Greetings! I come in peace!
Greetings! I come in peace!
“Can you understand me?”
Never before has such a simple sentence thrown me for such a loop. It was 4 simple, innocuous words that, in any other context, would seem to be a completely unremarkable thing to say. In this case, however, the mere saying of those 4 simple words was almost enough to knock me on my ass as though I had been hit by a truck.
It took my mind a long time to process what I had heard. The words traveled into my ear and flew past my eardrum, but somehow encountered a barrier that they were unable to pass. I was left blinking stupidly for several long seconds, no doubt giving off the impression that I was intelligent as your average potato to these equines. The tall white one was looking at me blankly.
“Can you understand what I am saying.” she said, this time slower and with more enunciation as though she were speaking to a small child. Finally, something clicked in my brain and I was able to fully register the fact that she not only was fluidly speaking my language, she was also asking me a question.
“Yes.” I said quietly, my voice slightly raspy due to nerves and a lack of use over the past few days. Instantly, there was a reaction amongst all of the others in the room. Eyes widened, ears perked, and backs straightened in interest as everybody in the room turned to look at me with astonishment. I noticed that the purple one had a cheeky little grin on her face.
The tall white one smiled pleasantly. She had a nice smile, for a talking horse thing. It was one that exuded warmth and a general sense of happiness and wisdom. It’s the pleasant type of smile that you would expect somebody who was extremely pure hearted to have, somebody like Mother Theresa or Buddha.
“Well then,” she said before one of the others could speak. She dipped her head respectfully towards me. “please allow me to be the first to formally welcome you to Equestria.”
If I were a smarter man, I would have realized a few things. I would have realized that her use of the word “formal” had various implications that this particular equine was very important, and I would have realized that the variety of jewellery that she was wearing also marked her as such. Unfortunately, my intelligence never was my strongest suit, so I replied to her in a way that only I could so eloquently do.
“Er... what?” I asked bluntly. I could see the cyan pegasus chuckle into her arm, or hoof or whatever it was.
If she took offense to my lack of tact or manners, she didn’t show it. Her smile didn’t waver in the slightest, and she continued to look at me with kind eyes.
“Allow me introduce myself.” She continued. The wings on her side opened widely, their span almost as wide as I was tall. She held them high like a pair of white sails before she bowed her entire body towards me respectfully. “I am Princess Celestia Ab Solaris Et Ignis, one of the rulers of Equestria, the country we are in. I rule alongside my sister, Luna Ab Noctis Et Gelu. She would like to join me in greeting you to our land, but she has been unfortunately held up by the court.” She explained easily.
“Um, alright…thanks.” I said uncertainly. I had never heard of Equestria before, and from her descriptions of its apparent diarchy, it is definitely not something that could be found in any country on planet Earth. Her and her sister were apparently the big bosses around here, so I instantly made a mental note to watch my step and my tongue from now on.
I didn’t have time to reflect on the fact that she had addressed herself as Princess, suggesting that there was a royal family to this species. I was too distracted with the realization that me earlier theory of trans-dimensional travel had pretty much just been confirmed by her. Surprisingly, I was taking that information in stride. It was almost a relief to finally have a better understanding of my situation. I was also pleased to see that I was correct in my earlier assumptions that the figure on the ring, a horse with wings and a horn, much like this one, was symbolic for an important part of this species culture. Score one more for me.
“Hold on,” I said as I was struck with a sudden strange realization. “Your name is Ab Solaris De Ignis? As in, of Sun and Fire?” I asked nervously, my paltry knowledge of Latin gleaned from years of reading Harry Potter showing itself. A name like that conjured the image of growling, muscled hero from some campy movie who wielded a flaming sword and cut the heads off of dragons in their free time. My earlier hesitation started to trickle back.
Her eyes widened in surprise. “Why yes, that’s correct. However did you know that?” she asked, not a hint of interrogative malice in her voice. I thought for a moment before answering.
“…Books.” I replied simply.
I don’t know if that was the wrong thing to say or if it was the right thing, but I was never given the chance to find out because as soon as I uttered the word, a humongous gasp sounded through the room.
I heard a small pop noise, and all of a sudden, the space in between Celestia and I was filled with a short hyperactive purple unicorn who was rambling uncontrollably while smiling deliriously. My eyebrows shot up into my low hanging bangs. I was about to make a hasty retreat from her for the second time before I realized with a start that this time, I was able to understand her.
“Ohmigosh, this is incredible! You, a creature that has previously never been seen anywhere in the world, and believe me, I would know, shows up in the middle of the Everfree Forest seemingly out of nowhere, and against all odds, you’re literate!” The unicorn reared up on her hind legs and set her front legs against my stomach so that she could get a better look at my face. She peered up at me with so much intensity that I thought she was trying to set me on fire with her eyes.
“Tell. Me. Everything.” She demanded. “Where do you come from? How did you learn to read? How did you come to Equestria? What is your race like?” Before I could make a peep, she stood on the tips of her hind hooves and looked at me even closer, her face bordering on desperation. “What kind of books do they have?” she asked urgently, as though her very life was dependent on it.
“Uh…The kind that you…read?” I answered uncertainly. The unicorn only nodded seriously, an awestruck look on her face.
“That’s the best kind.” She said with awe in her voice.
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the others having variety of reactions. The blue pegasus rolled her eyes dismissively while the yellow one shook her head in disbelief. The orange one slapped her front leg against her forehead, and the rest just cracked amused smiles.
I was at a lost for words for as I tried to comprehend this one’s actions while simultaneously trying to push her off of me. Before I could say or do anything however, a yellow aura surrounded her entire body and lifted her into the air with a yelp of surprise and began to float her away from me.
She was now hovering besides Celestia with a surprised and somewhat shamefaced expression. My jaw fell as the unicorn seemed to give gravity the middle finger as Celestia shook her head and tsked at her.
