Rarity was looking over her latest designs when she heard the bell on the door ring. She turned to see Fluttershy standing in the doorway, and said, “Oh, Fluttershy, come in, make yourself at home.”
Fluttershy walked in, and deposited the basket in her mouth at Rarity's hooves. Soon after, a white cat popped out. “Oh, she looks marvelous,” Rarity said on seeing Opal.
“Of course. I couldn't leave the poor thing like that after she got all wet. Are you sure you don't know what happened to her?”
“I'm sure.”
Fluttershy didn't believe Rarity, but was a bit too self-conscious to press the point. Not that she would have to, as at this point a tall white unicorn with a light pink mane and tail and three fleur de lis as her cutie mark walked out of the bathroom. The new arrival said in a Prench accent, “If I recall, you said you accidentally knocked her into your laundry tub.”
“Uh, maybe. I don't remember,” Rarity said, doing her best to play innocent, but instead making herself seem even more guilty.
The newcomer turned to Fluttershy and asked, “Is she really this bad at lying?”
“Kinda,” Fluttershy said evasively.
“I see. By the way, you look familiar.”
“I do?” Fluttershy asked.
“Yes. I remember pony who looked like you was a celebrity on the modeling circuit a few years back. Lasted about a month, as I recall, then suddenly dropped off the radar.”
“That was her. Fluttershy quit, because the whole thing made her miserable,” Rarity said, happy to change the topic from what happened to Opal.
Fluttershy flinched when she heard this. She never like having her modeling career brought up and just wished everypony would forget about it. Much to her frustration, however, the two unicorns decided to plow on down that road.
“Oh, that's too bad. your style of modeling worked quite well for you. Although... wasn't your modeling agent Photo Finish?”
“Yes,” Fluttershy admitted hesitantly, really wanting to change the subject.
“That explains it. During my brief stint in the modeling business, before becoming a trophy wife, I heard horror stories about how she would heavily promote her models and run them until they were utterly burned out,” said the pink maned unicorn.
Rarity then saw how talking about this was affecting the yellow mare, so she changed the subject, saying, “Oh, but where are my manners? Fluttershy, this is Fleur de Lis. She's staying with me until she can get back on her hooves after what happened in Canterlot."
"What happened?" Fluttershy asked, feeling like she was missing some information she should have had.
Fleur explained before Rarity had the opportunity to. "Fancypants, my former husband, had an affair with a wealthy socialite by the name of Pink Pearls, then outed me as a bisexual when I threatened to reveal this to the other nobles.”
“Why would he do that?” Fluttershy asked, feeling nervous and slightly silly for not having this info.
“Why would he cheat, or why would he out me?”
“Why would he out you? Why would your sexuality matter?” Fluttershy asked, speaking in a low whisper that Fleur struggled to understand. Fortunately the tall unicorn got the gist of it.
“First off, try to relax. I'm not going to be offended by some silly question. And to answer your question, Canterlot high society is notoriously conservative, and being outed as gay or bi is usually enough to get you kicked out of their little groups. He did it because he wanted to discredit me before I could do serious harm to his reputation,” Fleur explained.
Gaining a little courage, and volume, Fluttershy asked, “But why not stay in Canterlot?”
“Simple. There was nothing left for me there after I was outed, which is why I decided to seek new opportunities outside the city.”
“As for why she came here. It's because I'm her friend, and outside of Fancypants' sphere of influence, except in regard to dress sales,” Rarity explained.
“And your shop was only about four hours from Canterlot,” Fleur was quick to point out.
“Well, yes, that too.”
The sound of someone's stomach growling (no one would fess up) stopped further conversation, and after a minute of awkward silence, Rarity said, “Maybe we should get some lunch. My treat.”
Walking out the door, Fluttershy, who was behind the two white unicorns, found herself staring at Fleur's rump. She immediately chastised herself for doing this, thinking Don't even think that, Fluttershy. Even if you were a fillyfooler, there's no way that a high class pony like Fleur de Lis would want to go out with a simple country pony like you. It's a hopeless pipe dream. She then wondered, Why does she make me so nervous, though? I didn't have a problem talking to Celestia, or Fancypants, or any other high status ponies, so why should she be any different?
Fleur's thoughts, on the other hand, were going down a much more upbeat and inclusive line. I could get used to living somewhere like this. Easy access to the latest fashions; no need to maintain that silly, pretentious facade of smug nobility they insist on in Canterlot; a simpler lifestyle; romance for love, not status; and cute ponies everywhere, like that adorable little yellow pegasus behind me. What's not to love?
It took no time at all for her to find something she wasn't going to love, however. Something having to do with her height in relation to the vast majority of ponies living in Ponyville.
“Ow,” she yelped, after knocking her forehead into the restaurant's doorway. An act she repeated when an inattentive Fluttershy walked into her rear.
“Are you okay?” Rarity asked.
“I'm fine, but, obviously, low doorways are going to be an issue,” Fleur said, rubbing her forehead with her hoof, before turning her attention to the small voice behind her that kept apologizing.
