Already you've gripped me. Normally I detest HiE stories with a passion, but your character is incredibly relatable. Perhaps I am used to the not-so-professional "I AM A BRONY & OMG IM IN EQUESTRIA!!!"
Honestly liking this so far. It feels a lot more feasible and real than any other HiE story I've read. I think the 1st person view was a wonderful choice, even if it makes showing v telling a bit harder.
The thing I'm most impressed with thus far though is your ability to imagine and portray what it might actually be like. The stares, the niggling feeling of being alone, acclimating to the new environment... it's thrilling! Great job, man.
Wait... Cheerilee bumped into him because she had her 'nose buried in a magazine' while walking. As an earth pony, who would be unlikely to walk around holding up a magazine since that would require bipedal movement.
Suspicion levels rising. Using the old "oh I bumped into you on accident" excuse... Clever girl. Well done.
1944506 when she got home bonbon was making jelly babies (mostly for the doctor) Lyra: BONBON!!!! Bonbon: I know there is a human you somehow summoned into our bed lyra Lyra: there was a human in our... give me a few minutes to..."relieve" myself of... you know... Bonbon: sigh, just make sure to clean up the mess Lyra: I love you... none, off to clop myself silly!
Already you've gripped me. Normally I detest HiE stories with a passion, but your character is incredibly relatable. Perhaps I am used to the not-so-professional "I AM A BRONY & OMG IM IN EQUESTRIA!!!"
Honestly liking this so far. It feels a lot more feasible and real than any other HiE story I've read. I think the 1st person view was a wonderful choice, even if it makes showing v telling a bit harder.
The thing I'm most impressed with thus far though is your ability to imagine and portray what it might actually be like. The stares, the niggling feeling of being alone, acclimating to the new environment... it's thrilling! Great job, man.
When he sends his produce flying all I can think of is
25.media.tumblr.com/4c983161009bf28d625c3a3f0452fce7/tumblr_mg4mmpICcf1rmxdt1o1_500.gif
Also the first pony Jason the Human discovers is Lyra?
Wait... Cheerilee bumped into him because she had her 'nose buried in a magazine' while walking. As an earth pony, who would be unlikely to walk around holding up a magazine since that would require bipedal movement.
Suspicion levels rising. Using the old "oh I bumped into you on accident" excuse... Clever girl. Well done.
As a person who owns a pony I would like to state that they don't smell like their own piss
I like this so far,
Have an Apple,
I must say, I am intrigued. Continue.....
An interesting beginning, Mr Darf. A bit different from your usual fare
Onwards!
Psst there is a period to many here "she was careful not to let on when I spoke to her.."
I'm just glad you didn't do that cheap second-person wish fulfillment with this.
Nice! You deserve a pie
1945328
.....
How did i not catch that...
1944506 when she got home bonbon was making jelly babies (mostly for the doctor)
Lyra: BONBON!!!!
Bonbon: I know there is a human you somehow summoned into our bed lyra
Lyra: there was a human in our... give me a few minutes to..."relieve" myself of... you know...
Bonbon: sigh, just make sure to clean up the mess
Lyra: I love you... none, off to clop myself silly!