“Now Twilight, I know you must be incredibly eager to pick the brain of our guest here…” I flinched slightly at the words ‘pick the brain,’ a number of very unpleasant images coming to mind, but the purple unicorn by the name of Twilight only nodded enthusiastically.
“But,” Celestia continued. “don’t you think that you should hold off on your scholarly instincts for the time being? At least until we get to know each other a little more and he gets settled?”
Twilight’s smile turned sour, and she nodded sadly. The Princess nodded once in satisfaction. Twilight’s body was gently lowered to the ground. She landed on all fours with a soft clop noise and turned to look at me sheepishly.
“Sorry about that.” she said as an embarrassed blush started to appear on her face. “I have the tendency to get a teensy overexcited over anything that has to do with books.” Her eyes glazed over slightly. “Especially ones that belong to an alien species…” she said as she bit her lip anxiously and looked at her fidgeting hooves.
The cyan pegasus scoffed loudly where she was and I could faintly hear her say “Yeah, and Pinkie is just a tad obsessed with parties.” She commented sarcastically. The pink one with the poofy mane beamed. Twilight just ignored her.
I paid neither of their words any mind, more focused on what I considered to be the most important thing of all. I waved my hand through the air dismissively, all apprehension gone to be replaced by my new curiosity.
“Nevermind that,” I said hastily. “more importantly, what in the world was that just now?” I asked the one called Twilight.
She frowned slightly. “Well, like I said, I tend to get really excited over books, so when you mentioned that you had studied ancient equestrian in the tomes of your own people I-”
“No no, not that.” I said quickly as I cut off her words. “You were floating just now. You were wrapped in a weird yellow light and was just floating above the ground. How in the world were you doing that? Why were you floating?” I said, my voice burning with curiosity. I didn’t have the mental facilities left to even ponder the reason why I could understand them and vice versa, but when you see something that bends the laws of existence itself, this law in particular being ‘what goes up, must come down,’ it tends to take priority over anything else.
Understanding dawned in Celestia’s eyes as Twilight’s just blinked uncomprehendingly. “That was just a simple telekinesis spell that I cast.” she explained easily. All of a sudden, her long horn lit up with a pretty yellow light that covered it from the tip of the horn to the bottom. I spied movement out of the corner of my eye and turned to look at the study desk that was covered in an assortment of tools and supplies.
A navigator’s compass was floating over the desk, wrapped in the same yellow light that was emanating from Celestia’s horn. It bobbed in the air for a moment before drifting over to where Celestia sat with a content look on her face and started to orbit around her head like a planet caught in a gravitational field.
It wasn’t the first time I felt my mind ‘break’ over the last few days, so I was able to recover from the mental shock quickly. I looked Celestia right in the eye with a look of awe and a healthy dose of disbelief.
“That’s magic?” I asked reverently. Celestia smiled and nodded. “And…is that how we’re able to understand each other? Some sort of, I don’t know, universal translation spell or something?”
Her smile grew wider. “Very impressive, that’s right.” she said. “I cast a spell on everybody in this room” she gestured towards herself and the others around her with her wing, “so that we would be able to understand your language and you would be able to understand ours in turn.”
My eye twitched slightly as the implications of honest to god magic hit me like a sack of bricks. How are they able to do magic, but humans can't? Or are humans actually able to, but have just forgotten? Is it like a science or an art? What is it capable of? Why, if we were able to use magic, we could probably think of all sorts of ways to fix our worldly problems! World hunger, pollution, the energy crises, all of those could be fixed! Diseases could be cured, lives could be saved, the world as we know it would change completely!
I fought to keep my composure in check and took a few deep breaths. It wouldn't do to start daydreaming how much bettr the world would be if we could use magic. Knowing us, we'd probably make just as much problems as we solved. “How…how does that even work?” I asked incredulously.
“It’s simple.” Celestia said with a smile. “The spell gleans the meaning and intent of your words and a passive auditory illusion translates that meaning and intent so that they may be understood by others.”
The blue pegasus and orange stetson wearing ones simultaneously scratched their heads confusedly at this. Twilight however seemed to understand it perfectly, and she turned around and looked at Celestia with admiration.
“Wow Princess, I had no idea there was a spell that could do that!” she said excitedly. Celestia nodded.
“It’s a very old spell invented by Starswill himself during his prime. It’s much more complicated to cast than it sounds and requires immense control and focus, not to mention the shear amount of magical power needed.” Celestia winked reassuringly at her. “I’ll teach it to you one day Twilight, when you’re studies have progressed further.”
Twilight nodded in satisfaction and then turned her attention back towards me. Her eyebrows rose at my open mouthed expression as I looked at her and Celestia with plain bafflement. She looked like there was absolutely nothing even remotely out of the ordinary with discussing the intricacies of magical spells as though you were speaking about a particularly interesting, or dare I say, spellbinding, piece of news from the next town over.
“What?” she asked me self consciously. Celestia chuckled from behind her and laid a wing across Twilight’s back. The two seem to be extremely close, maybe Celestia was Twilights mother? But that just raised further questions. Questions like, if a princess is the daughter of a queen, what do you call the daughter of a princess? A double princess? A princessess?
I’m getting distracted. Gotta get myself back on track.
“Relax Twilight Sparkle, I think that he just isn’t very familiar with magic.” She turned an inquisitive eye towards me. “Am I correct in that assumption?”
I closed my jaw with a snap and swallowed before nodding dumbly. “Magic is something of myths and legends where I come from.” I replied. “Finding out it exists is like…finding out that your parents aren’t actually your parents or something. It’s a gigantic shift in paradigms.” There was a touch of reverent awe in my voice, and I think Celestia noticed it because she smiled at me in amusement.
Twilight looked decidedly less amused however. Her eyes were wide with terror, and she looked at me as though I were just told her that I was a monster that was planning to eat everything and everyone she loved. I grinned inwardly at that. After that scare she gave me back at the zebra’s hut, she could do with a little bit of one herself.
“No magic?” she asked in disbelief. “How in the world to you ponies even live?” I raised my eyebrows dubiously and looked her straight in the eye.
