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The
800 Year
Promise
A Story From The Conversion Bureau Universe
By Chatoyance
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13. The Magnificent Magimechanical Marvel
The use of locations from The Ambassador's Son by Midnight Shadow is done with permission.
Perspicacity and Wildfire decided to explore the town of Tacksworn. They thought they might as well, though it seemed doubtful that they should find anything of worth relating to their quest.
Piotre the griffon had finally explained the laughter they had received last night. Apparently a group of ponies had come through town some six months previously and had made a big fuss about some ancient manuscript, written in an indecipherable language. They had offered a thousand bits for any pony, griffon or diamond dog who could find the missing pages to the great historical artifact. They had claimed to be from the Official Canterlot Royal Museum Of Pre-Post-Historicalous Studies, which sounded to Perspicacity like something that Ralph would have thought up.
She had gone to magic school in Canterlot as a filly, and there was no Royal Museum Of Pre-Post-Historicalous Studies, indeed the name was fairly preposterous. That said, the thrill of chasing after a purse of a thousand bits had brought more than a few ponies to Tacksworn over the last few months, until the fervor had finally died down. Over that time, nopony had found anything at all.
This was not surprising, now that they had seen the place. Perspicacity had been expecting something more like a town sitting next to ancient ruins, perhaps even some strange, ancient draconic temple filled with traps and wonders. But no, instead there was only shifting sand and a well worn town of wood and stone and colorful, but ultimately non-mysterious residents.
Any remnant of the eight-hundred year old marketplace of the three nations was likely either already dismantled for other uses, or buried and invisible under the soft desert sands. Treasure seekers had already knocked on every door and asked to search every attic for the missing pages, and the tiny library in town was probably the first stop before the door-to-door search had begun.
They had traveled all this way, to the very land where Willelmus Learmount had been given a soul and pulled through a cosmic pinhole to be remade into a pony, yet nothing could possibly have remained.
The terrifying thought that the missing pages might be sitting unexamined in some dragon's hoard, high in the mountains, had crossed their thoughts. Not only was the thought of asking to search through a draconic hoard itself insane, but if they had found the pages there, the very horror they were trying to stop would inevitably happen, and they would be the cause of it all.
Worse, what if the pages did exist in some dragon's hoard? One day they might yet be examined by the dragon that had hoarded them, and that day would mark the beginning of a nightmare beyond imagination. Perspicacity and Wildfire could only hope that wherever the missing pages were, if they still existed, they were not within the secret and guarded treasure room of some great wyrm.
They walked down the sand-covered streets of Tacksworn, looking at the unusual mix of houses and buildings. A pony house, not unlike something they would see in Greater Fetlock, would be next to a mound of earth with tunnels leading into it - the entrance to a typical, underground, diamond dog dwelling, and that might be next to a small stone tower, a griffon aerie. Sometimes, they would find ponies leaving such a tower, where they clearly lived, and griffons exiting a pony house. Only diamond dogs seemed to live in the earth mounds, though.
They had passed the school, with its large playground, and wandered down the main drag of Tacksworn, Crystite Street.
The day was hot, as expected for a desert, and the couple spotted an ice cream stand. Something cool sounded like a grand notion, moreover they also offered shaved ice, which Wildfire preferred.
The owners of the stand were a filly named Sherbet, a fairly common name, and her sister Lemony. "Hello! Welcome to Lemony Sherbet's, all the flavors that you can stand!" chirped a bright orange earth pony.
"Sherbet! Not like that!" hissed a bright yellow earth pony from the back. "It's 'all the flavors you could want'! Not 'stand'! That sounds... never mind! Just take their order!"
Wildfire pondered the long list of flavors of ice cream and shaved ice. There were certainly the usual favorites, like Strawberry, Vanilla, Orchard Grass and Daisies N' Cream, but the large selection also had... some unusual flavors, such as Conies N' Blood, Rocky Roadrunner and Chocolate Snake Slither. The latter were doubtless for the benefit of the griffons.
The rest of the flavors, though, were...
An incredibly loud roar boomed through the sky, terrifying both Starshines deep into their bones. They instinctively fell to the sand, as flat as possible, and tried to cover their heads with their hooves.
Giggling came from the ice cream stand. Looking up, between his hooves, Wildfire saw both sisters leaning over the counter and looking down at him with great mirth. Then they looked up and began making 'Oooh!' sounds, interspersed with the occasional 'Ahhh!'
Getting sheepishly to their hooves, Wildfire and Perspicacity glanced up to see a streak of tan and amber swoop down, wings flaring at the last moment, to land perfectly only a dozen hooves away. The light sparkled on the shining silvern armor and the rapidly-folding, gleaming brass wings. It was nothing less than a dragon, right there, in front of them! Deep in some instinctual place inside, both Starshines felt a wave of dread and awe.
The whirring brass gears continued to retract and fold the gossamer-membraned ornithopter wings until they clicked, snugly, into the magimechanical saddle-mounted mechanism belted to the tan coated creature's back. Next to the brass shoulder joint machinery for each artificed wing stood a short glass tube, capped at both ends with gold, inside of which rapidly spun a delicately curved construct of some dark metal. This appeared as a rod, with a small cone in the middle, and at each end small, curving hook-like shapes. The dark metal construction was not attached to either end, but floated free, spinning inside the glass tube, glowing as does the horn of a unicorn during telekinesis.
To their great surprise, the Starshines found themselves almost muzzle to muzzle with not a scaly, fire-breathing monstrosity, but a pony. The pony was young, a colt, with a tan coat and an amber mane and tail. Affixed to the tail were various pieces of some kind of silvery armor; a spiked, curving plate that protected the hindquarters, a razor-sharp ring midway around the tail, and something like a bolo, small chained weights, attached to the very end of the tail.
The pony's hooves were shod in bands that featured short, curving blades, and on his head he wore round goggles.
When the wings had neatly packed themselves into the boxy mechanism on the young earth pony's back, he lifted a hoof and pushed his goggles up. His amber mane was windblown and spiky. He made a brief attempt to get it to lay flat, but quickly gave up.
