Oh, for Luna's sake, what the double hell is he doing? He's just standing there. They're both just standing there. Why are they standing there? He looks… what… what does he look like? I can't bloody tell! Is he sad or confused or what? I… I can't tell! Why won't he say anything? Why won't he respond? Oh crap oh crap oh crap…
The young punk shook his hind legs uncontrollably. He had been pushed into a chair inside this dirty, worn-down room with the bad lighting. He was still a bit groggy, and he had no idea how he got there nor where he was, but he awoke with his face on a table and his ass in a seat. When he came to, the first thing he noticed was those two ponies staring at him.
It was that guy who knew what he did. How the hell did he know? And it was that young filly who gave him…
Oh Luna, it was a trap. Wasn't it? It was a trap. They're some rival gang or something, and now they're going to kill me or pull my legs off or something. Oh, Luna. Why won't they say anything?
His hoof came down hard on the table, but he still couldn't stop shaking through his show of force. "Wh-what do you want with me!"
The stallion licked his lips, looking away, rubbing his chin. He deliberately – it was definitely deliberate! – opened his mouth and took in an incredibly slow breath before saying one single word.
"Name?"
The punk shut his eyes. He wouldn't answer that.
"Alright then. What were you doing at the site of the fire?"
"Nothing!"
"Surely you couldn't be doing nothing, could you?" the drab olive pony asked, blending into the shadows of the room. Why was it so dark in there, anyway?
"I was just looking at the wreck, man! Pony has a right to look at crap, right?"
"He's lying," whispered the girl at the back, just loud enough for everyone to hear.
"I'm not lying, I was just in the bloody neighbourhood minding my own-"
"He's lying," she repeated. Still whispering.
"I said I'm not-"
"He's lying."
The punk smashed his leg onto the table again, wincing. Whatever they'd used to drug him, it had some odd effects. Everything felt more. His muscles ached and his body tingled with sensitivity. His mind was trying to push through custard. Everything echoed as he thought out loud.
"I… I ain't… damnit, who the hell are you guys?"
"You don't need to know that," Egg said, keeping still. "What you need to know is this. We know what you did. We want to know why."
"I ain't gotta tell you crap, you ass."
Egg looked toward Champagne. She gave a sort of half-shrug, as if to say, yeah, he thinks he's telling the truth.
"He's scared, sir," Champagne added.
"I ain't scared. I ain't scared!" The punk flew into defense.
Egg turned back to the kid across the table.
"So, you're scared."
"I said I ain't-"
The stallion in drab rapped his hoof hard on the floor. The punk jumped. Even Champagne blinked as a bit of a reaction.
"It's okay to be scared. In fact, it's smart to know when to be scared when we need to be. Do you know what causes fear in the first place?"
Egg stepped towards the table.
"It's a defence mechanism. It's your mind telling you that you can't handle what's in front of you. It's your mind telling you to be careful because doing something wrong could cause you to get hurt, or even lose your life. Now, I know that you're scared of me."
The punk swallowed.
"Now ask me if I'm scared of you."
It was a show. It was all a show. It was just a show. Egg picked up this little tip from his friend back at the alley. It was a game. But it was the kind of game that everyone joined in and the point of it was to convince the other players that they weren't playing anything. And only then would you win.
"Don't hurt me, okay? Just… don't hurt me!" The punk pushed himself back from the table, leaping to his hooves and wobbling back up against the wall. "C'mon, man!"
Egg stretched his neck. "Wasn't going to."
"Then what do you want from me, man?" The pony cried.
"I want you to sit down."
The youth stared at the chair as if it were ready to bite him. It was lying flat on the ground; he had knocked it over when he jumped back.
"Pick up the chair and sit down," Egg repeated, stepping closer yet again.
He glared at Egg. This stallion… this old stallion who was just too calm about what was going on. Keeping his eyes trained on him, mind set between hate and fear, he scrabbled with the chair and set it back upright before sliding onto it. He placed both his forelegs on the tabletop, slouching down, sighing inwardly.
But even before he could open his mouth, that girl in the corner read his mind and with a resounding reflection of his upcoming action, she spoke.
"He's ready to talk, sir."
The punk would have been a little bit more upset if he wasn't so utterly defeated.
"Thank you," Egg said, turning around to face Champagne directly. "Could you do me a favour?"
"Yes, sir?"
"Could you please wait outside for the others to return? If they do before I'm done here, let them know what the situation is, and please make sure we're not disturbed before I come out."
Champagne nodded, swiftly moving to the door and leaving the pair in peace.
The punk winced as the door shut, the click of the handle making his head hurt.
"Alright," Egg said, casually strolling up to the table and standing across the young pony. "Go ahead."
"Look, I don't… you're gonna let me go if I tell you, right?"
"Depends on how happy I am with the information."
The punk sighed. It was worth a shot. "Alright, man. Listen. It… it was a test, okay? Just a test."
"A test?"
"Yeah, for initiation, alright? F' Cloudsdale Unity."
"I figured as much," Egg said. He'd never heard of Cloudsdale Unity before. The next few questions would have to be worded very carefully.
"So why this target? Why not any of the others?"
"Hail if I know, man." The punk sniffed, shrugging. He seemed affected by the randomness of it, and Egg didn't need Champagne to see that much. "I just followed instructions, you know? But there ain't too many gryphons up here."
"And these instructions… are they the same as usual?"
"I don't know, man! This was my first time, okay? They don't really talk about these kinds of things, do they?"
"Maybe not to you, it seems."
"I…"
The key was to keep throwing questions to cause him to lose focus. It wouldn't be hard with this one. He was young, inexperienced with basic business negotiation tactics, and, well, he'd been drugged. And although this wasn't exactly a job interview to test his resolve and his concentration, it sure worked well in adaptation.
"You're wasting my time."
"Listen, man, I don't-"
Egg rapped the table. "Come on!"
"I don't know! I don't know, okay?" The punk yelled back, scrunching up his face through gritted teeth. "They just told me to get the stuff from the address and throw it at the bakery! Look!"
He swept into a band on his leg and withdrew a small, torn scrap of paper. The ink had been smudged from the sweat dripping from his body, but certain letters were clear. Egg slid it over to himself. The only thing left upon it that wasn't a smear of blue were the words 'essor Polyc'. Egg's face shot back up.
"It's my contact, okay? He was the one who gave me the stuff, man."
"That's it?" Egg held it up like a wet noodle. "That's all you have? Couldn't even take care of a piece of paper?"
"I don't know man! Please! Just… please!" The kid buried his face in his hooves, gasping for air. "I'm telling you all I know, okay? Please!"
"Who gave you this contact?"
"I don't know! They wore masks!"
"Where did you meet them?"
"I don't know! I was blindfolded when I was brought to the meeting place, man!"
"And this pony? Who was he?" Egg waved the paper around.
"I never saw him either! They don't trust outsiders, man! That's what the… the initiation is for!"
Don't stop. Keep going with the momentum. He's panicking now. Just like in an interview – once unsettled, you start to ask questions that make them admit the things they don't want to say, and hopefully you catch something that you could chase. It's about how to ask the questions that make them fill in the blanks themselves.
"And your initiation, then. How do you think you've done? Huh? You think Unity's happy with your results?"
"I couldn't do it, man!" Small drops of water started to fall from behind his hooves, hitting the table. "I couldn't do it, okay? I know I failed! Crap! They're gonna… they're gonna kill me, aren't they? They're gonna kill me, man!"
