“Hey, Flutterwing, take it easy!” Trey called out. “You’ll hurt yourself!”
“Oh, they’re little. Let them have fun. Looks like they’re having a lot of it.” said Fluttershy as the two of them watched their children play. “Reminds me of us when we were younger.”
“We’re not old...” said Trey. “I’ve still got some fight in me yet. It’s only been 6 years.”
“I know.” she said, nuzzling her head into him. “I just think it’s cute how you get so worked up over it. You’re as bad as Rainbow Dash.” she said, smiling. Trey put his arm around her, hugging her, pulling her head closer to him. She was so adorable.
“Daddy, come play with us!!!” yelled Flutterwing, the daughter, a white Pegasus with a pink mane.
“Yeah, Dad!” called Anacrusis, a tan Pegasus with a dark black mane. A few red highlights accented his mane, giving him his father’s image.
“You really want me to win again?” Trey called out to them.
“Go easy on them, Treyble.” said Fluttershy.
“Always.” said Trey, smiling. Fluttershy had finally come up with a pet name for him. After several that just didn’t fit, like Treighth note, or Treynee, Treyble Clef seemed to fit the best.
“Alright...I got a new game...” said Trey.
“A new game?” said the children, bringing in close to him.
“Yes...it’s called...tickle and everything.” said Trey, quickly reaching out and holding them tight, tickling them as they tried to escape. This had been a game Trey got his father to play with him. He created it himself and now understood just how great it felt to play it as a dad. Fluttershy smiled from the porch as she watched the stallion she loved prance about the yard, chasing the kids, hearing their shrieks of laughter. She continued to watch, mesmerized. The days and years had slipped by so fast. Sometimes she wished she’d kept a diary, a catalogue of their days together...
Soon, Trey managed to capture the kids again, but they both tackled him as he wrestled with them on the ground, tickling them all the way. Fluttershy carefully got up from the porch, avoiding hitting her stomach, and went to fix dinner, his favorite meal.
***
“But I’m not tired, Dad!”
“It’s your first day of school tomorrow, Flutterwing. You too, Anacrusis. Cheerilee’s going to want to see your bright smiling faces. Not some tired, mopey foals who can’t pay attention!”
“Will you tell us a story?” asked Anacrusis.
“Sure. Which one do you want to hear this time?”
“Tell us how you met mommy!” said Flutterwing.
“Yeah!”
“Well...” said Trey, looking over at Fluttershy, who smiled. “See, I came here from Canterlot...as you know I took a teaching position. Well, I got introduced to a few friends, whose children you’re bound to see tomorrow, by the way. One of those friends was the absolute most beautiful mare I’d ever seen.” he said, as Fluttershy blushed.
“Get to the good part already!”
“All good things to those who wait. Anyways, this beautiful mare, who just happens to be right beside you, caught my eye.”
“Wouldn’t that hurt?” asked Flutterwing.
“It’s a figure of speech, Flutterwing, silly! I just meant that since she was so beautiful, I paid a lot of attention to her.”
“Mom, what did you think of him?”
“Well...I don’t know if you could tell, but I was terribly shy. The way he introduced himself and his kindness took me by surprise, I guess. I’d never really known anypony to stick with me when I couldn’t introduce myself.”
“After that day, I just couldn’t get her out of my head. Soon, we became best friends, and, well...I fell in love with her.”
“Awwwww!” said Flutterwing.
“Yeah, yeah, when did you kiss her?” asked Anacrusis. He seemed genuinely interested, even for his age.
“Well would you look at the time! Guess we’ll have to save that part of the story for tomorrow night.” he said, winking. They complained loudly, asking for more. “Well the faster you fall asleep, the faster you can wake up to a new day of storytelling!” he said, to which the kids promptly went to their rooms, closing their eyes tight, trying to fall asleep. Trey smiled as he and Fluttershy went into their bedroom, closing the door behind them.
Once inside, Trey caught Fluttershy by surprise, giving her a powerful, emotional kiss. She couldn’t help but melt.
“I love you, Flutterheart. More than anything.” he said, looking deep into her eyes, the very ones he fell in love with on the first day he met her.
