Humanity sends its first manned spacecraft to another solar system using FTL travel. Their mission is to establish a research base to study possible life on this extrasolar planet. However things are not as they first thought as they find intelligent life is already there.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Great start, but it felt rushed near the end.
2130135 still worth the following
2130135
Thanks, I was a bit rushed when writing the descent scenes. I will look into revising them.
If anyone else has comments or criticism don't be afraid to post them. Remember:
"CITOKATE: Criticism Is The Only Known Antidote To Error!" - David Brin
Ok. I like your idea, but man, DETAILS. Add more of them. A lot more. The story feels incredibly rushed.
Ponyfication. Noooo-no-no-no.
2168094
First, thank you for reading and commenting on my story.
It is only a transformation if you are on the "it is the same" side of the Ship of Theseus paradox. Anyhow, this allows me to prevent the humans are overpowered problem caused by their level of technology by making them unable to use important elements of it. Also it introduces an additional problems to the protagonist. He must both retain his human identity and have the additional obstacle of becoming a human in body.
Basically it should allow for there to be no easy solution to the plot, while preventing any party from being too powerful.
2169250
I understand what you're saying, but still, I'm not a big fan of ponyfications. It's not you, honey, it's me.
2169326
I understand. Being forced into an alien morphology is disturbing concept.
However, it is a sine qua non of the plot. I had to use on account of not being able to find a creative way to introduce a conflict that wouldn't be easily resolved by sane adults.
The larger problem is what you mentioned earlier, the pacing. Pacing stories correctly has always been hard for me. I have been trying to improve it, but as you can see it is still bad.
Hmmm... Story is good, but I would recommend you get a proofreader if you don't have one.
Another tip is to write thoughts in italics without quotation marks, that helps the reader to tell the difference.
One final note: DETAILS, it feels like you have missed to describe how certain things are, like when Celestia used the spell to transfer Captain Smith's neural pattern. That part felt incredibly rushed.
P.S Remember that no one can force you to release new chapters. It is better to release finished chapters rarely rather than to pump out unrefined chapters China-style.
2328920
Sorry I couldn't reply sooner.
I will look into getting a proofreader.
I can use the italics instead. I type the story in a plain text editor, so I didn't realize its effect.
I actually under described that part on purpose, but looking back on it I over did it. I should have written it so that the reader would know what Celestia knows about the spell.
Thank you, I will try to remedy your concerns.
2348951 No problem.
I will keep reading this and give more constuctive critiscism.
Hopefully I can help you become a better writer.