Couldn't do it?
Writing flew up into the walls of Egg's mind. He felt himself surrounded by the facts, and he had to work this one out quick. He clearly burnt the bakery down, so he was successful in that. And he kept coming back, right? Champagne had said he was different because he wanted to be there. But why? And why did he leave the second he saw the three of them fly off? Was he scared of seeing Cookie? Or was he there for…
Wait. He postulated earlier that it was a stroke of luck that Cookie escaped. But what if…
"Why couldn't you kill her?" Egg asked.
"Because I couldn't! I don't… I didn't wanna go that far! A building's just a building, man! But I can't… I ain't got nothin' against gryphons! I'm not like them, okay?"
"You waited for her to leave before you burnt the place down."
"Yeah… yeah, man." The kid wiped his face, his eyes burning red.
"And you went back to check that she was okay."
"Yeah. And I saw her being flown away by…"
The punk's head shot up suddenly, staring through blurry eyes at Egg.
"Yeah." Egg nodded. "It was."
"W- who are you, man?"
"Kid, what are you doing with your life?" Egg asked. "Why are you doing things you don't want to do? Look where you are right now. Why don't you just go home?"
"I don't got no home, man!" The youth burst into tears again. "You think it's so colt damn easy? I don't got any choices! I don't got no chances! I don't got no home!"
"And now thanks to you, an innocent gryphon baker doesn't have one either."
There was no response to that. As much as the kid would have liked to rant and rave and scream, there was just no response. He wasn't so far gone to have pulled the excuse of self-preservation out, and all that was left was a skin rapidly losing a soul.
Egg placed a hoof over his mouth while he thought.
"Just kill me now," the child croaked out.
"No," Egg declared. "We're not done yet."
"I've told you everything, man. Everything."
"Not yet you haven't. There's one other thing I need to know."
"What?"
"Tell me about your skills and talents," Egg asked.
"This is your plan? Really?" Brilliant Cut yelled downward. "Really? Really really?"
"Yes! Really! Jeez!" Ember yelled back, cradling his black, grouchy trump card."This is gonna work! Trust me!"
The head-strong young stallion lined the tiny stormcloud up with the rock. It was already at maximum thunder capacity, and all it would take was just a little nudge to get it bolting.
Cookie hovered by the side, playing with her hands nervously.
"I would have to hit the area quite soon after the lightning strikes, yes?" Cookie reconfirmed with Cut.
"Yeah, like… seconds. So… um… yeah. Sounds dangerous. Dangerous, dangerous plan. Why are you doing this again?"
"I just think it is nice to help others out." Cookie shrugged. "I don't think I will be hurt. Timing is rather important in my line of work, yes? And, ah… I have natural resistance to… hot things, yes?"
"Not this hot," Cut mumbled.
"Just about… there! Got it!" Ember yelled up to the pair. He had set the cloud up just next to the entrance. With the criminals barring themselves in, there was no longer any way for them to take pot shots without moving that big stone out of the way, and it didn't seem like they were going to do that anytime soon.
It was a bit disconcerting that their current actions were unknown, though, being hidden behind brick and rock.
But it was all rather quiet. Who knows how they were reacting right now, knowing that there was a gryphon after them? Well, not like she was, really, but still. It was all a matter of perspective.
"Alright," Cookie said, pumping her arm softly, in a mild show of force. "That is my cue, as they say. I shall go for it, yes?"
A hoof lay itself on her arm.
"Really, though," Cut said, looking down at the setup worriedly. "This actually isn't safe. We should think of another way."
"No, it is fine. I am glad to help."
"But… why?" Cut shook her head, not at all understanding the logic.
Perhaps the logic was never meant to be understood.
"They are helping me, with my own problems. You have lost a shop, and I too have lost a shop today. Yours was stolen, and mine had been boiled in some sticky wet goop. Perhaps we could say that… both our stores were… poached?" Cookie giggled inanely.
"What?"
"Well, poaching is both… the act of stealing, and also boiling so-"
"No, no. I mean… why are you so casual about it? You… you really lost your store today?"
Cookie nodded. "Well, actually it melted, but… it was a good joke, yes?"
"Why are you so happy?"
Cookie looked upward, facing the skies above. Most of the clouds were around their altitude, and so all that was left was the undisturbed blues of the rest of the universe. It was past first sunset by now, and the orange rays of Celestia's brilliance crawled through space from below.
She took in a bracing, life-affirming breath, shutting her eyes and steeling herself for what was about to come.
"Because there is no room to be sad," Cookie said, lowering altitude and flying to her ready position a few hundred meters away.
Both Ember and Cut watched her fly, an odd look on Cut's face.
"What were you guys talking about up there?" Ember yelled.
"Nothing! She's ready!" Cut yelled back. "You better get this right, you hear? Don't hurt her!"
"I'm not gonna hurt her! Trust me!" Ember laughed with confidence. Alright. Here we go.
The points had been arranged, and the actions had been discussed. With Brilliant Cut's help, the precise area to strike the rock had been determined, the plan was devised, prepared for, and now all that was left was timing.
Timing. Ember was good at that.
His heart skipped a beat.
Eternia the gryphon was already racing toward the shop at her full speed. She would pass a certain point, and then Ember would start counting down from three. As he reached one, he would raise a hoof, shaky, unstable in his denied fear, and strike the cloud just there. And if all went well, then…
There wasn't even enough time for Ember to replay the scenario one last time in his head.
A bolt ripped the sky apart, something that should never be experienced so close, and a roaring crack of thunder tore through everyone's ears a fraction of a fraction of a second later. That gap in time was also the difference between Cookie surviving and instantly turning to dust.
The light and sound blinded the group, a crucial flaw in the plan that Ember hadn't considered. That wasn't good. He couldn't see, couldn't feel anything except for the cloud spinning under his hooves, and all he heard was a deep buzzing whine in his ears.
While the world turned over and over, the only thought flooding his head was a single word that summed everything up in this situation. A single word that reflected what might have happened, what had happened, and all his hopes and wishes and desperation that Cookie wasn't harmed. It was a word that represented his guilt in not thinking this through.
Crap, he thought. Crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap-
Maybe it was his chanting that helped, but the buzzing died down, only to be replaced by the sounds of tinkling. It was a bit like rain, but a bit more metallic.
Ember rubbed his eyes. The world came back.
The large rock had a chasm running down its middle now, pieces of this shimmering, rainbow-like substance cracking off and crumbling to the floor of the shop. A few pieces fell off here and there, but it seemed most of them were sent inwards.
There was no time to appreciate the beauty of the sight of rainbow bismuth – oddly sharp and angular pieces with a iridescent shine – being cast about the place much like the sprinkling of salt as thrown by a god.
Burn marks around the crack showed that the bolt of lightning struck true, and with that alone, Ember's heart slowed by half. But where was Cookie?
Shaking his head, he looked up. The taxi driver was still disoriented and all that was left of Brilliant Cut was an arm hanging loosely over the edge. The rest of her must have been on the floor of the cart itself.
So where was Cookie?
The shop rocked unsteadily, the impact tilting it off-center. It was now sinking much too fast at one of the corners, and it threatened to fall through the clouds.
"Oh crap," Ember wheezed, pushing himself off the cloud and darting for the shop. He felt like a beetle that accidentally flew into a tree; he certainly was flying like one right now. Wobbling left and right, moving far slower than he was used to, the spinning in his head making it hard for him to even stay upright – his only consolation was that the pegasi inside the building may be just as out of it as he was.
