theworstwriter
Joined 13th Sep, 2011 ·
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Huh. That was unique. In a slightly depressing, but overall good way. I guess the only criticism I can think of is that the ending lacked finality. Twilight's dead, and her friends are going too kill Celestia? That could be the start of most stories.
You have a pretty good story here. Keep it up!
Very nice.
Ah, the classical Oracular Ouroboros.
i knew that was comming and i enjoyed it
Chapter 2?
I DEMAND CHAPTER 2!
ths story s awesome.
Depressing. Good.
I cried this is a good story
19836 Let me rephrase what I said. I agree with Brony Tom. This was really depressing and I cried a lot when I finished.
Why does Twilight always die?
Also it didn't really explain on how Twilight died. But I can infer that Twilight tried to kill Spike for injuring Celestia, but Spike killed her.
Celestia is such a monster in grimdark stories.
20493
Twilight tried to kill spike? I thought the story meant that celestia killed both Spike and Twilight
20493
Twilight tried to kill spike? I thought the story meant that celestia killed both Spike and Twilight
20493
Twilight tried to kill spike? I thought the story meant that celestia killed both Spike and Twilight
Hold a second this dosen't make any sense.SURELY Celsetia would have check EVERY UNICORNS magical potential I mean what if there was a filly or colt more powerful than Twilight that she missed? THIS NEEDS A SEQUEL.
Celestia DID check every unicorn's magical power, Three times. Twilight was the most powerful of all. Spike found out about her plan to, presumably, kill Twilight to prevent the monster from emerging, and assaulted Celestia in rage to try and stop her and save Twilight. He died in the effort. Then Twilight came along, saw him dead, and assaulted Celestia in grief and rage to avenge Spike. Celestia killed her, completing the prophecy, and becoming the Monster predicted. I think that covers it.
your icon scares me every time i be searching for a story to write
Eh, I found the entire thing fairly poorly put together. You didn't flesh out this idea nearly enough. It just skips from flash back to flashforward to flashback, etc, etc, it took me a good three scrolls up and down to figure out exactly what was going on. Also, I don't believe the characterization was well done. Spike is a moderate character. He may be loyal, but he is certainly not quick to anger. Twilight would not simply rush into an attack. Her inquisitive nature would demand answers and logic, and, I believe, her propensity towards self-sacrifice would cause her to understand and even allow her own death. Because of this, I believe it would behoove you (No Pun Intended) to redraft this a few times, and at the very least quadruple it in length. All that said, I LOVE the idea, and I think it will make a splendid fic.
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