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The
800 Year
Promise
A Story From The Conversion Bureau Universe
By Chatoyance
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8. The Preposterous Precipice
The use of locations from The Ambassador's Son by Midnight Shadow is done with permission.
"You are no relative of mine, you fat little lying... liar! Don't even go there, you... you... human! I don't know what you've been telling my aunt, but there is no way that the proud Starshine family name would ever be sullied by having a filthy human as part of our lineage, you terrible little... Not-Pony!" Tiny flecks of froth had formed at the edges of Perspicacity's muzzle.
Wildfire stood silently, head down, studying every small detail of where his hoof wall met his coronary band. He understood his wife's frustration and anger, but... hooves. He had hooves. They were right there. Hooves. She didn't mean him. He couldn't help how he was born. She'd said he was a pony, completely. She didn't think of him that way at all.
"Oh, don't get your tail in a knot, Persy-Pants, I was on to this scoundrel the moment he came through the door. You always were such a high-strung filly." Aunt Aspherica had just set down a tray with a teapot and bowls and a stack of four-grain sweet buns on it. "Look what you've done to your poor stallion there! The simple little thing is terrified of your fussing and shouting."
That didn't help at all, Wildfire thought.
Perspicacity glanced over at Wildfire and instantly softened. She'd seen that body language on him before, she suddenly realized what she'd been saying. Perspicacity thought quickly and moved over to her husband. "Ralph, if you were even one tenth of the true-hearted, pure Equestrian that my husband Wildfire is, you'd... you'd... just explode from all the lies you tell. Twice. And then you'd explode again!"
OK, now that helped. Plus she sounded really cute. Wildfire lost interest in his hooves and looked up.
"Alright, everypony, let's just all settle down now, like good little colts and fillies and have some nice tea and buns. I think there's been enough yelling and hoof-stomping for one day. Sit, Persy. You too, little tight-flanks."
It took a moment before Wildfire realized that Perspicacity's aunt meant him. Little tight-flanks. That kind of helped too, though it was a little creepy coming from Per's Aunt Aspherica.
"Don't mind if I do, thank you, dear Aunt Apherica!" Ralph took the largest bun, and then another, piling them on a large cloth napkin he had laid out beside him on the couch. Apparently the whole couch was his now.
Perspicacity and Wildfire each took a bun and sat down on the floor. Aunt Aspherica took her preferred place in a large, overstuffed chair, one of two. The other, beside her, was conspicuously absent. It's position indicated that it was likely the chair that Perspicacity's uncle Star had sat in, right beside Aspherica.
"So, auntie, how'd you two lovebirds get together there, anyhoo?" Ralph was being strangely pleasant, disturbingly so. Then again, thought Perspicacity, even his 'nice' seemed vaguely sinister to her.
Aspherica didn't even blink at being called 'auntie' by the overstuffed pony on the overstuffed couch. "Well... it was after my husband Diopter joined the Great Herd... I was all alone, and I felt so very sad, you know." Aspherica took a sip of her tea. "Star was in town, trying to get a place to live. His joints, you know, all the cold up north during the winter season. We never have winter in Salt Lick, thanks to official royal decree. Ta' keep the salt from cracking and condensation and what all. So it's all warm and nice here, really good for the bones."
Ralph had already wolfed down the big bun, and had the second hanging out of his mouth as he chewed. He seemed to be listening intently.
"Well, one thing led to another, and it just seemed reasonable for Star to move in here, with me. At my age, it's good to have somepony around, but one that won't get underfoot. A pony that knows how to enjoy the quiet times. At first, Star and I just shared the house, but as the years passed, well, we found we just plain were really good together."