He reached the door and peered in, into the darkness, into the gloom, through the curtain of rock and crumbling frame. It was extremely poorly lit; all electricity halting the moment the shop lifted off the ground. There was, however, only one smudge against the otherwise perfect painting of the interior of the shop.
At the rear, just across from the door, something had crashed through the counter, breaking it in half entirely, glass and metal and shreds of wood scattered all around the point of impact. But what had caused the damage was gone.
"Stop there." Came a gruff voice, from Ember's right.
He turned.
And there they were.
The three thieves, donning cloth kerchiefs over their faces, had the gryphon on the floor, where she lay, on her side, propped up on bleeding arms. There was a small patch on her chest that was remarkably darker than the rest of her feathers, but in the darkness, it was hard to make out what it was.
"Stay there, in the light," the first thief said. He was standing in front of Cookie. She wasn't making any attempt to move either.
The other two kept watch as well, one standing off to the side, the gun on his back loaded and ready. The other had pulled it back, and the tension off the elastic bands vibrated, silvery strings of a plucked violin, reflecting what little sun was in the room.
And that was why Cookie wasn't moving.
"Alright, enough is enough," said the thief. "I don't know who you guys are, eh? But we're going to give you one chance to turn around and piss off."
And that was exactly what Ember needed to hear.
He kept rubbing the furious daze out of his head, but his mood was improving at a faster rate than his senses were.
He'd been through all this before, talking with punks on the boardwalk. They all had the same kinds of reactions, and he had them all boiled down to three general types of pony.
The first was the guy who ran instantly. Didn't bother with words. Just ran. He knew what he wanted, and what he wanted was to get away.
The second kind was the sort of fella who gave up instantly. You needn't have to worry much about those kinds either, because they knew when they were beat. Of course, the second sort of fella usually eventually turned into the first sort of fella, so there was that.
But the third kind were the guys who bargained. And that was always a bad decision for them. To Ember, the first two were far more respectable, because you picked a side and you stuck with it. This kind of pony, the ones who hemmed and hawed and delayed, they were the ones who weren't sure.
If they had wanted to shoot him or Cookie, they'd have done it already. If they had wanted to get away badly enough, they wouldn't have had any problems whatsoever making sure that they did. But they didn't. They bargained. They pleaded. They knew that the option of running away was entirely lost to them, and they were trying a different sort of method to leave.
It meant that Ember could have his fun.
Ember strengthened his buckling knees and put on the cockiest smile he could. He laughed, once, stepping forward over the rubble.
"Yeah, okay. One chance." He swaggered towards the head thief, who took a step back, his eyes widening. "I don't really like the deal though."
"Are… are you insane?" the thief yelled, reaching back and pushing his friend, the one with the gun. "Don't you see this? Do you know what I'm going to do?"
"Um…" Ember ducked his head, peering forward. "I don't know. I can't really… see very well. It's kinda dark in here."
"Are you playing with us, man?" the thief shrieked, shuddering in his horseshoes.
He wasn't. He was staring at Cookie. Right at her face. He hoped she understood. He hoped this mockery of the situation was enough for the thieves to let him do this for just a few more moments.
All he saw was that Cookie had the calmest, most serene smile on her face, ever.
Ember leaned over to pick nothing off the ground.
"Stop! Hey!" The thief jumped. "What are you doing?"
The screaming was upsetting his friends. The pony with the gun turned, as well, to face Ember instead of Cookie. The gunner almost didn't catch up, and had only himself started to move a moment after the gun had begun to swivel.
Ember stopped in his tracks, peered up through his mane, and stood back up to full height.
"Nothing. Wasn't doing nothing."
"Get out of here!" The thief yelled. "Don't make me come over there and make you!"
"Oh, or what? Huh? What?" Ember threw his front leg up, waving it rudely at the thief. "You gonna shoot me? With that thing?"
"Yeah, I will! Don't push it, kid, I'm in a good mood today, and I don't wanna-"
Ember cut him off with another bold, brazen move, swinging along the wall and walking slowly across the floor to the thief's left.
He kept his distance, but now, he was a little bit further in, and the robbers had turned enough to place Cookie directly behind them.
"Yeah, well, I ain't! You know how you guys were taking pot-shots at me earlier? Wasn't very nice!" Ember pointed a hoof straight at the thieves. "You could have hurt me! Then what?"
"They were warning shots, kid! Alright? But you're really testing my patience now! I didn't wanna hurt you before, but-"
Ember burst out with a laugh. "Wh… is this your first time or something? This is your first time, isn't it?"
"What…"
Ember kept walking. "Why would you even tell me that? Now I know that you aren't being serious! I actually thought you were trying to kill us back then, you know that? Why would you tell me that you weren't?"
And now, this was it. Even Emberkite hadn't noticed until he took a sneaky glance at her, but Cookie had already propped herself up on her arms and had risen to the classic gryphon 'perch' stance. Maybe it was the fact that she was half eagle and half lion, but by Celestia was she ever a silent mover.
And all that was left was to wait for it. Already, he could see the thief's eyes rotating wildly in his skull. Another mistake of a rookie – he wasn't covering his eyes up. Ember could see exactly where they were and what they were doing, and as they darted back and forth, he could see the uncertainty behind them, and it was just about waiting for that one second… that one second when he turned his head to check with his friends what he should do next…
Ember leapt. He burst from zero to a hundred within the space of the store, and didn't stop when he connected with the other pony's neck, as they both were flung out of the way and into the walls behind.
The gunner started yelling. Something… something with claws and talons and sharp bits was holding him by the rear legs.
Pandemonium and panic struck as the third, the gun himself, started running, headed for the door. All that screaming behind him wasn't helping his mental state any bit.
In the dark and dust, the first thief flew overhead as he, too, attempted to get away, but a bolt from the shadows caught him and slammed him against the ceiling.
The gun realised he wasn't getting anywhere. The elastic was still being pulled taut. The gunner was still holding on for dear life, having released the bullet but hooking onto the rubber with his legs.
The gryphon sat there, a firm grasp on the rear ankles of the pony, his back popping as he too was being stretched out.
The first thief wiped the blood off his lip and staggered to the entrance. All the wind had left his lungs, and he was simply crawling to the light out of instinct. He'd managed to get an elbow in during the last attack, and had shaken off his assailant, if only momentarily.
The gun struggled, feeling himself being dragged back.
"Let… go!" he yelled, back, over his shoulder.
"Okay!" Cookie replied.
The gunner barrelled into the back of the first thief, the two spilling out of the door accompanied by the sound of an awfully crunchy thud.
Now free, the gun ran for the exit as well, diving through. He struggled, the horns of the gun catching on the sides of the rock; the entryway now too narrow for it to pass through. The more he pulled, the more the gun got lodged, until he leaned over and released himself from his constraints and flew off into the distance.
"No!" Ember yelled, scrabbling over the floor and rushing to the doorway. "They're getting away!"
He threw his body against the contraption blocking his path, but it wouldn't give. Again and again he rammed into it, and only until he felt Cookie brush up beside him did he stand aside.
She reached over and pulled, the gun popping out with little resistance.
Ember threw himself out, scanning the city.
They were already gone.
"Thank you… thank you so much, mister Egg. I will… I'll never forget this," the punk said, breathing deeply, face awash with tears.
