For some hilarious reason, the voices in my head were switching between Morgan Freeman and that guy in the dos equis commercials. All in all a fine clopfic with a hilarious premise and wonderful delivery.
161183 oh man, imagining it, and, for some reason can see AJ totally going for a classy older gentlecolt with that voice and beard now. It really really works!
Good premise, well written. I can't wait to read the rest of this (story? series?) compendium. One tiny issue that I couldn't help but notice--the shift from future tense to present in the first few sentences is bothersome, but I understand the problems of integrating a flowing story into a pre-determined future-tense topic sentence. (I would throw out suggestions for transitions, but the topic of your writing has caused a distracting personal condition to occur that needs immediate attention. (If you know what I mean...))
Edit: It's also too short for a writer of your caliber. You should go more in-depth, paint us a word-picture, take us on a magical journey though the most intimate, most personal consummation of friendship known to Equestria, et cetera.
161183 If Morgan Freeman did readings of this kind of story--let alone any kind of MLP fic--my life would be complete.
Not great but not terrible. I loved the opening scene you set in with (me) and AJ sitting by the fire while everything is just in such a mellow state which reallt sets the mood after (I) hand AJ the generious gift. I still think that the whole sex part could have been better elaborated and better written.
...what the BUCK DID I JUST READ!
wat just happened
megusta
For some hilarious reason, the voices in my head were switching between Morgan Freeman and that guy in the dos equis commercials. All in all a fine clopfic with a hilarious premise and wonderful delivery.
I'm a foal and what is this!!!
Hmmmmmmmm. Well, that was interesting. I had no idea that AJ was into THAT kind of... Roleplay? Game? What?
Pretty good, short, but alright.
This was nice. Quick and to the point.
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161183
oh man, imagining it, and, for some reason can see AJ totally going for a classy older gentlecolt with that voice and beard now.
It really really works!
Good premise, well written. I can't wait to read the rest of this (story? series?) compendium.
One tiny issue that I couldn't help but notice--the shift from future tense to present in the first few sentences is bothersome, but I understand the problems of integrating a flowing story into a pre-determined future-tense topic sentence. (I would throw out suggestions for transitions, but the topic of your writing has caused a distracting personal condition to occur that needs immediate attention. (If you know what I mean...))
Edit: It's also too short for a writer of your caliber. You should go more in-depth, paint us a word-picture, take us on a magical journey though the most intimate, most personal consummation of friendship known to Equestria, et cetera.
161183
If Morgan Freeman did readings of this kind of story--let alone any kind of MLP fic--my life would be complete.
--Warlord
Not great but not terrible. I loved the opening scene you set in with (me) and AJ sitting by the fire while everything is just in such a mellow state which reallt sets the mood after (I) hand AJ the generious gift. I still think that the whole sex part could have been better elaborated and better written.
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You will never put other people down. Oh, wait...
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157258 you mean fuck right?
Very good.