The so-called Phantom Prankster didn't strike again for a couple weeks. By that time, the police had found a total of three somewhat variable witnesses.
Each of the eyewitnesses saw the Phantom Prankster in the middle of the night, so they could only make out a blurry silhouette hovering around in the air and performing the acts of vandalism with instantaneous speed. Oddly, they also described him/her as having no wings to speak of. What they also could confirm was that the Phantom Prankster had the body build of a mare, had a coat that somehow ranged from pink to light purple, and a long, purple-and-white-striped mane & tail that billowed in the wind.
As for me, I threw that propeller beanie in the garbage without a second notion. What could I have use for a propeller beanie, anyway? I always thought they looked positively stupid. Sure, I could turn it to the police for further evidence, but I had no actual proof that it belonged to the Phantom Prankster in the first place.
Then, after two weeks of peace, the Phantom Prankster made a second attack. This time, she replaced all our running water with a disgusting amount of maple syrup. She also switched the color scheme of every blank-flanked foal in town, so it was nigh-impossible to tell who was who. (But then again, I have to admit, Scootaloo did look pretty good with Applebloom’s colors.) Her pranks seemed to affect everypony, from eight-foot-tall monsters made out of 100% mustard to switching Pinkie Pie’s secret stash of candy with a lifetime supply of brussel sprouts and broken light bulbs.
And guess what? She moved me while I was sleeping AGAIN. I woke up that morning with my head uncomfortably lodged in one of Fluttershy’s birdhouses. It took nearly three hours to get myself unstuck.
So, I had to cast my fail-safe spell again. This time, my magic curiously seemed to lack absolute effect. Only half of Pinkie Pie’s candy was turned back, and the eight-foot-tall mustard monsters were instead transformed into less-than-terrifying eight-inch-tall mustard monsters.
Oh, and just to mess with me, the Phantom Prankster also left her stupid beanie under my pillow again. That time, I turned it over to the authorities. After several tests of magical examination, the Royal Guard told me that there was nothing enchanted about it, and that it possessed no solid evidence whatsoever. So yeah, I was allowed to keep the hat.
I burned it.
It took only one more week for the Phantom Prankster to launch her next barrage of misery for Ponyville. She also only pulled one prank:
She moved the entire town smack dab in the middle of the Everfree Forest.
It took me three unsuccessful tries before I could cast the fail-safe spell properly. I was never sure whether my magic was getting weaker, that the Prankster’s was getting stronger, or that I was distracted because I was moved into a manticore den twenty miles away while I was still asleep.
On the bright side, I got a brand-new propeller beanie out of it. Whoopie.
That day, I decided enough was enough. I was going to catch this evildoer if it was the last thing I did. I planned on catching her in the act of religiously ponynapping me. I moved my bed into the basement, bought the most advanced security cameras that I could afford, and locked the basement door every single night with special spell that devised my own. (Basically, it could only be open with my magical signature.) If the Phantom Prankster was going to break in again, she would have to break the door down, and nopony can really do that with making a considerable amount of noise. I convinced my friends to take shifts watching the entrance to my new bedroom. (But not after a lengthy amount of bargaining. Rarity insisted that she did her shift in her custom-made silk pajamas.)
Then, three days afterward, I woke up one morning to find the basement completely trashed. Lamps were broken, chairs were smashed against the wall, my mattress had a rather impressive hole punched through it, but the only door to the basement was completely intact.
I raced upstairs, wanting to see what happened last night. I unlocked the door with the releasing spell, and went to the ground floor with great haste.
“What happened?” I asked Fluttershy, the pony that was on duty at the time. “Did you hear any noises?”
“No Twilight, I just got here,” Fluttershy replied. “Oh, and good morning. Did you sleep well? Spike and I made you some cute little heart-shaped waffles.”
“The time for waffles can wait,” I dismissed. “Let’s see the security tape. I want to see the face of the pony who wrecked my basement!”
Fluttershy, accompanied by Spike, watched as I took tonight’s camera footage and inserted it in our magically-powered DVD player. The image of me soundly sleeping flickered to life. The color was restricted to black and white, but I managed to afford audio. For a while, we observed in silence as Past-Me slept undisturbed. For the sake of time, we put the footage on fast-forward until we saw anything strange. Then, around midnight, Past-Twilight got up from bed.
