I want to see this story continue! The relationship aspect from here on out would be very interesting.

I only want to know if Octavia will still love vinyl once she reforms back to a mare and continue a relationship, or break vinyls heart

Commence read.

When he rocked his his, it drug back and forth across the fur there.

Error?

I really hope tavi doesn't break vinyls heart, I hope she eventually finds feelings for vinyl as the mare she is, and not just want her as COL-7 ( plus it would be nice to see Octavia x vinyl clop lol )

I'd say you did a great job for your first time writing clop. My only complaints would be a few grammar mistakes here and there, and that I personally felt that Vinyl's infatuation with Octavia wasn't very clear. I dunno, it may have been present in the first chapter, but if it was, I didn't pick up on it. Also, you kept referring to Octavia as 'charcoal' or 'black', which was kind of confusing when you're seeing it in your mind's eye.

Still, I really enjoyed reading this. Goodness knows everyone loves a good genderbending fic.

Not bad for your first time writing clop, certainly better than anything I'd do.

I hope that, if this continues, you explore the relationship post-spell. Or maybe Vinyl, desperate to keep Tavi's attention, spends all of the money she made to stay a stallion. That'd be pretty intriguing.

All in all, not bad. Felt a bit fast when the actual intercourse started, but then again they'd been teasing each other all night, so...

When he rocked his his, it drug back and forth across the fur there.

I think you accidentally the sentence there.

because he wasn't used to having a glowstick mounted between his legs.

I laughed at this. Shameless clop humor is best humor.

2105452 Vinyl seems to be referred to as a stallion when it comes to talking about gender, so I imagine it's a bit like how you might sometimes call someone 'boy', even if they're a grown man. That's my guess, anyways. Also, DJ Stall10n doesn't look as cool.

2105452
It's really no different to how we use boy as slang for a man. For example, "Boy, why you so late for dinner?" Therefore colt for ponies can probably be used as slang for stallion.

I always like clop better when it's about love, not just bucking. Well done.

2105839

I was listening to a lot of music while writing this, because it was often the only way to get unstuck. Musical influences for that fictional track:

Spin That Record Vinyl Scratch (Nightcore) - the basics of 'cantercore' and DJ PON-3's stage persona

Ein kleine nachtmuzik - eminently danceable, inspiring the "pegasi in flight" sections. And source of a shameless pun.

Pachebel's Canon - another upbeat part of the musical canon, which is often played with cello and which has been translated to more recent genres many times.

Morning in the Jungle (Trance) - the use of 'thunderstorms' in a song.

"Sexy revenge is the best revenge."

Truer words from the Kama Sutra: Sun Tzu edition, have never been spoken.

I am really liking this story. Romantic clop is truly the best clop. Now I'll admit that the shameless sloppy stuff isn't always bad and there are a few good ones floating about out there, but stories like this one have the passion and honest love that make romantic clop my favorite type of clop.

So, if everything works as it should, does that mean foals?

I agree with the pony who commented 'MOAR'

MOAR is definitely needed! Great story!

I've got one issue here, and one alone:

You often use the word "drug" as a past-tense for "drag". To drug something is to dose it with drugs. I believe the word you're looking for is "dragged".

2107319

I actually had to look that up!

It appears that when 'drag' appeared in English in the 15th century, some groups adopted it as a strong verb, and others as a weak verb. I grew up hearing it as a strong verb, but apparently it's a weak verb in most of the world.

It feels weird to realize it's wrong but to not think of it as wrong...

Is there a Sense in German Titles?

I'm Naturally German, and I have no idea what a Nachtkore shall be, neither in German nor in English.
The Second one does not make much sense at all. Sense would make: Was die Mode Teilt. Or what I believe you wanted to say is Streng Geteilt maybe with a nach Klassen at the end.
Sry that I only criticize yet, I'm not even finished with your first chapter

Hope you keep going

2098643 ICWATUDIDTHAR...

:--------------------------- that's all that needs to be said

After reading this, I am curious to see if Vinyl (Cole) makes any ... Life changing decisions, i mean it seems that they both really want to be together and at one point i forget where i think it was Cole that said "If this is the one chance i have to be with you" which made me wonder if Vinyl might try and make this last longer.

Overall i loved the way this was written especially the descriptive nature of the music and the imagery that was created in Octavia's mind. Just an awesome fic to read, seriously want more on this!

Well, you've earned yourself a follow because of this story.
Treasure it forever or throw it in with the probable others, I don't care.

demand mother fucking moar bitch.

2105955
They didn't use any thunder in the 1-min sample they had available for 'morning in the jungle', but i couldn't figure out how to hear the rest. Is it anything like the start of Dire Straits 'Brothers in Arms'?

2111012
Cool story bro. Is there a sequel? maybe a trilogy?.

The clop scene was paced very differently than in your average clopfic, but not in a bad way. I really enjoyed this fic overall. After reading mostly the same well-known authors with their distinct styles over and over, it was a breath of fresh air. Is the 'incomplete' at the bottom correct? I figured with the way chapter 2 ended, that this was it, but if there were more, that would be great.

That was probably one of the most well-written 'clop' scenes I have read in a long, long time.

I look forward to the conflicts that will arise in this stories continuation, so far it is quite good indeed.

BUCK.....talk about passionate, wow....that, that has to some of the best clop I ever read, you did a very, very great job on thids. I wonder what will happen with Cole turns back into a mare? Will their love continue to flare or die out? How heart breaking, so the two worship Luna then huh? Heh, even the Gods must find their love for one another honest, I'm really impressed...shall be await for more my friend

2111012
*claps*
Wow... that was awesome! Your comment pointed out what was wrong, gave advice about the story, and it was very entertaining! You should do reviews of stories or something like that!

2107671
Was die Mode streng geteilt is from Beethoven's 9th Symphony ("What tradition has strongly parted" is the translation I've seen, while Google Translate says "What strictly divided"). Eine kleine nachtmusik is the title of a work by Mozart ("A little serenade/A little night music"); "nightcore" is a genre of music that started as a subgenre of trance, hence Eine kleine nachtkore ("A little nightcore")

Oh god that pic
Don't click 'Source'

Will we see moar?

2119538

I'm afraid you won't be seeing any more. You see, V-Tavia Clop is trending really hot on the Ponex these days, and I for one intend on hoarding it all for myself, to rake in those sweet sweet V-Tavia dividends..

( In all seriousness, maybe. But this was just a one-off thing I did in one sitting and posted unedited to break my writer's block with my serious story, Lie of Omission, nothing I had planned out in advance. I won't be making a huge story out of it, mostly revising chapter 1 to improve characterizations and storyflow and slap a nice happy "finished" tag on it so I can get back to my real story. )

I'm quite glad to see that this isn't finished just yet . Clop isn't really my thing, especially the sort involving mares, but this scene was very tastefully (as well as very emotionally) written .

Also, if things don't work out for Vinyl and the whole shebang ends in heartache, I might just cry . Just warning you.