Aspherica took another sip of tea, and a dainty nibble of her four-grain bun. "Then one day, Star just up and told me that he'd always liked me, he just didn't think it proper to go on about it, me being married to Diopter and all. I told him he was a darn fool, cause Diopter and I were old-fashioned sorts, and would have gladly had him join us in a proper pony family. I've never approved of this dern fool modern-shmodern 'couples' business. Ponies were meant to form group marriages, not this crazy newfangled one-on-one thing that's so popular today. It's the fault of all those sex-crazed shippin' novels, is what, and it's hard on the foals to have only two parents. How can only two parents possibly care for a foal, there ain't enough damn time!"
Perspicacity reflected on her own childhood. She'd grown up in a very traditional pony home, before all the modern changes. She remembered how her three dams and two sires had always had time for her. Any hour of day or night, somepony was there for her. Why that had ever fallen out of favor, she would never understand. Deep down, she agreed with her aunt, at least on that matter.
"So's anyway, Star and I had a few great years before the Pale Mare called him away. Can't compete with the siren call of the Pale Mare, she's just too beautiful, just too beautiful..." The sad look on Aspherica's muzzle made Perspicacity feel ashamed for having ignored her aunt until now. The old mare could be awfully picky and downright rude at times, but it was clear she had a loving heart in there, one that could be broken by loss.
"Mmfff, ummf, That's..." Ralph finished off his second bun "Now that's a touching story there, auntie, isn't that a touching story, kids? Awww... well at least you had those precious years together, aunt Aspherica... ol' Star sounds like a stand-up kind'a pony to me. I really want to thank you for telling us about him, I really mean that. It got me right here." Ralph hit himself vaguely in the blubber that covered his barrel with a hoof, the result made him burp. "Oops! 'Scuse me there, everypony. Good buns, by the way, really tasty."
Perspicacity had taken just about enough of Mr. Ralph Vitoni. "I want you to leave." She stared levelly at the pudgy creature. "You've had your fun, and now it's time to go. This is my aunt, this is my family, and You. Will. Go. Now." The look on his wife's face was tight and angry, the fiercest expression Wildfire had ever seen.
"I admit I'm not the classiest pony around, Mrs. Perspicacity Starshine, but pardon my French here, but this house isn't yours, and you don't have any right to tell me to leave. The lovely and vivacious Aspherica and I still have some business to conclude, and I think you will find, Persy-Pants, that whether I stay or whether I go is up to her, and not you."
Wildfire had seen the look in Ralph's eyes before, but only on Earth, in human eyes. And in holograms of dangerous animals from before the Great Extinction.
Perspicacity looked to her aunt, helplessly.
"Mr. Vitoni and his friends have offered me quite a large number of bits, dear. You shouldn't be surprised - it isn't always easy getting by on savings alone. Plus I have quite a few grandfoals, nieces and nephews that quite enjoy the company of their favorite grandmare or auntie. Unlike some of my relations." Aspherica looked pointedly at Perspicacity with this; she could not help but look down at the floor.
"Listen, listen, everypony - there's no need for any of this. We're just one big happy family here, and we all know why we're here. The end of the manuscript. The legacy of good old Star Diagonal. There's no secrets here." Ralph was smiling broadly, and gesticulating with his forehooves as he sat. "Kids - Perspicacity, Wildfire - there's something you don't know about that manuscript, and everything going on around it, and it's time you understood. I'm willing to share that knowledge with you, heck, I'm willing to show it to you. Yes, me and my... associates... are willing to assure the security of your lovely aunt, but that's for her to decide, don't you think? In the mean time, let me treat you to a local tourist experience that surprisingly enough actually is part of this puzzle. I think, if you just see for yourself, you will have a new understanding, and we might all come to a reasonable compromise."
"What in Equestria are you talking about?" Perspicacity almost looked like she might cry. Still, Wildfire noted, a touch of the earlier fierceness remained.