She smiled at him, gaining her composure, kissing him back romantically, leading him back into the bed. “I love you too, Trey. More than you love me.”
“No way...I love you more.”
“I love you most.”
“I love you mostest.”
Fluttershy exhaled quickly, smiling, before kissing him again as they laid on the bed, facing each other. They stared into each other’s eyes for a long while, Trey rubbing the side of her face, Fluttershy playing with his mane. She didn’t know why, but she enjoyed running her hoof through his hair. It seemed romantic and sensual. For as romantic as the two were, it was quite appropriate.
“Hey, Flutterheart?”
“Yes?”
“Did you know that you’re still the prettiest mare in the world?” he said, quickly putting his hoof to her heart. “And that your nickname never fails?”
Fluttershy, impulsively, kissed him, madly in love with him. He always found a way to make her feel wanted, loved, appreciated...she couldn’t live without him.
As Trey returned her impulsive act of love, he reflected on how she could always make him feel worth something. He’d never had self-esteem in his life, but ever since he fell in love with Fluttershy, he had a reason to believe in himself. Every time he gave her a kiss, she matched the emotion with a fervor like no other. She made him feel wanted, loved, appreciated...he couldn’t live without her.
As they settled down, looking into each other’s eyes again, Trey stroked her face again. “I have something for you.” he said.
“For me?” she asked. “What’s the occasion?”
“Beautiful mares don’t need an occasion.” he said, to which she blushed and smiled. He got off the bed, to his closet. He returned with two relatively old, worn journals with assorted scraps of paper.
“What’s that?” she asked, curious.
“This, my love...is a journal. I’ve been keeping a diary for a long time. I’ve never shared this with anypony. And I...I want to share it with you. It starts shortly before I came here...and continues up to today. I guess it’s sort of a catalogue of our adventures. I never get tired of going back and reliving some of my greatest memories with you. I think it’d be fun to relive them together.” he said, smiling at her.
Fluttershy couldn’t contain her excitement as she smiled from ear to ear. “Trey, I love you. You always know how to make me happy. I’d love to revisit lost time with you.” she said, bringing him in for another kiss. Trey smiled at her.
“Want to start tonight?”
“If that’s ok with you.”
“Absolutely. I guess you could call these the Flutterheart diaries.”
Fluttershy smiled at him. He was just so cute. He didn’t even know why, but he was.
Trey opened one of the journals up and started reading to her. Fluttershy rested her head on his chest, nuzzling him, as he read to her until she fell asleep, lost in memories not too far gone.
Perfect ending for the perfect story. Well done.
That was such a romantic and sweet story and a fantastic ending :D Wonderful!
39096
Thank you, just speaking my mind! Just like my favorite pony would! --->
Anyway, time to read!
Dangit fimfiction, I said to email me when this came out! Any way, I couldent think of anyway better to end this
at first I was but then I realized it's over
MOAR
WHAT
IT'S OVER
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
hmmm kinda turned into an episode of grey's anatomy at the end, but hey, who's complaining
Dammit, now I need something else to read.
Like I said, just keep following me. I'll be making some great new stories, which I'm absolutely positive y'all will like.
40100 That pisses me off because every episode of Grey's anatomy turns into a chapter of Flutterheart.
Not that I watch Grey's anatomy anyway.
Wow, I can't believe we reached the end... It was one awesome ride I tell you that. Romantic, sweet and very amazing. I can't wait to see what you come up with next. Best wishes!
Are you going to make another story with the same characters?
Awww!!! So damn cute! (I'm a guy, what the hell is wrong with me! )
Trey, this was seriously one of the best fan fictions I have ever read, well at least in my opinion. I mean it, too! It was well written, had great character development on your OC, the personalities on the canon characters was used perfectly, the story worked at a steady pace, great grammar, great plot (I mean the WRITING kind of plot...), and it made us feel what the characters were going through. I have to hand it to you, dude, you made an AMAZING fan fiction!