“I’ll have you know that we manage to fare quite well even without ma-“ I stopped abruptly as something occurred to me. “Wait, what did you just say?” I questioned with the curiosity of a child who just found something supremely interesting.
She eyed me curiously. “How do you live without magic?”
I shook my head. “No no, before that bit.”
She looked even more confused. “Umm, how do you ponies even live?”
I blinked. “Ponies? Is that what you…creatures, are? Ponies?”
I could see Celestia holding in a chuckle as Twilight tilted her head like a confused puppy. “Yes, why do you ask?”
I looked at her blankly for a few moments before letting my head droop with a small sigh. “No reason.” I said flatly. Twilight still looked curious, but dropped the subject nonetheless.
“I hope you don’t mind my asking…” came an elegant voice from behind Celestia and Twilight. I looked behind the two…ponies to see that the white pony was walking towards me with a hesitant expression. Her voice was beautiful, the kind that one would expect to hear from those photoshopped attractive women on those fashion magazines you see at the grocery store checkout aisle. “But if you’re not a pony, then what, pray tell, are you exactly?”
All eyes immediately went back to me. I felt throat start to dry up under their scrutiny, and swallowed nervously.
“I am a human.” I answered simply.
“Ah ain’t never heard of no hoo-man before.” rebutted the orange pony in a baffling country accent as she walked up beside her friends. How in the world do these ponies have accents so similar to ones on earth? And for that matter, how is that spell-thing that Celestia did picking up the accent instead of just translating it for me in a monotone artificial voice? It was thinking about these questions that I had a thought that I’m pretty sure I was the only human to ever have.
“Man, magic is weird.” I mused. I was still reeling from that magical demonstration, but I was keeping that reaction bottled up inside until I was in a safe place to vent it without being seen or heard. The last thing I needed now was for these “ponies” to think that I was crazy because I started speaking random Latin words and squinting really hard in an effort to blow things up.
…
Well, obviously I’m going to try to perform magic by waving my arms around and muttering nonsensical words. If you were just told that magic existed, wouldn’t you do the same?
Wait a minute…that right there is something else that doesn’t make sense. How in the world does Latin exist in this world? Celestia, and apparently her sister Luna, both have names in Latin, but the Latin language is supposed to be human only! We have copyrights or… something.
This was just another thing that I needed to push into the back of my mind for the time being so that I may address it later, preferably with Celestia, whom as far as I can tell is the person, er, pony, to go to for answers.
“Not hoo-man.” I replied to the orange pony with the charming country drawl. “Hue-man. Hue as in the beginning of huge, and man as in…whatever word ends with man.” I said noncommittally. I didn’t know if my half assed attempts to get the pronunciation of the word right would even work considering that they would hear my words in a different language, but I at least had to try.
“That makes sense!” cried a bubbly voice. The pink pony bounced, literally bounced, like a big four legged rubber ball, over by her friends. It seemed that everyone was now suddenly eager to meet the new hoo-man. “The hue from ‘huge’ and the man from ‘talisman’ or ‘shaman’ makes a human!” She threw her arms into the air and laughed, as though she had just played a big practical joke on the world and she was the only one who got it, and from the looks of it, she was the only one.
I smiled weakly at her jubilance. “Er, right. What she said.”
A ruffle of feathers drew my attention to the blue pony who had taken flight and was drifting slowly towards me as her wings flapped lazily, far to slow to realistically make her airborne. I chalked it up to magic, something that was completely natural to these ponies but completely strange to me.
She hovered at eye level for a moment and looked at me critically. “So you have a name or what?” she asked brusquely. I winced slightly at her rough manner, but before I could answer her, the white unicorn tsked loudly.
“Rainbow Dash!” she reprimanded strongly. “Where in Equestria are your manners? Just because he is…different doesn’t give you the right to act like such a ruffian.” She gave the hovering pegasus a glare of disapproval and received one from her in turn.
“Rare’, we know nothing about this guy!” She glared at me suspiciously. “For all we know, he could be an agent of Discord!” she muttered darkly, spitting out the word Discord as though it left a particularly bitter taste in her mouth. “He could be planning to steal the elements from under our noses, overthrow the Princesses, and take over Equestria as we speak!” Her voice had risen to a higher and more frantic pitch, making her sound not unlike a panicky 11 year old girl.
The orange pony standing directly below her chuckled and looked up at her. “Dash, Rarity’s the one is supposed to be all dramatic and whatnot over things, not you.” she said with a surprising country accent.
Rainbow Dash huffed in irritation as the white pony closed her eyes and nodded in haughty satisfaction. “Exactly. If you won’t listen to me, then you can at least listen to…” her eyes opened and looked at the orange pony irritably. “Hey!” she cried with indignation. The orange pony only laughed.
I saw Rainbow Dash take in a breath to continue speaking, but before she did, I decided that it was about time I take matters into my own hands before they get into a never ending argument about whether or not I was a planning on taking over their country.
“Kael!” I blurted out. The words died in her mouth as she eyed me suspiciously. I cleared throat.
“My name, It’s Kael. Kael Maalouf.” I said with as much dignity and confidence as I could muster. Rainbow Dash’s look of suspicion turned into one of confusion.
“Kael Maalouf?” she remarked with disbelief. “What kinda dumb sounding name is that? It doesn’t even mean anything!”
“It’s not dumb!” I said indignantly, crossing my shoulders at my chest. “And it does have a meaning.”
“Oh yeah? What would that be? Evil creature who tries to destroy ponies?” she replied angrily.
I blinked. “W-what?” I sputtered. “I don’t even-” I shook my head viciously. “Nevermind. No, that’s not what it means.”
“Well than what does it mean?” she challenged. I rolled my eyes.
