Captain Noah Stone, a Spartan-V commander, crash-landed into the Wastelands of Equestria. Now, after becoming a half-changeling and rescuing Starfire from Vaht 'Latowee, he and his new friends face their biggest challenge yet: Fitting in. Follow their life in the Crystal Empire ( And Equestria ), from a visit to Ponyville to combat in the Wastes. Meanwhile, Starfire notices something off about one of her friends, something dangerous.
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Rated teen for some possible language. Please be as straightforward as you can in reviews. I want to improve, and I need all the help I can get. Again, this technically is a Halo crossover, but only one Spartan is in it, and is completely an original character. Updates will be sporadic.
Well...
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You're going to have to stop assuming that we already know the entire background of your plot, because I'm reading this, and I have no idea what the hell is happening. This seems to be a random Halo-insertion HiE/ponyfication fic that includes the author's version of the Shadowbolts, and assumes that we've already read your interpretation of them, or just does a really bad job at explaining what they are.
Firstly:
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I have no idea why you included Halo in this. None whatsoever. Lets take this apart:
A SV crashes on Equestria.
What was the Morning Glory, and why are there no other people there? Did they all die in the crash? Was it a one-person shuttle?
Spartan V? Elaborate on the Haloverse timeline, because the IV's are the ones in service, not V's. And why did the ship crash? Covenant, Prometheans, any other excuse that Halo-insertion authors like to use to explain why a ship crashes?
So, a Changeling knows how to turn a creature they've never seen before into some hideous Changeling-Pony hybrid? Explain.
AI has a cheesy, stupid name, even for Haloverse AI. Change it.
SV is way out of character. I'm not even going into how he should be acting, because if you're including Spartans in your story, you should have read the books, played the games, etc., to see how they act. Do your research.
Shadowbolts? Explain. Don't assume that we know what you're talking about, because if this isn't clearly marked as a sequel to your other stories, mark it as one. I have no idea what you're talking about unless you tell me where to find it.
Secondly...
I'm unsure of why Halo was even included in this. The whole SV insertion is pointless. Why are you adding Halo into a story where he really doesn't belong? Is it just for the sake of using a convenient plot device for a crossover? Because really, a SV has no reason to be there, and the reasons you've given for him to be there are, well...
You explained how he got there, not why he's in the story. It would be like me tossing in random characters from other universes into my story just to make it interesting. It adds interest, yes, but it becomes pointless, and unnecessary.
Overall:
Watch grammar, plot, transitions, your canon information, and for the love of god slow down. I have no idea what's going on. You've skipped plot/character development COMPLETELY, and tossed me into a story where everything is foreign, and I'm immediately expected to know everything that's going on, and who all the characters are.
Slow down, edit, and repair.
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First off, this story wouldn't exist without Halo.
Secondly, I can see where your confused. I'm working on slowing it down and explaining a little. For most of the backstory, I may include one or two later chapters going into much further detail.
On the Shadowbolts and the Spartan Vs, yes they are both my interpretations. However, neither have been completely explained to anyone important to the party except Stone. Actually, the Shadowbolts in this story that will be of any importance dont even exist yet. The reason I used SVs instead of IVs is because if you read the paragraph about the ship, he mentions technology that isn't in the normal Haloverse. I jumped foreward six to ten years for this story. I didn't want to overinvolve current Halo characters when I could just create and use my own.
Continuing onto Stone specifically, I first wish to touch on his powers. Technically what happened to him (which will be explained MUCH later) was that he was shot full of changeling energy by a startled Dawn, who used the wrong spell to attack when they first met. Secondly, Stone and his arrival aren't convenient plot twists. Neither Origins (the original story) nor this one would have happened WITHOUT Stone. Trinity was his AI, he lost her in a way that will be shown later, Starfire found her, she saw visions, she killed her mother to protect her teacher, then she escaped. Stone is the backbone character of this story. Also, he technically isn't in the Halo universe. He is completely OC.
The Morning Glory will most definitely be explained soon. For now, though, all I can say is that Stone was the only one aboard
Overall, I will try to work on the story to take into account your comment. The goal of the original story was to write a Halo crossover that wasn't like all the others (X crashes into Ponyville, meets Mane 6, fights off hoard of Covenant, gets sucked into politics, dies or goes home). I wanted to write a story where a human is found by some species that isn't ponies, has a legitament reason why he looks like a pony, gets involved with Crystal empire, then after that is still being written. I will tell you, though, that I always planned on writting a story about Stone's arrival to the planet. However, I must ask. Did you read the original? If not, go do so. It will be linked on here soon, its just hard to do that on an Iphone. Thanks to you, I plan to work on that a lot sooner.
Thank you for your opinion,
Recovery15
P.S: I did read the Halo books and played the games. Once again, he isn't a canon Spartan. I will explain that in both later chapters and another story.
P.P.S: AI names. it's better than their original names(Trinity=Beth and Prometheus=Zeta). I thought that they needed less human names.
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Something I forgot
The Morning Glory. I want 3 things that are inhabitable that can crash on a planet and not destroy it. Go ahead. It can't be a SPACESHIP, because its scifi. Obviously
7660878 believe me. I'm not happy with it either