She... I... looked different. The colors on the screen were still shades of grey, but it was unmistakable that my coat and mane had somehow changed. My once-straightly-combed hair had sprung into a swirling mass of purple and white. It moved unnaturally, reminding me somewhat of Princess Celestia’s mane. As Past-Me looked to the camera, I could see the my eyes had lost their pupils and turned into spinning whirlpools of madness. The most disturbing detail of all was that I had lost my horn.
Past-Me then stuck hoof deep in her ear, pulled out a familiar propeller beanie with a soft pop, crammed it on top of her head, and gave large, goofy grin. We all collectively gasped.
I was the Phantom Prankster. The image of me matched the witnesses’ descriptions perfectly. All this time, I’ve been trying to stop the Phantom Prankster from terrorizing the citizens of Ponyville, but I never would’ve thought she’d be staying under my own roof! For a good, long while, nopony said anything. Finally, it was the Phantom Prankster that broke the silence.
“Are you my Mommy?” she/me/whoevershewas said, addressing the camera. “Is Mommy watching me?” Her voice was innocent and high-pitched, like that of a filly. “You are, aren’t you Mommy?” Her tone went from questioning to smug. “Did you want to keep an eye on me? Is that why you put up these cameras? It won’t work, Mommy.” She sat down and crossed her legs as her face went from a mindless foal to a look that belonged to a sassy teenager.
“Still, before I go out for the night, I think it’s high time we’ve met, Mommy.” She gestured to herself. “My name’s Screwball. What’s yours?” She paused. “I know you can hear me, Mommy. I sure as hell can hear you. Right in the back of my head. Nonstop, all the time. I can hear your thoughts. All of your old, boring thoughts.” She took up a mocking tone, doing a bad imitation of my voice. “‘Study this! Organize that! Alphabetize these!’ All day, every day! I’M SICK OF IT, MOMMY!”
Screwball glared at the camera for a full minute. “Well? What are you waiting for? Answer me! I can hear you Mommy, answer me already! Go ahead, think of a number. I can guess it, easy as chocolate milk.”
I said nothing.
“Go ahead Mommy, guess! It’s a game! You like games, don’tcha Mommy?”
I remained silent.
“Any number, a big, fat number. Any silly, big, fat number! Are you too scared to play, Mommy?”
“Forty-two!” I blurted.
“Forty-two,” Screwball said immediately.
There was an “Eep!” from Fluttershy.
“Bet I was right, wasn’t I Mommy?” Screwball smirked. “I’m in your head!~ I’m in your head!~” she chanted like a schoolkid on the playground. “Bet that gave you a fright, didn’t it? I bet it did, Mommy.” She gave a maniacal grin. “Well, it’s been a blast messing with you, but I’ve got some havoc to wreak.” She made a bolt for the basement door. There was a brief moment, and she raced back to the camera. “What’s going on? Why can’t I open the door??”
I realized something. The door could only be unlocked by my own magic. Therefore, Screwball was trapped there for the entire night.
“Mommy, what is this? Why won’t you let me out?!? I’ve gotta have my fun! LET ME HAVE MY FUN!!!” Her eyes changed. Her whites turned to a sickly yellow, and her swirly, pupiless irises changed to fiery-red. Gone was foallike demeanor. She looked more genuinely angry than anypony I’ve ever met in my entire life. In fact, she now looked more like a rabid animal than a pony.
“I HATE YOU, MOMMY!!!!
IHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOU!!!! AAAARRRRUUUGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!”
Continuing her tantrum, Screwball went and destroyed all the furniture she could find, mercilessly bashing it against the walls.
“Well, at least we now know how your basement got trashed,” Spike noted, not taking his eyes off the video.
Eventually, Screwball threw a pillow at the security camera, ending the transmission. The three of us sat in silence, not know what else to say. I was still shocked over the fact that the one behind all of this was me. Well, sort of. I still wasn’t sure about the details yet. It was all terribly confusing and frightening. What was that monster that we saw? Where did it come from? What were we supposed to do about it?
“I’m contacting the Princess,” I said, standing up.
“What?” Fluttershy said, a horrified look still plastered on her face. “Twilight, you can’t! You can’t tell anypony about this!”
“Why not?”