"I know you don't care for me, Pers, and I can see why, really I can. But this thing is bigger than who likes who, or who can stand who, or who thinks who is a big fat pig. I know what I must seem to be to you, and I understand. Really I do. But, like I say, there's more to this, and I'm willing to show it to you, while we give your kind aunt a chance to consider my offer." Ralph appeared positively disarmed; open and honest for once. "Whadda'ya say? It'll take all of an hour, and finally everything will make sense. I'll even pay: it's a public place, it's open, and the answer, at least part of the answer - not the rest of the manuscript or nothin - is there. Come on, let's give your aunt time to think, huh?"
Perspicacity felt completely lost. She certainly didn't like Mr. Vitoni, but on the other hoof, he'd never actually been anything but annoying. He was a newfoal, that much was obvious - no native pony was like Ralph - but so was her husband, and she adored him. Maybe there was more to this, and maybe if they just gave the frustrating, uncouth little stallion a chance, one chance, they might finally find out what was going on.
One chance, and only one. That was only fair. Besides, her brave firepony husband would be with her the entire time, and he was big and very strong. More than this, it was an open, public place that Ralph wanted to take them, and close by. Ralph had not once actually done anything the least bit as threatening as his demeanor seemed.
"Alright, let's see this... thing you want to show us, and then we'll see what is what. I'm giving you one chance, Mr. Vitoni, to prove to me that you are not... as much of a... troublemaker... as you, frankly, seem to be." Perspicacity gave the fat equine a cold stare.
"Pers, are you sure about this?" Wildfire felt uneasy about going anywhere with the unpleasant Mr. Ralph.
"As long as we're together, and it's an open, public place, I think we can handle ourselves." Perspicacity gave her husband a confident smile. "Let's find out what Mr. Vitoni is all about."
"Alright... love." Wildfire stood up and leaned over the little stallion. "We'll look at what you want to show us, but keep in mind that I won't stand for any trouble when it comes to my wife."
"Hey, hey, there, killer, it's not like that. This is just a friendly public outing, because there is a piece to this puzzle that won't make sense unless you see it for yourself. That big block of salt out there - pretty amazing isn't it? Impossible, you'd say, if you were born on Earth. Nothing like that could exist naturally, right?" Ralph was now up on his hooves, and heading for the door. "That's one big chunk of salt, just stuck there, in the middle of a vast, flat desert, with no ocean anywhere around, and no tidal pools, no nothing, right? Besides, how deep would an ocean have to be to make a crystal of salt the size of a mountain? Unnatural, correct?"
"What do oceans have to do with salt? I don't understand!" Perspicacity had turned to her husband, this was entirely bizarre. Maybe it was some 'newfoal' thing.
"It's... on Earth, salt came from the oceans, Pers." The expression on her face instantly told Wildfire that his explanation had not helped one bit. "I'll explain later."
The trip to the mountain was short, and Ralph paid for a carriage ride there. As they rode, Wildfire struck up a conversation with one of the draft-ponies. His name was Soda and he had been pulling tourists for the last ten years. He had originally been a miner, but ended up with a salt addiction problem. It was just better to pull a carriage than tempt himself working in the mountain itself. He was happier, he'd been salt-free for nine years, and he was proud of the muscles and endurance he'd developed. He'd even been seeing a nice colt, and they'd been making plans to settle down.
At the mountain, after exiting the carriage, and after Wildfire had said goodby to Soda, and thanked him for the ride, the trio entered the queue for the docent trip to the top of the Great Lick. Ralph was... being Ralph, going on about his own aunt Louise, back in Queens, who had lived in the big favela there, underneath the old, abandoned ruins of the Arcology.
As they progressed up the salt mountain with eleven other ponies, their guide explained the history of Salt Lick City. She explained how it had been settled, how the salt trade had begun, and about the old trade disputes with the griffon and dragon empires hundreds of years in the past. She also told the story of how five years ago an entire, lost community of newfoals had mysteriously been discovered living just behind a rise out in the desert - and how amazing it was that they had lived there, so close, imagining that they had been entirely alone the whole time. The tourists marveled and laughed and enjoyed the tour.