"Just remember, his name is Survey. Head to the offices, ask to see him, just mention me and he'll take care of the rest. Off you go." Egg nodded at the child, as he smiled and took off down the street.
Egg and Champagne, both standing outside the base, watched him go.
"Was he…?" Egg asked.
"Yes, sir. He wasn't lying. At least, not right now," Champagne asserted. "What did you say to him?"
"Not everypony's going to be as easy to get through to as he was," Egg responded, off topic. "A… facility. Where ponies can be kept…"
"Mister Egg, sir?" Champagne asked.
"Pardon me. Just thinking." Egg cleared his throat. "So, have they returned yet?"
"They're just… coming in now, sir," Champagne said, pointing up at a floating building that was being lowered to the base.
"Ah. We saw that on the way back, didn't we?"
"Yes, sir."
"I thought it was them, you know. I just didn't think it was actually what I thought I saw…turns out I was right about that too, hmm?"
"Yes sir," Champagne echoed, weakly.
"You've been watching them all this while, have you?"
"Yes sir."
"And you didn't go up to join them?"
Champagne responded this time with a very slow shake of her head, eyes a bit wider than normal.
"Fair enough."
The shop was finally lowered to reasonable levels, with the help of Ember and Cookie who assisted with its descent. Despite all the ruckus and the fighting, it, luckily, hadn't fallen through, and was now puffing away in front of Egg's face upon the two generators. It had been tied, rather crudely, to the back of the taxi cart. Due to the fact that the clouds kept it reasonably weightless, it wasn't that hard to move around even for just one pony, although it did take a while to get it started.
"Ember."
"Hey, old stallion." Ember grinned. He was all smiles.
"I thought I told you to take care of our guest, not… whatever this is."
"I was! I did! I mean, but… um… long story. I'll fill you in later, alright? But it was amazing. They got away though, but we managed to get the shop back, at least."
"It was…"
"… stolen. Yeah. That's Brilliant Cut. In the cart. She's the owner."
Ember landed, stretching his back, Cookie touching down beside him.
"Miss Eternia," Egg asked, raising his eyebrows at the blood, "are you alright?"
"Oh, yes, very, very fine, yes?" Cookie hastened to put Egg's worries to rest. "It is just a very small scratch. Feathers… they soak up the blood, yes? It looks much worse than it really is, I assure you. I am in no discomfort, but I would probably need to have a shower."
"Ember, would you show Miss Eternia to the bathroom?" Egg asked. "I trust what she's saying is the truth?"
"Yeah, old stallion," Ember said, dropping a bit of his swagger. "It was… long story. Really. Promise I'll tell you later, alright? But let me go take care of this for her. Everything worked out just fine, old stallion, and you know why? Because I planned crap!"
Egg gave a quizzical look. "Of course. I'll see you later."
The two of them disappeared into the building as Egg turned his attention to the taxi and its passenger.
"So, you're the big boss, huh?" Brilliant Cut waved, a tired smile on her face.
"Yes. Oh, and you are…" He turned to the taxi driver.
"Friend," the taxi driver said, gruffly, in monotone, "I realised a long time ago I ain't a part of all this business right here. I'm just getting' paid to park, alright? Leave me out of it."
"Um… yeah," Brilliant Cut cut back in. "So that's my store. Sort of. I mean, I just work there. But you know. Happened on my shift, so."
"It looks Earth-borne."
"It looks what?"
"Sorry, it looks like it's from ground-side. From earth, that is."
"Oh yeah! Yeah. It's from Filly. Um… some guys found a way to pluck it right outta the ground and get it up here. I hop in a cab and give chase, and I just happened to be passing by here and…"
Champagne stepped closer to the shop while Brilliant Cut filled in the details with Egg. She was listening, sort of, but something else had caught her eye and had drawn her to the middle of the store.
It was nearly obscured by the clouds, but she lifted off and hovered in for an inspection of the edges of the pavement that had been torn in two. There was a rather odd red substance that was left on the underside of the cracks, a strange discolouration that she had seen before.
She prodded it. It didn't feel like anything. It didn't even feel like it was there at all. Even paint left something behind. This didn't.
"And then your friends saved me, I guess," Brilliant Cut concluded.
The store lurched, sending a light sprinkle of assorted stones out the main door.
"Um… keep that. Payment," Cut continued. "You guys really helped me out. So… thanks, or, you know. Stuff."
"Will you be able to make it back yourself?"
"Yeah, I think so. Taxi driver says he's done worse before. And I promised him even more pay, so…"
"Alright. Take care then. If you ever find your shop being stolen again, we'll always be glad to help."
"No problem!"
"Wait!" a voice yelled.
Egg remained silent, stepping aside to let the frantic Champagne fly through.
"Sorry… I'm ever so sorry, but… ma'am, you are a jeweller, correct?" Champagne asked.
"Yeah, I guess I am. What about it?" replied Cut.
"Could you tell me what this is, please?"
Champagne pulled a red gem out of her leg-pouch, showing it to Brilliant Cut. It was a small, processed piece, a sphere with equal cuts etched into its face. It was about the size of a precious, little marble, and it was painted with a strange light, as if the colour was surrounding it rather than being part of the crystal itself.
"I… I don't know," Cut muttered, snatching it up and staring at it quite furiously. "I have never seen something like this before. That glow isn't natural, I can tell you that much. This kind of colour doesn't exist in nature. Not in my years of research and mining and processing have I ever come across this before. Where did you get it?"
"I… um… picked it up somewhere. May I have it back now, please?"
"Can I keep this? I'll pay you for it," Cut offered.
"I'm sorry, I'm afraid it's quite important to me," Champagne replied, still holding her hoof out.
Reluctantly, and staring at it curiously for the last time, Brilliant Cut returned the gem back to the little salmon pegasus. "Well, if you ever want to part with it…"
"I promise I'll think of you first, ma'am." Champagne bowed.
"So polite. She's so polite. Isn't she?" Cut smiled, rubbing her head suddenly.
Champagne squeaked, backing off.
"Anyway, I better get going. It's nearly six. So, thanks again, uh… what do you guys call yourselves?"
"I… don't know yet," Egg replied.
"O…kay. Well, thank you, strange group of ponies and one gryphon. Maybe we'll see each other again in the future!"
Goodbyes were said, some more repeatedly than others, but eventually the shop lifted into the sky once again and floated towards the sunset.
It was a sight, indeed, the shop coursing away, against the dark backdrop of the early night. Ember and Cookie had rejoined them by that point, having cleaned as much of Cookie's chest tuft as they could.
It was still seeping slightly, but nowhere as bad as it was before. Cookie was not even giving it any attention, preferring much more to watch the building fly away like some sort of mystical trader out of a fairy tale.
"It's been a long day," Egg said, blinking into the stars, as they winked back at the four of them standing there in the street. "What say we go get some pie?"
The time, according to the clock, was 9:42.
They'd taken their time to rest and talk before heading over, and besides, Egg didn't want to fight with the crowd. Quite conveniently, the last customer for the evening had just left before they arrived.
Egg had insisted that they didn't discuss the details of anything until they had got there to the diner, but didn't give the reasons why.
A TALE OF TWO SHOPS:
THE IMPOSSIBLE MADE POSSIBLE
by Gale A. Mezzo
Emberkite threw the newspaper aside, rolling his eyes. "How is she getting this information so damn quickly?"
"It's a mystery," Egg said. "Or perhaps she's really as invested in this as we are."
"Um… I hear the Cloudsdale Gazette is very efficient," Champagne added.
