The Pony Who Never Skips a Beat
I woke up at roughly the same time Kicky did, so we both had our breakfast and let Bon Bon sleep in for a bit. I always think that, considering she works so hard, she needs all the sleep she can get; she does lead a quite work intensive life. I could predict her exact routine for today: get up, eat, then make some candies before selling them out at the market. Me? I was a lot more flexible, although I did have one goal I wanted to accomplish today.
It didn’t take long after breakfast for Kicky to leave and do... whatever she does. Or whoever. I wanted her to stay for just a little while longer, but... she can’t. She has her own life to live. I know it isn’t true, but whenever she leaves after a banging session, I can’t help but shake the feeling that we’ve become more distant than we used to be.
I thought that maybe if I washed the dishes, it’d clear my head from such thoughts. But honestly, there was nothing else to think about. I turned on the tap and began scrubbing our used plates with a washcloth—using my magic hands, of course.
Back when we were both in Canterlot, we spent practically every day together, whenever it was possible. Now? Days can go by when I only catch a glimpse of her with some other pony. Usually Blossom, Rainbow Dash... or Raindrops.
I frowned as I began scrubbing the plates a bit harder. Raindrops and I got along about as well as two dragons that shared a cave full of gems, the damn grumpy workaholic. Okay, I know work is important, but when it turns you into a plothead? That’s where I draw the line. It didn’t help that she looked down on me because of my lifestyle.
I shook my head and put one clean dish on the side. Back to Kicky. I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised at us distancing; in Canterlot, she did write a lot to Rainbow Dash, although I never read any of the letters. Kicky always danced around the question when I asked what she wrote to her about. That always confused me, but it doesn’t matter anymore. Regardless, it made sense that she’d go back to her old friends when she moved to Ponyville.
I stopped and grimaced. That made her sound like she didn’t care about me at all, but I knew that wasn’t the case. But then... why had we become more distant? I resumed scrubbing. There are some things in this world you can never explain.
Still, it could be worse. At least we still bang. And when we do, it’s glorious.
Not long after I had finished washing up, Bon Bon slowly came downstairs, bed mane and all. I couldn’t help but smile as she stumbled into the kitchen.
“Morning, sugar,” I said, giving her a peck on the cheek.
“Morning, mint, “ she replied, fighting back the urge to yawn.
I snorted, smirking. “You’ll want coffee then, I take it?”
“Mhm,” Bons simply answered, sitting down at the table.
I trotted over to the kitchen counters and prepared the morning brew. “And while I’m at it, shall I make your breakfast too?” It was intended as a joke, but if she said yes, then of course I’d do it.
Bon Bon shook her head slightly. “No, I’ll do it.”
“Alright then, hun.” I suppose I can’t blame her for that. She is a better cook than me.
Soon enough, the coffee was in a mug, which in turn was in my lover’s hooves. I sat in the chair next to her, its legs skidding across the floor as I moved closer to her.
“So,” I began while she was taking a sip, “more work today?”
Bon Bon put the mug down. Already she looked more awake. “Actually, I was thinking of taking the day off today.”
That made me raise an eyebrow. “It’s not Sunday, though.”
“I know, but after last night...” She smiled dreamily, then blinked. “Well, I just want my rest day earlier this week.”
I beamed and put a foreleg around her, pulling in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Now, she was all mine for the rest of the da—
“Besides, Cherry wanted to hang out with me today.”
I froze, but knew that pulling away would seem suspicious. Didn’t stop me from grinding my teeth together though. “Cool. Yeah. That’s fine, hun.”
Bon Bon nodded once. “Good.” She took another sip, and then asked, “Do you have any plans today?”
“One,” I answered. “Y’know Sparkler, right?”
Bons smirked at me. “Of course I know her. You did tell me about her when you came back from the lecture. I’ve also sold candies to her and her family.”
I guess that made sense. Selling stuff is a very social thing, and in a town like Ponyville, trust is a big part of the business game. If your product sucked, or you did something bad and got caught, word would spread very quickly and your business prospects would plummet.
“Mhm. Anyways, I was going to meet Sparkler after school and give her something as a thanks. Maybe a cupcake or something.” Plus, she seemed like a cool kid, anyway.
I did need something from her though. Well, rather, her mom. The problem with that was that Derpy was an extremely busy pony and I never knew how her work schedule—er, worked. I figured Sparkler of all ponies would know.
“Seems like the best thing to do,” Bon Bon said, sliding out from the table and heading to the kitchen counters. “As for me, time to get my bake face on.”
I grinned, watching her prepare hay bacon strips like a pro. Then I grumbled as I smelt them cooking.
I should’ve waited for her to make me breakfast...
After spending the day playing music and generally lying about, the time had come for school to finish. I headed for Sparkler’s school and waited outside for the students to come rushing out. After a few stares were directed my way, I realised that an adult like me waiting for hordes of teenagers to leave school looked... kinda off. So I sat on a bench a ways away that still gave me a view of the exit. I thought that picking out Sparkler shouldn’t have been too hard, considering she was all purple.
The doors swung open and teenagers made their escape, although only a few actually galloped off. Most were chatting with their friends. Probably gossip, no doubt. I got off the bench and stepped a little closer, trying to find Sparkler.
Eventually, I spotted her coming outside. She was levitating a little book in front of her, looking through it before placing it in her saddlebags. Other ponies brushed past her as she made her way from the school back home.
I watched her go, beginning my approach when she wasn’t surrounded by other teens. “Er, hey!” I called out after her, waving.
She gave a small start, but quickly turned to see me. “Oh—uh, hey!” She gave me a welcoming smile as she trotted up. “'Sup, Miss Lyra?” Eugh. I know she was trying to be polite, but I really didn't like being called 'Miss'; made me feel old.
It didn’t stop me from putting on a warm smile though. “Just wanted to catch you and give you something by way of thanks for helping me out the other day.”
Sparkler blinked. “Oh. I just gave you directions, you don't have to do anything for that.”
“There was also the spitball in my mane.” I scowled a little. “That took a while to completely wash out.” At one point, I had Bon Bon rinse my mane with the garden hose. Except the water was too powerful and I ended up smacking my head against the side of the house.
“Ew.” Sparkler frowned, looking at something behind me. I peered around to see that she was frowning at the pony that caused the whole spitball situation: Velvet Cushion. “Sorry about her. She's a bit of a stuck up nag.”
“It's school.” I shrugged. There really wasn’t much I could do about her. “What can you do?” I stopped, considering something that at least Sparkler could do. “Well, except revenge pranking, I guess.”
“Read my mind.“ An evil, plotting grin flashed upon her face. “I'll find something nice and slimy to put in her saddlebags tomorrow.”
Ooo, I liked the way she thought. “As long you get away with it.”
“It's kind of a standoff at this point,” she explained, keeping an eye on the stuck up mare as she went by in the distance. “She'll probably suspect me, but I've gotten to the point where she can't prove it.”
“The best kind of position, I'd say. You can just laugh as you watch her get frustrated.” One of the main things you have to get right when being a prankster is the reaction of your target. Sometimes it’s better that they know you pranked them, especially if they know they can’t get their revenge.
“Exactly.” She tore her eyes from that mule and looked back to me. “So, what's up?”
“Well, I'll entreat you to treat you with a treat!” I exclaimed, then froze, looking around frantically.
Sparkler leant her head back, giving me a weirded out look. “Or something like that.”
I shivered, wondering what the hay came over me. “Could've sworn Pinkie just entered my system, what with that sentence.” With what she’s like, that honestly wouldn’t have surprised me.
Eugh. Now I’m getting the image of Pinkie coming out of my mouth. Thanks, brain.
Sparkler hastily checked her surroundings, ears twitching. “Don't summon her!”
“Eh, she's not so bad.” Okay, so Pinkie can get too excitable at times, but that’s just who she is. Her optimism and desire to cheer up anypony she could was very admirable, in my opinion. “I was planning to get you a cupcake anyways.”
“Oh. Cool. Well—thanks, I guess.”
I wiggled my lips. She sounded a little unsure, but I suppose the prospect of going to Pinkie HQ could have unsettled anypony. Or maybe she just felt a little bad that I was buying her something. If that was the case, then she was a silly filly.
“C'mon, my treat to you,” I told her, then began to set the pace.
She followed my lead, grinning. “I appreciate it!” I was about to say ‘no problem’ or something, when she changed the topic. “So, you coming back for another lesson sometime?”
I stuck out my tongue and retched. No. No no. A million times no. “Eugh. Don't make me laugh. Teaching? Not my thing.”
“Really? You did pretty good.” Hah! She did better at the lying game than Applejack, but still, that was painfully obvious. It was a nice lie though, so, I could forgive her for that.
“Pretty good at sucking.” I shrugged. It still kind of stung how badly I was received, but it wasn’t a complete loss. “I cut my losses and moved on. It's all experience, right?”
