Escape From Tau Volantis

by The Gunny

The not so great Escape: 200 Years Earlier

Vladimir and Alucard were sitting by the shuttle when they heard their comrades walking towards them.

“You guys ready?” One said, Vladimir Nodded.

“I am always ready comrade.” He said as he slid a magazine into his weapon

“I like fire!” Alucard said staring at his lighter’s flame.

“Yes we are aware of that comrade.” Vlad said, he stood up and extinguished his cigarette.

“Soooo... Me and my guns are gonna have some fun?” Alucard said pulling out his two Plasma cutters and smiling at Vlad.

“Well Comrade I feel good today, think we will be able to escape before the order in given, but if they do catch us....” Vlad trailed off and smiled at his weapon. “Well Natascha and I will take a few with us.” Vlad smiled

“I like explosions.” Alucard said as he pulled out a grenade and smiled wickedly.

“How you ever got passed basic training is beyond me” sally said under her breath.

“What do you mean? I am a miner!” Alucard said looking at Sally. “Why else would I have plasma cutters?”

“ So, How did you get a hold of a grenade then?” Slayer asked worriedly

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
(Flash Back)

“I like explosions!” Alucard yelled out throwing a grenade into a cave and watching it explode.

“YOU PASS!” said the drill instructor who had been drinking heavily.

“Wait a minute.... I am not a soldier.” Alucard said before looking to the left then the right before walking over to the table and picking up the box of grenades before walking away.

“STILL PASS!” The instructor shouted before taking a sip from his flask

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

“And that is how babies are born!” Alucard finished.

“Ugh” Vlad said as he put his face in his hand

“What? That is how my... Well I don’t know who but they were right!” Alucard said still smiling and spinning in his seat.

“Lets just leave before they give the goddamned order.” Sally said nervously

“Attention everyone. Commence the Cleanse Order.” A voice over the intercom said.

“Well that ain’t good.” Alucard said still smiling.

“Alucard shut the fuck up and get in the goddamned shuttle!” Slayer shouted, he was in a bit of a roid rage because before all this mess he worked out profusely, sometimes days for days on end.

“I CALL DRIVING!” Alucard shouted before jumping out of his chair and running to the shuttle. “Whoo hoo!”

“I’ll drive.” Slayer said with a grunt, he pushed through the group and made his way to the control panel.

“Aw.” Alucard said from inside the ship. “Fine, but I get the explosives.”

“Fine just don’t do anything stupid!” Slayer shouted as he got into the pilot’s seat.

“I got navigation I guess.” Sally said walking into the ship.

“I will secure cargo bay.” Vlad said as he closed his helmet

“Wheeeee!” Alucard said as we was spinning in his chair.

“STOP! BEING INCOMPETENT!” Sally shouted

“Fine! God no need to yell.” Alucard said pouting a bit before his helmet secured itself onto his head and he spun back towards the console. “Everything looks okay by the way. Everything is good.... Except for the soldiers in front of us.”

“Allow me!” Vlad said as he grabbed the weapons control and fired into the soldiers which tore them to pieces. “NOW FUCKING PUNCH IT!”

“Eeeyup.” Slayer said before he clicked a few buttons on the panel and the bay doors opened as the ship itself roared to life and began to move forward. With little resistance left they slowly began to move out of the hanger.

“FASTER!” Vlad shouted as he saw several surface batteries start to line up the shuttle.

“It’s a fucking personnel shuttle! Not meant to go faster you dumbass!” Slayer shouted as he tried to increase the ships speed as it finally left the hanger and zoomed into space.

“BOUT DAMN TIME!” Sally shouted, she looked at the fleet which now was destroying itself.

“Weeeeeeeee~!” Slayer exclaimed as they were zooming through space.

“Ready to jump to shock space Comrades?” Vlad asked

“Well one... We may not be able too... And two: If we do we might not... End up near Earth.” Slayer said. “By that I mean we go boom if it fails.”

“Fuck Earth, I would rather die in the vacuum of space than get executed by a tribunal.” Vlad said bitterly

“Then where the hell do we go?” Slayer asked looking at Vlad.

“That way?” Vlad pointed to a small star

“.... Why can’t we go to Earth again? All that is there are a few unitologists and no more S.C.A.F.” Slayer said. “It’s... Well I guess we would be charged with desertion wouldn’t we?”

“Ya think?” Sally said sarcastically

“Oh shut up Sally... Fine, I guess we can.... Well die out somewhere in space. You all ready? This jump may or may not make it.” Slayer said as he prepared the computer and ship for a shock space jump. “Well even if ya aren’t... Three. Two.... ONE!”

“I LOVE THIS PART!” Alucard shouted as the ship began to zoom through space at near blinding speeds.

“Well here goes nothing.” Vlad said as he cleaned the barrel on his weapon.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
(A large jump later.)

“FUCK FUCK FUCK! OVERSHOT IT!” Slayer shouted as the whole ship began to barrel towards a unknown planet.