Wildfire and Perspicacity were sure they had seen a dragon, they had felt such a terrifying presence, yet here was a quite ordinary appearing colt, albeit one that seemed to be wearing strange jewelry and a most curious saddle-mounted device.
The colt jauntily stepped forward, and without even meaning to, Perspicacity found herself backing up. She stopped, wondering why she was doing it.
The colt was at the ice cream stand now, the two fillies inside clearly blushing at him. "Hi, Chip!" Lemony pushed her sister Sherbet out of the way. "Can I... help you... with anything?" Lemony gave the colt a rather provocative, half-lidded look. "...At all?"
Suddenly Lemony was yanked back as Sherbet popped to the forefront. "I saw you doing loop-dee-loops. That landing was pretty cool too! Who would you like to have?" Instantly she looked embarrassed. "I mean... What would you like to have? What flavor! And how do you want it? Your flavor, I mean." Sherbet looked like she had suddenly become critically sunburned. "Like, do you want it creamy, or shaved? The Ice cream. Or shaved ice! The ice cream... is creamy... and..."
Lemony popped back while presumably Sherbet died and sank into the sand in the back, never to show her crimson muzzle again. "Hey." The filly said. "Want some?" Suddenly she blushed too. "Ice cream. We have it." There was no place to hide, her sister was taking up the entire floor of the small stand. "We have ice cream here."
Perspicacity had once been that young, and inside herself, some part of her wanted to gallop away and never stop running. She felt like her coat was crawling. Surely, surely she had never been like that, and if she ever had been, she did not want to remember.
'Chip' was apparently unimpressed. If anything, he appeared a little annoyed. "Gimmie a Pyrite and Feldspar cone, with Sapphire sprinkles." The tan pony began to dig at a pouch lashed to the billet strap that helped support his curious rig. He tossed some bits on the counter.
Wildfire and Perspicacity stood off to the side trying not to appear as if they were looking intently at the young earth pony with the goggles.
"Those are Thaumatic Engines, see, the tubes on his back!" Perspicacity whispered to her husband. "But really old ones, like from a hundred years ago. Unicorns enchant the little rotors inside each tube, so that it magically turns things below the gold caps. That's what makes those wings work." Wildfire noted that Pers seemed fascinated by the mechanism, and to be honest, he was too. The fact of it was that the mechanical wing device was both beautiful and amazing.
The fillies were having some trouble getting the colt's order right. They apparently had to do it over again. 'Chip' walked away from the stand a few hooves distance and idly kicked a small rock while he waited. Perspicacity no longer felt the strange dread, and her curiosity was more than she could bear.
"Excuse me, young stallion?" Perspicacity had walked up to the intriguing colt. "I was wondering if those were original Bevelmiter's... in your... wings."
The tan colt looked up, surprised and delighted. "Yes! They are! You're like the first pony I've ever met who even knows about such things!" The colt tried to turn and show off the short tubes, while also looking at them himself. "Those are some of Bevelmiter's first prototypes. He made thirty to begin with, after his initial experiments with enchanting meteor metal. Those are tubes 27 and 22, right there, and they still work as well as the day he made them!"
"I'm Chip, by the way. Chiphoof Irontail Leatherback of the Diamond Expanse Clan!" The colt beamed at Perspicacity and also at Wildfire, who had joined his wife. "Oh, excuse me for a moment... I think my ice cream is finally ready." Chip went over to the stand, and made sure they got his order right this time.
Holding the cone in the usual, small wooden carrier, he returned to the Starshines and sat down on the sand, making quite a clanging rattle as his strange armor pieces settled with his body. Placing the cone holder down, he took a happy lick, then a bite of his unusual flavor combination.
Perspicacity was astonished to see that Chip's order was factual; those were real sapphire bits, and the little pony was chewing them with distressing crunching noises issuing from his muzzle.
"How... how do you...? You're eating... isn't that bad for you?" Perspicacity was unable to comprehend a pony eating real gemstones. She felt sure that the ice cream contained real pyrite and feldspar too. The grainy, speckled dessert could not have been anything else.
Chip looked a little sheepish at her words. "Well... I have been gaining a little weight lately. It's the hot summer days. I just need ice cream after I fly, you know? Summer's just not fun without some ice cream now and then."
Well, she couldn't argue with that. But still... "No, I mean, the gemstones. You're eating a lot of sapphire there." Surely the colt must understand that sharp bits of gem could hurt him terribly!
"I know, I know... I normally get ruby sprinkles, but sapphires just go better with ice cream. Rubies are too spicy for feldspar, feldspar's kind of delicate. But, you're right. Sapphires are more fattening. Gee, you're almost as bad as my dad!"
"I'm sorry, Chip. I didn't mean to be scolding." What more could she say, the world wasn't making sense right now. "I'm Perspicacity Starshine, and this is my husband, Wildfire." Chip nodded and took a big bite of his cone.
"I'm really fascinated by your wings. I've never seen anything like them before. They're really beautiful." Perspicacity nodded at the rig on the colt's back.
"Oh, yes! My dad designed them, and I helped build them. We did it together. They let me fly wherever I want. I used to fly without them, but I couldn't get any lift, so I pretty much could only fly down. These let me have the freedom to fly in every direction, even up. Especially up!" Once again the colt grinned, an endearing happy sort of smile.
Anypony that could design something like these astonishing magimechanical wings must be amazingly educated and knowledgeable. Wildfire and Perspicacity exchanged looks. If anypony in Tacksworn could possibly know anything useful about the manuscript, it might very well be this colt's father.
This was especially clear to Perspicacity. The work of the old unicorn mage Bevelmiter was known only in rarefied circles. It wasn't the sort of thing the average pony, even a unicorn, would be terribly interested in. Perspicacity had an interest because of her love of fine telekinetic control - the same skills that she used to make a precision telescope or microscope would have been the same skills old Bevelmiter would have used to make his tiny thaumatic engines. Glass shaping, fine metalworking and engraviture, as well as mathematically precise curvatures.