“Don’t worry about it. These things happen,” Fleur said, turning to look at Fluttershy with a reassuring little smile on her face, hoping to calm the shy pony down.
Unfortunately, It was obvious that Fleur's attempts to reassure the pegasus weren't working this time. Fluttershy was obviously still very nervous, which left the tall unicorn confused. She turned her head back towards Rarity so Fluttershy wouldn't see this, and ducked under the low door frame, though she didn't get low enough to avoid scraping her horn on it.
Rarity saw Fleur's look of confusion, but made no comment, thinking it would be best to talk to her about anything that might be bugging her in private. Instead, she asked, “Is Fluttershy here?”
“Yes. She's behind me.”
“Oh, okay. Table for three please,” she said to the maitre d'.
After being seated and ordering their food, Fleur asked Fluttershy, “Why are you so nervous?”
“I'm just shy,” Fluttershy said, trying to hide the fact that she didn't actually know why she was so nervous around Fleur.
“Is that the only reason? You seemed quite comfortable when you were alone with Rarity.”
“That's probably because we've been friends for years now, and she didn't know you were there. Trust me, she was much shyer than this when I met her,” Rarity said, finding herself thinking back to that day.
Fleur saw Rarity become lost in memory and realized she wouldn't be speaking up for the moment. Deciding that she wanted to learn more about Fluttershy and try to calm her down in the process, she asked the pegasus, “So what is it that you do, Fluttershy?”
“I take care of animals.”
“What kind of animals?”
“Any kind, rabbits, snakes, cats, birds, bears...” Fluttershy said.
The look on Fleur's face had to be seen to be believed. “Bears? Really?”
“Yes. They're such nice creatures.”
Fleur was now very confused because she had always thought bears were ruthless killing machines. “Nice creatures?” She found herself asking.
“Oh, yes. They love to come by and have tea with me every once in a while.”
“Wait, how are you having tea with bears and not being mauled by them?”
“Well, my special talent is working with animals,” Fluttershy said, hiding her annoyance.
This explained a lot. Fleur said, “After seeing your cutie mark, I thought your special talent had something to do with butterflies, or something like that.”
“No, I'm good with animals of all kinds.”
Rarity, back in the modern world now that their salads had been delivered, said, “She's not kidding. When we went into the Everfree Forest to get the Elements of Harmony and stop Nightmare Moon she walked right up to an angry manticore and got it to calm down.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“And she's still here?” Fleur asked, still in disbelief.
“Yes. It's amazing, isn't it?”
“It's unbelievable. So you take care of these monsters?”
Fluttershy stopped trying to hide her annoyance when she heard Fleur ask this. “They're not monsters.”
Rarity, wanting to defuse the situation before it got heated, said, “You might want to be careful using that word around Fluttershy. She is very touchy about having her animals being disrespected.”
“Oh. My apologies, Fluttershy,” Fleur said, visibly relaxing somewhat and carefully hiding her concern about possibly having ruined any potential friendship she could have had with the little pegasus within an hour of meeting her. Then, deciding to change the subject away from animals which she was less comfortable with than she thought, Fleur asked Rarity, “So how's business been?”
“Fairly slow, since there are no big parties or other events coming up anytime soon, but I'm getting by.”
“That's good to hear,” Fleur said. Having nothing more to say and seeing Rarity wasn't continuing the conversation, she let silence descend on their table after that.
After a minute or so, Rarity asked, “What do you plan on doing now that you've left Canterlot?”
“Try to find a new way to spend my time, maybe settle down with somepony, and definitely relish not being somepony's status symbol. Trust me, being a trophy wife is highly overrated even if your husband is a pony as nice as Fancypants usually is.”
“I'm sure.”
“Also, I won't miss having to keep up the pretentious facade that goes with being the wife of a prominent noble twice your age,” Fleur said.
“Really? How old are you?”
“24.”
“Wow, I didn't know he was that old, or you were that young,” Rarity said, sounding surprised.
“My size belies my age, I guess.”
“It really does.”
Fluttershy, who had been listening to the two of them speak and quickly eating her salad, hoping to get back to her cottage soon, said, “Sorry, I promised Angel I would be back by now,” before slipping out of the restaurant.
“Angel?”
“Her domineering pet rabbit.”
"Oh." Fleur said as she watched Fluttershy leave. She wondered if she was actually leaving because of her poorly chosen words earlier and the fact that things between them had not quite gotten off on the right hoof.
Wait... a fic that has Fancy not being the nice stallion we think he is?
I like it. Moar soon pls.
1858602 Well, I can't just go with the flow all the time. It's fun to change things up occasionally
Well I've read the story... well... it's not bad, but not the best I've read. Though I will still fave this to see what will happen. The only issue I would have is Fancy and the Elite, but I do recognize that is needed for the plot to even work.