“Exactly! You learn what not to do, and how not to do it,” Sparkler replied with a sage nod.
“Something like that, I guess.” I shrugged, then changed the conversation before it got stale. “Y'know, it's funny how we never spoke before at length. I am pretty good friends with your godmom, after all.”
Ever since we met at the bowling alley, Rainbow Dash and I were part-time pranking buddies. I say part-time, since now that she’s hooked up with Pinkie, she spends a lot more time with her. Not that I mind; it’s cute. Still, I maintain that it was totally Rainbow Dash’s fault that our first prank together on Kicky failed. It would’ve been perfect: fooling Cloud into thinking Rainbow got pregnant. But how in the hay was I supposed to know that Rainbow last saw her six months or so ago? Besides, can’t really blame me for not doing much. I was the planner!
Sparkler’s eyes went wide, but quickly relaxed. “You and Rainbow go way back? No kidding?”
“When I first moved to Ponyville, yeah. I was bowling at the alley, doing pretty good, and—well, you know what she's like.” I grinned triumphantly and puffed out my chest a little.
“Oooh Luna...” Sparkler took in a deep breath and continued, “How many re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-rematches did she demand?”
I snickered. Okay, that did sound like Rainbow. “Quite a lot. In the end, we settled on us both being equally awesome.”
Sparkler snorted, smirking. “Yeah, sure sign she got her flank handed to her on a platter.” She paused, probably for dramatic effect or something. “Repeatedly.”
“Well, this kind of helps.” I raised a forehoof and cast my magic hands. I have to give credit where it’s due; Rainbow did very well for having hooves. But hands were far more dexterous.
Sparkler came to a stop, examining my hand intently. “Whoa...”
I chuckled. Almost everypony has a similar reaction to them. “Yep. Hands.”
“Handy.” I laughed again as she stepped closer to inspect the hand. This girl seriously had wit. Far more so than myself.
When she got closer, I gave her a little boop on the muzzle with my index finger. That’s the finger next to the thumb, by the way. Upon being booped, Sparkler scrunched up her muzzle and stepped back. “Guess that makes sense, with those weird little holes the balls come with.”
“I heard bowling started as a Minotaur sport,” I said, dispelling my hands.
Sparkler blinked. “Huh. Guess that makes sense.”
“Mhm. I guess we just spruced it up a bit, but the holes stayed.” I heard the claim while I was in college. Apparently, way back when, minotaurs chiseled rocks to be spheres and put holes in them so they could bowl. Instead of bowling pins though, they used the bones of their dead enemies.
I don’t think they do that anymore.
“Weird,” Sparkler replied, shaking her head.
By this time, we had reached Sugarcube Corner. I stepped in first and surveyed the scene. Only a few ponies were in today and none of them I knew particularly well. I spotted a free table for Sparkler and me as we approached the counter.
Mr. Cake stood behind it, giving us a welcoming smile. “Let me guess: in for a batch of mint cookies?” he asked me.
“Mmmm...” I licked my lips. Chocolate chips are good, but mint chips are... mmmm... “Tempting... but...” I managed to tear my head from Mr. Cake to look at Sparkler. “I'm here for Sparkler.”
Mr. Cake nodded and directed his attention to her. “What can we get for you today?”
“Whatever Sparkler's favorite is, I guess,” I suggested.
Sparkler tapped her chin, pondering. “Cupcakes on the menu today?”
As if on cue—she did say cupcakes—Pinkie Pie poked her head around the corner from the kitchen. “Cupcakes are always on the menu, you silly filly!”
The two of us stared at her, puzzled. Not because she was Pinkie, but because there was a large, dripping, red streak on her cheek. “Hi, um, Miss Pinkie... you kinda got something on your...” Sparkler said, motioning towards Pinkie’s cheek.
When she got closer, I could see that it definitely wasn’t blood. Huh... Pinkie bleeding. That’s actually a pretty unnerving thought.
“Er, yeah... is that frosting?” I asked.
Suddenly, her tongue zipped out and began licking the red stuff off her face. I was a little impressed and terrified—her tongue was huge. “Cherry juice! We had a big order that asked for the Cheery Cherry Cake, and getting the jar of cherries open was...” She smiled sheepishly, her tongue escaping to lick a final bit of juice away. “Tasty.”
Mr. Cake grumbled. Rather grumblingly, I might add. “Four jars, Pinkie.”
“Cherries are like wine—great for cooking and baking!” Hm. I wonder if Pinkie and Berry have ever baked together. Or, even worse, gotten drunk together?
Hmmm... nah. The town’s still intact.
“Sometimes you even need to add them to the recipe,” Pinkie added, nodding with confidence.
I giggled at her and her odd ways. “Silly Pinkie. You got Sparkler's favorite in stock?”
Pinkie’s eyes looked up and she put on her ‘thinking face.’ That being her lips pouted and wiggling about while she goes ‘Hmmmmmmm...’ “I've never tried to make a muffin/cupcake before....”
“Just a cupcake's fine, Miss Pinkie.” Eugh. Still hated that ‘Miss’ prefix. I think Pinkie would be the most hilarious old pony, though.
“Standard cupcake. Fair enough.” Knowing what the price of that was, I placed a couple of bits on the table. Mr. Cake swiftly swiped them up and put out a few cupcakes in their place. The moment they appeared, Sparkler started drooling.
“Ooooh, chocolate with vanilla icing,” Sparkler said, wiping a little drool from her mouth.
Mr. Cake gently nudged Pinkie, who shot up straight and began wandering into the kitchen, thinking out loud. “What would that be? A muffincake? A cuffin? How would a pony even bake that?”
Hay if I knew, Pinkie, but you’re the only pony in the world that could make it happen.
Mr. Cake applied face to hoof, sighing. “My kitchen... again...” He gave the both of us an apologetic look. “Sorry, but I need to make sure she doesn’t start experimenting again.” Geeze, I remember the last time Pinkie experimented. Things got... sticky.
After Mr. Cake lamented over the prospects of Pinkie’s results, he briskly followed her as Sparkler and I headed to an empty table.
“Makes you wonder what damage Pinkie is going to cause,” I said, shuffling into the seat cushion.
Sparkler shrugged, placing the cupcakes in front of her. “Mom already set fire to it, so it's not like Miss Pinkie could do any worse.”
I saw my chance to steer the conversation towards what I had intended from the very beginning. “Heh, sounds like her. Speaking of...” I tapped the table absentmindedly. “I need to talk to her. When is she free?”
Sparkler was currently in the middle of enjoying her cupcakes when she glanced up to answer my question. “Mom? Wha fuu?” she mumbled, then swallowed her mouthful. “Sorry—I mean, what for?”
“Just advice on being a working mare.” I couldn’t think of anypony better to ask. Well, there was Bon Bon, but I knew how she worked. She seemed to flow so easily from work mode, into relaxation. Only sometimes did it get stressful and when that happened, I was there.
Derpy, on the other hoof, had two kids to care for, as well as a busy job with no special somepony of her own to help her. Goddess, I hoped that Kicky’s banging arrangement with her would develop into something more. For both their sakes. Regardless, Derpy would be the one pony to ask for help in how to get acquainted with a working lifestyle.
Clearly Sparkler agreed, nodding. “She'd be the pony to go to, then. I dunno how Mom juggles things so smoothly sometimes.”
“Exactly,” I replied, leaning forward. “That’s what I want to know.”
“I can tell ya already that sticking with stuff you don't like to do will be part of it. I don't like homework, but...” She gestured to her saddlebags. Yeesh. Homework. I remember that. It sucked.
I frowned a tad. Work was something I had to do, not a jolly hobby to pass the time. “Yeah. It might take me a while to get used to that.” My frown relaxed and I got back on track. “So, when's the best time to see her?”
“Afternoon, usually when school's out.” Sparkler glanced up, checking out the clock on the wall opposite her. “She's probably walking Dinks home from school right now, unless Tool Time needs her for another long haul delivery.“ She raised a hoof and I waited as she ate another cupcake. “Doubt it, though--unless it's a very important package, he's usually pretty good about advance notice.”
“Hm, cool, thanks. I'll see her at some point.” It seemed a bit forward to go home with Sparkler already. Besides, I had already taken enough of her time as it was.
Sparkler wiped her mouth with a napkin. “Just make sure you're in the mood for muffins.”
I chuckled, resting against the table. “Don't worry, I will.” Looking at Sparkler, I did a double take. Her mane was... remarkably similar to mine. “Hm... Nice mane.”
Sparkler stopped, cupcake currently in her mouth. “Um.. 'anksh?”
Okay, I probably shouldn’t have placed such a random compliment out in the open like that. I had to follow this up, or I’d look like an idiot.
“Heh. You're a good kid. Not like every other teenager in Equestria.”
Sparkled swallowed and snickered quietly. “Now you're just buttering me up.”