“I don’t know what it means. I just know that it means something.” I answered. Truth be told, I did know what my name meant. It meant ‘mighty warrior,’ although I couldn’t fathom why it was so important to this one. It’s not like names define you as a person or anything. The reason I withheld the meaning from her was twofold. One, I never like that meaning as I was always to meek and cowardly to ever be considered ‘mighty.’ Two, I didn’t think that revealing the meaning would endear myself to these ponies if they were under the impression that I was an ‘agent of discord,’ whatever the hell that was.
She looked at me bluntly for a moment. “Well it’s still a dumb name.” she muttered under her breath.
The white unicorn shot her another scathing look before giving me what seemed to be an apologetic one. Apparently, this type of behaviour wasn’t exactly unheard of from her flying friend.
“I don’t think that it’s a dumb name.” said a small voice from out of the blue. We, that is, the ponies and I looked around for a moment to try and locate the source. Finally, the country pony looked behind her, sighed, and stepped to the side to reveal the butter yellow pegasus that had been hiding behind her the entire time.
She let out a grightened squeak now that her cover was blown and instantly cowered away from all the attention, hiding behind the long pink mane the hung down her face. For a moment, she looked out from behind her mane at me fearfully, but then her eyes hardened slightly with determination and she shook her head violently to gather her strength before straightening up and speaking again.
“I think…that it’s a very pretty name.” she whispered, even quieter this time so that I had to strain to hear her.
I was a bit to shocked to speak, not only because she seemed so fearful and so delicate for some reason, but also because she called my name pretty. If this were any other situation that wasn’t as bizarre as it was, I would feel slightly emasculated. I felt no such thing however, instead settling on just being surprised that this nice one suddenly seemed so afraid of me. Had it been something that I had said earlier?
I seriously hoped not. Out of all the “ponies” as they called themselves, this one was the one that I didn’t want to alienate the most. She had been so kind and gentle with me, a creature that she never met before, so the last thing that I wanted to do was give her a reason to fear me, even accidentally. Plus, it was almost heartbreaking to watch her cower away from me. I found myself feeling unnaturally guilty about it, as though I had accidentally kicked a puppy that had wandered underfoot and was now whining pitifully.
“Umm, thanks, I think.” I said uncertainly. She nodded and nervously looked towards the floor without another word.
The other ponies were looking at her with surprise on their faces, and I could see what I thought was a hint of pride in Celestia’s eyes. While the rest of the ponies had extremely expressive faces, she was the complete opposite, having an excellent poker face without seeming to even try. She was one that I was going to have to look out for. I still didn’t know what her intentions were with me, and even though she didn’t seem to have any ill will towards me, I most likely wouldn’t be able to tell if she actually did.
“Oh, how silly of me!” cried the white unicorn. “It occurred to me that we haven’t introduced ourselves!” she looked at me apologetically. “So sorry about that darling, it must have slipped my mind.”
I looked at her strangely. Did she just call me darling? First I had a pretty name, now I was a darling? Good god, these ponies are weird. So polite and friendly, even though I was technically an alien to them. Well, except for the blue pegasus, but her reaction was at least somewhat understandable.
I couldn’t think of an appropriate response, so I only nodded.
“I shall go first.” she said brightly. She walked up to stand in front of me before crossing one front leg over the other and dipping her head respectfully. “My name is Rarity, it is a pleasure to make you acquaintance.” She said pleasantly.
I found myself surprised at her display of politeness and formality. I stumbled over my own tongue for a second before I managed to respond with what I thought would be appropriate.
“Um, the pleasure is all mine.” I replied uncertainly. Rarity smiled, pleased with my answer, and nodded in satisfaction.
The orange pony trotted to Rarity’s side and gave me a wide, charming style. “Howdy!” she said enthusiastically. “Ah’m Applejack, one o’ the owners of Sweet Apple Acre’s, which Ah’m sure you saw on your way in ta town.”
The Stetson wearing one with the country accent was a farmer. I was starting to suspect that this was a world that completely ran on storybook clichés what with the magic, the strange creatures, and the princesses. I could have almost laughed.
Instead, I just smiled back at her. “Nice to meet you, and sorry, but I don’t think I did. I was a bit too excited at finally leaving that forest to notice anything around me.” I said cordially.
Her eyes widened. “Ya’ll were in the Everfree?” she asked incredulously. “What in the blazes were you doing there?”
I shrugged. “Beats me. I passed out in the middle of my apartment and woke up to find that I was in some forest. I haven’t a clue how I got there.”
Applejack looked at me sympathetically. “Shee-oot, that sounds rough.” She looked me up and down, obviously taking in my torn and dirty clothes and my messy hair that probably still had bits of leaves and grass in it. “How long were ya in there for?” she asked.
I grimaced slightly. “A few days.” I answered. Her eyes widened even more as she whistled impressively.
“Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit,” she said, which was received with a cringe by Rarity. “Ya’ll must be pretty tough to rough it in the Everfree. ‘Specially with all them nasty critters out there.”
I winced as I remembered running away from that pack of wolves, pushing my body and mind to limits that they’ve never needed to reach before. The sight of their snarling, snapping, fang filled jaws was still fresh in my mind, and I shuddered.
“I suppose.” I said quietly, looking down and away from them. I had been so close to death then, so close that I could already feel its bony fingers grasping at my soul in preparation to rip it out of my soon to be lifeless body. It was only a stroke of incredible luck that I was saved by that…zebra? Or was it also a pony? Well, whatever it was, I owed my life to it. Hopefully I’d be able to express my gratitude to it someday, somehow.
Applejack’s comment made me realize just how vulnerable I was in this strange world. I didn’t know the customs, the inhabitants were completely unfamiliar, and I didn’t even have a place to sleep or eat. My fists clenched as a wave of anxiety washed over me. I was well and truly fucked, and if I wasn’t extremely careful, I could lose my life here amongst these ponies just as easily as I could in that damned forest that, to be honest, I would be happy never seeing again.
