- Member Since 21st Oct, 2012
- offline last seen April 4th
Doctor Perseus
I'm just a guy who loves to write.
Doctor Perseus
Joined 21st Oct, 2012 ·
Offline
Sequels1
-
Doctor Perseus · 4.6k words · 26 4 · 2k views
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Doctor Perseus · 4.6k words · 26 4 · 2k views
- Doctor Perseus · 3k words · 17 1 · 388 views
- Doctor Perseus · 16k words · 76 6 · 2.1k views
- UniqueSKD · 1.4k words · 66 1 · 1.6k views
- Doctor Perseus · 39k words · 52 2 · 1.6k views
- Touch the Sky · 9.1k words · 66 6 · 1.8k views
- trahzo · 1.9k words · 58 36 · 3.9k views
Featured In11
Crossovers10,943 stories ·7,362 members
- GrimDark2,447 stories ·2,181 members
- Pinkie Pie: Pinkamena Diane Pie1,853 stories ·1,624 members
- Alternate Perspectives405 stories ·383 members
Tragedy1,232 stories ·901 members
Serial Killer Ponies138 stories ·226 members
Stories on Goodreads28,599 stories ·492 members
The First Church of Morgan Freeman.16 stories ·17 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.174 seconds
Total duration
801 users online
1,182,979 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
All dese chapters uploaded on the same day
for the sheer number of chapters, i will read this shit
Aaaand the random human drops into the otherwise gripping drama...
Seriously, I was loving this until I read that part. But I'll keep reading.
Wow. That was really good. It got cliche-y at points, and the judgement part bordered on christfaggotry, but overall you wrote a really good story, and it's clear that the only reason it's received so many downvotes and so few views is that people wrote it off as another cupcakes ripoff.
2170677
I'm glad you enjoyed it. Yeah, I can admit that it's not a perfect story. But I'm satisfied with the end result.
2170708
The other thing might be the cover art--it looks kind of amateurish. no offense, or nuthin.
holy crap this is long
seems interesting though
2170759
None taken. It's basically just a few pictures that I cropped together using Photoshop. I don't have the software nor the talent to make any of the awesome fan art pictures one could find on EquestriaDaily, Derpibooru, DeviantArt, or etc. At least I can crop and edit pictures, so I guess that's a start.
Wow, to keep me from falling asleep through a story is a great achievement. Good job.
I say, this is highly enticing.
8 hour read time nice..... you took the bad end of silent ponyville and went through cupcakes and created an original story that was interesting..... well done. the only suggestion that i would have would have been to post a chapter a day to get more views for the story.
2174704
Thanks for the feedback. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I originally posted this story chapter-by-chapter to by fanfiction.net account as I wrote it. I originally wrote this story back towards the end of last summer (it took me two months to write). Once I began uploading my MLP stories to FIMFiction, I decided to go ahead and upload this story with all of its chapters in one go. I just wanted to get the whole story on the site so I could focus on other things.
I never thought Pinkie Pie would be so evil.
This is sad. I must keep reading! I admit that the past couple chapters were a little bit boring, but I knew it had to get better.
I see what you did there.
It sounds weird to call them "back ground" ponies in your story.
Did you mean to so this? It's just this one thing, other than that, its pretty good.
Keep up the good work!
2214669
Thanks for pointing that out to me! I've fixed it. I can't believe I missed that!
(Sees number of chapters)
(Takes out a folding chair)
Challenge accepted.
2214807
I DEMAND A SEQUEL!
I read the Lovely Bones,( I am assuming that is partly where the inspiration comes from) and I enjoyed it.... It was disappointing how the girls killer got defeated though, I hope you do a bit better job. I will give this a chance, despite this being something that might emotionally upset me, at least Dashie is the central (assuming again) character. Added to the Nook!!!
I have no words to describe how much I enjoyed reading through this whole story... in one sitting.
One of these days, I gotta drop this Cupcakes fixation I have. But this story was beautiful. Graphic (
) but beautiful in the end... Well, that's actually the wrong word for it... Let's just go with "bittersweet".