“SLOW US DOWN! SLOW US DOWN FOR CHRIST SAKE!” Vlad shouted, the gravity began to fluctuate.

“DON’T YOU THINK I AM TRYING!?” Slayer bellowed back at Vlad angrily. “THIS GOD DAMNED SHIP WON’T TURN! OR SLOW! AUGH EVERYONE BRACE FOR IMPACT!”

“BRACE FOR IMPACT!” Vlad replied as he put himself behind one of the bulkheads

“HURRAY!” ALucard shouted as he watched the planet come forth to greet them. “I smell adventure!”

“THE FUCK YOU TALKIN’ BOUT WILLIS!” Sally shouted over the noise

“Who’s Willis?” Alucard asked tilting his head. “I’m Alucard.”

“SHIT SHIT SHIT Forest! Come on you stupid piece of oversized metal! Hit the goddamned forest!” Slayer shouted as he tried to steer the ship.

“SALLY IF WE DIE! I ALWAYS SORT OF LIKED YOU!” Vlad shouted over the deafening noise

“WHAT!? I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER THE FUCKING SOUND OF OUR SHIP BREAKING AP-” Before sally could finish the ship smashed into one of the forest’s trees causing everything to be thrown to one side of the ship.

“FUCK!” Vlad shouted as he was tossed about the ship like a toy

“Sorry! Come on! Come on! Just a few mor- OH SHIT! ROCK!” Slayer shouted as a large boulder was seen in front of the ship.

“Oh no.” Alucard said as he buckled himself in.

“SHIT! SHIT FUCK!” Vlad continued shouting, he ran towards the emergency seat but before he could reach it the ship smashed into the massive boulder nearly making the ship turn into a tuna can for the passengers, but thankfully it merely was flipped over the boulder and sent careening into the forest floor. As it crashed the windows shatter and several parts of the hull to become dented and torn off.

After what seemed like ages, the ship finally stopped moving and fell onto it’s, what was left of it anyway, side and simply became silent. Inside there was only two groans heard and a single pained gasp.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
(Canterlot castle)

Luna was sitting on her balcony looking over the landscape with the sun still out, which caught the eye of her sister. Celestia walked up behind and sat down next to her sister before smiling and saying.

“Luna? What are you doing up this late? Normally you are in bed before the sun is up in the sky.” Celestia said.

“Well... I was about to sleep when I noticed something wrong with the sky.” Luna said simply and still staring at the sky.

“And that is?” Celestia asked.

“Oh just that.” Luna said pointing to a large object falling from the sky and leaving a hideous streak of black smoke in it’s wake.

“Oh.” Celestia said as she and her sister watched the object fall and crash land in the Everfree Forest. “..... Soooo I am assuming you didn’t schedule a midday meteor shower?”

“Nope.” Luna said plainly as they saw the strange object flip before landing and knocking down several trees down.

“And that doesn’t strike you as odd?” Celestia asked

“Eh.... Since coming back I thought it might have been natural. A lot can change in a thousand years.” Luna said shrugging. “Like that strange obsession you have with cake as of late.”

“I don’t obsess! I LOVE CAKE! ITS SO YUMMY!” Celestia shouted for a moment before correcting herself

“... So you ate a entire chocolate cake... because you ‘love’ it?” Luna asked smiling at her sister.

“Yes I want to marry cake.” Celestia said embarrassed. “Before I would devour it.”

“Obsessed.” Luna stated smiling.

“HOW DOES ANOTHER THOUSAND YEARS ON THE MOON SOUND!” Celestia shouted in the royal canterlot voice

“Still obsessed. But maybe you should inform your student of that.” Luna said pointing to the continuously rising black smoke.

“Oh fine but this isn’t over!” Celestia said

“Oh pfft it was over before it even started.” Luna said waving a hoof at Celestia. Celestia picked up a quill and began to write a letter.

“Dear Twilight Sparkle, please examine the large UFO that crashed near your. town....” Celestia began.

“Um sister?” Luna said nervously and poking Celestia’s side. “You might want to look at this.”

“What is it? I have cake to devour!” Celestia said eyeing a piece of chocolate cake.

“Oh nothing... Just that.” Luna said as she pointed to very small figures in the distance walking out of the Everfree carrying something on their shoulders. “And honestly.... You need to cut back on the cake. You’re getting a bit big back there.”

“TWO WEEKS ON THE MOON!” Celestia Shouted.

“Oh hush. You can’t do that even if you wanted to... I have to be evil and you need the elements to do that.” Luna said picking the scroll up and finishing the letter to Twilight.

“Ugh Fine!” Celestia huffed.

“Oh stop pouting.” Luna said to Celestia before sending the letter off with her magic.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
(In the Everfree)

“Ooooooww.... My head hurts.” Alucard said hanging on his side in the chair.

“Well no shit!” Vlad said as he rubbed his head.

“Eeh... Where is Slayer and Sally?” Alucard asked as he unbuckled himself and fell to the floor.

