The Beast Inside
Chapter 2
The Beast Inside
Nightmare Mumbling as Rainbow dash entered the cold dark room. (Rainbow Dash) Is there any lights? (Nightmare Star) No but i can make some fire (Poof) fire (Rainbow Dash awed in amazement) Wow how you do that (Nightmare Star) Perk of having a heart of fire. (Rainbow Dash) Was that a metaphor? (Nightmare Star) No. (Rainbow Dash) Im kind of getting (Nightmare Star) me to and sorry I don’t have anything for us I MEAN you to sleep on. I don’t have any bits. (Rainbow Dash) Its alright you don’t have control of that. (Nightmare Star) Well I got an idea (Flies out of the cave and then comes back with a cloud). There something softer than the ground. (Rainbow Dash) Thanks Nightmare (Smiling back to him) (Nightmare Star) anything for a friend of mine. Oh wait sorry you barely know me. (Rainbow Dash) Well I am helping you get revenge. thats a friend in my book. (Nightmare Star giving a little grin) (Rainbow Dash) Well Good Night (Nightmare Star) Good Night (Saying under his breath) buddy... (Next day) (Rainbow Dash) SHHHH don't wake him up (Pinkie Pie) IM SORRY RAINBOW DASH
(Nightmare Star) waa huh HEY BACK OFF (Twilight Sparkle) We don't want to hurt you (Nightmare Star Goes invisible) (Twilight Sparkle) You Tell us he could do that (Rainbow Dash) all I know is he can make fire out of thin air (Nightmare Star) I hate spies. (Rainbow Dash) Im not a spy. come out they want to help us. (Rarity) Can we hurry this up there is dirt everywhere. (Twilight Sparkle) Are friend made a decision. may have been a dumb decision, but we are friends that what we do. if your her friend then your are friends to. (Nightmare Star de cloaks and says) Well then I guess your my friends then. You are? (Fluttershy) flu flu fluttershy (Nightmare giving his hoof out) Nice to meet you. (the rest of them giving him there names him shaking there hoof then Twilight suggesting showing Nightmare Ponyville) (Nightmare Star) Wow things really changed, but after a millions years thats what you got to expect. (Rainbow Dash) What was it like back then. (Nightmare Star) Paradise Fields of green grass, Rivers, Trees all the wonders you could think of just waiting for you. Till Celestia killed them. (Rainbow Dash) Who (Nightmare Star) My friends are brothers and sisters merciless killing spree. I CANT LET THAT HAPPEN AGAIN.
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Being the first "like" of your own story is discouraged.
Time to read.
Sweet Lord on a pogo stick, I honestly don't understand what I read. I got "Nightmare Star" and some sort of big decision being made, but... that's it.
I don't get it.
2054250 At least he remembered to capitalize the title.
This is a fucking grammar Holocaust the Nazi's would even cringe.
2054268 No, just no. He doesn't even get that credit, he must have accidently pressed the shift key while typing it.
2054219 I hope for the love of Celestia that was intended to be read in a sarcastic tone
2054273 I agree
2054280 Did he really give himself the first like?
holy hell we have a new level of noob.
2054273 Nice. If I had to choose between a finger in the eye and reading this story, I would shoot myself for fear of catching another glimpse of this.
2054298 DO you have the Up Syndrome? This story clearly needs some help in the form of demolition.
2054282 Thank you sir.
I'm glad someone has some common sense.
Sweet Jesus titty fucking Christ. How did you even write this? You should truly feel guilty about the annihilation of my hopes in a new generation.
2054343 Ok, so do you actually think this isn't that great story? Cause you are definitely sending mixed messages here.
Oh yea and one more thing. ALICORN, REALLY!
cyan-studios.net/faceroll/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/faceroll.gif
Is this how you wrote this materclass of shit?
2054369 I agree with that statement sir.
2054439 Welcome to hell.
No, in fact, I will not. Asking writers to excuse bad grammar is just downright insulting.
Fuck you.
THIS CHANGES NOTHING!!!!!
Jesus Christ on a flying seahorse hopping on a pogo stick,
I can comprehend...
FELIX'FUCKING SHOOT ME, WHAT IS WITH YOUR GRAMMAR?'DAWN
better than this.
MODS. WHEN YOU'RE APPROVING STORIES MAKE SURE YOU AREN'T DRUNK!
Appleshort was fucking gold compared to this.
Ok. Person (I don't think the term writer applies), have you ever, ever, picked up and read a novel? A story book? Dr. Seuss? A picture with a caption below it?
I'm in agreement with these people saying that it should be immortalized as an example of how not to write.