“Because if you do, you’ll be taken away. You’ll be put in some secret laboratory far away from Ponyville, where the government would perform all kind of painful tests every day for the rest of your life!”
“That’s the plan,” I said.
“Wait, what?”
I bit my lip. “Well... yeah, that’s the plan. It’s exactly what I would do if I was in Celestia’s place. I would go through any means necessary to cure my faithful student. Sure, it might take a year or two, but we would find a cure. Besides, this could launch scientific progress ahead generations!”
“What if they don’t if they don’t find a cure?” asked a worried Spike. “What if we all never get to see you again? What if during one of those experiments... you die?”
I have to admit, he stopped me there.
I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. “Okay, I won’t tell anypony. I promise you, I’m not going anywhere,” I said. “But that means we’ll have to find a way to keep the other me under control.”
*Video starts recording*
“Hello, Screwball. My name is Twilight Sparkle. I’m that voice in your head. And if the nickname you gave me is any logical indication, I’m also somehow your mother.
“By now, you’ve obviously noticed that you’ve been locked in my basement again, but this time with a TV, so we could speak. I don’t know how or why you’re in my body, but I want to offer a truce. Until then, consider yourself grounded.
“My friend, named Fluttershy, believes that we can coexist in peace. I’m willing to try to make that happen, but I need you to agree with some rules.
“...Yes, rules. Don’t talk back to me, young lady.
“Rule #1: You can’t hurt anyone anymore. I’m sorry, but we live in modern society. That means we have to obey the laws and social norms. For example, no more vandalising other’s personal property with ice cream.
“Rule #2: Neither one of us tells anypony that we share a body. That also means no changing between Twilight and Screwball in public. Got it?
“Rule #3: I’ve agreed not to search for a cure. That goes both ways. You’re not allowed to get rid of me, and I’m not allowed to get rid of you. I believe that’s called ‘trust.’
“Rule #4: In return for you not hurting anypony, I’m going to try to ‘loosen up.’ I’m going to take more chances. I’m going to squeeze more fun in my life. I’ve got a plan to do that, and her name’s Pinkie Pie. To put it simply, I’m trying to make my head a more comfortable environment, so you’re not so cranky all the time.
“Rule #5: You’ve probably noticed that you might be holding a tape recorder. That’s the way I’ve decided we can directly communicate. That said, don’t ever lose it. If you feel like you’re going to change back into me, press ‘record’ and tell me where you are and what you were just doing.
“Rule #6: If either one of us breaks the rules, then it officially qualifies as a declaration of all-out war. Believe me, it would be a war you would never win.
“I patiently await your response.”
Dun dun duuuuuuuuun
Can't wait for that rule to get broken
No way this ends well. You don't negotiate with a split personality.
I don't know why, but you continue to impress me. Also creepy screwball picture that comes out of nowhere is creepy.
This is going to be fun...
In the words of Timmy Turner, the king of jinx, "What could possibly go wrong?"
Please, continue.
2156922 can you really break a rule about what happens if you break a rule?
“Are you my Mommy?”
GOD NO! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT! THAT WAS STOPPED DURING WWII!
SOMEPONY CALL DOCTOR WHOOVES!
Screwball reminds me of Fawful...
fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/226/7/a/suddenly____screwball__by_astringe-d5b44j2.png
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/74/Fawful.jpg/256px-Fawful.jpg
Whoa, your opponent's going to be tough, Twi. For what I know, she can speak in RED ALLCAPS!
Joking aside, I umm'ed a bit when I see her being persuaded to not tell anyone, even the one who probably can handle this situation better than her own, with only one sentence. I know it would make for much better personal conflict and drama, but her apparent resolve is deconstructed very, maybe a bit too quickly. That tidbit aside, this story is simply brilliant.
cue screwball learning how to "discord" people.
yes Discord is a noun, adjective, and verb. your argument is invalid
2157873 Damn! I was hoping you'd see past that plothole... Oh well, at least you're tolerating it.
2157739
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lfx0o6PVoa1qa5yvio1_500.gif
2157105 Really? You thought that was creepy? Twilight's been known to smile waaaaay more disturbing than that.
2157988 25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lg3rnqztDE1qbyingo1_500.gif
Well here we are. Twilight in one side, Screwball on the other, and total war just looming on the horizon. This... This is a war worth seeing!!