“Oh shit.” Vlad said as he looked over at where Sally was supposed to be sally. “SALLY!?”

“Well you can come over here and look at me... I ain’t that pretty right now though.” Slayer said waving a hand from outside the destroyed shuttle. Vlad stood up and walked over to Slayer whom was laying outside the ship. When he got over to Slayer he nearly dry heaved. Slayer’s right leg was gone and a large chunk of glass was firmly wedged into his stomach while a smaller chunk of metal was in his visor.

“Ow, medic.” Vlad said with a few winces of pain

“Heh... Not that bad right?” Slayer joked before coughing roughly.

“Uh Slayer I don’t think we can patch this up.” Vlad said while putting a bandage on the gash.

“Eh figures. That was my worst leg anyhow.” Slayer joked again as he looked at the bleeding nub. “Besides... I got you guys here safe and-.... I got you guys here with out killing ya didn’t I?”

“Hey what is going on out... Oi vai.” Alucard said looking at Slayer.

“Oh man my head, I think we have some medkits in the shuttle.” Vlad staggered to his feet.

“Um... guys?... Was Sally always impaled on a tree branch?” Alucard said pointing to a tall tree where poor Sally was stuck on a low branch and limp.

“Oh god!” Vladimir shouted, his helmet was open enough to vomit.

“... If it makes you feel any better she probably could have died a worse way.” Alucard said simply and walking over to Sally.

“Oh that makes me feel so much better.” Vlad said sarcastically

“Hey at least she isn't bleeding out like me.” Slayer said laughing a bit before coughing again. “Fuck I wish I was on that tree branch now.”

“Come on Sally. Can’t let you hang there like a decoration.” Alucard said pulling Sally off slowly.

“Oh come on man, don’t be so dark.” Vlad said as he looked at the lifeless corpse of the girl he liked.

“Pfft, my leg is missing and I have metal in my eye and you are saying don’t be dark?!... Wait you were talking to Ally weren’t you?” Slayer said coughing again.

“YES!”

“Come on Sally! Don’t do dis!” Alucard said looking at Sally as he pulled her off. He finally got her off and laid her down at the base of the tree before running back to the ship to search around. “Come on there has to be something to patch up massive wounds on the stomach.”

“Ally! She is dead! Don’t worry about it!” Slayer said sadly and looking at the lifeless corpse of Sally. “I can see her spine! She can’t be alive!”

“I can still try!” Alucard said running back to Sally with a bandage before trying to fix her up. “No no this isn’t working!.... Come on Sally live! LIVE!”

“DAMN IT ALUCARD SHE IS FUCKIGN DEAD!” Vlad yelled with a few tears in his eyes. Alucard looked at Vlad then back to Sally before sighing and walking over to Slayer.

“Can I at least help you out?” He asked sadly. Slayer chuckled and nodded. Alucard smiled behind his mask while Slayer slightly propped himself up.

“Go grab me medkit. I need something to ease the pain here.” Slayer said as Alucard nodded and ran into the shuttle. Then he turned to Vlad and grabbed the collar of his suit before pulling him close and saying quietly. “Vlad you better watch that boy like a hawk. Cause if you don’t I swear to god I am coming for you in the afterlife if I see him there.”

Vlad just chuckled and grabbed Slayer’s hand. “I will watch after him. But more importantly, I am gonna get you out of here.” Vlad said as he saw Alucard run back with a small medkit.

“Here!” Alucard said. A loud roar filled the air, Vlad turned to see a large amalgamation of animal parts. He raised his weapon and tore a massive hole in the creatures head, another reared its ugly head but before Vlad could fire.

“MINE!” Alucard bellowed before he went running at it with a Axe in each hand. With a ungodly savagery he chop, hack, and slashed the monster making sure to chop off as many limbs he could. “DIE DIE DIE YOU BIG FURRY FUCK!”

“Fuck.” Vlad said frustrated, as the attack progressed he leaned over to slayer “Remind me not to piss him off.”

Alucard finished clopping the monster up as he looked at the limbless and headless torso of the monster. He panted for a moment before walking back and sitting next to Slayer. “No one... Fucks with my friends.” He said hugging Slayer and dropping the axes.

“Shit son!” Slayer exclaimed

“What? Did I over do it?” Alucard asked still panting a bit.

“Overkill does not exist!” Vlad said happily.

“Alright. Now let’s get out of here. Let me go grab the guns and weapons and then let’s leave.” Alucard said suddenly dropping his crazy antics. “Vlad, go grab Sally. Wouldn’t be right to let her get eaten out here. Even if she is dead.” Vlad nodded and walked over to Sallt’s corpse.

“Easy girl.”,Vlad said as he picked up Sally. Sally’s body slumped onto his shoulder and began to bleed. “Aw fuck man! This is FUCKED UP!”

“Don’t complain. Would you rather see her in agony?” Alucard said walking out of the shuttle with a arm full of their guns.

“I’d rather her blood didn’t get in my suit.” Vlad said with a grunt of disgust. “Lets just go.”