Of course, Perspicacity had no talent at enchantment, but that was another discipline altogether. What she had marveled at was the beautiful craftponyship of such devices. The gears and mechanism of the wings also fascinated her.
"I make telescopes, microscopes and pretty much anything involving lenses, Chip. I appreciate fine and detailed work, precision work, because that's what I do for a living. Your wings are probably the most beautiful work I've ever seen in my life." Perspicacity smiled at the colt. "I like your goggles, too. Hey, is there any way we could meet your dad? I'd love to talk with him about how he built your wings, and maybe ask him a few things about the history of the town, too. He sounds really smart."
"My dad IS really smart. He's smarter than any pony, griffon, diamond dog or even dragon I have ever met." Chip was very proud now. "I'm sure he could answer everything you wanted to know, about pretty much anything. But he kind of likes his privacy, I mean, that should be kind of obvious, you know? It's just how we are."
No, it wasn't obvious, but that didn't matter. They really didn't have anywhere else left to turn. "Listen, Chip, My husband and I are on a quest. It's kind of important, actually. We need the help of somepony really smart, and really knowledgeable about history and this town especially. We wouldn't waste your father's time, what we need to know might even matter to the future of Equestria itself." Perspicacity didn't want to say too much, but she also didn't want to lose the colt, either. "It's kind of a secret thing. I figure that anypony that could make your wings just might be the one pony that could truly help us. It might be our only hope, in fact. We've hit a kind of dead end." Perspicacity put on her best sad face. "Please, please Chip, would you let us talk to your dad. Please?"
Chip carefully ate the last of his pyrite and feldspar cone. "Alright!" He smiled again. "Any pony that knows about Bevelmeiter is kind of unusual. Dad likes unusual. Mostly." Chip took his cone holder back to the stand. Perspicacity heard more giggling behind the counter.
"Come on, I'll show you the path up." Wildfire and Perspicacity followed the strange colt. "See that mountain there?" Chip pointed a hoof at a particularly tall and jagged peak. "That's my home. The path spirals up from right over there." Chip pointed lower down, near the base of the huge tooth of rock. "It leads straight to the front door. I'm afraid you'll have to walk, I can't carry passengers. Sorry. At least not two adult ponies."
The couple looked at the intimidating climb. Chip stepped aside, put his goggles back in place, and began to unfold his magnificent mechanical wings. Tiny gears whirred and clicked as the struts spread and locked into place. A strange, gossamer material connected the bat-like radius and metacarpals together, creating the wings flexible surface. The thaumatic engines spun faster and faster as the wings began to flap. "I'll tell my dad you're coming, alright? Nice meeting you!"
The mechanically winged pony leapt into the sky, rising upward towards the jagged peak where apparently, he lived.
"Nice to meet... you!" Perspicacity waved as the flying earth pony shrank in the sky. "Well, I'll be! Amazing. Just amazing."
"I take it that artificial wings aren't commonplace, even for unicorns?" Wildfire had certainly never heard his wife mention such things before, even in her descriptions of her magic school days in Canterlot.
"No, Wildfire. As far as I know, those wings are unique. I mean there has been speculation, and they do use thaumatic engines on airships, but... an earth pony with personal magimechanical wings? That's very clever, and very special, I think."
Wildfire began trotting toward the mountain. "He seemed friendly enough. Although his choice in ice cream is a little... different."
"Actually, I'm amazed he isn't in the hospital. You just can't eat gem fragments, Wildfire. They're sharp, like glass, and they would tear your stomach to shreds. That colt should be dead, if he eats things like that. I just don't get it." Perspicacity shook her head, her curly teal mane sweeping over her back. "This is the oddest place I have ever been, or even imagined, Wild. I don't know what to make of anything anymore."
"Well," Wildfire nodded at the mailbox at the base of the mountain. It said 'LEATHERBACK, D.E.C.' in big letters, but painted underneath, somewhat crudely was 'CHIP'. "This must be the place." The path, carved into the almost vertical spire went off to the right, around the huge spike of rock. Much further along, it could be seen spiraling up higher and higher.
"I hope this turns up something." Perspicacity grumbled. "It's a long, long walk. Maybe his dad is a pegasus. Actually that makes entirely too much sense. What other pony would choose to live all the way up there? It just isn't convenient, without wings."
The pair trudged up the sharp spire of rock for several turns. It was a very tiring climb.
"You know, there is something I really like about this town, Pers." Wildfire was starting to breath hard, the climb was very steep.
"Oh... what?" Perspicacity was starting to feel it too; the heat didn't help, and she suddenly realized that they had been so mesmerized with meeting Chip that they had not actually gotten any refreshing treats at the stand.
"I like how everpony... every creature... in this town... gets... along so well." Wildfire stopped, his barrel heaving. "I hope we can... find... those pages... to keep it that way..." The sweat was beginning to drip off of Wildfire's muzzle. Hey... Pers. I need a little breather, just for a moment, alright?"
"I was just... about to... ask you to wait, myself." Perspicacity looked down at the town. They still had a long way to go. The two rested, until they were breathing a little more normally. "Hey, at least we aren't dragging the luggage, right?"
"You mean, I'm not dragging the luggage." Wildfire grinned at her between gasps. "With you on it, of course!"
Perspicacity grinned back. "Of course!"
Lemony and Sherbet...
I'm picking up another reference here. Albeit a very crude one.
Oooohh boy, they have no idea, do they?
Hehehe...
I like the drawing. Chip behaves quite differently in this one compared to the Ambassador's son. What is the time difference between both fanfics? Should we consider both fics occuring in the same universe or are both fics part of their own realities? Will we be seeing references towards this fanfic in the Ambassador's Son at a later moment?
189234
This story takes place after the entirety of The Ambassador's Son. Though I have not seen the rest of Midnight's wonderful story, I am doing my best to speculate on Future Chiphoof, as best I can. My speculations are based on several things; there are a lot of plans for wings in the story already, as well as models of same, Sharptooth clearly loves his son and wants him to be the best he can be, Chip clearly enjoyed flying, or at least 'falling with style' and I cannot live without the belief that eventually, someday, Chip will turn out powerful, awesome, and well adjusted as the true being he is.