As much as I really like the pairing idea, I think that the issue with the Canterlot elite and Fancy could have gone about in a different fashion. We know that Fancy is a relatively nice guy, but what if Fleur wanted out the relationship just because she couldn't take more societal expectations? And for being completely ostracized by her husband and social friends, she seems pretty accepting of the whole situation.
Secondly, in what way would the elite be 'conservative'? I'd imagine that pony ideals would be different than our own, and in a land like Equestria that seems to promote tolerance, their close-mindedness doesn't make much sense in the long run. That's just me rambling though, you do what you want. I'm actually surprised that I haven't seen this couple yet. It's pretty clever matchmaking.
1858676 I meant for Fleur to have a
bitlot more venom towards Fancy and the elite, but that got lost along the way, apparently, and I admit, I didn't think of just making her get tired of the social pressures, but that's just me being a bit dumb.As for the conservativeness, they didn't seem to be too tolerant of Rarity or her friends until Fancy took a liking to them, and I made some odd extrapolations from there, for plot convenience.
Unique pairing, good writing. I'll be tracking this.
This sounds like an amusing interaction.
Consider it read.
If you do decide to update this i will return, It sounds pretty interesting! ^^
ugh, i dislike when ppl just reglessly blurt bad stuff out about things they have no clue only read the first chap btw :)
I like it. A unique pairing, characterisation that can't be found in every single other fic (If I read one more fic about party animal Vinyl and stuck-up Octavia, I will gag) and, joy of joys, it's a shipfic that understands that bisexuality exists. It may be a little selfish of me, but I always rather enjoy that.
My only beef is that you make Fleur almost sound like some freakishly tall monstrosity compared to other ponies. She was barely Fancy Pant's height the one time we saw her. Not tall enough to have to duck through doorways...
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: Not Quite the Right Hoof
Grammar score out of 10 (1 is grammar that needs to be worked upon as basic principles such as capitalization and spelling is an issue, and 10 is impeccable): 6
Pros
A ship idea that hasn't been done before, or not done often so therefore original and quite interesting. Also a different take on fancy pants
Fluttershy... seems in character as is Rarity and Fleur is mostly in character.
Cons (list three cons)
Some minor/major grammar/spelling mistake aka "din't" when you were supposed to write "don't"
Fleur... she shouldn't use the slang "bi" if she is a high class mare as she purports to be. Might recommend changing this.
I'm kind of worried about Flutters falling in love with Fleur off the bat, but you do show her restraint... do develop her affection for Fleur and you should be fine
Notes Section:
Well. I'll be watching this story for this idea is just sucking me in. If you develop the two's affections well so that they appreciate each other much more, I'm sure you'll be fine. Also, do sort out the grammar and spelling issues and do add dialogue tags to all your dialogue that ends in a comma. Only if the same character is speaking do you not use a dialogue tag. And if it ends in a period, do try to indicate who is speaking with some show. Eg: Rarity nodded, "It's true."
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story/ this story: Canterlot: Her Creation and Her Architects (You do not have to read the whole thing)
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: Not Quite the Right Hoof
Grammar score: 7.5
Pros: It's a nice idea to explore Fleur's character and a romantic relationship between her and some of the other characters. Rarity and Fluttershy certainly stay in character.
Cons: There's a little clean up needed with the grammar, like a couple of misspelled words and such. Fleur's dialogue doesn't suggest that she speaks with an accent, though you mention that she has one.
Notes: There isn't much I can go into given that this is just one short chapter, but it does the job of setting up the premise fairly well. Fluttershy seems to leave on a bad note, begging the question of how anything romantic between herself and Fleur will come about now. Someone else brought this up as well, but Fleur isn't as tall as you make her sound - I don't know if this is meant to act as some sense of awkwardness that she and Fluttershy can have in common or not (Fleur is too tall, could be seen as ungraceful for a unicorn, while Fluttershy is known for not wanting to fly too high off the ground, something that is laughable for a pegasus). Overall the story sounds interesting and I'll read more if you post a second chapter.
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story/ this story: Friendship has a Generous Heart
Whoosh! Greased Lightning! I feel like I missed a chapter here. Apparently it's just me, but I think this whole thing just started out way too fast. There wasn't any/enough setup for the fic so I felt like I was just dropped in the middle. I love the idea but I feel like I just experienced a hit and run by a shipfic and only saw through the back seat window.
This story has more than the maximum number of grammar errors, so I can't include it in the Good Grammar Directory at this time. However, if you fix the following errors, I will be able to post it.
No comma is needed in that sentence.
The correct word is "guiltier."
you are missing the word "a" in-between remember and pony.
No comma is needed after "quit."
"Your" should be capitalized.
There should be a comma after the word to, not a period.
Seems a bit like you threw Fancy Pants under the bus unnecessarily, as his exact relationship with Fleur is never clarified in canon. All we know is she spends time around him and compulsively poses. Given that he appears to be a fairly nice guy in his appearances, casting him as the villain seems a bit of a stretch and, as I said, unnecessary as you could just as easily cast someone else in that role and have Fancy Pants just be a friend or relative.