“Right. Walk over here and strap your guns to your shoulders. We have a bit of a walk.” Alucard said setting the guns down and pointing to a small path in the forest.

“Just carry i while I carry her, I can barely take the weight as it is.” Vlad said with a grunt of pain.

“What about Slayer over there? Can’t have him hopping all over the place.” Alucard said. “Besides you are a soldier. You can handle it.”

“Fine, Slayer gimme your hand.” Vlad said, he hoisted Slayer over his shoulder

“Imma bleed out before this is over, I guarantee you that.” Slayer said weakly. “And that ain’t negativity. It’s fact.”

“Keep your trap shut Slayer, I want you to just breath and keep your mouth shut.” Vlad said, he began to jog down the path.

“I got the guns I guess.” Alucard said running along side Vlad.

“Lets try to keep the spirits up eh?” Vlad said with a groan

“How? We are lost in a unknown planet in a forest with strange lion mix and matched creatures with one dead and another dying. How am I supposed to stay slightly positive?” Alucard said.

“Everywhere we go!” Vlad began “People wanna Know!”

“Oh god don’t start singing! I am in enough pain!” Slayer whined.

“Well what would you have me do?”

“Why did the chicken cross the road?” Slayer began weakly.

“To fuck the hen on the other side?” Alucard said

“I was gonna say Vlad’s mum but that works too.” Slayer said giving a weak laugh.

“Oh pipe down!” Vlad said taking an excessively rough step

“Ow....” Slayer said with a quiet chuckle.

“Hey is that a clearing?” Vlad asked

“More like a exit!” Alucard said happily. “Let’s go you crazy people!”

“UURRAAAA!” Vlad shouted, his suit kicked into overdrive as the group sprinted to the exit.

“HURRAH!” Alucard sort of mimicked following Vlad with a vigor. They finally exited the forest into a massive green clearing into the wonderful sunlight. They ran for a good five minutes before finally stopping slightly panting. “HA HA!”

“Whoa! This plce is Fucking Beautiful!” Vlad said in amazement.

“Yeah... No kiddin’.” Slayer said lookign around before coughing even more violently than before. “Fuck, I think my lung just burst.”

“IS THAT A TOWN!?” Vlad shouted, he saw a small village in the distance

“Eh? Maybe!... Wait wait wait.” Alucard said before setting the guns down and picking up his Plasma Cutters. “We have no vlue what is on this planet. Might not be the best idea to go running all willy nilly..... BECAUSE THAT IS MY JOB!” Alucard said before snapping back into his crazy phase and bolting towards the town.

“Well Slayer’s Bleeding out! We Don’t have much of a choice!” Vlad shouted, he continued moving

“Uh... you lost him Vlad. He is already gone.” Slayer said pointing to the Alucard that was a good ten meters away by now.

“Mother Fucker!” Vlad shouted, then he heard an odd noise above him. When he looked up he saw something as odd as a necromorph “What the Fuck?!”

“Stop shouting... I am dying here.” Slayer said loking behind himself and seeing the last bar of his health meter drop. “Welp.. Nice knowing ya Vlad.”

“Here take this!” Vlad gave Slayer a large health pack.

“I got a fucking gash in my stomach and a unbandaged leg that has been torn off! That ain’t gonna help much!” Slayer said.

“HEY YOU WANT TO DIE SOONER OR LATER!” Vlad shouted

“Sooner if it means less agony!” Slayer shouted back.

“Just hang in there brother.” Vlad said as he felt a surge of strength come over him. He bolted towards the village carrying Sally’s corpse and Slayer was too much and he had to make a choice. He dropped sally and took off even faster. As he neared the town her heard...

“WHY ARE THERE COLORED PONIES EVERYWHERE!?” Alucard shouted pointing the lasers of his guns at all the colored ponies. Some unicorns, some pegasi, some nothing at all.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” Vlad shouted, he felt his leg catch something and he fell to the ground.

“Fuck my already dying body.” Slayer groaned as he hit the ground He let out a small wheeze before going limp.

“Gah! SLAYER!” Vlad shouted

“DIE DIE DIE!!” ALucard shouted shooting in random directions and loppign pieces of house, kiosks, and stands apart. He slowly began to back up before falling on the ground and still screaming and shooting.

“ALLY! CALM THE FUCK DOWN!” Vlad shouted, he turned back to Slayer. “COME ON MAN! FUCKING BREATH!”

Alucard looked over to Slayer before he dropped his gun and began to run over before he was thrown into the wall by a large.... Rainbow? “AUGH! My ribs!” Alucard shouted as he smashed into the wall.

“BREATH YOU SON OF A BITCH! BREATH!” Vlad began pounding on Slayer’s chest

Slayer simply laid there unmoving as the last bit of red drained from his health counter. While that was happening they all heard a voice over the chaos. “NO! SLAYER GOD DAMN IT!” Vlad shouted pounding on Slayer’s chest. “SLAYER!”