“Pfft.” I waved a hoof. “I mean it.”
“Ah, c'mon. Just 'cause I'm not all wrapped up in the drama of who's seeing whom in school and stuff doesn't make me some kind of special case.” For a moment, I wondered if she was an adult in a teen’s body. Puberty seems to cause the body to release some weird chemical that makes teenagers constantly fuss about themselves and their reputation. It seemed Sparkler was immune.
“One might say it makes you better than them,” I quipped.
Sparkler smiled sheepishly, blushing very slightly. She fumbled for a bit, probably trying to come up with a suitable reply to my compliment. When she couldn’t think of anything, she started to squirm and stuff another cupcake in her mouth. I laughed and watched her intently, grinning like a madmare. That just made her fidget more.
Sparkler downed another cupcake then reached for another. Her hoof only grabbed air. She blinked a couple times, then tried to play it cool. “Heh. Thanks, I guess.”
“Don't worry about it. Just enjoy it while you can, 'cause sooner or later, we'll start flinging insults at each other.” If you trip and hurt your leg, a friend will do their best to soothe your pain. But a best friend will laugh and call you an idiot.
Again, she had no response to that. Well, not one in words anyway. She stuck out her tongue at me and gave me a raspberry. Of course, I couldn’t let that go unchallenged, so I fought back with an even bigger raspberry. So she raspberried harder. So did I.
We only stopped when we saw the looks the other ponies around were giving us.
Sparkler laughed awkwardly and tossed the cupcake wrappings in a nearby bin. “Thanks again for the snack.”
“Just repaying your kindness.” I glanced around. Ponies were still giving us odd looks, murmuring between themselves. Damn it, I could feel my cheeks getting warm. “Now, I've probably held you up long enough.”
Sparkler stood up and gave me a sly smirk. “Now you're getting all melodramatic. Seriously, I just showed you where the classroom was.”
Damn. Now she had turned the tables on me. I struggled to reply. “Well sometimes I like to be a bit melodramatic so...” Er. What else to say. Erm. Er. “Nyaaaah!”
Okay, I don’t think that was witty as it could’ve been. I certainly don’t think that shaking my head like a madmare helped, either.
“‘Nyaaah,’ to you.” Sparkler giggled, then looked over at Mr. Cake, who was back at the counter. “Thanks for the cupcakes, Mr. Cake!”
“And thank you for the business!” he shot back with a smile.
My ears twitched. I could hear somepony else.
“Do I use super glue to stick them together, or tape?” I heard a high-pitched gasp. Yep. That was Pinkie alright. “I know! A blowtorch!”
Mr. Cake went still for a moment, then, a sudden burst of energy filled his body as he galloped into the kitchen. “Pinkie!! NO!!”
I’ll let you know if Sugarcube Corner burns down.
Sparkler began to edge towards the door, but I wasn’t letting her go without a normal goodbye. Well, fairly normal. “I'll see you later, nyaaaaaah!”
“See you then, nyaaaah!” We both shared a giggle and waved at each other before she left. I could definitely see us becoming good friends in the future. So what if she was a teenager, she was a clever teenager; we both had the wit to make good verbal spars.
I sat there for a while, smiling contently. I think it took me a couple to ask myself what the hay I was still doing there before I left for home.
I gave it a couple days before heading to Derpy’s, during which Sparkler and I got to know each other better.
Derpy’s house looked pretty homey from outside—and considering the mare who lived inside, I was surprised it was still standing. I went up to the front door and rapped my hoof on it a couple times. A few seconds later, I heard the sound of tiny hooves thump along to the door. I saw the door handle jiggle in place before the door swung open.
“Hi!”
I looked down and nearly suffered a cardiac arrest. Dinky. Oh my Goddess, Dinky. She was looking up at me, with her adorable little eyes and that delightful, innocent smile. I actually had to remind myself that I was here for Derpy and not her daughter. “Hi, Dinky. Is your mom around?”
Dinky nodded quickly. “Yah-huh! Mommy's cleanin' up, but you can still come in. C'mon!” She turned and I followed her in. I walked like a normal pony. Dinky bounced. It nearly gave me a heart attack, but I didn’t mind. If Dinky killed me with her cuteness, I’d actually blame myself for not preparing for such an adorableness overload.
“Hi Mommy! Somepony's here to see you!” Dinky cheered. I was a little surprised she didn’t refer to me by name, but we hadn’t talked much before anyway.
Wait. That meant I had no immunity to her cuteness.
I was doomed.
Derpy, who was currently scrubbing a cooking pan or something, turned to see me. “Oh—hey! Come on in!” There was a pause. “Oh. I guess you did.”
I giggled and gave her a little wave. “Yeah, hi, Derpy.”
“Go ahead and grab something from the icebox if you want it,” Derpy said, pointing towards said icebox. “Take a seat, I'm almost done here.”
“Oh, right. Thanks!” I wandered over and searched through the icebox. It had the usual: milk, vegetables, apple juice. But two items piqued my interest: cider was on the upper shelves, most likely so Dinky couldn’t get a hold of it. My gaze lingered over the bottles longer than it should have. But, c’mon, am I the only one who thinks getting drunk with Derpy would be a blast?
Another time, Lyra. You came here for work related reasons. This is business. I looked at the second item of interest. What else could it have been? Muffins. Muffins galore. I took hold of a couple muffins with my magic and headed to Derpy’s living room, sitting myself on the couch. The sound of dinky hooves behind me meant that the adorable little scamp herself was following me.
Heh. Dinky’s dinky hooves.
She hopped up onto the couch and sat beside me. I took a bite into my snack, then let out a satisfied hum. Why doesn’t Derpy just open up her own muffin business?
“Do you like 'em? I hope so, 'cause I helped make 'em!” Dinky chirped.
I nodded, finishing my mouthful. “Mmmm...” I began, rubbing my belly and looking content. “These are delicious!”
Dinky beamed up at me, looking very pleased with herself. “Thanks!” I imagine that Derpy did most of the baking, while Dinky added some ingredients. Still, I could tell that her love had been put into them.
I thought now would be the best time for us to get better acquainted. “I’m Lyra, by the way.”
Dinky’s smile didn’t disappear. “I know!”
I stopped and let out a deep breath through my nose. That was pointless. “Ah... okay.” Thankfully, I’m not sure she detected the awkward levels, so I moved on. “Where’s Sparkler?”
She grimaced. Celestia, even that looked adorable. “She’s at Ratchet’s.” Then her little tongue stuck out. “Probably getting cooties or something.”
Ooo. Sparkler had a coltfriend? It took me awhile to connect the dots, but he must have been that colt she had her eye on when I went to her school. I made a mental note to talk to her about that as I relaxed against the back of the couch. “She must be immune to cooties.”
Dinky titled her head. “Maybe. But they’re still cooties, an’ cooties are yucky.”
That actually made me think to back when I was her age. I don’t think I ever hated cooties then. Instead, I was dreaming of finding that stallion Prince to whisk me away to his castle. That was, until I realized I was a fillyfooler, which didn’t happen instantly. It was a gradual process that finished by the time I was in my early teens.
I kept nibbling on the muffins while Dinky observed. “Everypony loves Mommy’s muffins! My Godmom does, an’ Sparky, an’ Cloud, an’...”
I tuned out as Dinky listed off almost everypony she knew. Why did the link between Kicky and muffins seem so apparent? I chewed slowly, mulling it over.
Then it hit me: for Cloud, ‘muffin’ was a euphemism she had used before when we banged.
I gripped the couch as I desperately tried not to retch or choke on my own muffi—oh sweet Celestia! No, I didn’t mean it like that! Gaaah!!
To my relief, Derpy soon finished up, drying her hooves, getting her own snacks and coming to the couch with glasses of milk for each of us. As soon as she settled down with us, Dinky wiggled up to her and Derpy wrapped her forelegs around her. They both gave each other a loving smile , and seeing that made me smile too. Looking at them together like that, I could understand why Derpy did what she did.
“Sorry about the wait,” she apologised, shuffling a bit so she and Dinky could get comfortable.
I felt a little bad, actually. Derpy was busy enough as it was and now I was just cutting into her time. “It's fine. Sorry I came at a busy time.”
Derpy waved it off. “It's no trouble.” For a moment, we both ate our muff—snacks—while Dinky eagerly drank her milk. “What brings you by?”
Dinky lowered her glass, revealing a milk moustache. “Knockin'! ‘cause she was at the door, an' I let her in, an' then—”
Derpy interrupted her, speaking in a gentle, but chastising voice. “Muffin, it's not polite to interrupt.”
Dinky’s ears lowered slightly. “Sorry.”
“Aaaw...” I was surprised I had gone on this long without letting that slip. Once Dinky was back to drinking, I put my focus back on Derpy. “I want to know how... er... how you do it, really. Be a mother and a hard worker all at once.”
A bubbly giggle escaped from Derpy. “You say that like the two terms don't coincide.”