"In any case, Champagne, if you would?" Egg invited her to begin.
Plates and cups littered the table in front of them, each of them sporting a different dessert. Banoffee Pie for Egg, Cinnamon Apple for Ember, half a Madeline for Champagne, and a lemon tart for Cookie, who pronounced it 'limon tert' in that accent of hers.
They'd made introductions and gone through their stories, explained things in order, and everything fit together in the puzzle that was this one very long day. But having heard it all, Egg had a few final things to cover.
Champagne slid the jewel to the center of the table.
"Pretty," Mocha said, refilling their cups and leaning in from outside of the booth.
"What happened today wasn't a coincidence," Egg said, to the surprised looks of all of them save for himself and Mocha. "Both crimes are tied together."
"What." Ember intoned.
"The only coincidence is that they both happened on the same day. Champagne and I pulled a young… sorry to use the term, but a young punk from the scene of the bakery. He revealed to me a name. Cloudsdale Unity. Anyone ever heard of that?"
Silence met him.
Mocha took a sip from the jug of coffee.
"While we were at the bakery, Champagne found this item." Egg motioned to the jewel, which was still glowing strangely. "And she also noticed, rather spectacularly, a set of red streaks that led away from the item."
"I found it on the floor of the bakery," Champagne said, taking over for a while. "It was… um… like as if somepony had painted streaks of red paint away from it, and the ground was softer where the red was. But it wasn't paint. It was… it was as if the clouds themselves turned red. But only parts of it."
"Thank you, Champagne," Egg said. "Very good work."
Champagne smiled, a small flush upon her cheeks.
"Now, she had also noticed the same sort of thing on the base of the shop from Fillydelphia, where the cracks in the pavement were," Egg continued.
"It was a gem store," Ember pointed out. "Ya thinkin' there's a connection?"
"If it were money they were after, they could have just stolen bits," Egg postulated. "Bits would be a lot easier to carry around than a store-full of gems. So what if they needed the gems for a different purpose?"
"Like what?" Ember asked.
Mocha pointed to the gem on the table, and everyone else looked at him.
"Oh. Yeah. Right." Ember scratched his neck.
"Brilliant Cut said that this colouring wasn't natural. Could it be possible that someone's putting something into these gems and using them to… do something? From the evidence it seems that whatever made the clouds catch fire started from this gem. That same something was strong enough to cut an earth-borne house from its foundation. It's something quite terrible. And quite ferocious."
"Oh!" Ember smacked his hoof against the other. "Oh! I got it!"
"Yes, Ember?"
"I was wondering, right? Why those crooks – the ones that got away? Why didn't they just like, cut a hole in the wall and escape? I mean, it was pretty obvious that they managed to cut the whole house out pretty easily, right? Why couldn't they also just use the same thing to make a break for it?"
"And what conclusion have you come up with, Ember?" Mocha asked, sweetly.
"Because they was scared, yo!" Ember smacked the table, his fork flying off the side and clattering on the floor.
"I'll… get you a new one," Mocha added, swinging away for a moment.
"Scared?"
"Yeah, this thing? If this is the same thing? Made her shop, like that." Ember pointed to Cookie. "If they used this thing in that other shop? What if it made that shop, also like that?"
"Very… eloquent," Egg agreed.
"Look, I'm just sayin', they was scared to use it, alright? There's a reason for that."
"Maybe because the effects of the jewel cannot be contained in a small enclosed space, and they ran the risk of hurting themselves if they had set it off?" Mocha offered, placing a fork in front of Ember.
"Wh- I just said that, lady!"
"Yes, but I said it better." Mocha smiled.
"What it comes down to," Egg said, looking down for a while, "is that there is an organized group, somewhere in Cloudsdale, called Unity, who is, for some unknown intent, making... bombs."
"You say that very calmly, Egg," Mocha said, a tone of seriousness creeping into her voice.
"I am anything but calm," Egg assured her. "Something is happening in Cloudsdale. Something a lot bigger than I thought."
"Which brings me to this rather sordid point." Egg motioned to his companions, who sported rather serious looks themselves.
"Miss Eternia. Something has come to my attention. Where were you going to go after this?"
"I was going to return back home, to my parents."
"Miss Eternia, with all due respect, but you will not."
The gryphon didn't frown. She rarely did. But she settled on a very plain, serious look, which already made her look more intense than most others who carried that same expression.
"May I ask why?"
"The youth I interviewed had also mentioned that this… Cloudsdale Unity is specifically targeting gryphons. I apologize for not mentioning this before, but… I believe now is the best time to approach this subject."
Champagne opened her mouth. She was about to comment on the sudden subtle change in Cookie's attitude. But there came a huge sweeping wave of aura from the gryphon's direction that, when it hit her, was enough to stun her into silence. Suddenly she felt very scared, and she didn't know why.
"I see," Cookie said, softly.
"They already know you. And know where you work and live. If you returned home…"
Cookie blinked, extremely deliberately.
"I am offering you a place to stay, Miss Eternia. With us, until we can get this sorted out and we can assure you and your parent's sa-"
The red patch on her chest spread again, crawling across her feathers like an expanding shadow over the ridges of a chasm.
"Oh my goodness, Miss Eternia!" Mocha yelped.
"O- oh," Cookie muttered, suddenly snapping out of whatever it was she was in. She reached down, prodding the area with a talon. "Oh dear, that… how most unfortunate. I am so, so sorry for the trouble, Miss Leche… how terribly bad mannered…"
"Don't be silly! Let's get you cleaned up!" Mocha said, pulling the gryphon out of her seat and toward the counter.
"What." Ember said again.
"Hm," Egg muttered.
Champagne just kept her mouth agape.
"Well… she's staying with us. No problems, Ember?"
"Naw, man. She's cool. She's got the business. Besides, she's like, super freaking strong. I think she could help us."
"Ember, she's staying as a guest. Please try to remember that. You've already asked her for too much today."
"But she offered!"
"And until she offers to join, we are to treat her as a guest. Understood?"
Ember sighed, shoving his hoof into his cheek as he slumped down. "Yeah, fine. Fine."
"Um…" Champagne muttered. "Maybe I should go. This does not seem like something I am…"
"Champagne, are you interested in this line of work or not?"
"I… am… but…"
"Ember, any objections?"
"Well… I mean, I trust you, old stallion, but still. She appears out of nowhere, suddenly, and comes down and we're just acceptin' her? What about where she's from? Who're your parents?" Ember turned to the child, peering at her through narrow eyelids. "What are you hiding?"
"Ember, perhaps you would like to tell us a bit about your parents?" Egg smiled.
"Yeah, she's cool. No objections." Ember looked away, suddenly.
"I… I passed the test?" Champagne said, too stunned to show excitement.
"What test?" Egg asked, taking a sip of coffee.
"Egg!" Mocha called, from across the diner. "Could use a hoof here!"
"Please excuse me," Egg said, shuffling past and away.
Champagne scratched her head.
It was the rush of the day, the whole journey from start to end, but she sat there, and she had achieved what she had wanted. She was now part of a small, unknown group that found criminals and brought them to justice. But still, sitting around and eating pie and discussing about how the world was going to hell over coffee wasn't really what she had envisioned. But then again, she had no idea what she was supposed to envision otherwise.
She'd have hoped that maybe there was some kind of initiation ceremony or something.
"Not what you expected?" Ember asked, grinning wildly.
