Celestial Sparkling

by MrJoshy

Spellcasting

It was a magnificent day, the weather was perfect, thanks to the pegasi. The sky was a beautiful blue color, not a cloud in the sky. Yet it was about to become cloudy whether the ponies liked it or not.

~~~
Twilight was trotting along, expecting the results of the spell were going to come out perfectly. She looked around at the ground before her, seeing what was supposed to be a happy meadow as a scorched mark and nothing more.

“What could have happened here?” Twilight whispered, her eyes growing wide. She looked around, seeing a giant “T” carved into the ground, the scorch marks leading away from it, “‘T’? What in Celestia’s name could that mean?” Twilight wondered, pawing at the ground and thinking of the plethora of things that it could mean. Yet she failed to realize the one.

“Twilight, there you are! I was looking for you!” Spike called out to Twilight, seeing her standing on the hill before the meadow. Spike hobbled up beside Twilight, looking around and seeing the scorched meadow that had left Twilight speechless.

“What... What happened here, Twilight?” Spike asked, wondering if Twilight could have possibly done this. She couldn't have; she’s not a jerk... Or did she just all of a sudden turn into one?

“I... I don’t know the T could mean just about anything starting with T!” Twilight replied, looking at Spike with trembling eyes.

“Twilight!” A voice called from far behind them. Twilight and Spike both immediately snapped back, trying to figure out who in their right mind would follow them out here. They saw an orange speck, quickly growing bigger as it raced towards them.

“Applejack?” Twilight and Spike both thought out loud in unison. As long as it took Applejack to reach them, they grew rather impatient.

“Phew, finally!” Applejack coughed out as she tried to regain her breath. Spike and Twilight just plonked down, waiting for her to rejuvenate, staring at her with wide eyes. Applejack looked back at the giant ‘T’ marked into the meadow, her eyes darting from Twilight to the meadow.

“Sugar, you do know what that 'T' means, right?” Applejack asked Twilight, hoping to high Celestia that she did. I mean, surely she know what it means, right?

“Well, it could be a number of things!” Twilight whined, stamping her hoof.

“No, sugarcube, it means TRIXIE! She’s come back, and she wants revenge again,” Applejack replied, pointing back towards Ponyville, where a series of different-colored lights were going off one after the other.

“Oh... Well come on! Let’s go!” Twilight yelled, lifting Spike onto her back with magic. “Hang on, Spike!”

“Wh-WHOA!” Spike shouted as Twilight started them to the town center.
~~~

“HEY! STOP IT! OW!” Rainbow kept screaming as she was thrown about. Trixie simply chuckled, a slight smile on her face.

“TRIXIE!” Twilight hollered, causing Trixie to avert her gaze from Rainbow. Trixie’s light-blue aura was subtly taken away.

“OW!” Rainbow cried out as she hit the ground like a rock.

“Well well well, who do we have here?” Trixie asked.

“Trixie, I hear you’ve come back for revenge again, and I suggest you leave,” Twilight demanded, pointing the way out of Ponyville.

“Not before Trixie bests you in a contest that Trixie has laid out!” Trixie angrily said, stomping her hoof. Twilight shook her head, knowing Trixie’s pride

“No, I want you to leave. You have interrupted my studies, something that I really don’t appreciate! ” Twilight yelled, hoping that afterwards Trixie would just go away.

“What, is the ‘mighty’ Twilight Sparkle scared?” Trixie mocked, the crowd that had started to gather murmuring.

“Yeah, she’s really scared!” Snips piped up from the back of the crowd, a few ponies in the front nodding.

“I’m not scared, ju-” Twilight was cut off by someone yelling.

“She’s scareeed!” Snail yelled from somewhere in the crowd, causing a few more ponies to chant; She’s scared! She’s scared! Twilight started to blush.

“I... I’ll play to your rules, Trixie,” Twilight replied, the peer pressure starting to get to her.

“Excellent! Let’s start then!” Trixie said as her horn started to glow, and with a POP, a little checklist appeared out of thin air. Trixie marked off a few things, her smile growing wider after reading each one. “First off, nopony is to get hurt.”

“Ok,” Twilight solemnly replied. Trixie marked off another, her smile growing even wider.

“Second, no interrupting each other’s spells.” Trixie stated. Twilight nodded. Trixie once again marked off the check.

“Well then, let’s get started, shall we?” Twilight asked Trixie expectantly. Trixie nodded. “You go first then.”