Well, I never thought that they did. “It's just ... it’s a lot of work, isn't it?”
Derpy nodded at me and explained, “Just being a mother is a full-time job.” She stole a quick pause to eat her muffin (I will get used to saying that again). “If I'm honest, a big part of why I made it this far is luck. I have the right job in the right town, and the right friends.”
“Even so, there must be a method to your madness.” I sighed, deciding that the only way I’d get my answers would be if was honest with her. “I'm trying to enter the world of work but...” The next part took a small while for me to say. “I don't think I'm really equipped for it.”
Derpy nodded again, but I could tell she was deep in thought. She glanced down at Dinky and gave her a nice nuzzle. “Muffin, could you go get started on your spelling homework?”
A small whine came from her. “But I wanted'ta do reading first!”
“We'll do reading later,” Derpy told her. Dinky was about to protest, but her mother beat her to the punch. “Go on, Dinky.”
Dinky let out a little huff and jumped off the couch, pouting. “Fiiiiiiine.” Reluctantly, she picked up her saddlebags from the floor and waddled over to the kitchen table to get started.
“There. That'll give us a little privacy.” She cleared her throat before continuing. “You're only as equipped as you let yourself be, Lyra. A big part of any job revolves around how willing you are to adapt, learn, and stick with it.”
“I'm not really adaptable,” I mumbled, sinking my teeth into the muffin I still had.
“Ooh, that's another part: attitude. If you don't let yourself think you can do something, you're not going to do it,” Derpy said, in a motherly tone. I grunted in response, still eating.
Derpy then pondered, casting an eye over at Dinky, who was doing what she was told. Then, she looked back to me. “Can you keep a secret?”
I stopped eating and nodded. “'Course I can.”
Derpy inclined her head towards her filly. “A few months after she was born, after the magic wore off and the responsibilities really started coming down on me, I didn't think I could do it either. Being her mother seemed like the greatest thing in the world when she was born. Well, after I'd finished giving birth.” A small grin revealed itself on her face. Suffice to say, I was a little shocked. Foalbirth was not something I was ever prepared to go through. How could anypony joke about something so painful?!
I guess Derpy could see the confusion on my face, since the grin faded slightly and she carried on. “But then things settled in. Two AM feedings, three AM feedings, collick, days when I couldn't find a foalsitter for her...”
I shuffled a bit closer to her. Sure, things were better for her now clearly, but feedings as early as that?! I felt a little guilty for not being there for her. I could’ve been really, since I knew Kicky and Rainbow and both of them were with Derpy a lot during the time. “So what did you do?”
“I went through it anyway. I knew there were ponies who could take care of her, maybe a little better than I could; the Cakes wanted a foal even back then, and Cloud mentioned once or twice that a few ponies in her clan were looking to adopt.” Derpy took a sip of her milk, then blinked and snapped back to the conversation. “Off-hoofedly, mind you, I doubt she was encouraging me to give my foal away.” She relaxed and continued to drink. I didn’t think Kicky would have condoned such an action anyway.
Derpy removed the glass from her lips to take in a breath, then tapped the glass absentmindedly as she went on. “But... those months I carried her, I'd settled here, started building things up to have a life with her, and when things got hard I told myself that I could do it better than Celestia herself. It's idealistic, I know, but trying makes all the difference.”
My eyes fluttered a couple times. “So... you were just optimistic? That's your big secret?”
“Goodness no,” she quickly replied. “Wishful thinking only goes so far—a bigger part of it was working through the grind and finding ways to cope with it.”
I think I was beginning to understand what she was on about now. “It's more willpower, then?”
“Willpower, with a healthy dose of commitment. I was tired almost every night for years, but I had a foal to provide for. So I did.” I took a small sip as I watched her think. “Some ponies just let their foals raise themselves. There's always room for helping hooves, but at some point you just stop being a good parent.” She shook her head. “I didn't want to be like that.”
“Mhm.” I drank my milk, just mulling over what she said. “It's a lot to think about...”
I knew that in practice, this would be really hard for me. Giving up on college didn’t exactly give me the best track record, did it? And, above all, I hated failure; that was going to be inevitable in my quest.
“I'm probably making it sound worse than it is. There's a lot of work, yeah, but the payoff makes it all worthwhile. For me, it was coming home to see Dinky smile and scramble to me every afternoon. For you?” She shrugged at me. “Who knows?”
Well, that was one of the few things I knew for sure. I looked her in the eyes, determined. “Making Bon Bon happy.”
Derpy nodded pointedly. “There's a goal right there, then. Not the endgame, but a good starting point to work towards.”
“My endgame has always been making her happy.” Why wouldn’t that be my endgame? I love her, with all of my being. Bon Bon is my endgame.
“Why?”
I snorted, thinking that it should’ve been clear to see. “She's the love of my life. Isn't it obvious?”
Derpy finished off her milk, then gave me a slightly challenging look. “Humor me. Why is making her happy so important to you?”
“I refer you to my previous statement.” I covered up my annoyed grumbling by finishing off my drink too.
“It's more than that. It's because you think she wants, or even needs, to see you improve yourself—and if that's what's important to her, it's important to you.” She prodded me lightly in the chest, then fell silent, waiting for my response.
I looked down. I guess what she was getting at was why I was doing this for myself. From the start, I knew I had to do this for Bon Bon’s sake but I never considered my own. Now that Derpy had made me realise that, all sorts of thoughts flooded my mind.
Truth be told, I wasn’t happy with my current situation. All of my friends work. I don’t. That leaves a huge gap in my days where I’m alone. Music passes the time, yeah, but sometimes I play things that make me feel even more alone. And that isn’t even taking into account the boredom.
This... this wasn’t what I had envisioned for myself when I was younger. Hay, I didn’t imagine this even in college. I was working towards being a musical star in Canterlot. But that dream crumbled before my eyes and I ran here.
My hooves were empty, much to my disappointment. “... well, yeah. I need to be all I can possibly be for her.” I paused, then added quietly, “And for myself.”
“Then tell yourself that the next time you think you can't do something.” Derpy wrapped a wing around my shoulders and brought me close. “I think it'll help.”
“Mhm.” Come to think of it, I never had really encouraged myself all that much. I remember Rainbow once saying that there was a difference between knowing you can do something, and telling yourself that you can. I guess that’s why she has such a big ego. But, hey, it seems to work for her. Why not me? Not that I’d be as arrogant as she is, of course.
“... yeah.” I smiled as the realisation settled in. I could do this. “Yeah!” I got off the couch and stood up tall, my chest puffed out as I exclaimed, “I can do this! For my lover!”
I heard a childish giggle from the kitchen and then it came to me that I was standing a ridiculously heroic pose. I slunk back to the couch next to Derpy, bringing a pillow to my face.
Derpy was just grinning at me, half proud and half trying not to laugh. “Now that's a start.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but words came out as awkward laughs. “Heh heh, er, heh... um... “ I coughed and tried again. “Maybe a bit too energetic though.”
Derpy kept a smile on her face. “I won't tell anypony.”
“Heh, thanks.” With that cleared up, we could go on to more casual conversation. “Sparkler's a great kid, by the way.”
Derpy beamed, full of maternal pride. I wasn’t going to fault her for it either. “I know.”
“Yeah, she has a pretty good head on her shoulders. Unlike most ponies her age,” I said.
Derpy nodded in agreement. I leaned forward as her lips parted, ears perked and listening to the sage before me and ready to receive her words of wisdom:
“Do you hear water running?”
I moved my ears a little, trying to listen out for it. Surely enough, I could hear a small waterfall coming from the kitchen.
And then came the surprised squeak. “Mommy! You left the sink on again!”
“AAAACKPT!” Derpy immediately leapt into action, barreling into the kitchen. I rushed after her, although I wasn’t nearly as fast.
When I arrived, I saw Dinky perched on the table, eyeing the pool of water that had gathered underneath. Derpy tromped through the flood and pulled the plug in the sink, turning that off and then desperately scrambling for a few washcloths to soak up the water. She didn’t have nearly have enough and she knew that, shooting a look at me.
“Towels—bathroom closet—hurry!”
I swiveled my body to go, then stopped myself before I took any step further. “Where's the bathroom closet?!” I was panicking, she was panicking, the whole situation was a clusterbuck.
“In the bathroom!” Derpy yelled, doing her best to mop up the mess.
I took off to go, then halted again. “Where's the bathroom?!”
She flailed a hoof in a random direction, aimed past me. “At the end of the hall!”
Now that I was sure of where I was going, I took off like a bat out of Tarturus, screaming all the way. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!”
When I got to the door, I had to stop myself from kicking the thing down. I swung the door open and galloped inside. I soon found the bathroom closet and took everything I possibly could with my magic. Then I hastily returned to the kitchen, where the situation had gotten little better.
So, of course, that’s when it got worse.
