Changelings are monsters, that's not a lie or an exaggeration of facts, I have to know it because I am one.
But I'm not exactly like them, I'm...different. I don't lurk in the shadows and try to absorb your love or something similar, I don't do such stuff. The others from my species disown me, they can feel that I'm not like them. I don't belong into their hive but I also don't belong to the rest of Equestria. I'm an outcast, hunted down for what I am and not for what I've done...
My name is Ling, and this is my story.
Chapters (4)
BOOP
>Who made the rule that ALL changelings have to be love sucking monsters? It's a big lie. I have to know it. I am one.
"It's a big lie. I have to know it. I am one."
Due to your sentence structure, I have reason to believe that you are a lie.
MOAR! MOARMOARMOARMOARMOAR!!!!
1965477
'TIS A LIE!//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png
Do Changelings say everypony? You'd think they'd say everyinsect or something.
1966130
If they're going to integrate themselves into pony society, they have to learn to use all the typical words. Other fics would have changelings use the moniker "-ling" rather than "-pony", but only when they're not undercover agents in the midst of unaware ponies.
Overall, the story itself is an interesting start. The need for a proofreader is glaring however. Almost as glaring as the sun's rays off Celestia's flank. Punctuation is wandering, extra spaces knocking periods off the ends of sentences, and past/post/pre-tense of words keeps getting mixed up. The less forgiving readers will downvote you based on petty things like this. On the positive side, your spelling is quite good.
I look forward to seeing where Ling goes (well, besides his prison cell for now) and what an emotivore eats, if not love as the rest of his race chows down upon. Hmm. Maybe this is similar to the carnivore/herbivore dynamic? So if carnivore is to eat love, what's herbivore? The emotion of "like"? And to keep stringing this silly logic on, would a weirdo hippy-ling vegan feed on apathy? Heh.
p.s. Somewhere, out there in the internet, there has to a free text editor with grammar correction built in next to the spell checker. Wishing that Gdocs had something is obviously too much to ask for. Ah well.
Those are some decisive tags you got up with only the first chapter out, sounds like you got a plan.
1965477 oh no ! *disappears with a poof*
1965539 okay, but please don't hurt me D;
1967374 yeah, amazing what my brain thought of in a 10 minute bus ride, isn't it ?
1966282 yeah I could really need a proofreader or I could be lazy and just say ; he's a changeling, he doesn't have to use good grammar ^^ but no, I think i need one
1966130 read what morphy said i don't wanna repeat it ^^
1968416
Fix your grammar up a bit, it's rather atrocious right now.
I know you probably aren't a native English speaker, but do get a proofreader. The grammar is at the point where it's actually distracting me from the story.
1970646 yeah I will search one and then I fix up all mistakes ;-)
you have my attention.
that takes skill
1975130 thanks ^^ nice to see people actually like my story
1975192
i just really like changelings and this one seems a bit more interesting. only other changeling related fanfic i like is Flitter.
also do you play xbox at all?
1975668 nah I have a ps3 somewhere but I mostly play on the pc
1975702
used to be PC, played nothing but tf2, spent 100$ and loss 580 because of valves crappy security
Moose? static.tumblr.com/331302e5d96226cfa31186f30de794db/97nr3uj/PXhmf7ei5/tumblr_static_moose_crossing.jpg
How does that even work?
1990180 gah I will never buy a Japanese English-lexicon app again >.<
Psycho guards.
I...what? Ask him out? Like, on a date?
The hot headed really shouldn't have any involvement with justice, somebody always ends up dead.
Such a waste.
This story is pretty good.
Very good even, i'm watching this.
Although its noticable that you haven't written a lot, that's mostly seen in the begin of the first chapter, its just not very smooth.
But its a pretty nice story.
Good idea for a story.
I really like the racial issues put in and that he is( im guessing) trying to be like a normal pony. Also liked the... Brutality
The only thing holding it back is a couple of gramma issues and sometimes the flow.
Simply can help you on the gramma. And the flow should be better the more write, keep it up you're doing great
2013438 do the grammar ! DO IT ! I will write with you later about it
2013441
But... Im dean... And on a phone, soo i may have some problems with correcting errors
2013452 i know you are dean XD
2013452 and I meant that you could do them when you have time ^^ would be awesome
2013460
I'll see what i can do. We could have a call tomorrow, then i could read it and naming the problems while you can edit it
2013477 sure
Bastardly cliffhanger!
2030488
And there we go, shit going down and its all directed to Ling.
Such a sweet and innocent person, yeah he's going to die.
2031353 aren't mistakes funny ?
I like this chapter. You keep giving tidbits of personality instead of all at once. And don't worry i'll find time to help with the gramma
And i love the reason why he doesn't like broccoli
Keep up the good work
I copied the first chapter into a word processor and fixed it. Would you like me to send you the corrected version via message?
2049085 would be awesome ^^ what a word processor ?
Thats good to hear ;)
Keep up the good work.
This fic is in desperate need of editing. There are a bunch of spelling and grammar issues.
2184101 I know but I haven't found the time yet to correct.
2052874 A program you use to type with, such as Microsoft Word. Your poor spelling and gammar and the fact that you don't know what a word processor is leads me to wonder... How old are you?
2192994 I asked what a wordprocessor you use, and not what a word proccesor is. By the way, I now use OpenOffice on my new pc.
2193345 I use either Microsoft Word or Microsoft Works Word, depending on which of my two PCs I am using. Microsoft Word is my favorite word processor.
Since I can't seem to find the file, I guess it must be on the other computer... I'll find it.
2193345 "New chapters will come soon" IN VALVE TIME?!
3423644
4 years later
Still waiting
Dead story?