After Applejack and Rainbow Dash take the step to admit they are in love with one another, they start down a road that will rumble over their uncertainties, fears, failures and odd rituals. They want to make it work. But wanting isn't enough. If they don't work, they won't make it.
A contest entry for the Appledash group.
(The title is not exact, but is merely a means of showing that time is passing.)
(Just to emphasize, the cover image is by 0r0ch1/Shin0r0z, and is fully awesome.)
Chapters (1)
Let me guess; the category about how they live in the relationship?
To tired to read now, but i AM going to read it tomorrow
I'm not really one who's much for giving constructive crit, all I can say is adorable story and good job. <3 Appledash ftw! :D
1832098
Certain people like to downvote bomb any AppleDash stories. Its a sad thing but the less time one spends on the front page the better the rating will likely be.
i.imgur.com/xmRQV.png i.imgur.com/Uvt7B.png
1831989
I hope you enjoy it. I powered through it with more vigor than any recent stories. I'm in it to win it!
1832098
My thanks. And thank you for diluting the effects of the vote-bots.
1832239
Sad indeed. i worked hard on this thing! I appreciate kind folks like you being decent and reasonable.
Why does this story have so many dislikes? the grammar was good the story was unique i assume its for the contest about who can make the best unique appledash shipfic right? other then that the story was perfect why so much hate?
I'll be reading this when I wake up, but boyo, if there are any mistakes for me to document, well, you know how much I love long stories for edits.
Nice work on getting it out quick though.
1832482
The internet is full of bored assholes.
1832269 Fairly well done story ^.^ I noticed a few spelling mistakes, and missing words. ALTHOUGH I don't like to think of Rainbow in that way, other than that it was great. You put the story together in a way I could follow easily, and you put a little of a wait inbetween the different parts that kept me reading. Some people dislike stories cause they are idiots and are bored, but also sometimes because of grammer. No idea why but they do. If you go through you can see the grammer mistakes easily.
The opening scene setter was awkward. It needs some italics and a break at very least.
What that really a thing? Was.
ignored; but Either a comma or no punctuation.
Now that do we do? What.
quickly, no without. Not
Needs a break between end of gala and letter part.
rubbing barrels Wouldn't it be withers as you rub shoulders?
good evenin' miss Dash Good and Miss.
chuckled and rent back. went
together." then Then
With something long like this, you really should split into chapters along the natural breaks, just make it easier to digest. I know you wrote it in one shot, but it can still have chapters.
Applejack's dialogue gets really hillbilly grammar-y, pull back on that. They are Southern, not mush mouth swamp dwellers. For an egregiousness example: gubbmint. No no no no no.
It'd take forever to mark everything wrong with their speech, but I'd suggest reading it out loud after writing it. I think you'd find out quickly how ridiculously slurred it is.
Overall, not bad, but I still much prefer your more original concepts, as you can more easily mold the voice how you wish. Plus, honestly, this story didn't add all that much that could not have been gleaned from your other stories.
1847036
I actually didn't throw in chapters because I know for a fact I would never have finished. I would have said, "Oh, chapter. I can stop my momentum. And that is fatal for me.
Oh boy. Fixes. You cannot imagine how much I love fixes. Ah, no trouble this week. I get TWO days on the itnernet. It's like a gift.
I love to giveGranny the much more mushmouthed dialogue. AJ gets it because it actually feels more natural for me to do it. We could agree to disagree but I think you might actually think you are right. Cursed "death of the author" thing.
1847036
Something I forgot in the prior comment: I rather contend that this DOES add something. Specificity. Richness. A more complete understanding of who Rainbow Dash and Applejack are. There were implications of Dash's boozing and mare-grabbing, and AJ's lack of compliance with family rules are known. But they were never explored.
Remember: The way I approach my stories is to write within a world, to show the varied richness and breadth of the world. It's like a tour of Equestria, with encyclopedic and bigraphical asides.
1853345
I'll give you Rainbow's past, but we've already seen those aspects of AJ in previous bits.
