass below.

"You're headed to Cloudsdale too, I guess?" The city in question hung in the distance, growing closer but still twenty minutes away at this speed.

"You know it! Gonna try out for the Wonderbolts!" Dash indicated herself proudly with a hoof, as if it should be the most obvious thing ever.

"You too?" A blue pegasus to her left this time, with a puff of cloud cutie mark. "Small world."

"Really small world." The brown pegasus spoke up. "That's what I'm here for!" A chorus of ascent from the others in the flight. Rainbow Dash felt as if she had swallowed a butterfly.

"We're all headed to the same place?"

"Looks like it!"

"What do you think it'll be like?"

"Awesome."

"I hear that, during training, Spitfire's a real hardass."

"Really?”

"Yeah! My older brother tried out once, he said she practically ripped his wings off."

"Pssh. I was at this thing last year, it's not that bad."

"You were here last year? How did you do?"

"How do you think I did?"

The voices sort of faded together after a moment, and Rainbow Dash was stuck in her head again. Every single one of these ponies was trying out too. How many others would there be? Even if she was good, would she even get noticed among the crowd? Only one thing to do.

Rainbow Dash grinned. She would have to be the best, then she would get noticed for sure. On a whim, she shouted at them and took off for Cloudsdale at top speed, hearing them chase after her – the race was on, and sun hadn't even risen yet.

Arriving first as expected, Rainbow Dash watched the eleven other early risers land behind her, exchanging brohoofs and cheering at each other (she joined in, headbutting the guitar guy). The meeting area was Cloudsdale Colosseum, the same place that hosted the Junior Fliers Competition, but the airspace in the center was much more crowded that Dash remembered it.

The seats were all gone from the stands, creating tight corridors that ran circles around the floating stadium. The VIP boxes were now all filled with exercise equipment, and the center arena had what appeared to be an aerial obstacle course – Dash was familiar with them. Though dawn was threatening on the horizon, the whole thing was lit up by floating cloud lanterns that resembled moons – they cast long, dark shadows in the walls that gave the whole thing a deserted feeling.

They had landed in a platform at the bottom of the center arena that was bare cloud save for a sign that said TRAINEES. After a moment the dozen pegasi greeted another inbound flight, who it seemed had stayed in travel formation the whole way in. Then another crowd, and another, and some ponies had to hover above the platform because there wasn't enough room for them all.

It was enough to make Rainbow Dash feel alive. Her heart raced as she imagined leaving these fools behind her – Spitfire would hire Rainbow to the Wonderbolts on the spot as she lapped the group for the third time, backwards. Somepony mentioned that it was already 0430 and the Wonderbolts weren't here yet, and as if on cue, they showed up.

“You have all failed the first test!”

Spitfire crested the top of the Colosseum, flanked by four other Wonderbolts, and the crowd went silent. The five of them – not wearing their blue uniforms – hovered above the crowd of trainees, and their captain continued, as loud as she could muster.

“Lesson one! A Wonderbolt never passes up the opportunity to get better! You've all had thirty minutes to train, and instead you've been standing around flapping your pie holes at each other like school fillies!”

And of course, they responded by remaining perfectly still and staring at her.

“Why are you all just floating there?” She grabbed her whistle and blew it, and her coaches took four positions around the top of the Colosseum. “Split up into four even groups! Move!”

The crowd scattered, and there was a great deal of confusion. Rainbow noticed Spitfire facehoofing, and decided to find a group fast so as not to make a bad first impression. She noticed that one of the captains was Soarin, and since she knew him, decided to join his group.

“Hey Soarin! Long time no see.”

“Well if it isn't the best young flier in Equestria! I was hoping you'd make it out here this year.”

“You know it! By the end of this thing, you're going to be calling me 'teammate'.”

“We'll see about that. Hey, help me get everyone lined up, would ya? Stand over here...”

As the confusion died down, Soarin arranged everypony in his group into even rows and had them stand at attention – or he would have, if they had any idea what that meant. They were all shifting from hoof to hoof, chattering a bit and occasionally yawning, certainly not in a military posture of any kind.