Though there is one misconception in this chapter. Just cause I'm inside your head doesn't mean I have to play by you rules.
2158356 But she WILL play by the rules if she wants to be outside again. That is, as long as she doesn't find a way out...
2158373
Nice counter sir! Now release the madness, that is your skills, and bring the next chapter into fruition!!
Also what was the name of the Brit tv drama?
2158396 Jekll. Just Jekll. Look for it on Hulu or Netflix.
2158415
Tell me is it worth the watch? I'm a guy that only watches the good stuff, will it be filled with suspense, craziness, and above all twist!?
2158436 There's only one season, with six episodes in it. That said, it is worth every precious second. Watch it. WATCH ALL OF IT.
dude, that picture gave me the willies like nothing else i've ever seen. just trying to wrap my head around the idea of twilight turning into that....thing, gave me a headache. and the personality, dear luna you are a crazy dude to be able to come up with this thing. you have my highest praise and a healthy amount of fear and respect. just, please, don't put another picture like that in there. i don't need nightmares.
2158463
Ohh great!! When I can I'll give it a look.
Also what's this I hear of a picture? I haven't seen it.
2158512th02.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2011/298/4/4/screwball_by_toonfreak-d4dzd11.png
2158563
Wait... Twilight turned into that... You sir have just won my fear and respect. Literally, I jumped in the air when I just popped opened that image tab and was met with... That. All manners of god help Twilight for what ever happens next, will be epic!!
2158464I'm sorry. Have a picture of filly fluttershy sipping a juicebox as my deepest apologies.
2.bp.blogspot.com/-rI7fM9rFjR4/Tq3Pi4ZIztI/AAAAAAAAQJc/9KyRzMvMAWk/s1600/78471+-+artist+olegsavoskin+pumpkin+screwball.jpg
2158589
oh why thank......OH SWEET CELESTIA! THE EYES, THEY PEER INTO MY VERY SOUL!
2158589
you sick twisted little man.
Hu I somehow get the feeling Screwball is gonna make (forcfuly) Discord her daddy....or the checklist both are posible. I dont know why I wanted Fluttershy to go "Twilight if you tell them you did this CELESTIA GONNA SEND YOU TO MAGIC KENDERGARD- NO THE DUNG- NO WORSE THE MOOON !!" As i said no clue why i'd want that.
Well looks like Twilight has a little filly ego hope you make more..........Mommy
Split personality ftw
Reminds me so much about the pyro beanie
This is going to be epic....
I CAN FEEL IT
Welp, time to split her body into 2 separate ponies.
For the number 42.
So do you just happen to find pictures that work with your story, or do you commission artists to make pics for you/draw them yourself?
2161306 You'd be surprised what a quick search on deviantart can behold
It's gonna be biblical.
2161310
That... doesn't exactly answer my question
Pull the chain, Twilight. Pull it as hard as you can, until you hear a crack.
2162677 is this a reference to dog/god from fallout new vegas?
I can see this going one of two ways. Grimdark and just regular story. Either way ill be holding on for more. Also im surprised no one (to the small amounts of comments i've read) has gone on about the whole teaming up with pinkie thing. Maybe because they are guessing it will go as it always does in stories where pinkie and screwy meet or their awaiting with bated breath as i am.
I don't think Screwball is open to negotiation...
This fic is awesome. I can't help but feel like shit is about to get real.
Twilight as Screwball. I love it. What will happen when the rest of the mane six and the princesses find out about what's going on? What will their reactions be like. Did Discord actually plan for this to happen, or was it all just a unintended side effect of his magic? Really hope Twilight and Screwball will find a way for them to get some mother daughter bonding.
This is how I felt;
This is how I felt;
I like it, but Twilights decisions seem rushed. Like, she goes from completely willing to let Celestia take control of the situation, to keeping it a secret. Then, without a word of exposition, she has all these rules, as if she's realized that her way of living is stifling screwball, but how could she know that? Idk. Like I said, I like it, and I'll keep reading, but it seems a little forced sometimes--like the last rule. it's such an obvious set up.
Anwyay, I really hope you continue it, because I did enjoy it. :D
This is win.
I knew that there was Doctor Who episode-nine in the Screwball scene!
Oh damn, I really like this fic!