“I’ve got them! I’ve got—” I felt my hoof slip against the kitchen tiles and I slammed down onto my front. Due to the water and the momentum from my fall, I ended up sliding across the kitchen, my flank and hindlegs flailing in the air madly. My face welcomed the kitchen cupboards, the washed up plates atop rattling due to the collision. Finally, my bottom half decided it would rejoin the ground. Hard.
During my slide, I had dropped the towels, so Derpy speedily took them and started mopping up. Now that she had the resources, she began to enter a practiced rhythm.
Meanwhile, I was rubbing my head, groaning. “Eugh...”
As I was getting up, the plate that just had to be, y’know, precariously half off the edge, fell down onto my head. I felt it smack against my head, then smash into pieces. I fell back down, thinking that maybe if I lied low, nothing else bad would happen to me.
Dinky had seen the whole spectacle from the table. “You a'kay, Miss Lyra?”
I rubbed my head, thankful that my minty fresh mane would cover the bruises I’d no doubt receive. “Eugh... I'll be fine...” I moaned.
“Argh! Sorry!” Derpy flew over, looking through my mane for any bleeding. Judging by how she next picked up the pieces of the broken plate, I think I was okay. “Are you sure? I could give you some painkillers?” she frantically asked.
I kept to the ground, shaking my head. “Just knocked my noggin’, is all.”
“Mommy does that a lot. You're a'kay.” Dinky peered down, biting her lip. “I'll give you a get-better hug later.”
Okay, I had heard of these legendary ‘get-better hugs’ and I could’ve sure as hay used one right now. “Why wait?”
Dinky remained steadfast in her safe position. “'Cuz there's water.”
“Muffin, water can't catch fire,” Derpy reminded her, as she went back to mopping up the floor.
“Cereal can.”
Wait, what?
Derpy glanced around. Nope. No cereal here. I think I would’ve known during my collision if a couple bran flakes entered my mouth. “There's no cereal down here.”
I leant back against the cupboard, blinking. “Er... 'kay.”
Derpy stole a quick look at me while she scrubbed the floor. “Long story.”
Dinky nodded, cheerfully adding. “Four of 'em!”
I rubbed my head, currently pounding. “Uh... another time then, I guess.”
I think that if I was going to spend time with the Doos, I’d live a lot more crazy stories myself.
After my talk with Derpy, I was finally ready to make a real stab at finding a job. But first, I needed to write out my résumé. Before that though, came something far more important.
Berry’s drinking night.
She had arranged this one a couple days after I had visited the Doo household, which worked fine for me and Bons. In some ways, these nights reminded me of the days when Bon Bon still worked at the Sun’s Flank: I’d get drunk, while Bon Bon stayed relatively sober and made sure I got home in one piece. Sounds like an unfair deal, but the one thing you should know about me is that I’m a lovey drunk, so I think Bons always enjoyed the loving I gave her when I got hammered.
We came to Berry’s place at roughly eight in the evening. Bon Bon made her usual batch of sweets for this occasion, which I held aloft with my magic. Both of us were grinning, although Bons’ was less pronounced than mine was. But that’s just how we were.
I stole a quick kiss, the first of many tonight, at my marefriend’s cheek as she knocked on the door. A couple moments later, Berry opened it and welcomed us in.
“Got the candy?” Berry asked as she led us to her ‘drinking room.’
I shook the box a little. “Right here. Got the booze?”
Berry looked back to give me a sly smirk. “Always.” She led us through the kitchen, then turned right, taking us into a fairly spacious room with a large, wooden table in the center. On the walls were diamond shaped shelves to hold wine bottles, of which there were many. Yet this wasn’t even half of Berry’s stash.
Colgate was already sitting down and gave us a wave as we entered. Of course, she would’ve been exactly on time. Chances were high Berry wasn’t even ready yet by the time she arrived. Bon Bon sat next to her and I sat besides my fillyfriend. Berry placed herself next to Colgate, who began shuffling the deck of cards.
Yep. We were gonna have ourselves some good ol’ fashioned poker. The stakes weren’t all too high, since we were all friends, but it was still pretty exhilarating. And it’s hilarious when you flush somepony out and they lose all their winnings. Everypony here was pretty much evenly matched at the game, although Colgate could be considered the worst; she was often the dealer and didn’t play all too much. And despite us being a couple, Bons and I didn’t play together to make things fair.
Bon Bon made herself comfortable, then looked at the other two. “So, how are you two?”
Colgate didn’t take her eyes off the cards, still shuffling them. “No complaints here.”
“Me neither,” Berry answered, upon which there was a knock on the door. “I’ll get it.”
Shortly after Berry went to the door, our next competitor for the evening entered the scene: Cheerilee. “Hello everypony, I hope you’re all doing well,” she greeted us, sitting in the chair next to Berry. Cheerilee wasn’t a regular of our drinking nights, most likely due to the fact that she’s a teacher, but she joined us on occasion.
“Doing just great,” Colgate spoke for us all.
“I’m looking forward to tonight’s shenanigans,” Berry said, pouring herself a glass of wine. Figures she’d start drinking this early. “Carrot Top can’t make tonight’s session, though. Something to do with her vegetables, or something.” Berry shrugged. “I wasn’t really listening.”
Well, that was disappointing. Probably more so for Bons than me. Carrot Top was often the other ‘sane mare’ of the group and somepony Bon Bon could talk to when the rest of us got too rowdy.
“That’s a shame. I hope she’s doing okay,” Bons said. I gave her a little nuzzle, which she quickly returned.
“So, to remedy that, I got us another competitor,” Berry announced, grinning. The three of us leant forward, eagerly anticipating her reveal. “Tonight’s gonna be a pretty easy game for us, ladies, ‘cause I managed to get Applejack to come and play with us.”
I sank back in my chair, swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat. Applejack, plus me, plus drinking equals... something that probably should have never happened. Okay, let me explain before I get too flustered.
When Kicky first came to Ponyville, we went to the Sun’s Flank for a good night out. I mean ‘we’ as in me, Kicky, Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Now, at some point, Berry came along and challenged us to drinking contest. How could we refuse? Actually, Kicky wandered off, but that doesn’t matter. Point is, me, Applejack and Rainbow Dash got hammered. And as I’ve said earlier, I’m a lovey drunk, so Applejack and I did end up kissing right in the middle of the Sun’s Flank. Bons then came along and took us home and that’s when things escalated.
I remember Bon Bon dropping me off at my house, scowling a little. Probably because she had two drunken mares to deal with. “Goodnight, Lyra,” she told me pointedly, opening my front door.
I stumbled inside, then swung around to look at them both. My drunken mindset was probably still demanding loving, but also knew that Bons wouldn’t give me it. So that left Applejack, and I already knew she didn’t mind smooching me.
“Hey, Bonsh... you’ve worked really, really hard today, sho, let Applejack stay here, yeah?” I reasoned. It was actually pretty solid reasoning, in my opinion.
Bon Bon dwelled over the matter, peering at the both of us. Sweet Apple Acres was a long walk from my place and I don’t think she was prepared to deal with that. “Fine, that works.”
Applejack waddled in, her hat at an angle. “Well, thank ya kindly for your hosh... hoshpa...” Her brows furrowed as she grumbled. “For yer kindess. Shtupid fancy talk...”
I stared out, waving. “Bye Bonsh! I’ll shee ya later!”
Applejack nudged me in the shoulder. “Er, Lyra?”
I didn’t turn my head, still waving and smiling widely. “Yesh?”
“You’re waving at a door.”
I did a double take, rubbing my eyes. True to her word, the door was shut and Bon Bon was long gone. “Oh.”
I heard a thump behind me. I swayed on my hooves and shuffled around, spotting Applejack in a heap on the floor. “Lyra, I love what you’ve done with the place, but this houshe wash’n’t built to earth pony standards. The floor’sh all shaky.”
“No it’sh not. You’re just being silly.” I took a hoof forward and it only brushed against the floor. And then my other legs bent down and soon enough, I was on my side. “Oh... maybe you’re right.”
Applejack tried to put her best hoof forward, but it just met air. Then her face met the floor. “Shee?”
“Don’t worry... we got thish,” I reassured her.
We certainly did not have it. Not at all.
We must have been there for—what, twenty minutes? Our legs and our brains simply weren’t cooperating, resulting in a lot of tumbles. And when we did manage to stand up, one of us would just bump into the other and we’d be back on the floor. In the end, we decided to crawl across like two snails.
When we finally made it to bed, we hauled ourselves up and settled next to each other under the covers.
“Y’know...” I started, poking Applejack’s muzzle. “We could have some real fuuuuun.”
She gave me a bemused look in response. “What, like... more of that kissin’ shtuff?” I smiled devilishly at her. “Ooo... yeah, I getcha. I can’t remember the lasht time I had fun like thish... being an Apple is great ‘n’ all, but we’re shometimes too overprotective over our kin.”