Wildfire and Perspicacity were far more concerned with whatever it was that Ralph wanted to show them. They wanted to know how the ancient manuscript, and the story it contained, related to a giant mountain of salt all alone in the desert, near the borders between the Equestrian, Griffon and Dragon empires.
At the very top, which was fenced off to protect against anypony accidentally falling off the gargantuan salt crystal, the wide expanse of the Southern Desert revealed itself. It was the kind of view reserved for pegasai and those that could afford airship rides, and it was very impressive indeed.
In one direction, a pony could see almost to the border of Neighvada, where both iron and jewels were mined. Further to the south was the Dragon lands, the peaks of the Diamond Expanse visible in the far haze. To the east were the Griffon lands, and to the west, somewhere, was the Western Sea, and beyond that, the Great Wilds. Far beyond all those places was the ever-expanding Exponential Lands, the still growing result of the Equestrian universe devouring and absorbing Wildfire's planet of birth. One day the cosmic digestion would end, and the Exponential Lands would just be... lands, only vast beyond all imagining. Out there now, somewhere, were the teeming billions of earth, all ponies now, forming communities and cities and new lives in a bright, new frontier.
Ralph indicated that they should hang back as the group was led by the docent down the other side of the salt mountain. The three huddled behind an outcropping of salt, a titanic, translucent cube that the sunlight filtered through in a whitish-yellow glow. It was cooler at the top of the mountain, thanks to a nice breeze. Down below at the base it had been fairly warm indeed.
When he was sure they were very alone, Ralph walked out and away from their hiding spot, and over to the fence that surrounded the viewpoint at the top. "I know I need to prove myself to you, and I know you don't understand, and... what I'm staying is... you folks stay right where you are, and let ol' Ralphy here find what he's looking for, Capiche?"
The squat, fat pony made a careful inspection of the area, moving slowly from one section of fence to another, clearly looking for something in particular. Wildfire glanced at Perspicacity and waggled his ears; she shrugged back with her own. As they watched, Ralph finally seemed to find the right section of fence.
Ralph turned around and gave the fence an experimental buck. The fence was solid to his hooves, so he bucked harder. It still did not give. He seemed frustrated and started bucking the fence with an astonishing degree of vigor, considering how fat and out-of-shape he looked. The fence began to fail.
"What in Celestia's name are you doing?" Perspicacity stepped forward slightly, unable to believe that any pony would dare to disturb public property in this manner. It was just... unthinkable.
Wildfire ambled over. "What? Have you got something hidden on the other side? Is that it?" Of course that was it; it was the perfect place to hide something that nopony in Equestria would ever find. Ponies never did what Ralph was now doing - anything hidden, say, hanging on a rope over the other side, maybe off a hook just under the salt ledge, would never, ever be discovered. Who in Equestria would ever destroy a fence? Nopony. Nopony but a newfoal with a human mind. The gulf between himself and Ralph seemed even wider now. It felt a little strange, actually. For Wildfire, born a human being, a human mind was now truly... alien.
Who was he now? What was he now? Wildfire's answer came the instant he felt Perspicacity draw near and nuzzle him. He was Wildfire Starshine, a proud stallion of Equestria, just as he should be. His momentary crisis of identity dissolved, he studied Ralph's increasingly weak efforts to break the fence as the portly pony ran out of oats to burn.
The fence was mostly broken. They would have to replace it now in any case. Wildfire went over to help. "Alright, Ralph. Let me give it a shot." In one good, solid buck, Wild sent the section of fence spinning out into the void beyond the sharp, abrupt edge.
"Wow, hotshot, that was pretty impressive, I gotta say." Ralph was panting slightly and his muzzle dripped with sweat. "But hey, you just remember that ol' Ralph here got the job started, right?" Ralph gave Wildfire a weak grin.