These calculations are the Chip of this story.
My face hurts from grinning at Chip's epic entrance
189234
Chatoyance has chimed in on this one already (I tried to post, but it derped, so here goes again), but this is my take on it - essentially, they are exactly the same world, albeit with one major difference; that of the emergence of Equestria into Mundus Mundi (I think that's the right spelling).
As such, this story is some five years after the occurences in Ambassador's Son, the full story of which you (and Chatoyance) have yet to hear. You can take him being with Sharptooth as a spoiler, if you want, but I wouldn't be too upset about it. It's like watching Star Wars and knowing Luke survives because he's the plucky young hero. You could probably tell he'd make it out fine at the end, but you wouldn't have necessarily guessed the existence of the death star trench.
Chip's grown up a bit, he's a young pre-adult now rather than stuck somewhere between foal and colt, and he's... adapted to his rather unique heritage, and I do fully approve of future Chip. You will definitely see some references here and there, because it's soo much fun
Chat?
A horde of dragons fills the sky
A dragon's hoard is where treasures lie.
"imagination.Perspicacity" (missed the space here)
"The light sparkled on the shining silvern armor" (is it supposed to be silvern or silver? I only ask since I've been guilty of hitting the n key when i press the spacebar haha)
I'm completely in love with those wings, and love seeing Chip again, makes me even more eager to see how the Ambassador's Son resolves so I can compare and contrast
Great story so far, really. I still feel sorry for humanity. Sure, we did a lot of things, bad things. But still, what Celestia did was nothing else as a Genocide. Something we humans did too... damn, the world is confusing sometimes.
Meh, doesn't matter what I say about that anyway. It's your story, a good one I like to read, thus keep writing.
189417
FIXED! Thank you. Spellcheckers don't see that kind of error.
189702
Fixed spacing error.
It's supposed to be the grander and more fancy 'silvern'.
Side note:
I've been watching the 'Star' rating on this story, it keeps fluxing between 4.5 and 3.8 and I find this pretty weird. Unless Knighty's scripting is broken, then...
With as many votes as it has, statistically there must be a loyal cadre of really strong haters out there deliberately giving low, low scores to 'show' me. Probably folks who don't like TCB stories, or, perhaps those that don't like my 'misanthropic views'.
Which is HILARIOUS because this would mean that they are protesting how much I think human beings are mean and petty by anonymously working to down-rate my story in order to punish me, which would be... mean and petty.
Which proves my point.
Sigh. Equestria can't rise from the ocean - for real - fast enough. I wish.
190225 I agree wholeheartedly... I propose that if it does while we're both alive, to avoid the cage fight that would ensue for that coveted first place in line, we walk through together
all joking aside (I'd never consider fighting another person for the privilege of being the first newfoal, least of all you haha), I agree that while I do maintain an absolute faith in a person's ability to overcome their darker impulses, I'm not so blind as to ignore the fact that we (those of us living in the first world countries) have it incredibly easy compared to the third world. I truly wish I could do more to help, but I'm also guilty of being somewhat greedy and not wanting to give away all my possessions heh. Really, I suppose all I can do as a single person is help as many of the people around me, then trust them to do the same for the people around them and let it ripple out from there... call me an optimist
That moment when a dragon turned out to be a pony, I had that "Oh my god, what." feeling. Ever since the last chapter, I've been thinking about Chip, and I'd be all like, "Yeah, this is Tacksworn, but I don't think it'll go past a setting cameo. I mean, Ambassador's Son isn't even finished yet..." And then it happened. I saw the picture and I immediately brought up another tab to see the cover art for Ambassador's Son just to clarify what I was seeing. All the while, I was cackling like a madman from the sheer greatness of the whole thing. I positively love these crossovers and cameos that you, The Big Three (Chatoyance, Windchaser, and MidnightShadow), throw into your stories. It makes each writer's series that much more amazing to me, because it represents a more unified setting, and all of the stories are brought from being lonely individual stories, to becoming tales of the many who inhabit one world. I know that's pretty redundant, seeing as how they all represent Equestria/Earth at some point, but I mean to point out the difference between, say, the Ten Rounds universe, and the Last Man Standing universe. I love how each story maintains and adds to an already massive and super-stable continuity, and every piece of writing really adds to the worldbuilding. Having persistent and recognizable characters or settings or whatever makes it seem so much more coherent and grand-scale, especially in cases like this where major characters from other stories (such as Chip, or Petal Confetti from Teacup, or Midnight Shadow) play key roles, despite being side characters to the current main characters. I'm not sure if this string of sentences actually conveys a point beyond how much I love Conversion Bureau stories. Whatever. This is yet another situation where I can't properly convey how giddy I feel through text. I move for the creation of a new language for the purpose of expressing giddiness more effectively.
190314 I support this plan
189249
Thanks for the clarifications!
189410
No worries, I'm not angry at such a minor spoiler. It is sort of the null hypothesis that all the major protagonists survive through the entire story. I never really expected you to kill off either Sharptooth or Chip, but it happens occasionally, the story never came off as the type that does that kind of stuff. At least we can look forward to certain events in the story where the future Chip is revealed, like the moment Chip gets his wings and how his personality will develop over time. The journey beats the destination in my book, cause the fun happens while reading, not when you've finished the story.
190299
Agreeing with that ripple effect. I've found that taking care of one's own sphere of influence is the best way to go about improving the world. Minor things here and there that add up in the long run.
Argh! This is so awesome I can't stands it!
It's like you like hamburgers, you like pancakes, you like lasagna, and someone makes a lasagna from hamburgers and pancakes!
... Ok bad example, but you know what I mean.
This is scrumptious story writing and I love it!
All my fav fim fanfics meshed together!
Omnomnom!
190225
To be fair, I downvoted it because I just do not care for the story, after reading every chapter. I could list off criticisms, but I already saw what happened the last few times that happened, so I'd rather not.