You have become my favorite author on this site (and I like a LOT of the authors on this site), as well as one of my favorite authors in fan fiction! Have you ever thought of making a book? You could be a best seller or something! Seriously, Trey, you have a gift! I have always been more of a listener than a man of action, so I've always read fan fiction instead of write any. However, because of you, I might actually give this fan fiction writing thing a try. I might try to make my own story here on FIMFiction.net at some point!
It is really damn sad that this fic is ending, almost makes me tear up (yeah, I'm being over emotional here). I hope to see more of your work after Flutterheart is over! I will follow your work 'till the end of time!!! I hope your next fic is as good as this one! I'll be there when you publish it!
I have a few questions though, but I'll understand if you don't want to answer them (hell, I'd understand if you didn't read this whole message!):
1. What inspired you to write this?
2. What is your next fan fiction? I'll understand if you don't want to reveal the answer yet.
3. When do you think you're going to publish your next fan fiction?
4. Is the final chapter about what's in the journal? Again, I completely understand if you don't want to reveal that yet.
5. Is Maternal Investigations canon to this? Cause in that, Trey OC is an orphan... (sorry for nit picking)
Anyway, I'm really sorry for writing so much! Just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your work! Can't wait for the next, and last, chapter of Flutterheart, Trey.
~ Nicholas Mollings (AKA Flame-LoneWolf)
nice i love it ^_^
This story, is a GREAT pick me up. Good job.
Trey, this piece was a beautiful work of art. I care not that I'm a guy who wants to become one of two polar opposites in careers (Army Ranger OR Writer... lol). When I read the first few chapters, I was captured instantly. You could do that, draw people in. I wanted more. I got more, more than I could ever have hoped for. I began seeing you write comments about how some aspects were modeled after yourself, then made my own connections and found that you and I... are fairly similar. I enjoyed this story beyond words, and that is god's own truth. I have no words to describe this wonderful, sensational... these words are falling flat for me, attempting to describe it...
I want you to know, Trey, that I loved this story. Everything was done to perfection. The characters were well developed, the original character had ample time to be introduced (given a story and personality), the canon characters were used perfectly within their canon personalities... this was well thought out and beautifully written. Don't take this as advertising, but you were an inspiration in writing Broken Wings, my WIP of a "human" (with wings) with FS pairing. Yes, I got it from a song, but the plot and style used much of what you'd written. I didn't take anything exactly, but awkward moments, uncomfortable times, angry moments, it has all that, and it's practically all thanks to you. By the way, again not advertising, but for the curious viewer, injuries and things of that nature are on par with here: not too bad, but not scratches. There will be a problem later on that unfortunately will (in my mind) have to be described, but other than that, Broken Wings is pretty much a very... mangled (plot-wise/setting-wise/character-wise) version of Flutterheart. Unintentionally, of course. Heck, I only just now realized it after pausing in my writing to check on updates.
But enough of my stuff, back to yours. Your story, Flutterheart, had a very similar effect on me as I got from reading another story called My Little Dashie, albeit not with the same emotion. After finishing MLD, I cried because the ending was very sad, but the writer intended it to be a happy ending (with everything as it should be). Flutterheart... again, this epilogue, I'm assuming, was written as a happy ending. A way to end the story with a wonderful lead and beautiful action. But I'm crying, because not only was it a terribly well written story, but because it has ended. And that, Trey, is the symbol of a true work of art. When you end a story, it is not a very good one should the reader simply pass it off. It is proven good if readers are begging and crying for more, and sad that the story they had been reading had then finished.
I've written a fairly long comment, so I'll end it soon. Your piece was... THE most beautiful fan fiction I've read so far (that is completed). It was not a thrill ride for me as some might describe it. Instead, it was... heh. I keep saying I don't want to advertise my own story on yours, but it keeps happening, doesn't it? Reading your story wasn't a thrill ride for me, instead, it was a flight as Will, my OC. I felt like I was flying through the clouds, enjoying every bit. And yet, once it had ended, my soar became a landing, a hiding under an awning, waiting for the storm that is the end to pass.
I hope that you, Trey, continue writing. If you modeled every story of yours after this one, no one would be an unhappy camper. I believe that you have talent. Write more, and, heh, write a sequel for this. That is, if you want. No one is forcing you to, of course, but the masses want one... so... yeah.