Wildfire grinned back and turned around. He crept close to the edge and tried to peer over it. There must be a hook or a spike or something imbedded in the salt - probably flown up and installed by a pegasus, if what Ralph had been saying about having 'associates' was true. From such a hook could hang a bag, maybe one containing some artifact related to the manuscript or to the events within it.
In a single motion Ralph, no longer the least bit tired, bucked Wildfire in the flanks, and then expertly caught his hind legs just as he was about to tumble head-first over the deadly precipice. Ralph stood, back to the exposed cliff edge, his hind legs hooked around Wildfire's hocks, the only thing preventing the larger gray stallion from plummeting to his doom.
Wildfire stood on his front legs, balanced, staring down a thousand foot drop to sharp crystals below. His hindquarters were above his head, his hocks locked by the hind legs of the astonishingly strong little pony Ralph. He was definitely more than he seemed, and Wildfire realized that the fat, lazy appearance he offered belied a carefully masked strength and agility.
All it would take is for Ralph to let go with his hind legs, and there would be nothing Wildfire could do to save himself. He was terrified; his breathing was shallow and his heart raced like a rabbit.
Wildfire briefly considered clutching Ralph's rear legs in return, but the motion might well just result in him falling while Ralph sat laughing. He didn't know what he could do, and it was impossible to see back there. It was all of his effort just to support himself on his forelegs; though they were the stronger pair of legs, they would tire soon.
"Alright campers! It's time for the Talk. I always love the Talk, it's where you shut up and listen, or you die - and you get to become a widow -" Ralph was staring, constantly, at Perspicacity "And best of all, we get things all settled and tied up in a bow."
Perspicacity considered what she could do. She could probably support her husband's weight with her magic, but not both his and Ralph's and if the portly pony decided to cling... and if they both fell... plus, if she lost line of sight over that cliff... no. She pondered yanking her husband back, on top of Ralph, but... Ralph was staring at her. He was waiting for any sign of her horn glowing. It was unthinkable, but so many unthinkable things had already happened - Ralph would kick her husband to his... death... if she tried anything. She could see it in his eyes, in the look, in the constant stare.
They were the most horrible animal eyes she had ever seen. She unconsciously took a single step back, in primal fear.
"I see your lady wife comprehends. She's a good catch, like I told you earlier, pony boy. Do you... comprehend, do you have some additional understanding there, 'ol Wildfire, 'ol pal?"
"Yes. You clearly are in charge right now." Wildfire didn't know what else to say.
"Well, yeah, that is true, pally, no doubt about that. But that wasn't exactly what I was hopin' you'd understand about this turn of events. I want you to take a real, good solid gawk straight down. I want you to take in what you see there, and explain to me what it tells you, with half your body hanging out over a... what is it, something like a thousand foot drop - I still can't convert that into Equestrian kilohoofs or whatever they use. Never really cared to learn, to tell you the truth."
Wildfire was trying very hard not to look down, he wished he felt confident enough to crane his neck so as to see Perspicacity, but he was terrified of making any motion that might shift the precarious balance between himself and the smaller pony that held his very life in his hooves.
"Well, Wildfire, buddy, for the trip to Jamaica and A BRAND NEW CAR, what is the lesson here?"
A small chunk of salt, knocked accidentally by Wildfire's left hoof as he tried, desperately, to remain balanced on the edge, fell over the cliff. It spun in the air, shrinking until Wildfire could no longer see it. Even his exceptional pony ears could not hear it hit anything.
Wildfire needed to come up with an answer that would satisfy the rotund little Ralph, and quickly. His forelegs were tiring, and his back was hurting terribly.
Oh, a joke that I don't think anyone caught from the previous chapter; Aunt Aspherica lives on Nacle street in a salt town. Nacle. NaCl. Sodium Chloride.
Ah, well.
Really, Ralph is a great antagonist.
And the elder mare getting all het up about them young foals and their decadent *perjorative* music, why back in my day....
I saw what you did there with the Ambassador's Son ref...