Before he could continue he too was thrown off of Slayer’s body by the same large Rainbow streak that had flung Alucard not moments ago. Before either Alucard or Vlad could say or do anything they both were hit with some sort of purple beam that made both of them collapse and pass out.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

“Slayer.....Sally.” Vlad Muttered before he opened his eyes

“Fuck my ever hurting ribs.” Alucard said to the right of Vlad.

“Where the fuck is Slayer?” Vlad said rubbing his head

“Well dead for one.” Alucard said sadly. “And I don’t know.”

Vlad stood up and hit his head on a very low ceiling, luckily he had his helmet on to protect his head. The eye lights in his suit turned red as he saw he was in a cell with Ally of all people. Ally groaned and looked at Vlad.

“What? Never been in prison before?... Well I never got pummeled by a rainbow before either.” Alucard said. Vlad eyed the door to the cell, very simple design. He lifted his hand and used his kinesis on the door but it wouldn’t budge. The next attempt was sheer brute force, he put every ounce of muscle into lifting the door off of its hinges. With a clang it fell to the ground

“Yay! We can leave now!” Alucard said suddenly running out holding his ribs. “I am free!”

“I hate when you pull shit like that.” Vlad said as he exited the cell

“Ha! Too bad I am going to keep doing it!” Alucard said running down one of the halls of the jail they apparently were in.

“Where are we? Some sort of weird pony ruled world?” Vlad said checking the corners

“I don’t know, but what I do know is-” Alucard’s voice suddenly became very low and dark. “- Some bitch is gonna pay.” He continued to run until he saw a set of wood doors. “Hmmm.... FIRE!”

He pulled out his old lighter from his suit before setting the bottom of the door a blaze and watching it burn upwards.

“well this is gonna end well.” Vlad said sarcastically

“Yup!” Alucard said happily before kicking down the burning door and running out into a rather nice looking hallyway. It was decorated with banners of suns and moons along with a large rug and the occasional nice simple vase.

“GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR ALLY! AND NO MORE SHENANIGANS!”

“Fine.” Alucard said with a out, the two men walked close to the wall and stopped when they heard voices coming from around the corner.

“What do you think they are?” One voice said

“I don’t know but those suits they were wearing looked pretty scary.” the other said, Vlad smiled under his helmet and stepped out into the hallway, two of what he assumed were guards just stared at him for a moment.

“Boo!” Vlad said with no intent of actually caring the two guards but instead they ran off screaming. Alucard chased them “Goddamn it Ally!” As he followed Ally he saw the decorations getting more lavish and extravagant. Every guard he saw seemed to run towards a door at the end of the hallway. “Ally! Stay here!” Vlad said, after a little protest the insane man just sat down. Vlad walked towards the door where now only two guards stood resolute. Vlad just put a fist into each of their faces and kicked the door in. A winged unicorn was sitting surrounded by dozens of guards. She looked pissed, he could tell it was a she because her voice boomed like his mother scolding him for setting the cat on fire.

“HOW DARE YOU BARGE INTO MY THR-” The tall ony began before Alucard back flipped into the room with his mask down and a insane smile on his face. And a small amount of blood lust in his eyes

“Daddy’s home all you fuckers.” He growled out, Vlad facepalmed before grabbing him by the collar. “AW COME ON LEMME AT EM!”

“Shut up you moronic whelp.” Vlad said

“B-but they hurt Slayer!” He whined out with the anger still in his eyes. “And no one hurts... My.. Friends.” He slowly, but surely began to walk forward and drag Vlad along.

“This is for your own good boy.” Vlad used his stasis on Alucard before hammering him several times in the face.

“.... This is unexpected.” The tall pony said confused.

“Well it was more for your own good than his.” Vlad said putting the now unconscious crazed lunatic on the floor

“And why is that?” The pony said raising an eyebrow.

“To put it simply, He’s fucking nuts.”

“And that is relative how?” She asked.

“To put it mildly he might be a slight man child.”

“Soooo.... He attacked my ponies because he is mentally underdeveloped?” She asked.

“Pretty much, I don’t know how he managed to get into the mining corps.”

“... I have no idea what that is... More importantly, I have no idea who or what you are.” She said pointing a hoof a Vlad.

“I am Vladimir of the SCAF, that is, well thats Alucard. I believe he was part of the Mining division.”

“I see.... So he is an insane mentally incoherent miner and you are a.... Soldier?” She said.

“Yes in a sense, if by killing monsters is a soldier than yes.” Vlad said with a laugh, he pointed to the side of his armor where a bunch of tally marks were carved into metal plating. “at least thirty unlucky bastards ran into the wrong Legionary.”

“Thats very......interesting Mr Vladimir.” Celestia said nervously looking at her guards

“Oooowww... My face hurts.” Alucard groaned from the floor.

“Shut up boy.” Vlad said with a grunt

“Imma stand...” Alucard said shakily getting back to his feet and waving his arms to keep his balance. “Ooow... I remember being angry... Then nothing. What happened?”