190970
You are right. I was wrong. Your intelligent, well crafted words have convinced me; it is clear that humans are not the rude, vicious, innately violent, judgmental, self-righteous little monkeys that I thought they were.
I thank you for setting me right; I was so deluded.
Your cogent, perspicacious argument has utterly changed my worldview. I feel so foolish now.
I'm glad you went so far out of your way to down-vote me - out of over five thousand stories on FimFiction, you managed to search out my Conversion Bureau work - just to teach me a lesson. It was one I clearly needed to learn.
I'm so sorry no one listened to you before; clearly your criticisms are worthwhile and bespeak an independent mind that does not rely on cliche or mindless flag-waving.
Thank you again for forcing yourself - no easy task, surely - through so very many tens of thousands of words of my misguided efforts to try to help me.
I feel sure we are all the better for it.
191425
Yes yes, sarcasm is all well and good. Thank you also for not actually pointing out why I was wrong, and instead of replying to my actual complaints, you know, like an author should, you go on to not address these complaints and instead write a blithe rebuttal against something else entirely, something I admitted was made on a whim and should be ignored because I was being a fucking angst filled whiner. While you act as pretentious as you come off as, at that, with your assumptions and general declarations without merit!
I can be sarcastic as well you see. But there's no need, let's actually be upfront about this, shall we? I did not like your story. I downvote stories I don't like. Yours is nothing special. I didn't go out of my way to find this, as you assume so rapidly. I see it on the front page of this site everyday, along with dozens of other equally mediocre stories about the conversion bureau. There are numerous things wrong with this. The grammar is off in places, the morality is hilarious one-sided, and the characters all unlikeable Sues save Ralph. And that, while I strongly disagree with your stance on human morality, I can see where you are coming from all the same, and would simply wish you to not display your feelings so blatantly in the story itself. I could go on further, but if we're both going to fling poo at each other while being blatantly sarcastic, it's not worth both of our time.
I do like though how you went to my profile, read my angst-filled whining, deliberately left out a part of the blog post to make me look bad, and then went out of your way to respond to this... without actually responding to it. I'd say 'Astounding,' but I just said to not be sarcastic further, so I'll just say 'I strongly disagree with your intent, I hope we can come to a respectable agreement on both sides which has both of us not be bigger bastards/bitches than needed.'
191462
I accept that you are very, very angry about Conversion Bureau stories. I have to question why you don't just ignore them; they are generally clearly labelled, and easy to avoid, even if they are popular. Just don't read them. Then you won't get upset.
I hate 'Cupcakes', as an example. I utterly loath and despise all grimdark-gore (for it's own sake, without any redeeming point) fiction. Of any kind. I hate it. Just HATE it.
So, I avoid it. I don't read it. And I don't downvote it. 'Cupcakes' was hugely popular; spawning videos, musicals, and countless other works. I would never even consider downvoting it, of giving it a '1'. I don't need to punish the writer, Sgt. Sprinkles for writing it. I don't want to lower it's star rating.
Because it isn't in my world. I know I don't like that genre, so I stay away. I have no business telling people that gore is wrong, or that they shouldn't be writing it, or that I want it to go away. It's not my place.
If I loath something, I just don't read it.
I don't fight it, I don't oppose it, I don't downvote bomb it.
I just shrug and let those that love it so much live in their world. I have my world. In it, the Conversion Bureau offers ponification and drama.
Some people don't like that. A LOT. That's cool.
There's a lot of other genres out there.
If you hate Conversion Bureau stories so much, why not, instead of downvote bombing the stories, why not just:
* Avoid them, they are clearly marked.
* Write what you think a proper Conversion Bureau story should be and show others how it should be done.
* If you can't walk away, and you can't write your own, then... just be nice. Don't vote at all. Let it be. You're biased.
That is why I was sarcastic. It wasn't at you, but it was at your attitude; the attitude that says "I don't like it, I want it to go away!"
I hate gorefiction. I want it to go away. But my attitude is that it should be allowed to exist, and be enjoyed by those that like it. Personally, I will pass. I will just go away and ignore it.
I have thousands of other stories to enjoy, anyway.
These are my thoughts, hopefully devoid of any rancor or sarcasm.
I would like it if you enjoyed my writing, of course I would. But... if it really makes you that angry, then, do you really need to be reading it? What's the point? Let the Conversion Bureau fans have their little fun. Just as I let the gorefic fans (shudder) have theirs.
The world is large and I am small, and there is a lot of room in writing-town.
That's what I think.
191743
The following post is really goddamn discombobulated, due to it being 11pm where I am, causing me to suffer from being tired. Try and make sense of it if you can, I know I won't be able to.
Cupcakes is a great example. I don't like it, but that doesn't mean I hate all 'dark' fics. Instead, I judged it by its merits alone.
Now, I'm sorry if I came across as hateful of the entire 'CB' series. Even if I sort of intended it. The problem I have with the CB stories is how much potential I see in them, but I always see the same cliches. I want there to be a good CB story, I really do! But like Fallout: Equestria, I see people take a good idea, and run it into the ground with the same. Goddamn. Cliches. Listen, I don't hate them or people who read them. I just fucking hate the stories they do write. I get angry, sure, but when I actually discuss things when you wish to discuss in a civilized manner, I'm happy to play on an equal level. And yes, I will admit, I was a dick in that blog post. But you were equally wrong in your refusal to actually point out my criticisms.
I judge each story by its own worth. Not by the genre is in. I can say I hate all dark fics, but that's because all the ones I've read I can safely say are not good by general standards. Quality is poor, characters are OOC, the grammar is fucking schizophrenic, etc. At the same time, I admit there can be a good story to the genre. I just have not found it yet. It's the same principal with CB fics. I'd be glad to find a good one!
That's why I read your story. That, and I was bored, and I saw it on the popular fanfic listing. It was either you, or 'Princess Molestia', and even with how much I disliked this story I can safely say I chose the better option. So... take that as a compliment I guess, I really don't know where I was going with that.
