After years of collecting and retelling the fantastic stories of other wonderful heroes, a young pony decides its time to stop sitting on the sidelines and make his own adventure! After all, occording to the stories, it ought to be a quick, easy, and relativly painless experience.
Right?
Time to go on an adventure and find out what it takes to have a story worth telling!
((First story ever, so [constructive] comments are very appreciated! Very OC based with a mostly OC driven storyline for those that worry about that stuff :P)
Chapters (2)
This looks like a nice story.
The writing isn't bad but it stil has plenty of room for improvement
My main concern is you shoul watch out for repetition;
For example, when you say:It was too dark to see, so it had to rely on the lightning to see.
you are repeating to see and that can feel pretty odd.
Not to mention you use the words it and the figure at least thirty times in the first half of this chapter, I know you don't want to reveal you main character just yet, but come on.
And finally please slow down a bit, this is only my opinion here of course.
Hmmm...
no comment.