As Rainbow Dash tries to hunt down her parents murder Dmitry tries to live past his sins
Page generated in 0.024 seconds
Total duration
886 users online
638,111 hits today, 2,732,798 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
You know any douchebag athletes? That's kinda how she thinks.
1899760 No I don't know any douchbag athletes unfortunately, but I'm gonna go at it with a sort of Brash head on sort of thinking for her
1899950Yeah, that works too!
Bullshit! Humans would never loose to a bunch of ponies haha and we would not just take being enslaved nor would the ponies enslave us but still I like the idea of this so okay so far.
On second thought, I'm gonna stop here. While your premise is good and interesting, there are two things this story desperately needs to improve on.
1: the paragraph structure. you need to separate the dialogue into separate paragraphs.
2: The pace is too fast and not enough description as far as emotions are concerned.
I was really looking forward to this, but these two obstacles prevent me from enjoying this fic. Good day.