I wanted to see if it was good, decided it was not good by my (At least I hope they are) objective standards, and was safe to leave it at that. I commented only because you said you were angry at people 'not' liking your story for biased reasons. And I said I don't like it for biased reasons, but by my views of its quality. I read it, I didn't give any bias when reading it, I judged it by its content alone, not in the overall CB verse. All my complaints are in your story, and are valid.
If you're saying I shouldn't judge a story if I don't like it, what's the point of criticism at all? I don't like your story. I'd be happy to give you more reasons why if you want. But I rated it according to my opinions. I mean, it doesn't matter if I had given it either a 1 or 2 star rating, the point still stands. The ratings are a collective view on a story, and I was adding my two cents. You're saying I'm biased, and I know I am. We all are to some extent. But I tried to leave bias out in the stupid world of fan fics, and judged your writing by its own worth.
Sure, I can go on a rant as to why the CB series doesn't make sense at all within the context of the series, that the ponies aren't as perfect as you portray them. But I won't, because it's fanon! It doesn't matter what we think or write, because in the end, we're all idiots for arguing over My Little Pony fanfiction anyway.
Now, I tried to be civil in my second response. I knew I was being a dick with that blog post, but that a post meant only to vent. Yes, I apologize if you were genuinely insulted. But that was still no excuse for not addressing my complaints.
There's still plenty of room to have your fun! Are you saying that my presence alone, my comments, takes the fun away? Ignore me then! Address my complaints! Don't start a sarcastic reply to a argument I had no intention of starting, yet knew would result when I first replied to you. I was pointing out that the two guys who actually pointed out flaws in this fic were being insulted and ganged up on by the other commenters, and you yourself. There is room for all sorts of stories, sure. But you can't say that space is closed off when they're criticized. I'd make the NDSAP relation again, but Godwin's Law will surely strike if I do so again.
... Probably not actually, but I'd still like to think so! Even as an admitted cynic, I prefer just waiting to see how humanity goes before judging them. I love humanity! We've done awesome things! And sure, we've done bad, but we've done an equal good as well. Compared to some animals that engage in cannibalism, slavery, and other modern horrors, we've done pretty well for ourselves. I wouldn't say we're all good though. Or bad. Just that we should be judged case by case. For really, isn't a blatant generalization of all humans as evil, even one that admits a few can be decent folk, just as bad as any other generalization about race, religion, or other nonsense?
I find your future and its assumptions wrong and not based in much fact. But it's the future, so the only thing both of us can do is just wait and see. Who knows, in the end, maybe humanity will surprise one of us with how its done? And I hope it'll be you.
So to summarize: How about we agree to disagree? I don't like your story. Objectively, it has many flaws. I was a bastard, you were just as rude in your first response. I'm amazed this hasn't escalated further honestly, which proves we're both sane, rational... Okay I can't seriously type that out. But we both realize fighting isn't going to solve anything! Instead, we've realized that we have different viewpoints, and discussing them without further needless heckling. And really, doesn't that kind of prove that we humans can sort our ugly side out, for the decency and civility when it is called for?
Before I go to bed, I'd just like to state one thing: Fuck I'm tired. Goodnight.
191878
I was indeed rude to be sarcastic to you. In the spirit of the show, and what it teaches, I apologize.
I'm on an edge about this because of something I saw happen to another writer here, and it really got me. Basically there was a new writer, I think they were relatively new anyway, and they were trying to do a Conversion Bureau story. They got seriously down-vote bombed by two or three folks here that just HATE CB stories.
Long story short, Knighty himself had to step in. The poor writer was being personally attacked, all because of his topic. I was shocked. I guess I haven't gotten over seeing that.
The whole time I was going "I feel sorry for (them) but... what if it was me? Oh, christ, what if I was the one being attacked? Shit!" I wanted to help, but there was nothing I could do. I guess Knighty sorted it out somehow. I don't know the details, because, basically, I left it alone. It was just too nasty.
So, when I saw deliberate Vote-bombing starting to happen to me, I got even more angry. I saw it happen in real time when I posted Code Majeste... a refresh showed the first rating to be a '1' within two minutes of when I posted the first chapter. I clicked submit, and two minutes later, bam, a '1'. There wasn't time to even have read anything. It was just a vote-bomb.
That is what motivated my rude behavior. I had bottled-up anger at a practice I find intrinsically mean and unfair, and not just towards me. That doesn't excuse my rudeness. I just thought I should at least explain what drove me to it. Helpless indignation, really.
I would like to hear your complaints about my work, if you are willing, and... if you can be gentle. I am a little on the fragile side, I admit that. I can get butthurt.
That said, I am curious what you find so... poor about my writing.
Not the genre; I think we can safely agree to disagree on the genre, you don't like it, that's fine.
But what do you find so objectively poor about my writing itself, independent of the subject matter? My way of handling dialog? You don't like my pacing? That sort of thing, I'm willing to hear, if you can do it kindly. I'll at least listen.
So... Chip said earlier that he could fly without the machine? Chip's a pegasus?
(Or maybe he could by other means?)
A highly talented magic-engineer, lived in a steep mountain, with a colt who can chew on gems...
I haven't read the ambassador's son yet, but I can see this won't end well
i.imgur.com/JhTZZ.png
192100
Hahaa! You might like Ambassador's Son, then - it's explained, and it's rather silly.
It's not for everypony, it has its issues as a story, but it's pretty popular with those who like it.
191878
192011
Take it to a blog, is my suggestion, or PM's. A blog is great for publicly exchanging views, comments not so much. The last time I saw this sort of downvoting, I wrote up a blog post about it and got some good and... not so good... comments. The good explained themselves, the rest didn't. I was rather disappointed.
My report card? Chapter 13 gets a B - up from a C, but there's some mistakes left (my editing fingers are itching, but alas I can't fix them myself nor easily comment). The content itself is top notch, and I'm honestly not just saying that because it's a crossover. They've been fluff, but funny fluff that also sets the scene and acts as a light-hearted introduction to what are honestly some of the strangest near-canon-type characters I know of. Yes I'm smug.