Literal literary cliffhanger - right before I head to sleep! Gah, the suspense!
...I love it
174757
I did get it. And laughed heartily. Even the better half - who disapproves of my reading habits (she can't understand why I like the ponies) - got a solid chuckle. Just figured it was plain enough for most folks to see it.
Just when I though I couldn't hate Ralph any more than I already did...
I'm loving Wildfire's introspections. It seems like he never felt this distanced from being a "true pony" until they met Ralph. Sure he thought about it sometimes, but he is going for the really deep soul searching now.
Also, damn that literal cliffhanger!
174757
Now you just need some Barium Cobalt Nitrogen
174764
Why the Ponies are Cool (for Altair's better half)
By Chatoyance
Why would any adult person read stories about cartoon ponies? It seems absurd, doesn't it? Surely, candy-colored ponies are not a rational source for entertainment, and clearly are the sole province of the Very Young or the Drain Bamaged.
Not so, say I, and allow me to explain.
Wisdom and fascination are gold, and such exists 'where ya' find it', which is to say that sometimes the most profound things the world holds can be discovered in the most unlikely of places. That the subject here is cartoon ponies is not as important as what has been done with the cartoon ponies; the value of any tale is in the writing itself, and not in what can be seen at first glance.
The animated show that all of this derives from is more than cute; it is clearly being written and created by clever artists who know they are writing as much to a mixed adult audience as to their target demographic of little girls; like every truly powerful story written for children, there are tidbits for the adults too. None could argue that Animaniacs, Harry Potter, or the early Warner Cartoons from the forties were not written to please adult sensibilities as much as those of the very young. Friendship Is Magic is chock-a-block with jokes and references only an adult could comprehend.
But beyond this, the quality of writing is such that valid, real explorations of friendship and loyalty and interpersonal relationships are cleverly woven into the apparently simple cartoon, and even beyond this are some solid and endearing characters that just happen to be equinoid in shape.
Here in fan-fiction land, I will be the first to bring up Sturgeon's Law: 95% of everything is CRAP. But - that said - within the remaining five percent are some truly, astonishingly good writers with some incredibly powerful things to say. And within the sub-genre that is The Conversion Bureau stories is nothing less than bright and intelligent discourse on the very meaning of what it is to be human, sapient, individual, and alive in the world. The human condition itself is illuminated in these tales, some of them at least, and is told using the old and useful technique of comparing humanity to a straw double that has been made just not-human enough to act as a spotlight on what humanity actually is.
Be it Trek, or Alien Nation, or Babylon 5, or equinoid aliens from a strange cosmos with different physical laws - the very core conceit of the Conversion Bureau stories - the use of an apparent 'alien' to highlight what it means to be human is tried and true. But what makes these tales of Equestrian aliens unique is that within them is a powerful attraction, a strong seduction, that makes the reader oft wish they could be the alien, rather than the human, and that makes things very interesting indeed.
Some fans may wish they were Vulcan, or Tenctonese, or Minbari or whatever, but probably every child, has, at one time or another, wished they could be an animal. Animals seem free, happy, cute or beautiful, and devoid of angst or horror at the world. They seem to have it all, and among all animals, horses, wild and free and proud, have captured the imagination of dreamers in almost every culture, in almost every land.
Super cute, super friendly, super nice ponies, therefore, become a potent symbol; they are essentially heaven to the hell of everyday life. Where we toil and grieve, they eat pies and laugh in simple joy.
Now, give Man a choice - to cling to his stubborn pride as Homo Sapiens, or drink a cup of wonder and become a carefree image of endless happiness and we are instantly provided a conflict. Add to this that the price of happiness is half of what makes a man human at all, and the drama becomes an exploration of what really matters about being human at all. This can take us anywhere from fierce humanism to the very core of religion laid bare.
