I'm admittedly a little torn on this story. I mean, I like the 'verse and the characters (save for perhaps Lightning Dust), but Ed strikes me as someone who's more concerned with appearing intellectual than actual being so.
It's mostly all of the direct quotes that get me. I feel someone who is as intelligent as he seems to be would spend more time making his own poignant statements rather than regurgitating others'. Though, it may just be me, or it may even be a cultural thing. I unfortunately spend more time surrounded by morons than conversing with intelligent Brits
Or, on second thought, I suppose it's more of a display of sophistication than intelligence, in which case I can't really fault him. I do feel it distracts from the writing a bit, and I often skip them without missing much. Just my two cents.
Fair enough, I can't fault you for an honest opinion.
I consider Edmund as a man with the soul of a poet, but with none of his skill. He, like many intellectuals and sophisticated people enjoys reading and quoting poems and maxims etc. to show that they aren't merely well monied knuckle draggers. It is a mark that dispite his humble working class origins (and yes, the class system still exists) he is as refined and cultured as his nominal betters.
Think of it as the high culture version of quoting family guy or other such shows and movies.
2145883 I kinda agree with Metalhead here, it was particularly noticable in this chapter. Having him quote something profound once or twice in a chapter is ok. Having him quote five or six times is pushing it a little far. You start to get the impression that the character is just a talking head, parroting various quotations, without having any real depth.
Note that I'm not saying he CAN'T quote famous stuff, and have it be deeply meaningful in the context of the story, just that when practically every other line of dialogue is something from a poem, or a song, or a famous saying, the reader starts to eye roll and go, "enough already, we get the point, dude."
The statement, "think of it as Family Guy" doesn't really work, because Family Guy usually does it for laughs, for the sake of parody. You're playing it completely straight, in an attempt to have your character come across as cultured and witty, but when you over do it, he starts to come across as disingenuous and vapid, which is the exact opposite of what you're going for.
TL:DR It's fine to quote stuff, but don't go overboard, or you'll get the exact opposite effect of what you're going for. A good rule of thumb, and this is only my opinion mind, would be to have no more than one or two a chapter, and only if you absolutely HAVE to.
While I am enjoying the story, I'm not getting the quotes he makes as I'm not all that into poetry or long famous quotes so it's just pointless to me. Still liking the story.
a sweet chapter.i like it!
I can't help but wonder what happened in Blackpool
2144006
Thanks!
2144157
That shall remain a mystery - but I'm sure you can imagine the sort of things two university students may get up to on holiday.
Amazing as always
I'm admittedly a little torn on this story. I mean, I like the 'verse and the characters (save for perhaps Lightning Dust), but Ed strikes me as someone who's more concerned with appearing intellectual than actual being so.
It's mostly all of the direct quotes that get me. I feel someone who is as intelligent as he seems to be would spend more time making his own poignant statements rather than regurgitating others'. Though, it may just be me, or it may even be a cultural thing. I unfortunately spend more time surrounded by morons than conversing with intelligent Brits
Or, on second thought, I suppose it's more of a display of sophistication than intelligence, in which case I can't really fault him. I do feel it distracts from the writing a bit, and I often skip them without missing much. Just my two cents.
2145758
Fair enough, I can't fault you for an honest opinion.
I consider Edmund as a man with the soul of a poet, but with none of his skill.
He, like many intellectuals and sophisticated people enjoys reading and quoting poems and maxims etc. to show that they aren't merely well monied knuckle draggers. It is a mark that dispite his humble working class origins (and yes, the class system still exists) he is as refined and cultured as his nominal betters.
Think of it as the high culture version of quoting family guy or other such shows and movies.
2200812
Oh God, I'm laughing so hard right now!
I do need to rewrite that chapter and that bit in particular. I don't think Edmunds talents extend to that. .... or do they?
While I disapprove of the direction this story has taken, you didn't fuck it up. And from an objective standpoint that is good.
I can't wait for the next chapter
Just one error.
You have reversed the use of " " and ' '.
" " is supposed to be used for speach now.
' ' is supposed to be used for thoughts now.
It's really jarring, and breaks story flow.
2603602
Actually that's American usage, I am British, so it's the other way around. Granted some people break the "rules" on both sides of the pond.
2145883 I kinda agree with Metalhead here, it was particularly noticable in this chapter. Having him quote something profound once or twice in a chapter is ok. Having him quote five or six times is pushing it a little far. You start to get the impression that the character is just a talking head, parroting various quotations, without having any real depth.
Note that I'm not saying he CAN'T quote famous stuff, and have it be deeply meaningful in the context of the story, just that when practically every other line of dialogue is something from a poem, or a song, or a famous saying, the reader starts to eye roll and go, "enough already, we get the point, dude."
The statement, "think of it as Family Guy" doesn't really work, because Family Guy usually does it for laughs, for the sake of parody. You're playing it completely straight, in an attempt to have your character come across as cultured and witty, but when you over do it, he starts to come across as disingenuous and vapid, which is the exact opposite of what you're going for.
TL:DR It's fine to quote stuff, but don't go overboard, or you'll get the exact opposite effect of what you're going for. A good rule of thumb, and this is only my opinion mind, would be to have no more than one or two a chapter, and only if you absolutely HAVE to.
While I am enjoying the story, I'm not getting the quotes he makes as I'm not all that into poetry or long famous quotes so it's just pointless to me. Still liking the story.