HE WORKED AT THE RAINBOW FACTORY.
THE FUCKING RAINBOW FACTORY.
The only good thing I have to say about this is the best fucking character name out there.
Nightmare. Mumbling.
That.
Is the best.
Character name.
Ever.
The only other thing I got from this story was how you got Rainbow Dash, the ELEMENT OF LOYALTY, to betray her friends and Equestria.
As for this.
i.qkme.me/3r66jx.jpg
Yes. I got the flu flu from this too too.
Good riddance.
terrariaonline.com/attachments/1299781811479-png.19349/
apple short pls go
Not going to give my two cents. Just hope that half of the guys who said something about the mods allowing this to pass don't get in trouble.
How can I describe this inhumane word-genocide? Aside from the fact that excusing your piss-poor grammar (Which isn't really even apparent, anyhow) insults us as writers given that that shouldn't be issue, especially due to laziness.
But my main quarrel? In the words of former-United States president Ronald Reagan at his famous speech at the Berlin Wall circa 1988:
"Mister Gorbachev, tear this wall down."
I should be a moderator. Shit like this is not gonna get past me.
You know what.
I'm copying this into google drive so it never disappears. Then when I find a bad author I can say 'well, at least it wasn't this'
img703.imageshack.us/img703/4043/lookatthawwot.png
Mod's... Stop being Lazy like this numpt.
I don't even.... cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/30780625.jpg
2055696 One step ahead. I have the .txt docs so I can riff this someday.
2055696 It happened.
i2.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/009/505/13021220502518.jpg
Normally, I try super hard to be positive about all fics that I read. I really do. However, if this is true:
Why should I add effort into being nice to this fic if you won't put effort into give us something readable?
So here's a list of questions that popped up as I read on:
What the hell just happened with Nightmare Moon?!
Who is they?!
Why are they so friggin surprised?!
What does "unexplainable faces" mean!?
Who is doing all the "getting up"!?
Where is this story going!?
Is this even a story or is this a record of a mad man's thoughts as he slipped out of his sanity?!
Why are they glaring at a pony for his voice?!
Why did RD yells "GASP"?!
How many times can I exclaim my questioning frustrations with "?!" ?!
Why is Nightmare Mumbling not the main character?!
What is happening?!
Where is what?!
Who is when?!
Why?!
Why, why, why, why ,why?!
Lastly, WHY?!
Here's my favorite line:
Yup. As friends we decide things. Dumb things. It's just what we do.
My final thought: I think the mods were just trolling us by letting this story pass, teasing us, knowing full well that that we can no longer post riff fics here!
2061265
You might want to take a look at my page. And yes, this story is now on my queue.
2061953
Well we can't post 'em here, HERE (RiP MPPT) but Google Docs works for me! Thank you fellow warrior of riffing justice!
Also, my dear story writer, not sure if I've asked this, but...
rethinkmarketing.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Why.jpg
I am writing this story before I fix all the shit ups and fuck ups. Dear Haters say what you want i'm going down with my boat.
2068858
Sorry kid, but you're not cool for referencing a brony documentary song.
Try harder.
What Documentary? I would love to know what your talking about.
2080377 Hey kid, I've been keeping up with this story for fucking weeks now. Every comment you got you deserved. If you wrote it on paper why did you not take the time to proof read it? If you had actually read a story or two before posting this shit, then you would have known what a good story was supposed to be. You want a suggestion, learn to proof read, edit, and repeat. A story isn't about writing some random shit and calling it a story, there is a huge process that it requires and frankly you seemed to skip over all of this. You keep trying to convince yourself that this has potential as a story when it really doesn't. The plot is confusing, your character is boring and a typical O.C, and overall this is just a grammar shit hole. You could have fixed it, but no you tried and defend this. I may applaud you for your persistence, but your arrogance is just down right awful.
One final thing, if you don't like the way we do things here, then leave. We bash review people to make them tough, but if the writer is stubborn, then we can't help. I'd recommend going through the comments one more time, and try to get something out of them. I want you to have a second chance, but we don't want to have stuff like this litter our site. Some of us actually have a passion for writing and we feel insulted when people write stuff like this and wants someone to compliment it as being a good story, when it just isn't. If your friends told you it was good, then welcome to a place full of strangers who don't care about your feelings.
Final Verdict: Go fucking try again you arrogant fool.
Good lord, what have you created?!
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i1355.photobucket.com/albums/q714/mufffinpatrol/F7yvMQB4pkGc3rVeeYpuTQ2.gif
This needs to be burned. What are you, 10?