My feelings must have bled onto my face too much as the ponies were now silent and looking at me with worry, whether for me or for themselves as the case may be, I didn’t know. The yellow one looked at me with something akin to desperation on her face as she looked as though she were about to cry. Her legs were twitching and shaking, and her eyes were full of indecision and nervousness. Twilight looked more curious than anything else, and I had absolutely no idea what Celestia was thinking. The rest all wore strained expressions, including the little purple lizard thing that had been standing off to the side and had yet to say a word.
“Sorry about that...” I muttered. “It’s been a rough couple of days.” At that, the yellow pony let out a strangled sob, and before I knew it, she had her front legs wrapped tightly around my midsection as she started to cry uncontrollably.
“Oh you p-poor thing!” she wailed. “It m-must have been so s-scary to be out there all on your own!” All of her earlier nervousness seemed to have evaporated into thin air as she babbled words of consolation and squeezed me tighter. “Don’t you worry you poor d-dear! You won’t have to go to that...that…horrible p-place ever again, I promise!”
The ponies looked almost as surprised as I felt as she hugged me tightly and cried hysterically, further staining my already dirty shirt with tears. I would have felt extremely touched that my plight had moved her this much if I wasn’t so damn confused by it.
Not knowing what I should do, I gently patted her on the top of her head. “There there,” I said awkwardly. “It’s alright, I’m fine, don’t worry about me.” I tried to sound as reassuring and gentle as possible, and from what I could tell, my lacklustre efforts seemed to be working.
Her sob started to quieten as she hugged me. She looked up at me with teary eyes and gave me a weak smile to which I tried, and probably failed, to return. She nodded and said a weak “okay.” before finally letting go of me. To my surprise, she stayed right by my side instead of returning to stand by the other ponies.
Rarity was, thankfully, quick on dispersing the air of awkwardness that was starting to settle on the room with a dainty clearing of her throat before speaking. “Well,” she said primly. “Now that that’s over with, why don’t we-“
Before she could finish, my vision was filled by pink face wearing the biggest most innocent smile I’ve ever seen. “Hi!” she blurted out happily.
I recoiled in shock, but quickly composed myself as the pink face disappeared at the bottom of my field of view and then reappeared. “I’m Pinkie Pie!” it said before it disappeared again.
I looked down to see the bright pink smiling pony bunch her legs up underneath and bounce back up so that she was again nose to nose with me.
It took my mouth a few seconds to catch up with my brain. By the time it had, she had fallen down and bounced back up two more times, like a bright pink, deliriously happy rubber ball.
“Heyyyy…” I said awkwardly. This only made her smile wider as she fell back down to the floor and bounced back up again. I took a few steps back to try and put some distance between us, but she was somehow always right in front of me.
“You know,” she said before she fell back down and bounced to my eye level. “You’re really tall!”
“And yoouuu, my pink friend, have no concept of personal space.” I said, half nervously, half irritably as I took a few more steps back.
She gasped, her eyes widening so much that I thought they were surely going to pop out of her head and start rolling around on the floor.
Bounce. “I’m you’re friend?” she breathed excitably. Bounce. “That’s great!” Bounce. “I love making new friends!” Bounce. “And you’re the first-” Bounce. “-human friend that I’ve-” Bounce. “-ever made!”
I was speechless as she bounced on, each one punctuated by a little bit more of nonsense and crazyness.
Bounce. “Oooooh!” Bounce. “Do you know what-” Bounce. “-this calls for?” She threw her forelegs in the air as she bounced once again. “A party!” she cried in jubilation, somehow throwing an armload of colourful streamers in the air.
“Pinkie Pie.”
Bounce. “I’ll have to throw you a-” Bounce. “-welcome to Ponville party and-” Bounce. “-a made a new friend party and-” Bounce. “-an escaped from the Everfree party-”
“Pinkie Pie.”
Bounce. “-and there’ll be cake-” Bounce. “-and punch and pie and-” Bounce. “-lots of ponies to meet and-”
And then, all at once, it all stopped. The room seemed to lose almost all of its warmth as Pinkie Pie’s face became frozen in a mask of numb shock. She fell back down to the ground and landed on all fours with a dull thud, and this time, she didn’t bounce back up.
I looked down to see Pinkie Pie standing as still as a statue. Her eyes were away from me and were glued to the face of the yellow pony that was standing protectively beside me. As soon as I looked at her face to see what it was that calmed the pink storm of energy, my heart nearly skipped a beat.
Her eyes were huge, and her face was as expressionless and still as a statue. Not a trace of emotion was to be found as she stared right into the eyes of Pinkie Pie, but this wasn’t just any stare, oh no. this was a stare that would convince a bear to gladly give up her cub. This was a stare that could boil water just by glancing at it. This was the type of stare that could calm the most hyperactive being in existence in less than a second. Just by being next to it could I feel its incredible power and influence. I couldn’t imagine what the pink one must be feeling.
“Pinkie Pie.” She said quietly and sweetly. “Please calm down. You’re making him very uncomfortable.” And she was right. Had that gone on for 10 seconds more I might have turned tail and jumped out of a window. As innocent and happy as this Pinkie Pie was, there was something incredibly unnerving about her, and up close, unnerving quickly turned into downright creepy.
Pinkie Pie’s mouth moved, but no sound came out. Realizing that any attempts at speech would be futile under the fiery gaze of those eyes, she just nodded vigorously.
“Thank you.” Said the yellow one kindly as she gave her friend a gentle smile. “He’s been through a lot over the past few days, we should all treat him nicely.” She turned to look at the others who were looking on with wide eyes and open mouths. “Isn’t that right girls?” she said pointedly, her tone indicating that there was only one answer that she would accept and god help the one who didn’t give it to her.
“Yes Fluttershy.” they said in unison, save Princess Celestia who kept her silence. Fluttershy gave a happy nod and turned back to Pinkie Pie.
“Now, why don’t you try again Pinkie Pie?” she said pleasantly. “A little nicer this time.”
The pony in question blinked several times before responding, obviously still shaken by that…thing that she just did. I didn’t know how exactly she did it, but I was willing to just chalk it up to magic, something that I would likely be doing a good many times in the next day or so.