“Nothing.” Celestia and Vlad said in Unison

“Oh.... I was right!..... You’re pretty.” Alucard said smiling behind his mask at Celestia.

“Oh I forgot.” Vlad said before opening his mask and revealing his Green Eyes, Brown Hair, and a scar that covered one of his eyes.

“How!.. Do!... I.. Get this off!” Alucard said as he tugged at his helmet.

“Moron.” Vlad muttered as he hit a button on the side of Alucard’s helmet causing it to open. He had grey eyes and coal black hair with a 5 o’ clock shadow present.

“WOOOAAH!” Alucard said before falling to the ground with a thud. “Whoops. Heh heh...”

“God Damn it Boy.” Vlad said with a facepalm.

“What? What I do?” Alucard said looking up at Vlad. “And why is there a big winged horse staring at us?”

“You obviously didn’t pay attention in Basic Training” Vlad said with a grunt

“I thought I told you! I am a miner!” Alucard whined out crossing his arms.

“And you still need to know how to use an EVA suit.” Vlad said angrily

“Yeah well!..... You’re stupid!” Alucard said turning away from Vlad.

“GENTLEMEN!” Celestia shouted

“CHEEEEEEESE!” ALucard said jumping up and pointing at the roof.

“Dumbass shut the fuck up!” Vlad said angrily tackling the mentally incoherent miner.

“I thought she was taking roll call....” Alucard said simply. Vlad facepalmed for the seventh time in an hour. Alucard was annoying as fuck and put simply vlad would happily shoot him and not lose a single second of sleep over it. “Eh.... Can you get off of me? Starting to get hard to breath.”

“Good!” Vlad said angrily.”

“Wait! Where is Slayer and Sally?” Alucard said lookign around before his eyes began to twitch. “Where..... ARE THEY!?”

“YEAH! WHERE IS SLAYER!” Vlad said geeting off of Alucard and looking at the princess with pure hatred.

“....I believe you two are referancing those others you brought with you? The one in the field and the other that... Was in the town entrance?” Celestia said.

“WHERE! ARE THEY!” Vlad said closing his mask over his face and getting off of Alucard.

“...... They are dead Mister Vlad.” Celestia said sadly and lowering her head. Vlad looked at Alucard. “The one bled out in town. And the other was long dead when we found him or her.”

“D-dead?...” Alucard said suddenly sounding like a child who lost his puppy. He got up and curled into the fetal position before just sitting there as his mask folded over his head.

“GOD DAMN IT! SALLY AND SLAYER DEAD!” Vlad slammed his fist into a wall, the stone crushed into powder as the suits strength enhancers amplified the punch. “WE SURVIVED THE GOD DAMNED CLEANSING ORDER FOR THIS!?”

“I am sorry for your losses, but if you do not calm down, I will be forced to make you.” Celestia said sternly. Vlad looked at her, the once blue lights on his suit a fiery red.

“YOU! YOU AND YOUR GUARDS! I COULD HAVE SAVED SLAYER IF IT WEREN’T FOR YOU AND YOUR DAMN GUARDS!”-

“ENOUGH!” Celestia bellowed in her canterlot voice, silencing Vlad. “YOUR FRIENDS WERE DEAD BEFORE THEY EVEN CAME TO THE TOWN. I NEED NOT KNOW YOUR ANATOMY TO KNOW THAT ONE WAS DEAD AND THE OTHER WAS DYING! He lost enough blood to make a six hoof wide puddle. There was nothing you could have done. I am sorry.”

Vlad and Alucard were both quiet as Celestia stopped shouting. She let them take their time before speaking again for multiple reasons. One: They could be mourning or two: They were simply thinking. Other than that strange one in the white armor.

“Welp we’re fucked, theres no way we can get the shuttle flying again. Looks likes we’re stuck here in.....” Vlad began, but he didn’t know where he was and literally had no way home.

“What do you mean by that? Can’t you leave in the same thing you arrived in?” Celestia asked.

“Not likely, that thing is fucking history.” Vlad said as the diagnostic came up on his helmet interface. Everything was, to put it lightly... Fucked up beyond all repair.

“Our friend was nearly eviscerated by the damned window.” Alucard finally spoke up. Then Vlad’s helmet retraced as he nodded and pulled up one of the few active cameras inside the shuttle which revealed a massive mound of twisted metal, severed wires, and shattered glass as well as a Leg and a bloodied piece of glass.

“Well at least we know where his leg is so we can bury him properly right?” Alucard said.

“Sure kid right after we figure out what the fuck we’re gonna do.” Vlad replied

“Well... I may be able to help with that.” Celestia said stepping off her throne and walking towards Vlad and Alucard. “Other than some minor property damage, you really haven’t done anything wrong. I see no reason to keep you locked up.... Unless you are hostile, of course, but we have been talking without... Much difficulty so that is out of the question.”

“Yeah.....not hostile. Riiiight.” Vlad said nervously looking at Alucard and then back to the princess and then back at Alucard and then back to the princess.

