Thought for the day: Professional bouncing ball NEEKO BEELIK teaches dirty Russian con-men a lesson in economics.
Fluttershy hummed contently to herself as the ducks crowded around her. A smile on her face, she scattered hooffuls of breadcrumbs to the birds from her basket. Satisfied that the birds were fed, she trotted onwards to her next task.
“Aww yiss, muthafuckin' breadcrumbs!”
Immediately, the butter-yellow pegasus ground to a halt, turning to look at the ducks, her eyes wide with surprise.
“Er, quack. Quack. Quack. Quack quack.”
“Gauge, are you sure this is allowed?”
“Don't worry, I am from the Internet!” The metal bug chirped confidently.
“That does not assuage my fears in the slightest.” Luna murmured to herself. Being dragged out here by Gauge – who claimed she'd made a request from the Rebel fleet – in the noon didn't do her biological clock any favours. She watched the distant aircraft approach, the flier's engines droning lowly. As it passed above them, she saw a couple of oblong cylinders being launched from the bomber's bomb bay. Its mission completed, the bomber circled around, heading back to the immense carrier looming just beyond the Canterhorn.
With dull thumps, the canisters made landfall a hundred meters away. Both curious and anxious, Luna flew over, swiftly tearing the lids off to reveal...
…
Packs of sugarfree, gelatinous sweets?
“What does Haribo mean, I wonder?” Luna thought aloud as she read the labels marking the packagings.
“Kids and adults love it so, the happy world of Haribo~” Gauge sang in her tinny voice, making the alicorn chuckle as she scooped the bug up, cooing at her daughter warmly.
“Oh, aren't you being the sweetest thing... Never thought you had a sweet tooth.”
“Party snacks, yo!” Gauge exclaimed, making Luna's brow crease.
“At the Gala, you mean? I think that's an excellent idea!” Luna smiled, unaware of the Old Man Murphy's wheedling laughter at the back of her head. “You will have to apologise to the soldiers whom you tricked, however.”
“Whoa there, friend, you might need to slow down!” Gauge replied instantly.
Later
The Gala was, so far, proceeding quite well. The so-called 'gummy bears' had been well-received by the nobles attending, and most of the packages had been already exhausted. At the moment, the last pack was being emptied in the dishes by a pair of castle servants. Heck, the sweets were so popular that even several of the guards that were off-duty would snatch a gummy bear or two up to enjoy. Despite Luna's misgivings, everything had proceeded swimmingly.
But, as we all know, hindsight is 20/20 and Luna should've gotten the notion of trouble brewing when Blueblood galloped away, a bellow of “SHIGUMM!” leaving the stallion's mouth. Instead, she shook her head resignedly at the very pinnacle of Canterlot's idiot nobles.
Even later
Celestia sunk down into the luxuriously soft pillows of her bed, sighing as she patted herself on the back on another Gala well done. A moment later, however, she heard something outside the doors of her quarters.
Gefaaahrrrr~
It meant 'danger' in Germane. Before the alicorn could even so much as blink, the doors were flung open and one of her guards stumbled inside, his rear end emanating the word again, even as the stallion muttered feverishly, repeating two words over and over.
“I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry~” With that, he quickly disappeared into her bathroom – soon, her stomach lurched as she heard the most revolting sounds of flatulence, punctuated by more feverish apologies from the debilitated unicorn.
“SHIGUMM!” A Lunar Guard thestral zoomed down the corridor, carrying the same stench with him.
Gagging, Celestia clamped her nose shut, her mind racing mile a minute as she tried to understand what was going on, when...
“SHIGUMM.”
Well, at least it was clear Luna was also a victim.
The pall of the gut-wrenching stench hung thickly across most of Canterlot's Noble District. Reports came in of grown stallions curled into foetal positions in their bathrooms, sobbing and confessing to everything that came to mind in a desperate bid to end their incendiary diarrhoea. Alas, they had no such luck. Their combined suffering had clogged up most of Canterlot's sewage system, with the Royal Castle faring no better, seeing as Luna had dropped pipe-cloggers into every available toilet, all the while cursing in a manner that made the castle shake to its very foundations, and the moon had spent hours weaving and circling in the skies. Exclamations of “SHIGUMM!” and “Gefaaahhrrr~” floated up from Canterlot with frightening frequency for the best part of twelve hours, permeated by a mantra of “Whatever I did, I'm sorry”, and variations of such. All in all, the end results were something that even Asahi lexicon would struggle to describe.
The entire city was quarantined for fears of a pandemic, even though only the nobles who'd attended the Gala were affected. In the end, however it was one of the castle maids who solved the mystery. Turned out, the culprits were the packets of gummy bears – the sweets contained Lycasin, which had the side effect of being a powerful laxative, which explained why a good portion of Canterlot nobles had endured the equivalent of getting their intestines powerwashed.
Thus began the greatest internal feud among Canterlot's nobility.
Dem breadcrumbs, yo.
Legit.
4837448 More to come, soon as my back stops aching.
We've audited your work on the past chapter...
There are some anomalies...
But you have served your readers well...
We will overlook these discrepancies...
You are cleared of all suspicion...
Glory to Arstotzka!
4837556
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4837585
You have been arrested for theft of Artotzkan Property...
The penalty is death...
Your family has been sent back to there village...
Glory to Arstotzka.
4837604 (I am having way too much fun with this.)
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4837618
cloud-2.steampowered.com/ugc/885253822214541027/48A3E5935E6DF39830AD4A6E242D26118D46CDB9/
two words my freind, ttwo words.
OH. SHIT.
4837659 TRUCKLOADS OF IT
4837704 s2b20blog.mukyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/ep25.jpg
their are no words
Gummy bears also contain gelatin.
You know what's in gelatin?
Of course not, the company probably doesn't even know.
Also, out of curiosity does this fic have any plan for storyline, or is it just a comedy dump for you? I'd just like to know, because the fic seemed to have a sense of direction, and it actually focused on Executioner One, but now...
4837940 The omakes are not important to the storyline, they're just random ideas I came up with while brainstorming for more content. Either way, there'll soon be a big pow-wow, and an epilogue of sorts.
4837940
It hasn't been ground-up horsy bits since the seventies. Seriously.
Wait, gummy bears make you lose your bowels?
I eat tons of'em and never had a problem.
4838040
I understand with the omakes, but I'm more thinking that there was less Executioner one being amusing and more of the crazy chick I couldn't be bothered remembering the name of. It kinda feels like you should rename the story 'Gauge', considering I personally feel that E1 hasn't been playing a major role since Chapter 9 :/
4838385
Oh, yeah, but that's because ours have real sugar in them.
I think.
4838385 Try the ones that I linked in the author's note, in that case.
4839039
Yeah, but we don't put sugar substitutes in our food. Our sodas have real sugar (not corn syrup, ew) and most our candy and sweets do too.
4838390 It'll be playing a more than major role very soon, believe me.
4839771 Mmmaybe.
4843480
I look forward to it :)
.... many a human in equestrian could use this as a weapon of war against hostile equestrian....
does this Lycasin dissolve or mix well into water
also do Lycasin sale in bulk include a few airtight gas masks or diving masks with air tanks?
Laughing so hard I'm crying right now!
Sentient ducks? yes