"Not really, no," Champagne admitted.
"Yeah, but you got that cool skill, don't you? Like, reading ponies? So tell me, tell me, what am I thinking… right now?" Ember bounced around in his seat.
Champagne looked at him for all of two seconds. "You're thinking that I'm never going to guess what you're thinking."
"Th- wha… tha… impossible!"
Champagne sniffed. It was a good guess.
"Hey, try it on him. C'mon. I've been dying to know," Ember continued, leaning in closer to Champagne and pointing stealthily at Egg. "Him and Mocha. There's something there, right? Right?"
"I… I can't," Champagne said, turning away.
"Aww, c'mon, Champy! Do it for me, aight? New member… sort of deal?"
"I can't," Champagne repeated, looking down at her hooves.
"Why not? Just 'cause he's the boss?"
"Because I can't," Champagne said, looking up and staring Ember right in the eye. "From the first moment I saw him… I haven't been able to tell a single thing outside of what he wants us to know. The things that he deliberately shows us."
"You…"
"Mister Egg…" The two of them turned to watch him as he helped Mocha to hold the soft cotton in place over Cookie's wound, as Champagne whispered, half in reverence and half in fear, "… is unreadable."
Egg blinked.
Cookie blinked back.
"There we go." Mocha pulled back, tapping the floor with a hoof. "That's a proper bandage job, that is. Not the things you keep slapping on Emberkite."
Egg shrugged. "It's suited us well so far."
"Thank you, both of you, for the help, yes," Cookie said, grasping Mocha's hoof gently with her hands and giving it a shake.
"No problem. You know, Egg…"
"No, Mocha. I told you. You stay here and you do what you do. We don't… need a medic."
"I just thought I'd ask. Again."
"I appreciate it, Mocha, but I couldn't. You might get h-"
"So could you," Mocha cut in.
Cookie looked back and forth between the two. Clearly, she was missing something here.
"Miss Eternia, please don't strain yourself for a day or two, alright? And that includes thinking of bad things," Mocha told her.
"I will. It was a simple lapse in judgement. I assure you, it will not happen again, yes?"
"Better go back to your table, Egg. I'll just finish up here and be right over. The children are… staring."
"Yes, I know." Egg nodded, trotting back. "Well then, see you in a bit."
"Miss Leche?" Cookie asked, looking at her bandage. "Could I maybe, ask you for a favour, yes?"
"Of course, Miss Eternia." Mocha lifted her to her feet. "What can I do for you?"
"I have… lost my business. I am a baker, of course, as you know. And I see that you are… alone, here? Would you be, perhaps… hiring?"
Mocha smiled. Her eyes travelled to the clock on the wall. 10:18.
"I would, Miss Eternia," Mocha said, "but Egg needs you more than I do."
"Egg, it's like, one in the morning! What do you want?" Survey yelled.
"Were you… asleep?"
"No?" Survey said, as if that were the stupidest question in the world.
Egg tapped his hoof against the floor. "Right. So."
"Come in." his friend sighed, leaving the door open. "Want a biscuit or a… thing or whatever or something?"
"No, Survey. Thank you though," Egg said, as he strolled into Survey's dark, cold house. It was a tad hard to see, but it was just as Egg always knew it from the multiple times he'd been there. Family photos on the walls, weird odd pieces of furniture lying around… It was as if Survey were some kind of burrowing animal that collected things and left them in piles.
"So, what can I help you with?"
"'Essor polyc'," Egg said. "What do you know?"
"What? Is that… is that Saddle Arabian or something?"
The piece of paper came out. Survey read it, eyes adapted to looking at things in the dark.
"That… this…" Survey said, staring at the paper.
"Found it on a kid who burnt down a bakery today."
"Wait… I just read about that in the papers," Survey said. "You caught the guy who did it?"
"Yes."
"What did you do with him?"
"Ah… he might be contacting you tomorrow," Egg said.
"Wait, y- you… did… what now?"
"I sent him to you. Told him you'd give him a job. Guess he hasn't worked up the nerve to approach you yet. But it should be soon."
"You… you sent… an arsonist to me, to give him a job?"
"Yeah. He's a nice guy."
"Egg…"
"What can you tell me about the paper?"
"I don't know, Egg. Nothing rings a bell. But tell me, this kid, right…"
"Okay. I'll leave this with you. Let me know if you find anything." Egg turned to leave.
"Wait, Egg… this kid. This kid, right?"
"Thanks, Survey. I'll see you soon." Egg closed the door.
Survey stood there, making funny faces at the darkness.
"Egg!" he screamed. "What about the kid?"
Well.
Better have a look at the paper then.
'essor Polyc', it said, the only thing that was readable. The rest had been wiped away, smudged by moisture. There seemed to be quite a fair bit more, too, more than just these two words. In fact, these two words headlined the top of the slip, suggesting that it was some sort of title, or…
Why were these two words so familiar?
Something was nudging Survey at the back of his head. Something a bit itchy.
He wished he had the means to scratch.
But he flapped the paper around in his hoof, thinking, thinking… when his eyes fell upon the other side.
There, etched into the other face of the paper, was something far worse, far more frightening. It was even inscribed in indelible ink, and hadn't rubbed off with the rest of the message.
It was a little drawing of a feather.
Through which someone had drawn a thick red line.
"Ah, crap," Survey said.
Romancing the Clouds
EPISODE 2 :: End
I hate to use the standard cliche, but... the plot thickens.
And as for characters! I think I've found a new favorite one in Cookie; it's hard to put into words why, but... yeah. She's a good character. It's pretty easy to tell that you've put quite a lot of thought into crafting every individual, however, which is (as I have no doubt you already know) integral to both stories with OCs and stories that are character-driven.
Also... don't correct me if I'm wrong, but I have the feeling that we'll be seeing more of Brilliant Cut. After all, so far it's only the recurring characters who have their own little cutie mark at the top of each section...
I am still ridiculously impressed. I see that each of your cast has their own style and role in what is to come. The separate cases also drove home how well each of them is an uniquely talented individual, but under the guidance of the stallion with the plan, can be a cohesive unit. I am seriously flabbergasted by this story.
P.S. Poached
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This is not me not knowing colours. This is me not knowing rocks. *quickly makes changes*
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"Don't think so much," Egg commanded.
Or... have you spotted something... interesting?
Well, as per your request, I shall not correct anything. heh. heheheheh. hehehehe hehehe.
Thank you for reading!
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Thanks very much for your reading and support! I'll continue working hard to continue making you happy with the story. =)
Now that introductions (for the most part) are over, we can get on with a few nice little monster of the day stories, but.. hm... curious.
There's still two more on that front image that hasn't yet shown up.
Oh dear.
That ability of Champagne's is pretty handy.
So, some sort of anti-gryphon group? Pegasi supremacists?
Poached. Oh man, I can't believe I hadn't gotten that yet.
Planning! Always a good thing.
Gemstone bombs? Hmn. And Egg is unreadable by the pony who's special talent is reading ponies? That's mildly suspicious.
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Don't think so much....
character tags and genre tags will be added as the story progresses to avoid spoilers
So you're essentially saying that there's going to be shipping in this story's future, right?
Oh also, since me reviewing this fell through (at least for the time being), I'm featuring this on my user page for a bit because it's awesome. This should have at least ten times the attention it does.
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Aww man, that looks so great up there. I took a screenshot.
Super glad you like the story. Thanks very much for the plug! Hopefully more people will take a look at it now. =)
Thank you so much!