“I’m going to go with... a time spell!” Trixie replied, her horn glowing with a purple aura. A small circle appeared above her head and slowly started to spread, enveloping everything around her. Within just a minute, everypony but her and Trixie was a dark gray, their faces frozen in time.

“What have you done?” Twilight asked, looking around at the blank faces staring at her.

“Oh nothing much, I’ve just frozen time around us for the next two miles!” Trixie cheerily replied.

“Not even I can do that level of magic!” Twilight said, stuck in a trance looking at the faces of the ponies.

"Just goes to show you that I'm better!" Trixie replied, somewhat shaking with glee.

“Undo this! Now!” Twilight demanded, stomping her foot. As her hoof hit the ground, several dirt particles rose up in the air, then froze in midair.

“Aggh, fine.” Trixie slowly responded, her horn once again glowing in the process, spreading the same orb over the crowd. One after another, the ponies began to unfreeze, each one looking around and shaking their heads.

“Now, Twilight, your turn,” Trixie said with a smug look on her face. Twilight thought of several solutions, yet only one seemed feasible.

"Now, what can keep up with that level of magic?" Twilight whispered to nopony. "Oh! I know!"

“Umm...” Twilight mumbled, looking around. “How about a teleportation spell?”

“Heh, beginner’s spell? Let’s see this,” Trixie smugly said, walking over to Twilight and standing by her side.

“Umm... Ok, let’s go...” Twilight said, shuddering while thinking about where she was going to take the two of them. Her face in an expression of pain, concentration, and effort. Her horn began to glow brightly, nearly blinding several ponies nearby, causing them to rub their eyes.

“AHH!” Twilight screamed out as her and Trixie were teleported to... the top of the mountain? She looked out from the summit, seeing the vastly expanding fields of Sweet Apple Acres in the distance This isn't where she was supposed to be! Twilight had been aiming for the Canterlot Royal Boardroom, where Celestia was in a meeting!

Well, that was unexpected... Twilight thought.

“Not bad, Twilight. I will admit, although it could be a bit less... cold,” Trixie humorlessly said. She turned to Twilight with a vicious look in her eye.

“Now that we’re up here... I can finally do what I came to do in the first place!” Trixie yelled, trapping Twilight in a blue aura that lifted her over the side of the summit of the mountain.

“Trixie, what are you doing?!” Twilight screamed out as she looked down.

“Getting ready to kill you, what does it look like it?” Trixie replied calmly, now growing bored.

“Why?!” Twilight screamed out once again, tears now streaming down her face.

“Trixie grows bored of your constant screaming!” Trixie yelled, her spell slowly weakening around Twilight. “And just for good measure, Trixie will put a dulling spell on your magic!” Trixie’s horn once again began to glow, and Twilight began to feel a pain in her horn that slowly subsided.

“Trixie wishes you a pleasant death!” Trixie yelled as her hold on Twilight was released and she started to fall.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Twilight screamed as she fell at a lightning speed, the ground fast approaching.
~~~

Author's Note:

Essentially I went through and rewrote the entire chapter. Thanks to Danupert and Pascoite for reading/editing! The two of them are both literary masters!

Comments

[DaemoN67]

"When a character speaks,*" she said. "You don't put a full stop where the asterisk is, but rather a comma."

[Extinction]

I love this. It is sad but sometimes sad makes a good Story.
Can't wait for more.

[Leviathan]

Just a few comments.

1. Perhaps you could pace yourself? The story was extremely fast moving and didn't really leave the reader with any time to actually analyze the events going on. Slow down a bit and add some more description in between the lines of dialogue.

2. The dialogue felt a bit...stale. Which isn't good considering that what you wrote was 90% dialogue. It deserves just a little more attention.

3. It kind of had that wall of text appearance. You should leave a second line of space when you switch between paragraphs.

If you edit your chapters (which you do plan to do) then you might actually have something here. Personally, I like the idea, just because I can see this story actually having a decent plot.

[MrJoshy]

Just a few comments.
1. Perhaps you could pace yourself? The story was extremely fast moving and didn't really leave the reader with any time to actually analyze the events going on. Slow down a bit and add some more description in between the lines of dialogue.
2. The dialogue felt a bit...stale. Which isn't good considering that what you wrote was 90% dialogue. It deserves just a little more attention.
3. It kind of had that wall of text appearance. You should leave a second line of space when you switch between paragraphs.
If you edit your chapters (which you do plan to do) then you might actually have something here. Personally, I like the idea, just because I can see this story actually having a decent plot.

Thank you, kind sir! This first chapter was kind of a 'put it out there and see what people think' type of thing, it is going to be edited a lot more. Thanks for the feedback