I moved closer to her, smelling her drunken, but still faintly apple, breath. “You gonna shtop talking so we can do it?”
Applejack scoffed and leant her muzzle on mine. “I reckon I will.”
What happened next was obvious.
The morning after was one of the most awkward experiences I’d ever experienced in my life. I can remember it down to every detail. Applejack’s hat on the floor, our manes completely messy, the faint smell of a rowdy bang. We were as far apart as we could possibly be, keeping the bedsheets up so that it covered our bodies. We both looked up at the ceiling, wide-eyed.
Applejack broke the silence first. “Lyra?”
I didn’t break away from my view of the ceiling. Neither did she. “Yeah...?”
“I think...” She swallowed and nervously went on. “I think we done goofed.”
I nodded slowly. “Yeah... I think we did.”
We both agreed that it was a night of silly drunkenness and that it didn’t mean anything in the slightest. Now, we were on good terms, the whole charade behind us. Although we both kept it a complete secret. The only pony who I had told about it was Bon Bon and she understood, putting a little of the blame on herself for not taking Applejack back home. But, ultimately, it was mine and AJ’s fault. If any other member of the Apple family found out... I honestly did fear for my well-being. Geeze, if Rarity found out too...
Luckily, Applejack was a mare of her word and made a solemn vow to never tell anypony, so I think we were both safe.
I tried to erase all thoughts of that night out of my mind, putting on a smile so that Berry wouldn’t be suspicious. “Awesome. I bet she has a terrible poker face, being the element bearer of Honesty.”
“Way to point out the obvious, Lyra,” Berry snarked. If she was being all like that with me, then I was probably in the clear.
Just then, the door started knocking. Berry raised a hoof, motioning us to wait, while she went out and let the new arrival in. I could hear the strong, sure hoofsteps of Applejack coming towards the room but I could hear something else too. Lighter, more energetic hoofsteps than the earth pony’s...
“Howdy y’all,” Applejack said as she came in.
“Ah, h-hello, Applejack,” Cheerilee replied, quite civil, if a little hesitant. Maybe she was just hiding it, but I’d expected her to be just a bit more awkward around her. I had heard rumors that her and Big Mac were looking to hook up.
Applejack politely tipped her hat at Cheerilee, then continued, “Hope you don’t mind, but I brought somepony else to spice up the game a little.”
My jaw dropped a little when I saw the next pony enter, but it soon turned into a bright smile. “Rainbow Dash?”
“The one and only!” she proclaimed, brushing off her chest with a hoof. She took a seat next to me and gave me a friendly punch on the shoulder. “It’s been a while. How’s things?”
Applejack took her seat next to Rainbow and Berry returned to hers while we caught up. “Pretty swell. Met your goddaughter the other day.”
“Oh yeah?” she queried. “Which one?”
“Sparkler. The cool one,” I responded with a smirk.
“Pfft. They’re both equally cool. S’why they’re my godkids,” Rainbow said, and I could detect the hint of pride in her voice.
“Can’t argue with that logic,” I agreed, although I did wonder why Derpy had entrusted Rainbow with such a role. I guess I could save that question for another time, though.
Berry took a sip of her wine, glancing at Colgate. “As much as your shuffling of the deck is amazing, Colgate, can we get started now?”
Colgate completely halted her actions and started to laugh sheepishly. “Er, yeah, let’s go.”
“In that case,” Berry threw two bits onto the counter, which Colgate moved towards herself to create the pot. “Everypony put your bits in.”
Rainbow Dash wasted no time in doing so, smirking to herself. I could tell that this was going to become a very heated match, especially if Dash was a risk taker. I suspected she was, being her and all.
Everypony put their two bits into the pot, making a total of twelve. It seems small, yeah, but the stakes always rise in games like these. And with Rainbow around, they’d be a lot higher.
“And how could I possibly forget the drinks for this evening?” Berry got off her chair and glanced at all of us. “What’ll be, ladies?”
Most of us asked for her cider, but Colgate requested the wine Berry was having. I was another exception, asking for a classic mint-tini. The stuff of Gods, that is. Our orders received, Berry went off to get them, so Dash and I got back to talking. “So, Rainbow, how have things been going along with Pinkie?”
“Oh, y’know, pretty cool.” From any other pony, you would’ve expected a more heartfelt response, but this was Rainbow we were talking about here, which meant she was incredibly easy to tease.
“Good, because you two are honestly the cutest couple in Equestria,” I reminded her. On a few occasions before, Kicky and I had teased her about the subject, resulting in an adorably embarrassed Rainbow. She’d always tell us to bug off, but that just made us stay and shower her in hugs.
“I’ll agree with that,” Bons added. “Two crazy pranksters falling in love? Sounds like one successful romance novel to me.”
“Really, guys? We’re gonna do this here?” Rainbow pouted, crossing her forelegs over her chest, sulking adorably.
“Aw c’mon, Rainbow, ain’t no harm in a little teasin’.” Applejack nodded at us, collecting up her two cards that Colgate dealt her. While she didn’t look at her hand yet, she kept a firm hoof over it.
“Hmph. At my expense,” Rainbow grumbled, resting her cheek on her hoof and avoiding Applejack’s stare.
“Hey, when the horseshoe’s on the other hoof, you ain’t so shy towards teasing,” Applejack scolded.
Rainbow snorted and rolled her eyes. “Whatever.” She then tossed a look Colgate’s way. “You not playing?”
Colgate shook her head and finished setting up the game for everypony. “Nah, I’ll be your dealer for today.”
“And a pretty good one at that,” Berry interjected, sitting back down and passing round the drinks. Applejack, Berry, Rainbow and I wasted no time in downing what we had, while Colgate and Bons were a little more paced.
“Right, let’s get started,” Berry proclaimed, gesturing to my marefriend. “Put up your blind, Bon Bon.”
Bons nodded and brought a single bit to the table and added it to the pot. Since I was to her left, I had to do the same. Due to both of us putting in our blinds, it was Rainbow who got the first move. Meanwhile, Colgate had put the first three cards on the table face up. They were a six of diamonds, a five of hearts, and Celestia of spades.
Rainbow inspected her cards, making a point to check that me or Applejack weren’t looking at her hand, then put the cards face down. “Check.” Hm. Either she was dealt bad cards, or she was better at poker than I thought. It remained to be seen.
Applejack stared at her cards for a while, which made it obvious that she was a bit of a novice. Still, like Rainbow, she checked.
Cheerilee looked between her hand and the cards on the table several times before making her move. “I think I’ll check as well.”
Then it was Berry’s turn. With nopony raising the stakes, this round was turning out to be very boring indeed. Luckily, she tossed up a bit towards the pot. “Bet.”
Bon Bon wiggled her lips, eyeing the rest of us, then put in a single bit. “Call.” I had a suspicion that she’d be the dark pony of this game. Best keep an eye on her.
As soon as the words left her mouth, I reacquainted myself with my hand. I had a two of hearts, which sucked, but I did have a Celestia of diamonds. I hid my grin and casually brought two bits into the pot. “I’ll go ahead and raise.”
For a brief moment, Rainbow’s eyes met mine. Her glare was a challenging one, so she grinned and tossed in three bits for the pot. “Well, Lyra, I think that sounds like an awesome idea.”
I snickered, guessing she might have done that. Her mistake. “Oh yes, I’m sure it won’t end badly for either of us.”
“Er... I’ll, um...” Applejack eyes darted around, her lips pursing about. Yeah, I think everypony could’ve foreseen this. “I’ll go ahead and call.” Another three bits to the pot.
Cheerilee shook her head, muttering to herself and putting her hand onto the table. “Fold. At least I didn’t put anything in this round.” That was true. Folding before any betting took place meant that you didn’t lose any bits, unless you had to put up the blinds for the round.
Judging from the smirk Berry gave Applejack, she knew that she was bluffing. However, Rainbow and I were a lot harder to determine. Berry rubbed her chin, then moved her cards towards Colgate. “Not this time, I’m afraid. Fold.”
Now, with Bon Bon’s second turn came another card to the table, this time it was a Cadence of diamonds. This wasn’t looking like it was going to be an exceptional round, but it’d be the royal cards who would win the game for somepony here. Good thing I had a pair of them already.
“Call,” Bon Bon stated, putting forward another three bits. Hm... she had a solid poker face. I honestly couldn’t tell what she was planning.
Well, it was time to up the ante. Maybe doing that would throw Bons off and deter Rainbow. I wasn’t even considering Applejack as a threat by this point. “Raise,” I said, dropping off not four bits, but five. Mmm. That pot was starting to look really appetizing now. I glanced at Bon Bon. Her face hadn’t changed, much to my annoyance.
Rainbow, on the other hoof, just scoffed. “Alright then, we’ll play that game.” All her bits went towards the pot. Well, not all of them. Around ten or so. “All. In.”