“YAY I LOVE YOU PONY LADY!” Alucard shouted running up and wrapping his arms around Celestia’s neck. All the guards pointed their spears at Alucard until Celestia held up a hoof and pointed to the fact that Alucard was nuzzling into her neck.

“I guess you weren’t kidding about how he is a child in a stallions body.” Celestia joked using her hoof to pat Alucard on the back. “Um... Is there anyway to get him off? I mean I enjoy a good hug as much as anypony, but this is starting to get weird.” Vlad shook his head silently mouthing the words ‘not a chance in hell’.

“Well then.... Um... Off please?” Celestia asked before Alucard let go and walked back over to Vlad.

“Okay!” He said happily and retracted his mask to show the smile he was wearing.

“Well you got over that easily.” Vlad said sarcastically.

“Got over what?... Well I am off to find Slayer and Sally! Toodles!” Alucard said before running out the throne room doors. The bastard even stasised the door as they had a noticable blue hue around them.

“Sorry about him.” Vlad said frustrated

“Oh it’s quite alright. I have dealt with craziness in the past.” Celestia said sighing. “And I still do apparently. You have any idea where he might be going?”

“Not in the slightest.” Vlad said sighing and looking to the door.

“Should I be worried?” Celestia inquired.

“Greatly.” Vlad said simply.

“YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!” Alucard could be heard down the hallway, Luna burst into the room with Alucard on her back. Celestia was shocked when she saw him holding her horn and swinging a royal guard’s mace that he somehow aquired..

“GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!” Luna cried as she bucked and jumped. “WHAT IN THE NAME OF ME IS THIS THING!?”

“Fuck My Life.” Vlad said before using his stasis to slow the two down and kinesis to pull Alucard off. Celestia ran over to her sister while Vlad went over to Alucard and proceeded to punch him multiple times in the face.

“Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.... You done?” Alucard asked as he was punched.

“NEVER! DO! THAT! AGAIN!” Vlad said in between punches

“But she was holding Sally and Slayer!” Alucard complained, Vlad raised an eyebrow.

“Boy what the hell are you talking about?” Vlad said momentarily halting the onslaught.

“Slayer!” Alucard started before pulling out his old Plasma cutter with the name ‘Slayer’ engraved on the bayonet. “And Sally!” He said pulling out the other Cutter with had the same thing done only with the name ‘Sally’. “I would’ve wrapped their tags around their respective frames, but I didn’t know where they dropped them.”

“God damn it Alucard you’re making me age faster I swear to god!” Vlad said getting up

“That is what my old boss said!” Alucard said. “Weird thing is he died a week later when he was shoved into a grinder by this crazy guy yelling ‘turn it off’.”

“Turn what off?” Vlad asked suspiciously

Alucard just shrugged and got up still holding his Plasma Cutters in his hands. “I dunno. Just kept yelling ‘Turn it off! Turn it off!’ and so I stabbed him....... Forty eight times. And burned him.... He stopped after that.” Vlad just looked at Alucard for a moment before shrugging

“So wait what happened?” Celestia asked.

“I don’t know! I was just examining the weapons that Twilight brought in and then... HE!” Luna shouted pointing to Alucard. “Burst in ranting something and yelled ‘Let go of Slayer and Sally!’ before jumping onto my back!”

“I thought she was trying to steal them!” Alucard argued. “No one takes my Slayer and Sally.”

“Seriously were you dropped on your head as a child?” Vlad asked

“Repeatedly.” Alucard said smiling. “And injected with a decent amount of speed.” Alucard’s eyes flickered shut and opened rapidly for a moment before they stopped. Vlad looked at him and just shook his head while facepalming. Alucard on the other hand looked to Luna and smiled again before saying. “Sorry I rode you like a horse funny blue pony.”

“FUNNY BLUE PONY!?” Luna shouted.

“Sister calm down.” Celestia said before leaning in and whispering. “He isn’t right in the head.”

“She is right you know.” Alucard said smacking his head with a Cutter. “I ain’t right!.... Or wait am I? I am right about being not right in the head so does that make me wrong?”

“Celestia he’s worse than the pink one WHO SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS!!” Luna shouted.

“Oh you are just upset because she put a party popper in the punch. And made a small cult of fillies who believed you would eat them alive.” Celestia said rolling her eyes.

“EXACTLY!”

“So... He is right up there with her or... What?” Celestia asked.

“WORSE!”

“AND POP!-” ALucard shot a pillar with the plasma cutter making a large crevice o nthe side. “-WENT THE NECROMORPH! Well actually more like ‘goosh’ but still!”

“YOU DUMB FUCK GIMME THAT!” Vlad said grabbing the plasma cutter. Alucard pulled out a old Ice axe and held it against Vlad’s neck. “or not” he let go of the cutter.

“No one.... Touches. Sally.” Alucard said letting the gun close up and putting it on his hip before removing the ice axe and sheathing it on his back. Then he smiled again and went straight back to happy. “So what’s going on? I blacked out for a second.” Vlad just double facepalmed.