Oh, and P.S.: I really do talk like that in real life: the albeit and "not yet, for he had etc." and all that stuff, is all in my everyday speech :D
Review of this story: I've already given this five starts, so my next available thing to do is spam emotes. In other words: Awesome and Sad. I believe that was, in fact, your intention?
I loved every second of this story from beginning to end! I would say that I REQUIRE MOAR, but it's over! Easily it's one of the best fice I've read here. Five stars!!!
While reading this fic...
First I was like
Then I was like
Later I was like A LOT
Now I'm all like
I loved every second of this story from beginning to end! I would say that I REQUIRE MOAR, but it's over! Easily it's one of the best fice I've read here. Five stars!!!
While reading this fic...
First I was like
Then I was like
Later I was like A LOT
Now I'm all like
40394 Thanks for one-uping me. (just kidding)
40340 As much as I hate Glee, I think you have a point. Though you're a little to late to say that!
And so it ends... What a great story you have told, one of the best shipfics I've read! I'll have to read it again now that it's really finished. Which brings me to this chapter. On my second readthrough I'll probably consider New Beginnings the last chapter.
Yes, I actually said that (or wrote, whatever :P). I'm sorry to say I feel this epilogue is missing something. I can't say exactly what it is but maybe it's the fact that this doesn't give us anything new and because New Beginnings had such a good ending. That makes this feel a bit unneeded and forced to me.
Not that I think this was a bad chapter in any way! Though you sort of said before that you had plans for this chapter and that
Twi trying to fix things would be in. I know, things change, but I still feel a bit disappointed.
Also, on an unrelated note, you might want to fix two things in this chapter. First, I don't think ponies have arms with which to hug somepony else. Second, wasn't one of the kids a male? When you said Cheerilee doesn't want to see grumpy fillies, you sort of say they are both girls (filly being a female and all). Might want to fix that at least, I think.
Oh yeah, and about EqD, I don't really understand their fear of OC-mane6 shipping. Maybe they have had some bad self-inserts but they can't judge everything because of it. I'll send them an e-mail asking about it, though I doubt I'll get an answer. Their loss. :P
Anyways, a great story overall, I'll definitely read this again, perhaps make an epub version for offline reading. And I'll definitely keep my eye on you for new fics. Thank you for this story and good luck with your new works! :)
Turned out perfect :)
My heart just melted. Too perfect...
...I'M STILL MANLY!!
And this, bronies, is how you mace a shipfic
This was awesome hope you keep writing am looking forward to more
fsfsfsf Fuck this story can't be any better.
You did a great job man, I hope you think of writing some more in the future.
I gotta say that I loved the way everypony was pretty much never OOC throughout the entire story.
had some moments of... I'm not really sure what, actually. She was a little off for a couple chapters. And I don't mean the jealousy part. Or the speaking without thinking. No, I meant that she waited so long to actually 'sacrifice' herself. Most unlike her, I dare say. If she thought it was the only way to save a friend, she would'e done it within the first day. And then or somepony else would've stepped up, because by then everypony would've heard about how had practically signed her own death note, and sompony would've saved her, still resolving with that whole "dammit, I came her as a lamb willingly slaughtered, only to find out the dragon was a vegetarian" feel from . And I think that that might've been even funnier. But that's me.
Trey, as a character, is charming, goofy, and - apparently - a hopefull romantic. He has a few problems most anypony'd never think to consider could be a part of somepony's daily existence. Development wasn't fast paced, but still at good enough length that the reader is able to connect on a deeper, more personal level. When a character is at that level of existence, you always feel the want for the story to continue on to the next chapter, the next book, the next episode. Hats off to ya on that.
Hmm... Plot line... Centralized around character development and romance. Hadn't really liked books of the latter variety before I read the manga for Ranma 1/2. Funny love. Not a romantic comedy, but still funny. Character's stay along the path we expect with only minor deviations.We didn't really see many of the character's, anyways. I hated the plot you threw at us, even though it was mostly expected. The romance was seeded, it budded and bloomed, and grew into a new tree - a family, who's branches will extend outward and away from the roots, sometimes becoming tangled, gnarled, altered; but mostly keeping true to the original state. Much like a fanfic.
