Gone in 1800 Seconds

by True Blue Spark

#315. It Never Gets Old

The Prompt: Twilight Sparkle's middle name.

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The sight of five ponies and one young dragon hanging out together was not an uncommon one in Ponyville. These particular ponies and dragon were known for being the best and most inseparable of friends. The activity they were engaged in this fine afternoon, however, was a bit unusual.

“Oh, Spikey-Wikey, I simply cannot thank you enough for assisting me so ably!” Rarity leaned down to nuzzle Spike’s cheek affectionately. He blushed like the setting sun, but valiantly prevented the quill in his claw from splattering ink all over the stack of parchment in front of him.

“I-I’m glad to help, Rarity! It’s the least I can do. You need this filled out to enter the exhibition, after all!”

“I gotta admit, I’m mighty impressed at how good you are with all this paperwork,” Applejack chuckled. “After yer done here, mind if I hire ya to help Big Macintosh with the farm’s taxes?”

“You don’t have to hire me, AJ, I’m glad to help!” Spike insisted. “I grew up in Canterlot, so I know how obtuse their paperwork can be.”

Rarity shook her head and placed a hoof against her forehead. “Oh, it’s simply dreadful! Form after form, half of them requiring information already given in the ones before!”

“Yeah, seriously. Princess Celestia is always trying to make things more efficient, but some ponies just like their red tape.”

Pinkie Pie leaned over the table, peering at the upside-down (to her) forms. “Is that how you got so good at this? Did the Princess teach you?”

Spike smiled and stared off into the distance for a second. “She didn’t exactly teach me, but... Before Luna came back, just about every scroll that needed a signature had to go by her. So I just picked it up here and there.”

“Well, I think it’s very impressive,” Fluttershy said.

“Oh, agreed! And I’m ever so grateful that you did,” Rarity chimed, leaning in for another nuzzle.

“Ehehe, me too.” Once Spike had tamed his latest blush, he snorted and tapped the uppermost parchment with his quill, where a field marked ‘First Name’ contained the name ‘Rarity’ and the field ‘Last Name’ rested blank. “It sure wasn’t easy, though. It took me forever to figure out how these worked for all of us who’ve only got one name!”

“Yeah, I always kinda wondered about that,” Rainbow Dash put in. “And what about this one?” She pointed at the ‘Middle Name’ field one line below. “Do they even need that? I don’t think I even know anypony who has a middle name!”

“Sure you do, Dashie!” Pinkie said. “Mine’s Diane!”

Dash blinked at her pink friend. “Oh, yeah, I forgot. Okay, so I know one pony who has a middle name. And that’s Pinkie, so it only half counts anyway.” The Pinkie Exception was a well-known maxim throughout Ponyville and portions of the rest of Equestria.

“Actually, Twilight’s got one too,” Spike commented absently, chewing on the end of his quill. How much could he get away with putting down for travel expenses, he wondered. Rarity could technically get a royal escort any time she wanted, but—

“Wait, what?” Rainbow Dash was the first to react, slamming her hooves down on the table. “Twilight has a middle name?”

“Huh? You guys didn’t know?” From the shocked expressions on all five ponies’ faces, the answer to Spike’s question was obvious.

“Why, she’s never told us! So, darling, what is it?”

Rainbow Dash chuckled and rubbed her hooves together. “Yeah, spill it! It must be something embarrassing, or she wouldn’t be keeping it secret!”

“What?” Spike scratched his head. “She doesn’t keep it a secret or anything... She’s probably told all you guys a couple times, you just didn’t realize it.”

“Now, what’s that supposed to mean, exactly?” Applejack asked.

He rolled his eyes in response. “She’s totally in love with that dumb joke. I’d be surprised if you never—oh, hey, there she is.”

In unison, the six turned toward Twilight Sparkle, who was walking down the street with Mayor Mare. “Are you certain it’s alright?” the mayor said solicitously. “I would completely understand if you were too busy, with your other duties...”

“No, no, it’s no trouble at all, I assure you!” Twilight assured her. “Canterlot does Winter Wrap Up entirely with magic, so I won’t be needed! I’ll be more than happy to be the All-Team Organizer again!”

“Oh, thank you, Twilight. I don’t know what we would do without you!”

Twilight beamed proudly. “It’s my pleasure, Mayor. After all, ‘Organization’ is my middle name!” And she grinned, as if enjoying a private little in-joke that only she was in on.

Spike held out his claws and looked at the others. “You see?” he drawled.

Rainbow Dash’s jaw dropped. “What, seriously?!”

“Talk about prophetic names...” Applejack muttered under her breath.

“Yeah. As long as I live, I will never understand what Mr. and Mrs. Sparkle were thinking.”

Fluttershy shook her head. “At least she seems to like it.”

“She would.”

“Hey, Spike! Hey, girls!” Twilight trotted up to the table happily. “What’s up?”

The girls mumbled and exchanged awkward glances and kicked their hooves.

Spike just rolled his eyes. “Hey, Twilight. Wanna help me finish off this paperwork?”

“Do I!”

Author's Note:

Oh, I’m really happy with the way this one turned out. When the prompt was posted, my mind immediately went to the old Metaphor is My Middle Name trope. I was so sure someone else was going to do a joke like this (Twilight says “blank is my middle name” and it actually is), but no one did! Although one other submission played with it too.

I also really enjoy the paperwork conversation leading into the big reveal. The ponies’ personalities are so much fun to play with, and even a casual, ordinary conversation like this one can be made interesting just from the interplay between them. And I always have wondered exactly how ponies’ names work. I mean, even though I have Spike say “Mr. and Mrs. Sparkle” here, neither of them has “Sparkle” in their name—and for that matter, neither does Shining Armor. It seems like families only have a “family name” if they choose to, e.g. our favorite farmers the Apples.

Anyway, that’s enough rambling about overthinking ponies for one author’s note. Next time: more dragon headcanon! (No.)

Comments

[InkFathom]

Twilight Organization Sparkle

[Pen Brush]

2413384
I find it amusing

[Neutrinos are Magic]

So... Rainbow's middle name isn't Danger?

[bahatumay]

Man, I'm only halfway through and I'm getting tired of trying to upvote again and again.

[Fury of the Tempest]

Hahahaha! I love it!