This is science fiction at it's most primal and powerful, and the tool that permits these new views is... cartoon ponies. They make it possible, not just because they are the Newest Cool Thing, but because they tap into a primal daydream of childhood shared by most humans throughout history. What little child does not think, at some time, that being an animal would not have been more fun? I don't think that wish ever completely goes away.
But... what price would a person pay for that? Their consciousness? Their free will? Their human body? Or is it too high a price?
And even beyond my favorite sub-genre, there are many utterly brilliant stories here that use these party-colored equines not because they are cute, but because the personalities they have, as taken from the show, are so clear, and Ideal and useful for telling stories that tales just seem to grow naturally from them.
I would offer that beneath the seeming childishness of pink and purple ponies is an entire world of child-like wonder and powerful drama, set on a stage winkingly set not merely for actual children, but for adults who have not yet died inside, and who still contain a modicum of genuinely youthful wonder and awe.
This is why ponies are cool - not all ponies, but these ponies, the strange, equine residents of Equestria. Awe and wonder are rare enough; I for one am glad to have found a cache of the stuff, and in delighting in that golden treasure, I do not despise the fact that it comes packaged in equinoid form.
- Chatoyance
174757
Ohhhh good grief. I knew there was a pun there. I feel dumb now.
Also, no fair on the literal cliffhanger! No fair at all! Dammit Ralph, you need a good bucking into a topiary garden. The princess' topiary garden, where she keeps all the statues.
174845 I need to read this again when my brain is more awake, but you never cease to astound me with your insight Chat...
That being said, I'd give Ralph a good buck where the sun don't shine
Hurray! I got it! I was so happy to see that! I used to grin every time I saw NaCl in chemistry, because I would say "nackle" and be far too easily amused by it.
I'm not sure I see where polyamorous (sp?) households of ponies would come from in cannon, but... *shrug* There are a lot of things that work that aren't really completely supported by what's cannon. It doesn't really work for me at all, but LilPip's sacrifice at the end of Fallout Equestria didn't fly well with me either, and I love FE and would've manfully bawled my eyes out if it hadn't been 5 in the morning when I got to that point. I don't particularly like or approve of that part, but I trust you to manage that element in your story well if it pops up again, and I know that if it doesn't dissappear, in the end I'll still be immensely pleased with your story. You've never dissappointed me before!
That little essay there... you make me think a lot when I read your Conversion Bureau stories, Chatoyance. I like that about your writing, it makes me thing about strange things just like Rumi and Lewis and occasionally Ted Dekker do. Even when I think differently, I can still get the oppurtunity to think and engage and perhaps learn a little bit about myself/others. You inspired me to write MLP fanfiction, true, but in a larger sense you inspired me to return to my first love, fiction, when the ruins of stories that meant so much to me made me want to grow small and run and hide in a cave watching shadows on the wall. So thanks, a lot.
174845
Durrr... You is smart-like, yup!
175321
Thank you.
On polyamorous ponies: my reasoning.
In the wild, equines naturally form 'Bands', which are essentially harems; a dominant male (usually) will fight others to gather from two to six females and this becomes a family unit. Obviously, a lot of males go without.
However, as they age, and males die, usually earlier than females, usually do to all the roughhousing involved in dominance behavior, the older females in the bands end up in power, and stay there. They become Alpha Females and are followed and obeyed... pretty much like princess Celestia.
I am suggesting here that Equestria is not as patriarchal as Earth; that there is more equality, that it may even be a matriarchal society from the start.
In this arrangement, there would be no fightin' males, but the families would still rationally form along normal equine patterns, thus small group families between three to six individuals without any obvious dominant leader. Just a family.
Since this would be natural to what horses and ponies are - of we get rid of the testosterone-fueled fighting, which fits the MLP universe better - then polyamoric families would also be natural, and the nuclear family of Earth would be unnatural.
However, they can't show that in a children's television program in America, because... America. In Europe, in Japan, in South America, possibly. But not in America, and that is where MLP is being made.