Neatness. Alas, I must grade you on this as well. The grammar is not always top-notch, nor is the spelling. But the pacing is not cluttered. It is well written, and it's base attributes aren't smudged or fibbed. Great work!
Emotional feedback. Probably a category reserved for tragedies, but still. Fluttershy getting felt up by Big Mac? I felt some sadness for that being an obstacle not quite stable. I also take it as a sliight against myself, for - other than my verbose, and 'Pinkie Pie' like mannerisms - I hold true to many of the same ideals that most hold true for . You gave him a past that strays from this straight and narrow. Maybe he started to follow the path because of that event. (Ret-con'd, foo'!) As for Trey having done it himself, too perfect. Got slightly less enthused at that point, but only for a moment or two. I would've quit the fic until I next saw an update from it if it had somehow also happened on the same day. Hospital. Bad. Bad. Hated the entire 3 days. Then. a ray of hope helped dry my tears.
Sense of completeness. You could literally start a fic at the beginning of time, and finish it at the end of time, and somepony'd find a way to make a sequel, or some other such spin-off. This story is no exception. It leaves the reader with a feeling of finality, but as long as a single thing lives within their universe, a sequel, spin-off, or other version is possible. It has a melancholy feel, and a powerfully heartwarming ending.
I can't think of anything else to complain about, so I'll complain about how good you are. Damn you, you author of an amazing story! I just know that when I reread this, the tears will still well up in my eyes. All my stars are belong tp you! 6/5!
A song for you:
This fic is done,
We do now part,
From the great tale:
Called Flutterheart.
Warming my soul,
Has not always been easy
Before, it was a black-hole,
With love I was queasy.
Worn down was my heart,
By Kkat's great tale.
Fallout: Equestria was great,
My body conspiring to laugh and wail.
I summoned the courage
to read a few more chapters; pages,
And now all the walls shattered,
My heart crying not unlike long ago ages.
This story mended that wall,
With just quite enough blood,
Not to box in the feelings,
But to staunch the flood.
Thank you for the wonderful story; I expect to see more soon!
~Super Big Mac
just as i would say.
perfect
WHY DO MY FAVORITE STORIES HAVE TO END??? You did a great job writing this and a good job ending it. My only criticism to the end is that it leaves me wondering about the rest of the friends and how their lives ended up. Again, thank you for what seemed like an eternity of d'aw, suspence, drama, and fluttershy. I can't wait to come back to this story in a month and reread this masterpiece.
40241 Well Maternal Investigations is like a side story. I had to do something for that plot. No, my OC is not an orphan at all. I've had to bend and contort my OC for that story (Which slightly upsets me) so don't judge my character for that.
Might try and get a new fanfic up by next saturday. the way Texas Tech is playing, we're not bound to get a bowl, so I'll have to entire holiday to write for the community. That's just a heads up to everypony.
40394 I'm an old soul. I use that kind of speech occasionally too. Don't worry, man. I wish you the best of luck in your future writing.
I had more to write, but I need to cut it short. I'll finish when I can.
Thanks, everypony!
Trey
Do a Barrel Roll! I mean a spinoff!
that was such a beautiful story and as much as i love to see HOW a great story come to an end i hate THAT i comes to an end, that there will be no more. well i can hope u do write another story as amazing as this.
40627 That's good to know! Is you're new story going going to have anything to do with Flutterheart?
I would write pages of praise for you, but i dont have the time. so lets just say this is my favorite fic and I cant wait to see what comes next *favorited*
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_liyzxyxTrD1qcygui.jpg
One of the best stories I have ever read
its been a pleasure reading this story
Pyros overall score for Flutterheart by lilnuyasha
5/5stars!
OH MY GOSH I CRIED THROUGH THE WHOLE EPILOUGE. D:
SO
MUCH
D'AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Trevor feels SO jyped! What happened(s) with Twilight?! Does she ever find love?! One understands that she's not the MC, but... Are you maybe working on a story with her? Anyhoof, GREAT story!