Applejack swallowed and I could see sweat going down her face as she did the same. “Er, me too.” Good Goddess, she sucked.
Back to Bon Bon. “Hm... not going to risk it this early.” She put her cards back, looking rather stoic. “Fold.”
Once more, it was my turn. I snickered to myself and went all in. “Let’s see if your risk pays off, Rainbow.”
“Yeah, we’ll see,” she retorted. “Get ready to scrounge bits off Bon Bon.”
Colgate coolly revealed the last card: a Celestia of Hearts. I had this in the bag. We all turned over our cards. Shortly after, somepony stamped on the floor.
“Aw, shoot!” It was Applejack. She looked so annoyed, I swear she was going to eat her hat. She only got one pair, and that was with the five of hearts.
Rainbow growled and I moved a bit closer to see her hand. She was lucky enough to get two sixes to give her a three of a kind. But, as Colgate announced, I had the superior deck. “Lyra wins with Celestia high.”
“Nicely played, Lyra,” Cheerilee commended me. “Unfortunately, I’ll have to take those winnings from you soon.”
I ignored her threat, reveling in my success. “Woo!” I cheered, as I collected the pot. All of those bits were mine! Unless I did something stupid, of course. But I knew I wouldn’t. I could see Rainbow grumbling to herself, so I patted her back. “Sorry Rainbow...” I said apologetically. Then I ruined it by cackling madly. “You were so close to beating me!”
“Yeah, yeah, shut up...” she moaned, downing her drink.
As the game drew on and more alcohol entered our systems, casual conversation took precedence over the game. Bons, Berry, Cheerilee and Applejack were all discussing work related stuff, which left me, Rainbow and Colgate to have our own little chat.
“So, Colgate, talked more with Caramel yet?” I was curious to see if she had plucked up the courage yet. I doubted it, but maybe a little push from me was all she needed.
Colgate rubbed a foreleg, suddenly finding the pot very interesting. “Uh, yeah, a bit.”
“Er, Lyra,” Rainbow interrupted, giving me a curious look. “Who cares about Caramel? He isn’t even here!”
“Well, I do,” Colgate affirmed, glaring at Rainbow for just a second. It seemed like she was getting a whole lot more comfortable with the idea of asking him out, if she was defending him like that.
I ran a magic finger atop the rim of my glass, giving Colgate a mischievous smile. “Then maybe it’s time you became more than friends.”
Colgate took a sip of her wine, but I could tell she was grinning like a school filly. “Maybe, yeah.”
Berry broke away from her conversation to eye Colgate suspiciously, then she gave me an unreadable look. “I’m going to get another bottle. Want something, Lyra?”
I looked at my glass. Still more than half full. I huffed and frowned at her. “I’m not planning to get too wasted tonight, Berry.”
Berry raised her hooves defensively and backed off. “Alright, fine, fine. Chill.” As she went off, I couldn’t help but feel like that was a little strange. That said, Berry knows I love to drink, so maybe she was just being a good host.
Berry had already folded this round, so the game played on. Colgate turned over the fourth card. I grinned and looked at my hand. I only had a five and seven of hearts. However! On the table was a two, four and nine of hearts. Meaning I already had a flush. I saw Bon Bon do... something. Eh. I didn’t care what move she made. I already had this in the bag.
Despite that though, I decided to string everypony along for a bit. I merely called, giving a few bits to the pot. Then I shot all my competitors a neutral look.
Rainbow Dash slammed many bits onto the table, raising a hoof in the air. “All in!” I hid a snicker by covering my mouth with my cards. She was really doing this again? Dash is such a silly pony sometimes.
Berry came back with another wine bottle just in time to see my move again. Of course, I was going to go all in. “Well, look at that Rainbow, here we are again,” I said as I gave bits to the pot.
Rainbow’s smug face didn’t falter, not even once. Soon, it’d come crashing down and there would be much laughter from me. Oh, how I love winning against her.
Rainbow leant back in her chair, beaming with confidence. All the other players had folded by now, so it was just us two again. Hadn’t she learnt from last time? Colgate revealed the last card, but I didn’t care what it was. It wasn’t from the suit of hearts, but that didn’t affect my chances.
“Get ready to eat humble pie, Rainbow.” I turned over my cards and watched as the pieces fell into place.
Dash flipped her cards face up. I drank a bit of my cider as I checked them out.
I almost choked.
She had a flush too! I swear to Celestia, she did! But that wasn’t the shocker, oh no, the worst thing about it was that she had an ace of hearts! The demon had taken victory right under my muzzle, only because she had the highest damn card in the feathering game! Gah! Son of a mule!
“So, how’s that pie taste?” she asked me, mockingly. I grinded my teeth together and didn’t give her the benefit of an answer. The only thing I could do was watch in fury and dismay as the bits that were formerly mine went towards her. “Heh, shame Cloud’s in Cloudsdale and can’t witness me kick your sorry flank.”
Bah. I needed more drinks.
Okay, now I was drunk. And so was Rainbow. Applejack, Cheerilee and Colgate were just tipsy. Bons and Berry were the only ones who looked kinda sober.
My darling Bon Bon had managed to win a couple rounds, so she had a nice amount of bits for herself. I won a few, but nowhere near what I had. Stupid Rainbow, making me lose like that...
I dunno when the game ended. It just did. Now we were just talking ‘n’ stuff. I was leaning against my lover, giving her the occasional peck on the cheek, ‘cause she likes that, and I know that I like it a lot. I looked at Cheerilee and decided that, hey, I may as well get some solid information on those rumors I heard.
“Cheerilee.” I gave it about a second before piping up again. “Cheerileeeee!”
She glanced at me, one ear splayed out to the side. That’s a clear sign of being tipsy, by the way. I guess you knew that though. “What’s up, Lyra?”
I rubbed a hoof on the table in a circular motion, not exactly looking at her. “Are you ‘n’ Mac, like, gonna go out or somethin’?”
I saw her cheeks blush, which was kinda hard ‘cause she’s already pink. She snuck a quick glance at Applejack, before coolly trying to move her chair so she was next to me. “Well... we already are...”
Whoa. Whoa whoa whoa. Slow down. They were already a couple?! Oo, this got real good. “That’sh great!” I just had to tell everypony here and share the awesome news! “Hey! Everypony! Cheerilee and Big Mac are dating!”
Everypony slowly turned the face me, looking at me all funny. ‘Cept Cheerilee. She looked at Applejack awkwardly, then stared down at the table. Her cheeks were really red then.
“Lyra, that’s old newsh,” Rainbow Dash stated.
I blinked a couple times, looking around at them all. “Wait, what?”
“Yeah. A couple weeks old, in fact,” Berry clarified, matter of fact like.
I held my head and shook it a little. “Wait, wait wait... how many of you know this?”
Everypony raised their hooves.
Oh.
I slowly turned to my marefriend, who was giving me a surprised face. “You too, Bon Bon?”
She nodded. “I thought you knew, sweetie.”
“Well I didn’t...” I grumbled, then downed the rest of my cider.
Colgate flicked her ears a little, looking around. She shrugged, then let out, “I hope Caramel and I start dating soon.”
The attention of everypony was brought to her. Berry let out an awkward chuckle and patted her friend’s back. “That might be the drink talking there, Colgate.”
Colgate slammed a hoof onto the table. “No, Berry! It’s true and it’s gonna happen, okay?” I guess the way she was talking was the drink, but it was good to see her take a stand for herself.
“Yeah, what’sh your problem, Punchy?” I questioned. I mean, why was she acting so weird around Colgate today? First that look earlier, then this... maybe she was drunker than I thought. I dunno. Maybe it’s cause I was drunk too, so I wasn’t seeing things right. Oh, reminds me, sorry if I get any bits wrong, ‘cause I’m drunk.
“I don’t got a problem, alright?” Berry said. I’ll add that it was a defensive way of saying things. Again, dunno why. She just stuck her wine bottle in her mouth and began to chug down. Whatever. I could deal with that issue later.
I leant against Bon Bon and gave her chest a few quick pecks. Mmmm... she’s so strong and muscular, thanks to being an earth pony. She is my rock, just a lot more cuddly. I buried my face in her chest and gave it a little nuzzle. I felt her strong hoof gently stroke my mane and she reached down to kiss my head. So I closed my eyes and went up to meet her on the lips and we shared a passionate smooch. And the best part of it, was that she smelt like apples.
Then I felt something grab my ear and pull me away. I yelped, opening my eyes.
“That shure was nice, sugarcube,” Applejack said, licking her lips. So... those lips were hers... huh.
Y’know what? I could deal with this; Applejack was pretty good in bed. I went forward to kiss her again, but the force that was holding my ear held me back. “I think it’s time we went home before these two do something stupid.” Ah. That was Bon Bon’s voice. And she was probably right ‘cause she’s Bon Bon. Instead of selling candy, she should sell stuff that’s... right.