As for all that bad stuff that NoMoreSanity doesn't like? Well, I ranted about it on a blog entry here so if you want to go there, feel free. In short, Equestria is a fairy land - up against that, any even halfway realistic Earth has no hope of standing up in a good light. The contrast upsets you because her future world is a dark crapsack one that takes humanity at it's most vulnerable and vicious and offers them paradise. Most of the humans who convert would honestly just plain do it - jobs, fresh air, food, space, versus cramped, dirty, jobless and hungry. For them, conversion would be a simple no-brainer of a choice.
I roll my eyes at being unable to swear, but I take it as an author conceit to underscore the differences and to be honest I rather like it to play off of in the same way that "humans don't have souls" is an interesting concept for a story about magic versus technology. That's another factoid which is author conceit and really has no bearing as either a statement or as a supposed personal author belief.
And really, when that's your choice, then I can also not understand being angry at having non-ponies like Ralph being the worst of the worst of humanity as the villain of the piece, they are the only logical ones to end up like that, that's the point. You say he's the most realistic, what you mean is he's the most human. That's the point. If that pisses you off, you missed the whole point of Chatoyance's version of conversion.
As a pre-reader, I can tell you that her spelling, grammar and punctuation is (whilst not flawless) far above the average, and her characters are very well-rounded and believable, so I make this face when you say they're not, and that's why you marked it down.
Anyway, too long comment is too long. Please, I'd love to discuss this more, but story comments is the wrong place. You may use my blog post if you wish, I'm a big pony, I can take it.
192419
I write my ponies my way, Chatoyance writes them her way. Read my story if you're wondering whether their inner mindsets are the same - I hadn't thought that anyone would think they were. After all, I just had one of my ponies run screaming through a village going "OHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT" and threatening to cut the balls off another stallion and halfway meaning it. If I were writing in Chatoyance's world, that couldn't happen.
My dragons are different (as the trope goes), even if they share names, faces and characteristics with ponies in this one. I thoroughly approve of them being in this story and am enjoying seeing where they go. I trust Chatoyance to write them well and true to form and you can kiss the entirety of my flank if you don't approve because I do.
What I mean by "exactly the same" is in terms of the timeline. I'm not about to change my writing style in my story to fit another author's world in their story. My ponies in Ambassador's Son have already engaged in murder and meat-eating, as if that wasn't proof enough of the difference.
PS: don't, just don't, post it here. Drop it on my blog in the post I linked. Preferably, copy-paste your whole next comment there and edit this one to point there. If NoMoreSanity is reading, I won't say "come at me bro" because I'm not really that tough, but consider doing the same - delete comments here, post comments there. It's off topic and just adding random noise to discussion of the actual story.
Chapter Thirteen has just been immeasurably helped by the kind and generous editing of Midnight Shadow.
192011
Okay, I can see why you'd be upset/worried. But I downvoted for reasons I already stated were different, and those guys you talk about? Well they're dicks, there's hardly anything you can do about them. And why worry? It's a simple star-rating. It's not like it's the end of the world! Stars are just that, useless shiny things designed to inflate e-penis. And you have a shit-ton of fans supporting you in the comments anyway, so I'd say just let those fears go.
If you're willing to listen to my complaints on the matter fully, I'd be glad to do so. I didn't in the first place due to the, well... evisceration of anyone in the comments who did not state their like of this story. Later though, when I haven't just woken up messily typing on a keyboard to finish an argument over MLP fan fiction.
And once again, thank you for being civil. I'm glad this argument didn't explode into a flamewar or anything.
192316
Sanity sir, you do in fact have it!
But on your points of Equestria being a fairyland, I do know it is an idealized world. But it is not a perfect world as described in here. The ponies can be dicks sometimes, we've seen that in show. That's my main point on the whole Sue thing. Thank you for being rational in your intervention in this though.
Also, I like your story! I should go rate it now actually, I've forgotten to until now.
192436
Oh the subject of headcannon vs. real canon, I'd love to see that (kind of) essay. We take these ponies too seriously at times. As seen in these comments.
192448
I just deleted my comments. They didn't really matter. It was very late at night when I wrote them and I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't have written any of that in the first place. I could have just wrote one single sentence asking you to clarify what you meant by "essentially, they are exactly the same world." And no-one cares about my ideas since I never actually write them.
If I could just pop my comment in here for a tick I would like to say that I haven't laughed that hard since some stupid thing I did with my mates that I'm not going into detail about but lets just say that this was funny entertaining and a good read for the last three chapters so keep it up please!!
Sicnearly,
Bunnana King
The internet is a philosophical particle accelerator - it creates opinions of such energy and instability that they cannot exist in nature...
That being said; as a traveler of the endless byways of the internet, the fact that these two very dissimilar viewpoints were so quickly acknowledged and handled as adults is heartwarming. That ability to be objective and civil, even in the 'heat of battle', endears me even more to this fandom.
I, for one, do not care for liturgical stances on the milieu the author chooses to present. This seems to happen with any 'popular' story here and frankly - it is tiring. Having an opinion is expected, pointing out problems allows us all to improve - but in general these are not the qualities espoused in the comments from the 'hater' element. These 'people' serve to only decrease the signal to noise ratio of intellectual banter regarding the story or author - typically by the rather childish use of vulgarity to 'make a point' about their anger.
Now, let us proceed with the story at hand. For I have a need to see if my early observations as to the denouement of the tale were in fact well founded.
Very much enjoying your stories in general, but I'm not a huge fan of Chip. Your stories seem very free from Mary Sue-characters, and Chip kind of seems like one. I know he's from another story and another author, but encountering him in your writing was just kind of jarring for that reason. Anyhow, I'm still excited to see what happens both in the story and in the story within a story.
addendum: No offense intended to the original creator of Chip. I haven't read those stories and I can't make any kind of review on them.
