AU. Doctor Whooves finds himself in an alternate, dystopian universe and enlists the help of Commander Desiderata "Ditzy" Doo and her band of rebels to set the timestream right and rid Ditzy's world of the Daleks. Some shipping included.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This story is really shaping up. I didn't notice very many mistakes other than in your first chapter you weren't consistent with the speech patterns. Sometimes you forgot to change the present word into the old word and sometimes it seemed that you used the wrong one. Look at this example:
What plagues you, sister?” Luna asked one day. “Thee seems...slightly out-of-sorts, if you will.”
You have two you's in this segment and a thee. There are three major words used for you/your. Those being; They, Thee and Thou. In the segment above I believe that the two you's should be thy and that the Thee should also be a thy. But that is simply my interpretation of the language and this is after all your story and I don't want to put you down. Other than that I didn't notice any other mistakes. This story definitely could go somewhere and I really can't wait to see where you take it. So keep at it and if you would like I'd happily help you edit. Either way I can't wait for the next update and hope that I haven't offended you.
2306045 Wow, thank you for the comment! I'm not really sure how good it'll be in the end, but I'm determined to finish a big project for once! *determined face* And yeah, my old english is kinda rusty since I don't have a shakespeare-nazi english teacher anymore ^^; I'd appreciate some help with edits, thank you!
2308803
Does it work for me to simply post the original section and then post the edits underneath it?
2308828 Isn't there like, a document-sharing feature with this site? I have no idea because I just joined yesterday...or possibly this morning. I have no idea. ^^;
2308842
I'm not really sure. I've been on here for about two weeks and most of that time was spent on my phone so the layout was all different (I literally couldn't find the follow button when using my phone)
This confounded site is so very different than fanfiction.net... *facepalm* But I suppose we'll both just have to get used to it.
2308868
I've never had a Fanfiction account but I'm on Figment.com and this is very different from that. Either way just quickly scanning through your story here are the mistakes that I found. The corrections are right underneath the original section but I only redid the parts that have the mistake in them. I hope this helps.
“What plagues you, sister?” Luna asked one day. “Thee seems...slightly out-of-sorts, if you will.”
What plagues thy, sister? Thy seems... slightly out-of-sorts, if thy will
Luna tilted her head doubtfully. “Thou doest not sound fine. Thou sounds...worried. What is troubling you?”
What is troubling thee?
“I?” she had questioned. “What of you? Had it been you that is the elder, how would you go about being ruler?”
What of thee? Had it been thee that was the elder, how would thy go about geing ruler?
But I could not rule anyway,” said Luna. “It is your duty. Had I had the desire to rule, I would have to usurp thee, and I assure thee I have not the faintest desire to do so.”
It is thy duty.
“O-of course, had I planned to rule alone, I would have to remove you,”
I would have to remove thee.
Ist thou mad, sister?” she demanded, breathing heavily from the long run. “What on Equestria has possessed you?”
Are thy mad, sister? What on Equestria has possessed thee?
Sister, you overreact,” Celestia said sternly. “I am stopping an all-out war before it begins.”
Sister, thy overreact,
2308913 I will keep that on a virtual sticky note for reference. Thank you :)
2308922
no problem. Just shoot me a message if you have any more chapters with the shakespheareian dialect and I'll be more than happy to look over it for you.
2308937 Thank you so much :)
Hello. Im back and I read the update. Thought it was awesome. My only question is who is DD? Other than that excellent job and can't wait for the next update.
2403620 Dolphin Dream, AKA Sea Swirl. She's another background pony and a former member of Ditzy's rebelion. She has the special ability to sense love between ponies, and also ships everyone she sees. She'll be mentioned more later, mostly in flashbacks, and her personality for the most part belongs to the artist of the following picture. http://detectiverobomonkey.deviantart.com/art/MACRO-Sea-Swirl-approves-of-this-ship-340010957?q=favby%3Adetectiverobomonkey%2F53455938&qo=19
Anyway, thank you for your review!
This story is awesome. When is the next chapter?