Pinkie Pie took a few steps back and sat on her rump, looking at me with big, eager eyes. “Hi.” She said again, still excited yet much more reserved; something that I was very thankful for.
“Hi.” I said back.
“I’m Pinkie Pie.”
“Yeah I…I got that.”
She lit up with a smile. “Good!” she chirped before bouncing away to stand next to Applejack who slapped her forehead with her front leg and shook her head in disbelief. I gave her a weak smile to which she responded with an apologetic look.
Rarity cleared her throat once again. “You’ll ah…have to forgive her darling.” She said apologetically. “Restraint and subtlety never was on of Pinkie Pie’s strong suits.” I gave her a small nod to show that there were no hard feelings.
“Good.” she said curtly. “Now, speaking of ponies without any subtlety…” she gave her hovering, rainbow maned friend a pointed look.
“What?” she asked flippantly. Rarity jerked her head in my direction and glared at her. It took her several more seconds to catch onto what she was saying.
“Awww hay no, I’m not introducing myself to no spy.” she said with an indignant scowl in my direction. I tried to muster up the will to scowl back but couldn’t manage it. I just sighed instead.
With a roll of her eyes, Rarity groaned. “Oh for the love of… Rainbow, just because Kael here is different than us doesn’t mean that he’s an enemy. Don’t you remember what happened with Zecora?”
“That was different.” Rainbow said with a huff.
“And how, pray tell, was that situation any different than this one?” Rarity said pointedly.
“Zecora wasn’t a spy!”
“Well you didn’t know that then!”
“So?”
“So?” Rarity repeated, bafflement plain to hear in her voice. “So she…you…he…uggh!.” Rarity groaned and cast a despairing look to the heavens before turning to the purple unicorn, Twilight, helplessly. “I give up.” She moaned pathetically. Rainbow gave a victorious smile.
Twilight patted Rarity on the shoulder. “Don’t worry Rarity, you tried your best.” Rarity only gave her a small grunt of acknowledgement in return.
Twilight focused on me one again. “Well, since she won’t do it for herself, I’ll have to do it for her.” She gestured towards the floating blue pegasus. “This is Rainbow Dash, the head weathermare and resident knucklehead of Ponyville and Cloudsdale.” Rainbow Dash stuck her tongue out at me.
“And I,” she continued primly, now holding her foreleg to her chest, “am Twilight Sparkle, the resident librarian of Ponyville.” She gave me a small smile to which I returned.
“And this,” she said briefly before her horn flared up briefly resulting in a small purple flash of light accompanied a light pop just as the little purple and green lizard creature appeared next to her. It blinked confusedly for a few seconds before realizing what just happened.
“is Spike, my number one assistant.” She finished proudly. Spike flushed and turned his face to the ground before muttering a small “Hullo.” to me. I responded with an equally weak one back to him. He glanced up and nodded before looking away again. I had to admit, he was kinda cute for a fire breathing lizard.
I looked around at the faces before, some of them bearing most of them bearing eager or polite smiles, one of them being very openly hostile towards me. It took me a moment to realize that one pony had yet to introduce themselves.
I looked down next to me at the yellow pony who was looking down shyly, trying to retreat behind her hair somewhat. I waited politely, seeing that she was a little bit uncomfortable, for her to speak.
“I’m Fluttershy.” She murmured, to quiet for me to here.
“I-I’m sorry?” I said.
“I’m…Fluttershy.” She whispered. Well, we were halfway there. Maybe just one more push.
“Um, could you say again?”
She took a deep breath and steeled herself before she bravely looked back up and faced me. “I’m Fluttershy.” She said quickly before letting out a small eep and turning away again.
I nodded slowly. “Well, it’s very nice to meet you Fluttershy.” I said as gently as I could. She merely nodded at my words and said nothing.
“Well!” the Princess said briskly. “Now that that is finished, I think it’s time that we move onto more pressing matters.” She smiled politely at me. “From your reactions to meeting us, I can tell that you come from very far away and have no prior knowledge of Equestria. This leads me to believe that you either came here accidentally, or against your will.” She paused and looked at me for confirmation.
I was taken aback by her sudden desire to talk about me and my coming to their land. I realized that Celestia, being the Princess, probably wanted to assess my coming here to see if there was any threat to her and her subjects either by me personally or by any others. I couldn’t begrudge her for wanting to keep her subjects safe, so I did my best to answer her question.
I thought back to when I first put on that ring in the middle of my apartment. Technically, I did come here against my will because I had no say in the matter, but I was also the one who put the ring on my finger, triggering my coming here which was a complete accident. I mulled the thought in my head for a bit replying.
“It’s a little bit of both to be honest. I didn’t mean to come here, nor did I have a choice in the matter. And yes, I do come from far away.” I paused uncertainly. “From what I can tell…” I said slowly. “I came from either a different world, or a different dimension entirely.”
“I thought as much.” Celestia said simply as Twilight Sparkle’s eye twitched ominously. “In all my many years, I’ve never seen one such as you before, a ‘human’ as you put it, in Equestria.” She tilted her head and smiled. “So I naturally came to the conclusion that you, by some means, known or unknown, had to have traveled trans-dimensionally.”
Damn, she’s good, and I didn’t seem to be the only one who thought so. Twilight was nodding vigorously and was gazing up at the Princess with a pleading look on her face as though she were begging her to not stop talking abut magical science-y stuff. The rest of the ponies were all wearing expressions of varying degrees of confusion. Except for Pinkie Pie. She just looked happy.
Princess Celestia peered at me curiously as she continued. “Although, I am curious about one thing.” She looked at me closely. “Do you know what brought you to our dimension?”
I looked up briefly and put my hands in my pockets. “Weeeelll, yes and no. You see, I know what it was that brought me here, but I don’t know how or why.” When Celestia raised one eyebrow, I lifted my right hand and waggled my fingers. “It was this ring. I put it on and instantly passed out after it started to glow red and fit itself to my finger. I woke up to find myself in that forest.” I glared ineffectively at the piece of shiny metal. “It won’t even come off, no matter how hard I pull on it.”
