good work

>mfw reading this i21.photobucket.com/albums/b268/jelielsdistrurbance/Smash.gif Also I agree with your comments

>character building
>plot development
>realistic emotions/reactions

This was unexpected, keep up the good work.

If it was me:
Lotus: Do you have any marefr-
ShagDragon: Hey, do you want to have sex?

u a canadian brony?
if yes: BROHOOF!
if no: then i guess i will be forever alone....

Jeez, his "girl being interested in him" detection skills are almost as bad as the guy from Red Thrush's!

Good chap, keep it up!

(See what I did there! chap as in chapter or chap as in perso... oh nevermind.)

I really like naive characters but only the ones that are naive for good purpose. In all honesty if I went to a spa and this happened I'd probably say the same thing, most people are like 'If that happened I'd say let's fuck' and I always raise an eyebrow and ask 'Really, in all reality if you were at a spa and the massage therapist asked you about your life you'd just say let's fuck?', so yeah Ron kind of seems like a dick right now but it's all in good health

I can easily relate to that. I too think that relationships are overrated. I wouldn't go into one without good reason

2209508 I know of other Canadian Bronies. One of them started the group with the longest name. I could toss you a link if you like.

hurrah

Hmm, finally, quite a defining moment for our hero. Also I agree, you wouldn't want to sex with an alien therapist (which make sense, since Ron is living on another planet afterall) that you barely know beyond small take. You know what, that's a good piece of conversation that helps makes him 'realistic and relatable', and for that I applaud you for taking some risk with it, as opposed to get it down and dirty that can be too generic as far as romancing goes.

Good work man

Oh Ron, you poor, hapless, ignorant buffoon. Didn't even pick up on a single signal. I predict things are about to get rather interesting. Nicely done here.

2208733 Good lawdy.

You mean that asking for sex ISN'T the normal reaction?

I've been a fool! I brushed it off as just something people say when you massage them, like "I love you" or other nonsense! So many mares! Merde!

(Also, brohoof to all Canadian bronies.)

Does Ron have Assburgers? Bc he cant see hints in front of him

Yes,It Would Be Beastly To Have A Realationship With Ponies.But I'd Tap That.

2209499 it is easy to message oneself. You just write an email or a letter and address it to yourself.

… “IPod for my morning jogs. Actually I called them IPoke” – In both ‘names’ for the product, they should be started with a lower-case ‘i’. It’s just how the product is named.

… “

I’d never really seen her this assertive before… ah-ha funny because just yesterday I was duking it out with Iron Will and, yeah never mind.

”
nnnnNNNNNNGGGGHHHHHHHH… UGH!!! Okay, jokes of inner monologue should at least come without inner-interruptions! Or inner-laughter. I mean, y’know, I’ll let it slide, but… Nngh.
… “a stupid smile” – Okay, switch ‘stupid smile’ with ‘confused expression’.
… “She was the owner or well one of them anyway.” – Consider a grammatic change. Hmm… Ah! ‘or well one of them anyway’ should be ‘or at least, one of them, anyway’.
… “goddess like hooves” – a hyphen should be used between ‘goddess’ and ‘like’.
… “more and Two:” – instead of even having ‘Two:’, replace it with ‘secondly:’.
… “more in depth” – ‘in depth’ needs a hyphen between them: ‘in-depth’.
… “blues. She” – There’s two spaces between the period, and ‘She’.

I've got nothing against the naïveté of a character, especially a main character, considering this IS Equestria, where most of the ponies are naïve at times... That said, you KNOW I wanted to whack Ron with my 'Whacking Cane' after reading that line about ponies, and it being 'just not right'. "Yeah, ignore the dream you totally just had."

Alright, onto the developmental stages: THIS is what people came to see (heh, 'came', because it's a clopfic an-DAMMIT I'M NO BETTER! )

A-Alright! Developmental! Character!... I better actually pace my phrasing properly. Okay, in all seriousness, the development with Lotus was spot-on with regards to what I had expected for quite a few chapters, considering how many chapters this story is, I assumed there would be either a 'Hard-to-get' player, or a 'naïve character' with one of the two. Ron had a bit more development, and it being psychological with regards to his opinion on not only relationships, but a bit of his 'crude, sarcastic humor' was refreshing, considering how the last few chapters explored either 'limited development', or development in other areas such as 'what relaxes Ron', 'what he likes in terms of a relationship', etc. Seeing what he doesn't like being so, for lack of a better word, 'blunt', was very refreshing in order to get more into his mind. Basically, after the last few chapters, immersing myself into his character had become difficult, but after this, it was certainly a welcome sight.

I think his opinion could have been a bit more... self-loathing, though. Not 'outright', just a bit doubtful, like "Come on, Lotus, why would that happen? Besides, there are two reasons why that wouldn't work...". He's spent three years in Ponyville, so the idea of a mare walking up to him should sound a bit more silly, given the time spent: He's been there for a long time and likely knows several ponies, so he'd probably never expect one to actually ask him about something like 'dating'.

Just a bit of insight.

...There's no way a man can be that dense.

2253974

You'd be surprised...

Dood, was it really that hard to understand that she had feelings for you?

#1 Red flag when someone, or in this case, somepony, is into you: They bring up talk about romantic relationships (Boyfriend Girlfriend stuff)

Anybody HAS to know that!

3567628 I am too.

No he does seem like a duck. He just living his life without thinking about being in snu relationships. Any human would say and acted that way. With his personality, that is in a right type of mind. No one would just go and just want to fuck. What bullshitted author's notes.

‘What kind of question was that?’ I thought to myself. “Uhm… well for starters I don’t think that’s gonna happen for two reasons. First off: I still wouldn’t really be interested in a relationship, maybe good friends but nothing more and seconds: I’m not a pony… that’s just not right” I said with a small chuckle and she let out another depressed ‘Oh’.