He was rearranging them by height when Spitfire spoke up again. “That was pitiful!” Okay, she didn't speak up, she shouted. “I want you all to fly back to that platform, now!” She blew the whistle, and the trainees complied this time on the first try – Dash made sure to be the first to touch down, but couldn't look up in time to see if Spitfire noticed or not.

“Now, back into your groups!” The whistle blew, and they raced to their groups. There was only one problem.

“Ow! Hey, watch it!” The brown guitar pegasus from before! That jerk.

“You watch it! I'm trying to get over there!” Rainbow tried to push around him – somepony from her group had landed already, and this was already taking too much of her time.

“Yeah? Well I'm headed over there!” He pointed in the opposite direction, and tried to push past her. Their movements canceled each other out for a brief moment, then a gray blur smacked into them both.

“Ow! Burnt muffins!” Derpy Hooves glared at Rainbow Dash, rubbing her head where they had collided. “We needed one! We have three!” Then she flew around her in a huff, heading toward Soarin's group at top speed.

“Hey! Wait for me!” Dash blasted off, overtaking Derpy and landing back in the spot she had been in before. Only half of her group had arrived and were watching the chaos below them unfold, as it seemed that everypony had crashed into everypony else, and then promptly forgotten which group they were supposed to be in. Dash glanced at Spitfire, who was holding a stopwatch and seemed very disgruntled.

After a while, the groups sorted themselves out, and there was silence. Silence, save for a faint click as Spitfire pressed the button on her stopwatch, then returned to yelling at them.

“TWO MINUTES!” She threw her stopwatch into the darkness, and Soarin took off to catch it. “Two minutes it took you worthless rats with wings to find your places! Two minutes for you lot to fly from there to there! Is this flight school 101? Have you all gone to the little pony's room? Should we break for nappy-time? TWO MINUTES!”

She really, really, really, tried not to. It was the hardest bout of trying she could remember doing in the past few months. But despite herself, Rainbow Dash smirked, smiled, and chuckled at Spitfire's rant. Of course, the captain was on top of her in an instant.

“You think it's funny, rat?” Dash bit her tongue, but it was useless. “You want a good laugh? You think I'm here for your entertainment?” Dash shoved a hoof in her mouth, stifling the laughter for good, and returned to a straight face.

“So I'm NOT funny, am I?”

Dash really didn't have anything to say to that, so instead she stammered. “Uh, you ARE funny, but I thought-”

“Did you think you were doing wing push ups? Because that's the correct answer! Twenty, right now!” Dash blinked, hesitated, met Spitfire's glare and complied, falling and rolling over into the familiar exercise. While she counted off twenty push ups using her wings to lift her body, Spitfire continued.

“Being a Wonderbolt is not about being the fastest. It's being the fastest team! If one of you takes two full minutes to go fifty feet, than all of you have taken that long!” Rainbow Dash counted off her tenth push up, only now beginning to feel the burn, when Spitfire stepped on her.

They locked eyes, and Dash understood – continuing to count to twenty as she supported both her own body and Spitfire's.

“You need to know your spot in the formation better than the location of your ass.” Twelve, thirteen, Spitfire leaned on Dash more, increasing the weight. “You need to know the spot of every single member of your team just as well, so you can get the hay out of their way when you're on the move!” Fifteen, Spitfire put all of her weight down, and Rainbow Dash was stopped halfway off the ground.

Then she looked down at Dash, daring her to let her body hit the cloud below, and there was no bucking way that was going to happen. Tapping into reserves of strength she barely knew existed, Rainbow Dash forced out another one. “Sixteen!”

Then Spitfire pushed, and Rainbow fell to the ground, unable to muster the strength to get number seventeen. The captain continued, speaking softly into the dead silence that had fallen around them. “When one of us falls, we all fall. Understood?” Chorus of assent – some ponies shouted “Yes Ma'am,” some “Yes Captain,” and others still “Yes, Spitfire.”

“I believe you owe me four more, rat.” Rainbow Dash pushed, but there was no way.

“I-I-” She fought the urge to say “I can't,” but couldn't come up with anything else, and stuttered.

“Am I still funny?”

“K-kk-kk-” Now Spitfire was pressing down on Dash's lungs, and she was fighting for air. This isn't fair.