Celestia's eyes were locked on the ring. A few moments passed before she quietly muttered “I see. Very interesting.” It may have been my imagination, but it looked like a shadow had been cast over her face for a brief second, making her look older and more dangerous before it disappeared completely. Nobody else seemed to notice it however, so I didn’t pay it any mind.
She smiled sweetly at me, now back to her normal self. “Would you mind if I quickly ran a few spells over it? It would only take a few seconds.”
“O…kay” I replied, a little weirded out that a bonafide princess was asking me for permission to look at a cheap piece of jewellery that may or may not be enchanted. Reality really was stranger than fiction, it seemed.
I held out my hand towards her, almost as though I was offering it to her to kiss it like I was the noble and she was commoner. She dipped her until her long horn was perpendicular to my hand, the tip hovering over the ring itself. It took a great amount of willpower to not jerk my hand back as the tip of her sharp horn suddenly started to glow with a yellow light. Old habits die hard I guess.
The light fluctuated and waved like a candle flame in a breeze. It suddenly changed colour from a light yellow to a dark red, and then from a dark red to a dull black colour. I was more surprised that she was actually able to make light that was actually coloured black than I was in the changing of the colour. It seemed that the laws of physics were getting the shit kicked out of it today.
When the light disappeared, Celestia's head rose with the same darkened expression that I had seen on her before. Her brow was creased and her jaw was clenched, and I could almost see a hint of anger deep in her eyes. She stared at the ring impassively.
“Princess? Is there something wrong?” Twilight asked with a worried voice. Celestia was silent for a moment before slowly shaking her head and smiling at the other ponies who were mirroring Twilight’s pained expression.
“No, my student. Everything is alright.” she said in a soothing voice. The other ponies appeared mollified, even if Rainbow shot me another suspicious glance. I however, was not so convinced. Nobody, or nopony as the case may be, gets that expression on their face without having a damn god reason for it. These ponies seemed to really look up to and trust Celestia, but having just met the Princess recently, I wasn’t about to take her reassurance at face value. Something was definitely up.
“Thank you for allowing me to examine it.” she said gracefully. I nodded and lowered my arm to my side. “It’s certainly a…very interesting ring. Could you tell me where exactly you found it?”
“Well, I was walking home one night, minding my own business and just enjoying the rain, when it just came out of nowhere and hit me right in the forehead.” She raised her eyebrows dubiously.
“Do you know where it came from?” she asked.
“Not really. My first thought was the some twerp threw it at me for some reason, but I couldn’t see anybody around when it happened. I figured that they just ran off before I could give them a piece of my mind.” To be honest, me giving them a piece of my mind would have been flipping them the bird when their back was turned skulking off, but they didn’t need to know that. The way I saw it, I still didn’t know how much danger I was in, so it would be better that I build up an image of being at least slightly capable of defending myself if I needed to, whether or not I actually would.
“You think that somebody threw an enchanted ring at you?” Twilight asked incredulously. I blushed slightly. Well when you put it that way…
“Well, it’s not like it just fell out of the sky right?” I didn’t get an answer. “Right? Hello?”
Twilight coughed awkwardly as Celestia looked at me with a good amount of pity. “I know this all must be very confusing for you Kael. I imagine that suddenly being torn from your own world and taken to this one would be a very frightening experience.” Oh she had no idea.
“But you must remember, our world is not bound by the same laws yours is. The truth is that it’s quite likely that the ring really did just ‘fall right out of the sky.’” she glanced at my hand. “Magical signatures on the ring tell me that it was not forged in your world, it was forged in ours. Something must have happened to it that forced it to cross the fragile barrier between time and space and end up at yours.”
I sighed tiredly any rubbed my temples as I felt a stress induced headache sneaking up on me. “Alright, so it did fall out of the sky.” Celestia nodded. “If that’s the case,” I continued, “why was it sent to me?”
She shook her head gently. “I don’t think that it was sent to you specifically Kael. The location that it appeared was probably completely random.” Again, she smiled at me pitifully, like I was a poor homeless man that she felt sorry for, but didn’t actually give any money to. “Your coming to Equestria was the product of a nasty coincidence.”
“Alright, that’s really interesting and all, but it doesn’t really help me.” I said irritably. “What do I need to do to get back?”
“That ring is acting as passage of sorts between our world and yours. As soon as you put it on, the enchantment that was put on it was activated and you forced into Equestria. It is now holding you here through the power of that same enchantment. In order to go back, you would need to take off the ring.” She explained easily.
I immediately started tugging and twisting at the ring in a frantic effort to get back home, but it was just as immoveable as before. When nothing very predictably happened, Celestia shook her head sadly.
“I’m afraid it’s not that simple Kael. You see, on top of being enchanted to act as a beacon between worlds, it was also enchanted to be irremovable, and as long as that is the case, you won’t be able to go back.”
I looked at her, horrified as an icy coldness washed through my body. “You mean I’m stuck here? In a land where wolves are made of wood and lions inhabit forests?” I asked anxiously. Celestia quickly shook her head.
“Not permanently. I promise you that I and my best spellcasters will try our hardest to try and break the enchantment that…wait, what was that about lions?”
I wasn’t listening. My overactive mind was now at full power as the possibility of never returning home was introduce to me. No more family and friends. No more T.V, No more cheap and greasy fast food. No more video games, or internet, or books in a language that I can read. Hell, there won’t even be anymore human interaction!
Oh god…
I don’t want to die a virgin!
My head twanged with a sudden and intense spurt of pain. I brought the heel of my pal up to my forehead and began to knead my brow as I grimaced from a sensation not unlike my skull was in an ever tightening vise. My entire brain felt like one big, swollen bruise.
The ponies looked at me with worry. Well, most of them did. Rainbow Dash just looked at me curiously. She didn’t seem the least bit concerned about my well being, but at that moment, I couldn’t really care less. I gazed at the group blearily with tired eyes.
