Gone in 1800 Seconds

by True Blue Spark

#253. Pink and Purple

The Prompt: Ancient prophecies can be really, really stupid sometimes.

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“SPIIIIIIKE!”

If the slamming of the front door hadn’t caught Spike’s attention, the scream would have done the trick. He peered down from the upper level of the library to see Twilight Sparkle, mane frizzed and breath coming fast. “Oh, boy,” he muttered under his breath. “Not again.”

“Spike, where are you?!” the unicorn yelped again, teleporting across the room to her desk. (Couldn’t she just walk?) “And where are my Horsetradamus translation notes? Ohhhh, I have to find it!”

Spike rolled his eyes and hopped down toward the first floor. “I’m right here, Twilight. What’s all the commotion about?”

Twilight pulled a sheet out and paled as she looked it over. “Oh, no, oh, no, it’s worse than I thought. Spike!” She spun around and grabbed his face with her hooves. “I need your help. I just don’t know what to do!”

“Okay, okay, calm down!” Spike pushed her hooves away. “You know I’m always here for you. So what happened, anyway?”

“It’s Pinkie Pie. She... She...”

Spike gasped. “What? What happened? What did she do?”

Twilight stared into Spike’s eyes, as serious as he’d ever seen her. And then she dropped the bombshell. “She kissed me!”

“...Say what now?”

“She kissed me! And not on the cheek or anything, oh, no! This was a lips-on-lips kiss! And she said she liked me, she’s liked me for ages, and she wants to be my marefriend!” Twilight was pacing around in circles now, waving her forelegs to emphasize each hurried sentence. How she wasn’t falling on her face, Spike couldn’t begin to guess.

“Okay...” Spike scratched his head. He wasn’t quite seeing what was the panic-worthy situation here. “And... Do you need help turning her down or something? You never seemed to have trouble with that when you were getting flirted with back in Canterlot.”

“No, I—” Twilight stopped her panicking for a moment... and blushed. Quite a lot, really. “I actually... don’t... want to turn her down. I didn’t really realize it myself until today, but... I think I like Pinkie too.”

Okay, now he was really lost. “What? That’s a good thing all around, then, isn’t it? So why are you freaking out?”

“Because of this!” Twilight grabbed the parchment from before and slapped it into Spike’s face. “I remembered this old Horsetradamus prophecy I translated out of the old language, and sure enough, I think it’s talking about me and her!”

When pink and purple intertwine / And two turn into more / Two magics mix and meld in one / And open destruction’s door.

Spike squinted at the couplet. “Why does it still rhyme, if you translated it from—”

“That’s not important right now! Look!” Twilight snatched the parchment up and pointed with a hoof. “The pink and purple obviously means me and Pinkie Pie. And the two magics must refer to my unicorn power and her Pinkie Sense! Which means...”

“If you and Pinkie hook up, you’ll open destruction’s door.” Spike’s voice was as flat as a pancake.

“Exactly!”

Silence. Spike wanted nothing more than to go back to bed. “Twilight. You’re like a sister to me. And you know I love you.” His voice took a sharp upturn into the higher octaves of his register. “But that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard!” And living with Twilight, he’d heard a lot of ridiculous things.

Despite her panic, Twilight was allowing a bit of her old lecturing voice to slip in. “Spike, we can’t just discount divination so easily! If not for the prophecy about Nightmare Moon, we might not even be here today!”

“Yeah, but for every real prophecy like that one, there’s a dozen that ponies just made up on the spot!” Spike swiftly countered. “I mean... You remember that time two months ago, when you found a prophecy that you were sure meant the world was going to end?”

Twilight went silent for a moment. “...Yes...”

“And did the world end?” Spike prompted her.

“...No...” she ruefully admitted.

“You see! Everything’s fine! Horsetradamus doesn’t exactly have the best track record anyway. He was so vague, his couplets could mean whatever you wanted them to. I mean, the purple could just as easily be... Rarity. Or even me!”

“Yeah...” Twilight finally seemed to calm down for good. “I guess you’re right. It’s silly to let something like this get in between me and Pinkie Pie, isn’t it?”

Spike sighed with relief. “Thank you. Now will you please go back out there and get back to smooching your new marefriend?”

“You know what? I think I will. Thanks, Spike!” Twilight stood tall and marched out of the library again. Spike carefully listened... Yep, as soon as the door was closed, she’d broken into a swift gallop.

“That’s more like it,” he chuckled, returning to his cleaning tasks. “At least one of us should get to have a love life.”

As he swept, he came across the sheet of parchment containing the prophecy that had started this whole mess. He rolled his eyes. Really, even if it was true, what could it even mean? It was so vague. Pink and purple intertwine and two turn into more? That almost sounded like Twilight and Pinkie were going to—

Spike coughed and tried to wave away the mental images. He did not want to think of his almost-sister doing that. Two mares couldn’t have kids anyway. Although he’d heard something about spells once, and if there was one, surely Twilight would be able to find and cast it...

Curiosity peaked, Spike looked over the rest of the couplet one more time. Two magics in one... He imagined a little unicorn baby with Twilight’s magic reserves and Pinkie’s unknowable senses. Twilight’s curiosity and Pinkie’s boundless energy. Twilight’s neuroticism and Pinkie’s obsessions...

Calmly, Spike set his broom aside and walked over to the desk to write a letter.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Do you know anypony who could dig me an underground shelter? Just curious.

Author's Note:

Oh, this one was a lot of fun to write. I’d been wanting to write Twinkie for a while, and once I got the idea for the couplet, I knew I had to do it. (And of course it rhymes. Prophecies rhyme all the time, after all!) I dunno, I don’t have a lot to say about this one. Spike is a fantastic straight man, and I like the thought of him giving his snarky support to Twilight when she has romantic complications. It’s silly and fun and a little sweet, just the way I like to write.

Comments

[Ignaltus]

The day of doom.

[starryrocker]

Dear spike run now RUN dear god man Run

[ApparitionsShadow]

somebody should make a fic of that idea, it could be comedy gold.

[Fury of the Tempest]

XDDDDDD, I love your take on it!