Aww... it's over. I've been following this since EVER!!!
Sorry to spam, but I was wondering if anyone needed an editor for stories. Or wanted to edit stories? ... I'd be willing to!!!
Personaly i think the ending was a bit to mushy... but that's just me. Still was very nice! and so ends one of the first Fan fictions i read on this site. I do wonder sometimes in real life, where the love goes after marriage, and where the word "friend" is in boy/girlfriend these days... It's just something i wonder about. Love begins with friendship, and friendship begins with trust(which is showed in this fic)...both of which are rare where i am. I'm not the kinda guy who's for "love at first sight," I'm more of a slow and sturdy kinda guy who would wants to love for emotional bonding(again like the thing you wrote), sadly not many others do.... I'm just different then others, and i do and see things ways i want to, and not the way people want me to. I culd convert my expreance for a good "slice of life" fiction, in fact i'm doing that already, but i plan to wait till it's done so i can change things if anything comes up.
Oh, i got off topic. Anyway, this was a very good writting! Iliked reading it and... and I'm can't be bothered to think of a good outro.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I LOST MY LONG COMMENT IN THE ROLLBACK!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
The gist was thanks, admiration, and explanation. I'll repeat the explanation.
Basically, my inspiration for this story came from me being a hopeless romantic. Fluttershy is the ponified personification of my secret fantasies (not those kind) in a female. So, I decided to make a short story with me as a pony showing off exactly what I can offer to the world, but have never been able to. I feel like I have so much to offer the world, but have never truly been able to demonstrate that. (Just once...but that's another story.) So, I guess in frustration, I created a story about me as a pony doing more than I have irl. Had way too much time to perfect these thoughts. Anyways, for whatever reason, this story seemed to catch on with this community, and it blossomed into something I couldn't quite picture it as before.
I understand there may have been minor plot loops and occasional errors, but I'm not the kind of guy to brainstorm. I think of writing like drawing (Which I suck at) you start with an idea and draw from there. So, I just sort of created the story as it seemed fit. Didn't go in here with a set idea. More like a general plot, which I later built off and manipulated, which would explain the roots of the tree becoming mangled.
Anyways, thanks to all for being such an amazing fan base. I never expected this story to go anywhere. EqD certainly wouldn't have it. This is a fimfiction exclusive. For that, my loyal fans, you get my sexy time award. You're all sexy, fuckin awesome ponies, colts, mares, dragons, whatever you are, and you have my respect. I'm more than willing to keep contact with you. My XBOX gamertag is lilfluttershy, and send me a message if you want a number or an email. Anways, thanks for being such an awesome fan base. You guys are the best!
Love,
Trey Love, "Bandmaster" Trey
That was just absolutely incredible. I cried at the end IT WAS SO GOOOD! Kudos! aw man! some people would have started today and finished by at least tomorrow. I just spent three hours reading this, and enjoyed every second of this captivating story! you are truly a great writer! I myself have felt some of these emotions and, being a guy, I found it hard to find someone to relate to or even love for that matter.... I really wish things worked out as beautifully as this story.... Man, I'm getting all worked up again.... but anyways!
THUMBS UP!
FIVE MOTHER F***ING STARS!!!!!
41040 Cool! My XBOX 360 gamertag is 'DarkFlame500'. I know, dumb name.
Speaking of which, what happened to the website URL? poni.0au.de?!
41127 nvm
I'm out for the weekend. send me a request and I'll accept it asap
Altogether brilliant, couldn't ask for anymore out of Trey and Fluttershy, heartwarming as always to imagine fluttershy in that deep of a relationship
Wow, just... wow. This is an awesome series, and I managed to find and read all of it on the day that it got finished. Truly epic, and a better ending (at least IMO) than I typically find at the end of books, which always feel to me like there's a sequel coming, even when there isn't. I hope that whatever you do next, it's at least half as good as this was. You are awesome.
One of the most engaging fanfics i've read in a very long time. Congratulations, lilinuyasha, on crafting this great work of writing.