Hm. The way you describe that, I can buy it. Not knowing a lot about horses myself, I wouldn't have known. But yeah, I can see that.
Oh no! The human taint! It will never be rid of!
174845
Thank you for that. Really. Now I just need to finish my shift and let her see it. I'm hoping that seeing a stranger reiterate some of the same points I often use will help her tolerate my reading choice. Ironically, that little essay there got one of my Brony co-workers off my back for reading fanfics on break
A good chapter really.
I liked the family unit portrayal - as mentioned, it is very equine and perfectly logical.
I think the only thing that got me was the long flows of logic from Perspicacity as she repeatedly used 'public space' to justify the risk to both herself and Wildfire - only to be followed by applying Ralph's idea to 'hide out' so they would be all alone, without so much as batting an eye.
Yes, the story must move along, but I was fairly screaming at my monitor for Perspicacity and Wildfire to not do what they were doing.
I recommend reading the blue adept by piers Anthony to get a lot of info on horses to any one who care's.
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There's a lot of things that a different MLP that was actually directly made and targeted for adults could do, so it's definitely not canon and not ever going to be - but having said that, a polyamory probably would be more likely as a "traditional" base than the so-called "nuclear family" which is prevalent in our current human civilisation. To be honest, I often think a polyamory (when I think logically about it) might be a better choice - after all, time is ever in short supply, but it would have to be a true polyamory, not bigamy, with everypony equal. That's pretty hard to do with humans - even in pairs there still seems to be a need for a top dog.
EEEeeehhh! I hadn't noticed that disclaimer at the top - can't wait to see what you've done with it (assuming there will be more references, which would be fun). Where's the next part? I keep refreshing but it keeps not appearing!
174845TL;DR
Dangit Ralph, why you gotta be acting all competent all of a sudden. You were pretty comical until you started credibly threatening lives.
Ah, at least Aspherica hasn't been fooled.
And a nice bit of detail on relationships in pony culture. :)
I also wonder why it fell out of favor, though…
Hm… This may technically be a public place, but Ralph made sure that you were alone with him…
And "never be discovered"… sure, unless a pegasus happened to fly by. And unless there's a no-fly zone, I bet pegasus tourists taking flights around the salt mountain is fairly common.
Sigh. Yeah. I was expecting something like that. Ponies are helpful! So have trouble, right on the cliff edge, and you'll probably lure one…
I don't blame Wildfire and Perspicacity, really; Wildfire hasn't needed this kind of paranoia in a while and wasn't expecting to need it ever again, and Perspicacity doesn't have experience in the first place. Still, from a human perspective, it seems dangerously and foolishly naive…
Oh, and there's neither of them thinking of the "but pegasi would have discovered something hanging there" thing, but then, neither of them are pegasi and are probably used to only thinking about how ground-bound ponies navigate and view.
Oh, thanks for the picture! I was having trouble picturing the situation, and it seems that I wasn't doing it correctly once I thought I was.
…
Hm. I was planning to stop there… Well… Eh, a cliffhanger (pretty much a literal cliffhanger this time, actually) will be encouragement to come back to this story sooner even if your return continues to be delayed. Goodnight, good luck, and thank you for writing. :)
You're a sadistic asshole?
Don't take your eyes off the psychopath to have a look over the edge of a cliff?
Native Equestrians are complete dumbasses?
I'm really picking at straws here.
Don't read manuscripts that uh, tell a story about the princess and humans?
You've got really strong hind legs? Are you showing off your strength?
Wait wait, no is it a lesson about gravity? Because I already took that in college so you don't need to demonstrate.
This gives the term "cliffhanger" a whole new meaning.
Obviously auntie knows that Ralph isn't a nice pony. Is it too much to hope she could come to the rescue? Maybe bring some help?
And I am at a loss for what Ralph expects to get from all this. Poor Wild and Pers. I can't even think of an answer to that bucking antshole's question.