“Good to hear!” She hopped off of Dash, who gasped and lay there for a moment, feeling the perspiration come to her. “You were on sixteen, rat!” Crap. Rainbow pumped out four more, her wings protesting as she did, and rolled back onto her hooves.

“Knowing where to be is a skill that should come to every Pegasus naturally, but since each and every one of you has an ego twice the size of the castle, it doesn't! And that's where I come in! My name is Spitfire, but this week it's Captain, understood?”

All of the trainees together this time. “Yes, Captain!”

“Good! Now before we start training our bodies, I'm going to train your minds with some facts!” She glanced around at the four groups, taking inventory. “There are fifty of you here now, and there are only two spots open on the Wonderbolts roster! Do the math, rats, I can wait while the gears turn in your tiny heads.”

“The first week of spring training, we like to call 'hell week!' We call it that because I'm here to make you rats work for a living, and since none of you would know a hard day's work if it reached up and bit you, it's going to seem like hell.”

“By the end of this week, there will be only six of you remaining. We'll be making cuts daily to reach that goal, and that means you had better be the best you can bucking be this week, every damn second of it!”

Rainbow swallowed and gritted her teeth, flexing her sore wings at the sound of a challenge. Sounds like my kind of game! Get the weak ones out of the way early on, then the real training begins.

“Now get back on that cloud, and if you can't find a place on the cloud and have to hover, you're out!” She blew her whistle, then everypony panicked as they process what she had just said.

Dash was one of the first to touch down – not first this time as the crowd got in her way – and stood stock still while everypony around her fought for the now-precious surface area of the cloud. To her right, she noticed Derpy get shoved off the edge of the cloud by some colt – crap, not this guy again.

It was Dumbbell, brown coat shining in this light. He was about twice Derpy's size, and wasn't afraid to use it – then, of course, it got worse. He signaled his friends and they found their way into spots next to him, despite her protestations. Dash simply couldn't let that stand – she launched from her place on the cloud, and confronted them among the chaos.

“Leave her alone!” Whoa, deja-vu.

“Well if it isn't Rainbow Crash! Find your own bit of cloud, loser. This one's ours!”

“Yeah? Well it was hers first, so buzz off!” Dash stole a glance behind her – the cloud was packed to capacity, and it looked like fights like this were breaking out all across it.

“Why don't you make us?” He postured, puffing out his chest, and Dash couldn't help but rise to the challenge. Thing is, there was a moment when her balance in the air was thrown off from the change in posture, and that's when Derpy took the opportunity to knock Dash down and drag her through the air away from the fight.

“Hey! What are you doing? Stop it! Let go of my tail, HEY!”

Without a word Derpy flew, dragging Rainbow Dash by the tail, to the other side of the floating cloud. There she stopped as if standing upside-down, digging her hooves into the cloud slightly to make herself stick, and Rainbow was so awestruck that she couldn't help but follow suit.

A few other ponies saw it too, and did the same. It made Spitfire chuckle, and Soarin roll over with laughter – they had run this stupid test a million times to see the recruits react to it, and never – EVER – had anything like this happened before.

It was a brilliant way to start the week.

Comments

[nemryn]

Ditzy is thinking-outside-the-box-est pony.

[EtherealCereal]

"Because I am hard, you will not like me. But the more you hate me, the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair."

[SatoshiKyu]

“You think it's funny, rat?” Dash bit her tongue, but it was useless. “You want a good laugh? You think I'm here for your entertainment?” Dash shoved a hoof in her mouth, stifling the laughter for good, and returned to a straight face.

Response (spoken firmly and quickly, so as not to be interrupted):

"I was not laughing at you, nor are you here for my entertainment, merely that your words were inherently amusing. You may argue this if you so desire, but then humor itself is inherently subjective. The fact that I found amusement in your wording does not lessen your authority over those assembled here, or it wouldn't have if you had not reacted like you'd been slapped with a fish."

Do you get so many pushups that your arms off? FUCK YES. Does the commanding officer feel extremely silly and maybe refrain from treating everything like a personal insult in the future? YOU'D BETTER FUCKING BELIEVE IT.