“... Sister is it okay to have him roaming about?” Luna asked. “I mean.... He has a axe.”

“Two actually!” Alucard said pulling out both axes and swinging them around before holding them still at his sides. “They are fun to throw and swing around.”

“Fuck.” Vlad said under his breath

“Probably not, but I think if we can get his weapons away from him, he will be like a newborn puppy.... With a strange affinity for fire.”

“Good luck, he guards those things like a bulldog.” Vlad said

“Have you ever tried asking nicely?” Celestia asked. Vlad facepalmed before shaking his head. “That’s what I thought. Now Alucard can you please let us take your... Toys away?”

Alucard tapped his chin for a moment before nodding and smiling. “OKAY!” He shouted before dropping the axes and the two guns to the ground. “Heh heh... Loud noises.”

“Its a miracle you’re still breathing” Vlad said still with his face in his palms

“Really? I mean I have been shot through the neck once... See!?” Alucard said pointing to a small hole looking scar on his neck. “Went straight through. Doc said I shouldn’t be alive after it, but he helped me nonetheless! Also I got this nasty scar on my back whe-”

“Just go do something constructive for once” Vlad pleaded

“Hmmm.. Okay!... I know! OUT THE WINDOW!” Alucard said running straight to one of the windows.

“OKAY!” Vlad said just hoping he would actually go sailing out the window. Alucard simply ran and went head first out the window with a loud ‘CRASH’.

“.... He actually did that?” One of hte Royal guards said.

“Thank god!” Vlad said wiping a bead of sweat from his head

“Hey can someone toss me a rope?” Alucard’s voice sounded. “I seem to have nearly fallen off a cliff.”

“DAMN IT!” Vlad shouted louder then he meant to.

“Oh wait! I can just climb up! Silly silly me!” Alucard said as the sound of him climbing the wall was heard. “Ow glass....”

“PLEASE FALL PLEASE LORD MAKE HIM FALL!” Vlad said with his fingers crossed.

“Wait... I think my hand is slipping..... Whoop! Yep I am slipping!” Alucard said.

“THANK YOU GOD!” Vlad said pumping his fist in the air. That was when Alucard came out of the window right next to the broken one panting.

“Stupid birds. Always trying to get my lucky charms.” Alucard said getting up and sweeping glass from his shoulders. A small sob came from Vlad.

“So...close.” he said softly. That was when Alucard hugged him.

“Aw it’ll be alright!” Alucard said happily.

“Uh I think generic guard pony number seven wants a hug, yeah he’s down the hallway and keep going until you see the mushroom.” Luna said nervously watching the odd creature

“OKAY!” Alucard shouted before running past both Luna and Celestia out into and down the hallway. “... Oooh fire!” Vlad groaned as the voice got further away. That was until they heard a very, very, very, VERY faint voice yell “I found him!”

“Yeah that guy was having a bad day anyway.” Luna said sheepishly and waving it off with a hoof.

“OH GOD WHY! WHY DID SOMEONE SEND THIS HORRIBLE CREATURE TO ME!” A guard shouted, Luna’s face dropped like a stone

“Heh heh heh.” Luna nervously chuckled. “I’m sure it’s not that bad!”

“MY DAY WAS JUST FINE UNTIL NOW! NOW ITS HORRIBLE!” The guard continued shouting

“Oh he is over exaggerating.” Luna said.

“KILL ME FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA KILL ME! END MY SUFFERING!”

“....... I’ll go get him.” Luna said lowering her head and walking out of the Throne Room.

“ONLY A LARGE MONETARY SETTLEMENT WILL EASE MY PAIN!” The guard shouted

“Okay now he is exaggerating.” Celestia said. Soon Luna came back while dragging Alucard behind her by the collar of his suit.

“All I did was hug him! I don’t know what he didn’t like about it! It was just a hug!” Alucard whined out.

“Maybe some time out would be good for him.” Celestia said

“Yeah I would love to run.” Alucard said from the ground. Celestia mimicked Vlad and facehooved. “Why is everyone slapping themselves? Makes me wonder why people are still alive. That is a good way to get yourself killed.” Vlad couldn’t take it anymore and punched so hard he knocked him out for at least an hour

“.... Was that really necessary?” Luna said.

“WITHOUT A DOUBT!” Vlad said as he rubbed his fist.

“Well then.... I guess let the guards take him back to... Wherever we are letting him stay.” Luna said poking Alucard with her hoof.

“The asylum? Please say the asylum!” Vlad begged

“Can’t really do that without papers....” Luna said scratching her chin.

“I WILL DO ANYTHING JUST DON’T LET HIM OUT ON THE STREETS!” Vlad shouted

“Well... I guess we can leave him in the cells...” Luna said shrugging. “I don’t think those asylums will hold him.... Considering he jumped out a window and climbed back up.”

Vlad Smiled as she said this, hopefully he would be able to make a new start if Alucard was Locked Up.....

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