Here. Have a 'stache.
That was so unexpected.
-sucks in a huge breath- Hokay...here goes.
So, I read the first four chapters separately one night. Thought to myself: yeah, this'll be worth coming back to. So I marked it as Read Later, and eventually came back to it. Now, I've read all of the original stories used in making this, and I gotta say...you stayed pretty true to the source material. It was a good read from beginning to end, you went into enough detail for scenery and emotions for it to be well received without being overdone, the story was nicely divided up and overall had the kind of charm I have come to expect from reading fics on this site. There's your good points. Now for the real critique.
For starters: Human names. Good god, why did you utilize human names for ponies? That was by far the most distracting and irritating thing about this story for me. You had a pony name for Dash's father, sister and brother...but their mom's name is Caroline? Pinkie's family as well. That entire family has established names in the fandom. Not to leave out the detectives. What was the logic behind this choice?
Secondly: Almost as glaring an oversight as the names issue was the lack of credit to Sgt. Sprinkles and Jake Heritagu for using their characters and source material. Unless I somehow overlooked it, I didn't see any due credit where it was deserved, even to the original "The Lovely Bones" title and author. Another thing along this line of thought is that "Rufus" doesn't have a name. No one knows who he is. He's simply named "The Colt". I can appreciate a bit of creative licensing where it's due...but that's something that I personally feel should've been left untouched. A bad-guy is much more menacing when he doesn't sound so familiar. Once they lose their mysterious edge...they lose that touch of evil that really makes them scary.
Outside of that, my only other qualms were when you misused your Tense words. Things that were being described as 'in the past' often had present tense connotations and similar mistakes like that. This however, I can overlook due to the overwhelming amount of fiction you've got here.
I ripped on this story kind of hard in the critique, but I feel it's worth it...because for this story to not be better is a crime. It was a beautiful tale, and as its creator, how can you not want to make something you have the best it can be? I have a few fics on here myself and I know that once I'm done, I'll be constantly going back over them, nit-picking to see if there's anything I can do to make them better.
All in all, on a scale of 1-10, I give this story a solid 8.6 and a moustache. (See it enclosed below.) It was entertaining enough to have me marathon chapters 5 through 62 in one sitting and held my attention enough to make me want to read it instead of getting the much needed rest I've been avoiding for the past twelve hours. For what it's worth, I hereby grant you the Dream Weaver Seal of Approval and do hope that you'll continue writing as long as you've got the will to. Have a pleasant day.
~Dream Weaver~
P.S.:
I like how you look on the whole Pinkie/Pinkamena thing.
now to commence... A CONTINUOUS READ-THROUGH!
skipped because I've memorized the cupcakes script.
FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELS.
been a while since I read the book "The lovely bones" (read it when I was 8, about 11 years ago),
yet this story seems to carry a very good balance between theme and originality.
2479649 Challenge accepted, completed.
i knda want to read this but i dont. i dont like stories where pinkie kills dash and then dash somehow from beyond the gave help pinkie get caught and brought to justice.
2635439
I respect your decision to not read the story and I'm not going to force you to. However, I will say that there is more to the story than that. And that's all I'll say.
2635462
Oh ok so there's more to the story then how it looks. hmm i might reconsider then.
2292275 Wait, all of pinkie's family members have official names?
Oh shit. Please no. no. no. no. NO!
SO MANY CHAPTERS!
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw4381_small.jpg
2479690
I memorized it so well that I can't even cry anymore.
Error 502: The tears could not be located
*squee*
You need some more love. Seriously.
OH SHI-
2170395
I know.
Para, you have stories, so you have followers.. And this story has like no one reading it..
*nudgenudgehinthint*
2419831
ANIMAL CROSSING!
Heaven is a wheat field?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAWEEEEE!
2698168
i always found cupcakes hilarious.
2699223 yup.
I'm not gonna lie... Those last few sentences made me cry.
Love the throw to The Chronicles of Narnia! Kudos
huh what a coincidence i read the exact same story on Wattpad