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It really is a great story. This fandom needs more adventure fics like this. It's dominated by Shipping and One-Shots, and although there's nothing wrong with those genres, a well written adventure story with a sense of humor is refreshingly original.
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Aye, sort of what I was trying to do when I was planning it. Why not try for something a bit more in depth and draggy than the usual stuff? People will need to get invested, and really take their time with them, but the payoff is that you really get to know the characters, I feel. But of course, the other edge of the sword is that fewer people are willing to get into something this long where 'nothing happens' for so long. But I do enjoy writing it a lot, so it's fine. And it allows me to write that particular humour that I like, the more subtle humour of relationships and banter rather than just blatant jokes. Nothing wrong with THAT either, though.
Mmmmm, well. Maybe. =) I'm sure by now you can sort of tell what's going where, but I don't like to make things that straightforward. So even if it has shipping (if being the operative word) it won't be anything above subtle or a bit of a laugh. More 'realistic' view of it, really. But certainly, the story isn't going to be dominated by a particular genre. All I'm doing is setting out to write a fic about the adventures of the bunch of them and their exploits and I just don't want the irreverent tags to spoil people's expectations. So maybe, in the end, I might not even add other genre tags at all. Because they're not REALLY necessary.
Anyway, Chapter 3 is in the works!
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Because this fic is worth watching ten hours of YESSSS!!
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"Just... just Egg, please."
I can't take credit for this, as much as I would like to. My good friend Crack Javelin and I worked a LOT on this story, from the conception to plot to characters, and the idea of the framing is his idea. I just wrote it, and I have a few ideas of where to TAKE it, but really, it's all him. Props to Crackernaut.
He made this excellent call in how to keep the story stuck in with the rest of MLP lore, and basically solved the problem which is what you mentioned exactly.
Ember's written to be hard to like. You need to work to like him, and there's a reason for that. He's annoying, very much so! It's very intentional. =)
Aw. That's a fair bit of praise, sir.
This story was written more to how I want to write stories. The others are a bit tame because they tell a more direct narrative about established characters. This one I'm free to match the narration style to the tone. And Douglas Adams, amongst others like Terry Pratchett and Dave Barry, were my influences growing up.
Egg and Survey are the comedy pair, really. Survey's not on the cover art because he doesn't have a character arc. That's all. And this is a big hint for you.
What is Mrs. Dash seasoning? ... Because... well... I hope that's a brand because now my imagination is going wild and is picturing a desiccated corpse being shaved over a breakfast plate...
It's a past-time.
And alright, I do have a few very very early sketches but I think some of them are slightly different from the finals. I'm always up for lovely delicious art, and I shall be a whore for it.
Here's some other pics that I managed to find lying around in my hard drive that have production errors.
Egg (Cutie mark not correct)
Cookie (Horrible sketch)
Emberkite (Original concept; mane wrong, tail correct. Lacks Cutie mark, and you can see his original name in the file.)
Mocha Leche (Original concept Sketch)
Spoiler (Original concept. And yes, I know, that's a sword strapped to her wing. It's not going to be like that. I don't write silly things. Don't worry.)
Spoiler (Original concept sketch)
Gift sketch of guest star in chapter 2
Yikes.
Well anyway, Again, I have to keep saying this but I'm getting repetitious now, but I'm quite energized and happy that you liked this. And yeah! I pride myself on doing good OCs. So, enjoy! More fun to come, surely. More mysteries to solve. Heh Heh. Heh.
Aaand final chapter...
You BETTER not leave off here. Or I will find you and...and...and do SOMETHING.
Though that 'something' will probably just be me begging for more. But shhhh, you don't need to know that.Also, for some reason FIM never noted that you replied to me. Huh, weird. Oh well, time to look at the pics you linked to~
And as fun as it is to imagine myself going Mrs.Lovette over dead Rainbow Dash...THIS is what Mrs. Dash seasoning is. I'm not sure where you're from, so you might not have it. But on the off chance that you DO....Try it! Good stuff.
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Hello there my pretty
Don't get too attached though. She's a loaner. =( But she'll be back, possibly, in some small respect if I can secure permission again.
Funny you should mention. I pointed this out to my co-planner and we had a hearty chortle over this... =3 Shh. spoilers.
But there's a lot of mysteries, twists, and all that. Setting stuff up is important. Also you should be paying attention to the fact that who's on the cover art does not necessarily dictate who is a main character/good or evil. Hm. Or am I trying to mislead you? Project has been a while since I updated last but it's not dead. Chapter 3 is about 1/5 done, but I took a break to write outdated communication and I'm currently working on my first ever light romance/sad piece starring Dash, Twilight, and a special book. Look out for it! And then after that, back to this one.
Chapter 3. Chasing the lead of that strange paper. What could it be? And also, a rather unfortunate accident pushes the team into action. It's a Champagne-centric ep, because she's a fan favourite. And of course, all with what they're doing, you'd be silly to think that they haven't attracted the wrong kind of attention...
Also, you ought to keep an eye out for that Gale fella. She's suspicious.
Thank you for reading, and supporting me. I hope this series will continue to entertain.
And no! I don't know what that stuff is. I live in Asia, so... probably doesn't reach here.
It took me way too long--unacceptably long, in fact--to get around to digging this out of my Read Later list.
Geez, Kitsu, but you can write. Each of these characters are so well-realized, and interesting to read about, and just plain good. Egg is just an entirely new definition of awesome, Emberkite scares the living hell out of me... even characters that don't have more than a half dozen lines like Cashius and the street punk are incredible.
And there is some excellent world-building, as well. There's the specific things like how a city like Cloudsdale actually works, but then there's the broader strokes that I feel like is the over-arching theme of the narrative as a whole, portraying Equestria as a place that isn't quite prepared to deal with things like the spread of crime as it slowly emerges into modernity. It's good stuff.
You say it was Crack Javelin's idea to use the framing device at the beginning, so I will give him a solid round of applause, as well. It's hard to invest oneself in an OC fic, and having that touchstone of familiarity really helps align the story with what we already know going into it. Besides that, it was funny as hell.
Celestia, at this rate, I'm going to have to re-name my "Criminally Underrated Stories" section to "Kitsune Risu is a Freaking Good Writer, Read His Stuff Now!"
In case it wasn't clear, I like this fic. A lot. Please continue.
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Thank you very much. Really. Worked hard on this one, and I'm glad it made your 'underrated stories' list. I hope more people will take a look!
Characters... I love 'em. I love making 'em, I love writing 'em, and that's my forte, I guess. It's great that this comes across! I hope you've taken away from this as much as I hope every reader to. It makes me really happy to have someone enjoy a story and experience it.
Although... why... why are you AFRAID of Emberkite? Ember's a nice lad. Right?
... right?
But I'm really curious about this. Please share!
How about the rest of the cast? The primary cast, hopefully, were able to resonate with you as well. Champagne, Cookie, Survey and Mocha especially, who have larger roles, and there's a couple on that cover there who have yet to show up as you might have noticed! They're getting closer to one of them, though.
And yes, all props to Crack. He's read this comment too and he's very happy about it. =) He's got a lot of good ideas.
Annnnd at the risk of sounding like a complete twat, I would not be against that section name change.
I kid.
The fic continues. I've been busy lately, no time to write, no time to do much. But work resumes. Chapter 3 is 30% done, in the midst of juggling another fantastic story idea and my actual real life work.
