Back after a long hitaus! I now have my associates degree in English Creative Writing and Linguistics!
“Trixie, the last time you were here, we did the EXACT same thing! I already know how this is going to go, and so do you! You might as well give up before somepony gets hurt!” Twilight yelled at Trixie, not seeing the manic look in her eyes.
The second chapter contains some slight gore, but only towards the middle. I kinda felt like I had to mark that.
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"When a character speaks,*" she said. "You don't put a full stop where the asterisk is, but rather a comma."
I love this.
It is sad but sometimes sad makes a good Story. 
Can't wait for more.
Just a few comments.
1. Perhaps you could pace yourself? The story was extremely fast moving and didn't really leave the reader with any time to actually analyze the events going on. Slow down a bit and add some more description in between the lines of dialogue.
2. The dialogue felt a bit...stale. Which isn't good considering that what you wrote was 90% dialogue. It deserves just a little more attention.
3. It kind of had that wall of text appearance. You should leave a second line of space when you switch between paragraphs.
If you edit your chapters (which you do plan to do) then you might actually have something here. Personally, I like the idea, just because I can see this story actually having a decent plot.
Thank you, kind sir! This first chapter was kind of a 'put it out there and see what people think' type of thing, it is going to be edited a lot more. Thanks for the feedback