“Look…I’m not gonna sugar coat this. My mind is so…screwed up right now that I can barely remember how to stand up straight.” I deadpanned. “I’ve been running for my life on an empty stomach only to discover that, not only am I in a completely different dimension, but it’s one full talking, colourful equines that are capable of magic, something that, in my world, is about as phony as a 3 and half dollar bill.” The ponies looked confused at that small reference that I let slip, but I continued anyway.
“Now that I’ve been told that there’s a possibility that I won’t ever be able to get back home, I am sporting the mother of all migraines.” I said, spitting out the last word as another piercing bolt lanced through my skull. “The way I am now, I don’t think that I’ll be much use to anyone, not to myself nor to you.”
Celestia looked at me pitifully. “I can assure you that we will find a way to send you back to your ho-”
“You don’t know that for sure.” I guess testily, marvelling at the fact that I had interrupted a princess. I guess headaches made me ballsy. “Until the very moment that this stupid ring is sliding off my finger, you don’t know if I ever will be able to go back home, so let’s not make any empty promises to ourselves.” Celestia bit her lip and nodded.
“Anyway, I’m not in any” I grit my teeth as my headache flared. “position to do anything more strenuous than breathing. So I hate to ask this of you, but do you think that I could take a nap or something and let my batteries recharge?”
I was almost pleading with them to spare me a few hours to recuperate, and it most have come off quite clearly. Celestia nodded reassuringly.
“Of course.” She replied. “I understand how hard this must be for you. Needing some time to recover is perfectly understandable.” I nodded grimly at her and gave her a wan smile that she returned.
“Twilight?” she said as she looked towards the purple unicorn. Twilight’s eyes instantly snapped towards the princess as her ears perked and her back straightened.
“Yes Princess?” she asked respectfully.
“Would you mind sharing a guest room with Kael so that he may recuperate? It would be best if he didn’t go outside. I imagine his coming here might have stirred a bit of commotion and I’d rather not put some fuel on the fire.”
Twilight Sparkle nodded. “Certainly Princess, I’d be happy to.” She walked over to where I towered over her digging my knuckles into my temples with a pained expression. “If you’ll follow me, I’ll show you were you can sleep in peace.” She said politely. I grunted in affirmation and followed her as she led me away.
She took me up the stairs and into a small bedroom that was very sparsely furnished with nothing but a comfortable looking bed and a desk that was only a little higher than my knees. I cheered inwardly as I laid eyes upon the bed. At that moment, in my less than optimal state, it was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen.
“Take as much time as you need.” Twilight said gently. I nodded.
“Thanks you for letting me rest. I appreciate it.” I said earnestly. She smiled and nodded before walking out of the room as her horn flared and the door closed behind her as though pushed by an invisible wind.
I sighed and walked over to the window that were open on the opposite side of the room that was letting light spill in. I yanked the curtains close, casting everything in a dim light that was much easier on my eyes.
I got ready to throw myself down on the bed, but stopped and groaned when I realized that it was about a foot shorter than I was. Oh well. Beggars can’t be choosers I suppose.
I lowered myself onto the mattress, letting out a massive sigh as my weight was taken off of my feet. Not even bothering to take of my shoes or throw the covers over me, I rested my head on the pillow and let myself sink into the soft bed, my feet and calves dangling over the edge..
Even though it was still fairly early in the day, I soon found my eyelids becoming heavier with each passing second. I took a brief moment to reflect on the wisdom of sleeping in the same building as 7 ponies that may or may not think that I was here to take over their country. I quickly shrugged that thought away. They seemed friendly enough, and the only one that thought I was a threat to them hadn’t seemed to have been taken too seriously. For the moment it seemed that I was safe.
It was with the comfort that only security can bring did I finally succumb to exhaustion, gladly letting sleep wash away all of my worldly woes.
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yay update, very good chapter
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HAVE HIM GO CRAZY AND PUNCH A WINDOW OR STEAL A KNIFE AND USE THAT TO TRY AND CUT OFF HIS FINGER!!!
What's with people making Rainbow Dash a bitch lately?
Anyway, good chapter.
At least until he has another nightmare about King Sombra.
Huh. I forgot about this story. Good chapter, mate. Good chapter.
Finally! Kael is baaaaaack!
You know, his grandpa's "friends are like snowflakes" line has become a local meme of sorts at my school.
Yes! Update!
I wonder if he will ever get desperate enough to contemplate cutting off his finger...
It has been updated! Thy reader is pleased.
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lol. Don't care anyway.
Good story so far.
So he starts turning into a mini Yahtzee when he's got a migraine/Tired/Exhausted?......Sweet!
Not often you get to hear about Starswirl's drunken brother.
Poor Pinkie
.
You know, I could easily solve his problem with the ring. But then he would have to change his name to Kael Nine-finger Maalouf.
Luna, the Injury and the Frost.
Might want to change that to noctis.
I am Princess Celestia Ab Solaris Et Ignis
Awfully long name, but I need to recommend an edit to instead of 'Ignis' it should be 'Igni' because the 'is' ending when talking feminine is plural. Last time I checked there were no other Celestia(s). Also since 'Et' is in there it would turn the name into a sentence and make sure that a verb was in there. Not a problem considering 'Et' is an improper SINGULAR verb and can be used as such. But the Nominative 'Ignis' HAS TO BE SINGULAR because this Noun needs to be the same case as the verb. Also if you are doing a full Latin name I would suggest that you make the endings so it will be 'Celesti Abi Solari Et Igni since 'Et' is the only verb.
He can't remove the ring but he can remove the finger its on!
I bet he drinks a lot of moonshine, hur hur hur.
8115361
I know right, I mean choice between family and finger, family. Hands down.
Dude here is what you do get hammered then take a axe to your finger story over the end stop being a pussy your mother could have killed her self by now
Shouldn't that be Everypony?
That's Racist to Earth Ponies