Thank you for reading! Glad it satisfied!
2544667 Why does Emberkite scare me? Let's just see, shall we? He's impulsive, has a short fuse, an enthusiasm for violence, and absolute conviction that he's doing the right thing. No, yeah, that combination there is definitely going to end well for everyone involved. No doubt about it.
I find it curious that Survey isn't pictured on the cover. He and Egg have a wonderful back-and-forth, and his actions so far have been at least as relevant to the plot as Mocha's. You have hinted that there is some kind of significance to who makes it to the cover and who doesn't, and I'm a bit intrigued and eager to find out what that dividing line is.
I find it hilarious that Champagne wrote out a contract informing her father that she was running away... and he signed it. I have a guess as to who her father might be, but I won't jinx it by typing it out. I'll just have to wait and see if I'm right. But her sheltered princess personality makes for an interesting combination with her ability.
Cookie... I'm reserving my judgement on her till I see more of her. She's a unique character, to be sure, and I sorta like the idea that this gryphon raised by ponies grows up to be this sweet, gentle thing, but I'm just not quite sure yet if all the various character traits she has necessarily come together into a cohesive whole.
Mocha seems pretty easygoing for somepony who never sleeps. I suppose she is named after a caffeinated beverage and all, but still.
Good luck with your other idea, and also that "real life" thing (pfft. Like there's such a thing as not ponies!). Looking forward to whatever you come up with next, be it another chapter of this, or something else!
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My co-conspirator and I had a bit of an amusing time reading your comments.
You are... well, I'm not going to say anything, but you are an incredibly perceptive person. I think I have to step up my game a bit.
But! Yes, I hide clues everywhere. I tend to do so, and enjoy hiding things in plain sight. Ah~
And thanks for your feedback regarding Cookie. I'll keep that in mind when continuing with her. I DO have a direction for her, but if you feel that there's something missing I'd love to know more to make sure she's handled as best as possible!
And the little band grows. It looks likes we are still missing two from the title pic, though. This is already quite good, and I can see it building into something even better. My mind is thrumming, so I'll go ahead and drop some thoughts off here and now.
I like how you are handling the 'Bolts. Since they were the first response when Spike had his greed growth, I filed them away as having secondary duties as disaster relief. Kind of like the national reserve, but with performance shows. I've seen other fic treat them as a branch of the military, which never quite clicked with me. I'm thinking you have them slotted as sort of licensed free agents. They can, but aren't obligated to respond to crimes. Also, you dropped a reference to the Canterlot Police, and the fact that you specified the Canterlot police, stopped me. Is Canterlot the only city with a police department?
Hmmm... With that being the capital city, I could swallow that. But the other big cities not having something... no. That isn't right, in this very chapter, no... last chapter, Brilliant Cut said something about reporting what happened to the shop. So, I must have missed some context... Ember (?) was likening the 'Bolts to the Canterlot police. So, are the Canterlot police not doing their job? I might also be grasping at straws.
You also have an interesting view of Equestria, not nearly as idealize as mine. Almost gritty.
I really do like your prologue. Starting off on familiar territory, with familiar characters was smart. Kind of the literary equivalent of testing the temperature of the pool with your foot.
Egg is an interesting character. Reserved doesn't even begin to cut it. I'm almost tempted to liken him more to a narrative force, than a character. He preforms with the cool-headedness that everyone thinks they will be able to preform with when it comes down to it. And yet he has good chemistry with the other characters. He would make one heck of a chess player. Also, every time he pulls that ink-bag trick, it makes me wonder how many of those things he stole from his old job.
Ember is just the opposite of Egg. Impulsive and transparent and emotional. Some of the the brokenness of his dialogue makes me wince. That part where he was explaining things in the diner was difficult to read. I had enough of people who talked with that level of grammar in high school
And Champagne, could you have come up with a more spoiled, entitled name? Her body language reading ability is going to be interesting to watch. It reminds me of the show Lie to Me. Have you seen it? Good show. The first season is the best, because they actually walk you through all the body language tells, then it slowly turns into just another crime drama... I'm wondering how much power you are going to give her, you could easily treat her as a sort of Xavier level psychic, who just knows everything that is going on with in a certain radius around her. But I don't see you taking that rout.
Cookie is fun. Her puns are just within my pun tolerance, but I might start groaning if you get too carried away. She is very zen, and I like it. Having her start bleeding when she thought about her parents getting hurt was a nice touch. That would get her heart rate going and could possibly reopen a wound like that. Also, it shows that there are things she cares deeply about, material possessions just aren't one of them. It could also be that she is simply hiding the pain, repressing it. She might just be very stoic, and always put on a happy mask for others. I wonder which it is. chews pencil
Also, her being adopted is... odd to me. I'm left wondering what led to a griffon chick getting mixed into the equestrian foals service.
Mocha... I wonder what it will take for her to become a larger part of the team... That could be a scary chapter. She does seem to have feelings for Egg, I wonder if he reciprocates... I wonder if he can. Egg seems somewhat machine like, so far. Also:
I can't help but feel that Survey knows something about Egg that we don't. Perhaps he just knows how dedicated-ly he will peruse anything he sets his mind to, and is trying to prevent Egg form latching onto this one trail. An attempt to protect him, perhaps.
I am still waiting for the chapter where Egg explodes and is fine. I don't think you would have dropped that for no reason.
Yeah, Cookie confirmed to be Laughter aligned.
I would not be opposed to an EmberXCookie ship. I would, in fact, welcome it.
And speaking of Emberkite, he continues to remind me of Iron Claw. I believe you've seen him. Anyway, Ember acts pretty much as I would imagine Claw to, with Claw being a bit more angry.
Would that be the mare in the lab coat and goggles from the picture? Must be a pretty mercenary professor, if that's the case.
And by the way, are the single quotes a stylistic choice to distinguish this from dialogue, or a typo?
I'll take that as a weakly negative response. It could be that our perp has never had a chance to determine this professor's gender, so it's far from impossible, but it does lower the odds that we're talking about the same pony.
And that brings us back to our previous odds.
Guess that confirms that the picture did not capture the whole team. And unless this colt looks remarkably like Mocha, he's not in the cover art.
I stand by my statement. Sooner or later, there'll be somepony (or griffon, or dragon, or whatever) affiliated with the team outside of the pictured five. Also, the colt totally still isn't in the cover art.
Foreshadowing!
You know, of something. Something is being foreshadowed here.
Woo! Complementary superpowers!
What is the connection between the two meanings of "complementary"? I would love to be given free superpowers, so why is that not what I'm saying?
Why did Cloudsdale Unity attack him? That seems to be the question at hoof. What are their goals beyond racism? What significance does Survey have to them?
2736036 Canterlot is by no meas the only city with police. But they mere mentioned as being mostly a unicorn thing, and as not existing in Cloudsdale because until recently Cloudsdale had basically no crime.
Anyway, I assume he's aiming to not specifically contradict this being in the same universe as These City Walls if he doesn't have to, because why not put it ambiguously possibly in the same universe as his other works if he can? And that means Canterlot must have police.
Gotta say, I really love Cookie thus far! It's a character type I hadn't fully realized that I loved, UNTIL NOW. So, not only do I have to thank you for writing something awesome, but I also have to thank you for opening my eyes to something I never knew I loved.
Also, I like the idea of griffon (gryphon? can never remember which spelling is used here) names being Dutch, seeing as I'm half-Dutch myself and live in a predominantly Dutch region.