Bons gave everyone a polite, cute bow. “Thank you for the lovely time, everypony. I’ll see you—or, at least some of you, I guess—next time.”
Everypony said their goodbyes to her and then it was my time. I was in a good mood, so I decided that everypony needed hugs.
Colgate was first. I wrapped my forelegs around her and squeezed. “Bye bye Colgate. I’ll shee you later, ‘kay?” Then, I thought to hay with it, and gave her a friendly peck on the cheek.
She blushed really cute like, then rubbed the cheek I kissed. “Um... thanks, Lyra.”
“No problem.” I got off her and moved to Berry, hugging and pecking her without hesitation.
She accepted my actions, laughing to herself. “Go home, you drunk goof.” Then she started pushing me away when I began to hang on for too long.
Next was Cheerilee. I just hugged her, ‘cause I didn’t know her well enough to warrant a kiss or anything. “Bye, best teacher.” I paused for a bit, then added, “Best sexy teacher.” It was the truth and Bons says that ponies need to hear it sometimes.
Cheerilee kinda mumbled for a bit so I moved onto Applejack. I bit my lip and found it hard to look at her straight. If Bons wasn’t around, we probably would’ve banged again, and I didn’t want that awkwardness. I just patted her on the shoulder. “Um... yeah... yeah...”
Finally, it was Rainbow’s turn. I threw my forelegs at her and gave her a super cuddle, ‘cause we didn’t see each other that often and I really cherished her company. “Bye, Dash. We’ll see each other again soon, ‘kay?”
She squirmed a little, but she still returned the hug. She wasn’t as eager as me though, s’just how she works. “Uh, yeah, shure.” I gazed up and saw that she was blushing really adorably. I considered pecking her too, but thought better of it. Not all ponies enjoy physical affection and Rainbow was one of them.
Then there was my marefriend. I trotted up to her, nearly stumbling, then cuddled her lovingly. “Bye Bon Bon!” Then I kissed her on the lips.
After we parted, Bon Bon just gave me a smirk. “You’re coming home with me, silly.”
It took me a lil’ while to remember that was the case. When I did figure it out, I swiftly turned on my hooves and started leaving. “Bye everypony!”
Bons came up to my side and kept me firm as I waddled back home, nearly tripping a couple times, but she always caught me. It was dark now and the stars were out. Ponies were in their homes, some lights switched on, some not. I thought I saw a fireflies a few times, but I was drunk so who knows? It reminded me of old times, though. Bons taking me back home, us two, all alone...
That’s the weird thing about love. Okay, there’s a lot of weird things, but lemme explain, ‘kay? ‘Kay. The most mundane of moments can turn out to be the ones you cherish the most, ‘cause they’re with the pony you love. From another pony’s view, Bon Bon taking me home was just a routine, but it meant much more to me. Maybe it was because it showed how much she cared for me. She used to be a lot more grumbly whenever she took me back from the Sun’s Flank. Over time, I think I wore down her outer core and got to the sweet, sugary inside that is my Bon Bon.
I felt like I had to say something, even if I was drunk. “Bonsh?”
She turned her head, smiling sweetly. I love her smile. “Yes, love?”
I only had one thing to say. “Thank you.”
She tilted her head. Her lovely smile stayed. “What for?”
“For lovin’ an’ accep—’cepta—erm ... an’ lovin’ me.” I nuzzled her cheek and let out a content sigh. Bliss. And for a moment, we just stood there, nuzzling each other. Sometimes, not even kisses are needed in moments like this. Although I guess my breath wasn’t as minty as it normally was, hehe.
“C’mon, hun.” Bons kissed my cheek and made us move on again. “Let’s go back home and sleep.”
“Yeah...” I felt my eyes go a bit heavy, my steps a bit more sluggish. I wasn’t going to be awake much longer... “Sounds perfect...”
And that’s when I fell into a drunken sleep. Sorry, Bon Bon. My bad.
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I notice a lot of ponies go to Derpy for advice. Does she get a government stipend for that or something?
Just when I was about to get some sleep... Dammit dude.
Worth it.
From recent events in Winning Pony, I was torn when Lyra was talking to Derpy...
According to some chemist friend of a friends, that is totally possible.
I just don't remember how.
2780030 Everything is flammable in the Doo household. Everything.
2780467
... Even fire?
2780482 EVERYTHING.
Am I the only one who thought Applejack would be super good at poker?
Keep Derpy away from chlorine trifluoride.
I'm pretty sure you don't need both an ante and blinds for poker?
2780693
That's one of the few things that don't blow up when Derpy gets her hooves on it, actually.
Oh.
Oh, God.
I'd forgotten about Ratchet, especially since in later chapters of Winning Pony, there's a definite Sparkler-Star Kicker dynamic going on. Does this mean that Sparkler sees Cloud as a big enough role model to go and replicate her love triangle mistakes?
(I know, I know, I'm asking the wrong person... It was rhetorical anyway.)
Uh-oh. Definitely something happening there... I sure hope neither of them find out about Sassaflash.
D'awww...
Ironically, my manager said the same thing to me yesterday. Told her I've been taught to respect my elders and figures of authority that way.
Derpy is just as much of a fire hazard as Spencer.
That explains a helluva lot about AJ.
Once again, another great chapter, JJ!
2780633 I was totally expecting her to take advantage of everybody's trust in her facial expressions and clean 'em out. She seems like a girl who could do that if she wanted...
2780482 Time to channel Garak: "Especially the fire."
2780030
Probably with some good ol' Chlorine Trifluoride. That stuff will set anything on fire.
2780482
Even intangible concepts. When she was a baby, Dinky was so adorable, she caused cuteness to spontaneously combust.
Do I espy some delicious Colgate/Berry angst in the offing?
Well, I'm pretty sure a muffcake is what Derpy and Kicker were sharing ...
But just in case, make sure your life insurance is paid up.
You know what, Firefox? Buck you. You can't just randomly crash and then reload things as they were a day ago, thus losing my comment, and expect me to just let it go. I know you can do better; ergo, you did this on purpose. So buck you.
The biggest points were me giving CK grief about how she loves half of Ponyville and her attempts to be loyal to everypony simultaneously are often self-contradictory, and me noting that I think this story is the first one I've read in the Winningverse that actually explicitly says that CK is good in bed (not that it wasn't very clearly implied before).
Okay, you're going to have to give me a minute on this one. I don't quite remember where to find what I'm looking for.
Here we are. Study of a Winning Pony, chapter 10:
Though I suppose the timeline I'm looking at doesn't say whether this chapter is taking place after that chapter, and it's ambiguous if Derpy meant she set water on fire for the first time ever on that day . . . but still.
There are advantages to being a Time Charger dentist.
You say that like the truth won't be as interesting as what I'm assuming, so I forbid this explanation.
Okay, I stand corrected. Here is where you need to stop. Unless you use "let me explain before I get too flustered" really strangely.
'K then. I can't read Lyra at all.
Eh. It'll make buying dresses more complicated, but you can always take that as an excuse to visit your parents whenever you need to prepare for a formal occasion. It's not like Rarity will break your other two legs.
It's easy to look upon that pale blue dot, zooming through the skies and shirking her job, and think her irresponsible. In some respects, you would even be correct. But when you narrow it down to "unreliable," you would be woefully wrong in the ways that count. Dash would kill for those close to her (though I doubt Derpy will ever tell you that, let alone why, she knows that statement to be perfectly literal). She would watch over them like you wouldn't believe, were any trouble to come.
I swear, Lyra, you have got a mint fetish.
Mint is pretty good, though, so there's nothing wrong with that.
Okay, you are going to have to explain how this works. I would normally just accept that the rules are made up and the points don't matter (oh, wait, that's Whose Line . . . haven't watched that in a while), but that's simply not going to fly when they're playing such an emphatic game of not-quite-Hold-'Em.
Okay, there's being bad at poker, and then there's bluffing obviously right after two ponies raised. If you can't tell me you secretly have the other two Celestias under your hoof there, just go home.
Oh, so it's a three of a kind when it's sixes, but it's "Celestia high" when it's Celestias?
I changed my mind. This is Calvinball. With cards. For money.
I think this means that was after the quote from Study. But I can't muster the enthusiasm to turn that into certainty. It really doesn't matter.
You are quite the drunken minty unicorn, aren't you. Like if Colgate were a cocktail.
Nopony will ever guess you two have any awkward secret!
2780030 I shouldn't make the joke I want to make. It was a bad joke about Cereal Velocity. It was also a Holocaust joke. And even though I'm Jewish and thus can get away with Holocaust jokes, that doesn't mean I should. That power is not meant to be abused.
For me, this chapter didn't skip a beat. Plenty of build up to some good punch lines and I guffawed at least twice. Not counting the other times I tittered, giggled, chuckled, and laughed.
You poor, ignorant fools. Just wait until Equestria invents fracking.