193691
If it helps, Chip is not at all Mary Sue seeming originally; if anything he is a Dickensian waif struggling through a world that baffles him and which uses him as a pawn. And it should be noted that not all characters who seem to have cool stuff are themselves without weakness or flaw.
I am presenting a cameo of future Chip here; long after he has resolved his problems and come to his happy ending (more or less).
He exists here because I like him and because he is a handy path to the real goal, getting my characters into serious, serious trouble.
193773
Sounds like there will be some exciting parts coming up, then! I suppose the reason Chip seems a bit like a Mary Sue-ish is because he's introduced with a lot of odd characteristics and not a lot of explanation (which would be true of most cameo characters Sue-ish or not). It would probably seem a lot more natural if I had read those stories. Maybe I will!
193821
Well, I think you'll like Chip, should you read about him. He is a strange character - but he's not a Sue (or rather, a Stu). He can't solve every problem, he isn't universally liked, the universe does not bend around him. He is unique, yes. He has cool stuff and a strange demeanor, but it really does take more than being simply "larger than life", as it were, to be a Stu.
Part of it may be his individuality bleeding over from the fact he's a main character from a different story - once again I'll drag out "Luke Skywalker". That kid grows up on a farm with his aunt and uncle because his parents are dead. A hick from nowhere. He gets recruited by a wise old wizard and essentially boosted up from nothing to most powerful extant wizard in the universe and quite capable of claiming the throne of the galaxy if he wanted it, and his sister is a princess. Luke gets it a lot easier than Chip does, I'll tell you that!
Now, if Jedi-Master Luke were to play a bit part in a little movie about two vaporator repair techs looking for a missing data crystal, you'd think Master Luke was a Stu too.
First of all, before I get into any major discussions and ideas, I want to say that your stories are brilliant. I interested to learn more about Ralph and any remaining HLF Ponies and how they live in Equestria. It has to take one sick mind to come up a scorched earth plan on that kind of a scale. Plus at that point, wouldn't the smart thing to do is instead is to write their memories and ideas down in a form that can be passed down? (Note: I am not questioning you, I'm questioning Ralph's ideals and sanity) I'm excited to see Sharptooth and how he reacts to the manuscript. Maybe there is something in the old family past perhaps? Again, please keep writing, you have an amazing gift!
Now as for the discussion,(also, if you want me to not talk about it here, let me know and I'll remove my comment) humanity has done some fucked up things, but people have the ability to do great things. It's like the quote you used, "Humans are smart, Humanity is stupid." I like to believe that we can rise above and become a proud civilization. I remember a scene out of the new Doctor Who where the doctor tells Rose how we focused on all the ways we could die, but we never thought of the impossible solution: that we survive. I like to think that we can become something good, but humanity, as a whole, is going to need one hell of a reboot. Singularity anyone? Plus with gene engineering, think of all the possibilities!
Wouldn't you know it, I forget to read The 800 year Promise for one day and I miss an internet argument. I'll be back with actual opinions on the story once I think of them.
So obviously Chip's dad is... not a pegasus. And apparently The Ambassador's Son is something I should go read sometime.
I am getting the distinct impression that Chip's father is not a pony. He's clearly a griffon
3203606 *Dragon, dragons eat gems and I think this is one of the Ambassador's Son elements.
Ooh, interesting title.
Waitwaitwait. What? You're not addressing that cliffhanger? The manuscript is a famous treasure hunt objective?!
(I'm pretty sure you're teasing, of course, and that it will be attended to soon enough. :))
Ah, like that. A group, though... So Ralph has connected with others who made it through. Worrying.
As an aside... Something occurred to me. Everyone expects the dragons to react horribly if this comes out, which is probably what would happen, yes. But wouldn't it be quite the twist, and a very unpleasant one for the HLF, if the dragons did find out... and turned out to be reasonable about it? The HLF have their big moment, Ralph grins triumphantly, the dragons look at each other... and then the spokesdragon says "Well, jolly unfortunate, certainly, but you know, it was an accident, and we've found over the past eight centuries that we seem to rather like peace with Equestria." And then the spokesdragon looks through their monocle, because for some inexplicable reason the spokesdragon in my head is very, very posh, at Ralph and comments that they see why the hue-mines needed their brains tweaked, if they'd plot for so long to kill so many of their own people like that.
...I think I may be a bit tired. Again. Eh. :)
Cool bit of machinery, that.
re the scene after the landing:
:D
Ooh, and more about the tech! And meteor metal? Interesting, given the shape of the universe...
Also cool that Chip's using antiques like that.
And the gemstone eating. A magical enhancement of some sort, that? Interesting character, Chip. I'm guessing he was adopted by dragons?
And he certainly has a sense of humor. :)
And (dear me, third in a row) Perspicacity and Wildfire don't seem to have thought of his father not being a pony yet... in for a surprise there, I expect.
...Come on. His son eats gems. His name's "Leatherback". He lives on a mountain, like members of a certain other species you recently mentioned, and he's a member of a clan, which, at least in this universe, doesn't seem to be a thing pegasai do. Put the pieces together...
Though, then again, I am looking forward to seeing your reactions to him if you don't figure it out. :D
And yes, the town is quite a nice display of multispecies harmony. :)
Unfortunately, I think that I'd better be going now. I don't expect to actually get to bed on time, of course (that would be ridiculous), but I think I ought at least to move to an activity with a more predictable time investment. Goodnight. :)
"Meet my father!"
"What, behind the rabbit?"
"He is the rabbit!"
There's another story for me to read.
10629562
It is very good indeed. Middy is an excellent writer, and The Ambassador's Son offers the best single take on dragons I have perhaps ever read.
Yup. This has that portly little horseapple's hoofprints all over it. Probably some of his cohorts, but it certainly sounds like his machination.
Oh, thank you for that laugh. I needed it
Oh, I dunno, It's cute, and memorable. I like it.
Oh my Luna. Chip's dad is a dragon, isn't he? Oh buck, is Chip half dragon? Is that how he can eat gemstones?
I do love this little flying steampunk colt. I do. 💕
Leatherback??? Definitely a dragon. Hoo boy.