we all have read HIE but what happens when a demon enters equastria and the only one who can stop it is framed for a crime he didnt commit. This is his story hope you enjoy.
Chapters (2)
Thatguy44
Joined 24th Jan, 2012 ·
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Now theres an interesting concept.
159743 thanks i spent alout of time thinking how to put a different perspective on HIE fanfictions
grammar grammar grammar spelling spelling spelling. Also, this is very original. please, continue.
160138
i will work on my grammer thnx for the support btw if u have any ideas im all ears and thats to anyone readin this
1.8 from seven ratings
my face i didnt expect any ratings actually and i will say this now Guardains are all powerful BUT they are stopped by rules laws and if they get passed those then there phisicayl body because it can stand up to most things they do but not repetative use
i 
everybody
1.8 from seven ratings?
Let try 2.2 with eight ratings
I would suggest (like several people have suggested to me) getting someone to proof-read and edit your chapters before you post them. In places you used the wrong word such as in this, for example:
The Keeper through his hands forward and a large energy beam blasted from his hands and made a large impact on the demons offensive.
In this instance, it would be 'threw', not through. I'm guessing you used spell-check, yes? Spell-check helps, but it only goes so far.
I'm sure you go through it again after writing it to eliminate as many errors as possible, but as my grandfather (on my father's side) pointed out to me while writing a school paper: "It's easy to miss something when you're the one writing it because you expect something to be there and might skim over it by accident." My grandmother (on my mother's side) suggests reading a document backwards sentence by sentence. I find that method works rather well if you can't get a fan to edit it for you.
Also, how is it that your character already knows whom the beings from Equestria are?
I'm assuming that the portal was erected by the Demons to enter the world they were raiding (or attacking) in the first place, but an explanation to make it a certainty and a little more background would be appreciated, such as a reason for them to be fighting.
Is it taking place first in the Hellgate: Lindon universe or something completely different?
Are 'The Guardians' Humans, Angels, Elves, Trolls, centaurs, or are they something else? Regardless of the answer to that, How did Celestia know that the 'new creature' was dangerous? Did the corpses come from him trying to defend himself?
As to grammar and punctuation, I'm sure you already are aware that it needs a bit of improvement.
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Criticisms and suggestions aside, this has caught my interest. *Clicks track button*
161561
I will be explaining alout in the next chapter thnx for the critisizm and i will say this allready the Eternal Library was the planet there were on and agromon just 'threw' up the portal picking a random location to escape from the battle and the Eternal Library has infinete knowledge on every universe and their realms and thats the reason they invaded the planet and for the what are Guardians truthfully I dont know I never thought of a question like that
i need help i forgot my password and i accedintaly logged out any suggestions
i fixed it
Better than the first chapter. Spelling has improved, and punctuation as well.
One suggestion, though you really don't need to do it (it just makes character speech readings a bit easier for readers to keep track of:) Start a new paragraph every time a new (that is, a different) character begins to speak.
(example)
"Blah blah blah, yadda-da-da!" Bruce complained in a melodious manner at Timothy, whom was reading from a magazine and had had just about enough of Bruce's intoxicated gibberish speech for the day.
"Oh, shut up, Bruce!" Timothy finally yelled after tolerating the ruckus for an additional ten minutes.
"Tim!" his uncle called up through the air vents from the basement. "Bring me another iced tea, will you?"
Tab does not seem to work (understandably) while writing in these text boxes, so if something is to be True-Indented, it must be done on whatever writing program you might be using on your laptop/desktop computer, if you use one. If you do not, a few taps of the space bar (of course) may be used in its stead.
yo for those who dont know this i accedently logged out and forgot my password so im probably not going to continue this fic I might but it would be like a few years later since im doing another fic