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Rustic_King

Joined July 2012
29 followers

Stories (1)

  • A bolt from the blue
    A love story featuring our favourite wall eyed pony.

    5,890 words · 463 views · 12 likes · 9 dislikes

Blog Posts (12)

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Comments ( 14 )

#1 · 67w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

quite the gentlemen he is! :moustache::moustache::moustache:

#2 · 67w, 3d ago · · ·

Very good story, is look like this universe of gentleman's for mares, is becoming quite popular, you know, I am little curious about if you or the creator of this universe, will put a chapter when they will accompany Pinkie Pie, Zecora or my favorite, the princess, that my friend I bet will be a challenge to write, so I ask you and the original, can you, in the future make a chapter in witch one of this 3 mares will be the objective? Perhaps you can leave the princess for a special, those two as I said, will be a challenge, almost like the mount Everest of this story, so please considered.

P.S: Did the pony in the begging that said a very estrange comment about her tits, will appear in the future?  

#3 · 67w, 3d ago · · ·

>>1897742

I can assure you that a certain princess has a very pivital role to play in a future story of mine.

I'm not sure about Zecora or Pinkie, but anything can happen.

And oh yes, she comes back. Her name is Milky way, an OC that is very popular. The creator ( I assume it is the creator) has a Tumblr "milkmare of Trottingham" where "she" answers questions and shares the various fan art.

#4 · 67w, 3d ago · · ·

>>1898102

cool, I can't wait to read those 2 chapter…or chapter if you get a little creative, and thanks to answer my question

#5 · 67w, 3d ago · · ·

>>1898130

I have at least another 2 chapters before his holiday ends. As for how many after that, I don't know.

#6 · 67w, 2d ago · · ·

A new story for the G4M universe eh? About time.:pinkiehappy:

#7 · 67w, 2d ago · · ·

>>1901089

Thank you, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter.

#8 · 67w, 2d ago · · ·

Someone needs to create a group for these. The "Gentlemen for Mares Universe."

#9 · 67w, 2d ago · · ·

>>1902642

Perhaps I'll make one in the morning? It would be nice to see how many there are.

#10 · 67w, 2d ago · · ·

Hey. If I may offer what I hope is some constructive criticism...

It's a not a bad idea, and there are some good moments, but to me, this feels too rushed and forced. He goes on vacation, comes to Equestria for a 2-month holiday only to run out of money (a gentleman is a bad planner? Being a a solicitor, wouldn't he be a lot more organized and careful?), is discovered by Eve but  doesn't find much odd about her having him pose for her, initially strongly objects to the idea of being a Gentleman when its explained by Platinum then eagerly agrees in the space of five minutes?

I'd think there'd be a lot more leeriness and agonizing than that, and given that the original GfM story emphasized how hard it was for a new Gentleman to get business, I don't really buy that he'd be given a high-profile client like Octavia for his first mare within two days of being hired (if the story skipped ahead about six months from that moment, it might make more sense, especially if you then filled in the gaps of that six months slowly via flashbacks, showing his evolution from from uncertain new recruit to a veteran gentleman).

There's also nothing about our new gentleman's trip over, what he saw or did during his time in Equestria, or even what he *looks* like. Might have been interesting to know what his first meetings with and impressions of ponies were. Does he find them attractive? Did he think about them that way before? Why does he decide he *wants* to do it and would enjoy it, scandal be damned when he doesn't even know if it will work out? These are questions that I, as a reader, would like to know and would really help flesh out his character.

The clop itself's not bad--finish is pretty good and I liked the parting note--but you kind of rushed through dinner and it's can be more romantic and meaningful if you go slower. More description of their surroundings would be good as well, help paint the picture as it were. What makes the original GfM so good--and what makes for good adult stories in general, clop or otherwise--are strong, well-developed characters, realistic storytelling and really taking the time to set the scene, both in terms of description and plot.

Understand, I'm not trying to discourage you; I certainly think this story has potential and am curious to see more. Just some thoughts to keep in mind going forward.

#11 · 67w, 2d ago · · ·

>>1902989

No, no, it's all the good and helpful stuff.

One of my bad habits is releasing stuff before it's ready because I want people to see it.

I myself am not 100% happy with this as is and probably never will but expect edits in the areas you mentioned soon(ish). Thanks for the advice!:moustache:

#12 · 66w, 4d ago · · ·

That had a couple twists and turns in it that I was not expecting. For doing that, I will give you a :moustache:.

Apparently you've incorporated most of Kipaji's suggestions by this point, and I have to say that those are some very good points that he brought up and that I am glad you addressed them since those would have been some pretty glaring points. As such, I only have three things that I think should be addressed. Listed in what I think is their matter of importance, they are:

1. Do you have permission to use Milky Way? If you haven't asked, you should get on that.

2. Please explicitly mention that Ed had to shorten his trip when he leaves the first time, or mention that he somehow managed to scrape by with Milky Way's help to get his full time out of the trip.

3. At some point, probably a later chapter, you should probably have Octavia explain why she wanted a less experienced gentleman.

All in all though, :yay: Good job! You rock!

#13 · 66w, 4d ago · · ·

>>1928705

Wow thanks!:twilightsheepish:

As for one, I have let her know via Tumblr, she seems embarrassed but so far I haven't been asked to stop. If I am I will.

2) he managed to stay the full time he intended, but he did have to make economies.

3) It will be addressed as to why she wanted a rookie.

Thanks for the support, and you may expect chapter three in about 2 weeks, give or take.

#14 · 66w, 2d ago · 8 · 1 ·

Please fix your quotations.

“when I say something my text will be surrounded by quotation marks, not an apostrophe." Wizardmon said.

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