As for the accent, as I live in the South, and have friends I speak to regularly in other parts of the South, including one from the backwoods and swamps of Louisiana, I know my accents. Applejack has always been more Texan, and when you go into the accent too hard, it just gets weird. Granny can get away with more, being older, but some points just get into Jeremiah was a Bullfrog territory. I neglected to mention it earlier, but the proper way to say government here would be gov'ment, not gubbmint.
1856212
I have to agree with you, but to me she has more of an Appalachian accent, instead of a Southern one. If you listen closely to a person from Texas you can hear that they take away letters from words, while a Southern accent would usually add letters. Texan accent sounds like an Appalachian accent. Mostly because most people who moved to Texas originally came from the Appalachian region. So more or less an Appalachian accent and a Texan accent are almost identical.
Sometimes I think that I bore people.
1859590
I was using Southern as a base accent, as to me, all the other dialects branch off from there.
D'awwww!
1872051
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.
I... loved the story, but the Apple Family's accent sounded like TOO MUCH, leaving the country-way of talking, and bordering having a talking disability. I'm sorry but I'm very picky with that kind of stuff, so this is what stopped me from giving you a thumb up. Sorry
1940676
At least you're honest. I admit, it's sort of come back to bite me. If I can't indicate AJ and the rest are speaking in a specific manner then they seem dull and bland and lack any of their charm. Plus I need to maintain concordance with earlier stories.
Did you find the story itself, leaving aside the accent, engaging and itneresting?
1976158
As I said, I loved the story per se, but the accent maked it harder to enjoy. You see, I don't say you should NOT use an accent, I've seen many authors write that way and yeah, it sounds... boring and lacking something. but if you see... lets say my stories, I write an accent for the Apple family members, but only for some words, and just some little changes, that way, it looks 'different' yet not unintelligible.
1977256
I get you, I get you. Well, glad you enjoyed the story overall.
Hey, sorry it took so long to get back to you. Work, and working on my own fic (even since before the contest) ate up most fo my time, and I've practically commented on none of the fics that were entered. Sorry about that.
In regards to the fic, it's a bit hard to get through. I'm not sure I can put my finger on it. If anything, I'd say it feels a bit over-convoluted. The Apple rituals feel overly complex and a bit ridiculous, but that was the point, to get Dash to deal with it. Which she... kinda did. She got through with it, with the help of booze.
That's the issue I see here though. The fic focuses mainly around Dash, and how (poorly) she deals with what Granny tosses at her. It feels more like a conflict between the Apple family (and Apple Bloom's antagonism is barely explained) and Dash, than it is about an AppleDash relationship. When we get to the end, where Dash and AJ have a real heart to heart, we get to see glimpses of the relationship. Up until then, AJ felt very, very passive.
In essence, a bit too much focus on Dash, vs AppleDash.
I am not in any way saying this is a bad fic. Writing quality is good (though maybe a wee bit strong on the accent as others have said, but that's a minor issue), the story is intriguing, the characterization is good, for the backstory you've created... It just felt like it missed the point of the contest ever so slightly. It certainly fit as an entry, but stood out more, hence their mentions.
Again, sorry for getting back to you so late! I'm still definitely faving/thumbing up this story, and would love to see more AppleDash from you if you feel like writing more
2112318
I do suppose I should have explained better. I don't know if you will ever see this (I know about life getting in the way, I have one day a week to get on here, as my phone care barely manage it) but I feel O owe everyone, especially you, an explanation that would have taken up too much story space.
First of all... AJ being passive is... sadly that's show-accurate. AJ episodes are often about her not being there, or being a vehicle for others. So I thought capturing the show's spirit might help.
The Apple rituals: As said in other stories and implied here, Granny Smith and her fmaily USED to be very rich. They were the quintessential Faulknerian Southern Gothic family, cleaned up and Equestria-fied. As well, it has always seemed that "quaint" and "proper" families, especially conservative Southern/rural families have all these unspoken rules and rituals to keep outsiders on their toes and provide order and imposed-manners on the family. Combine money, the fear of folks coming in to try and take that money, and a conservative-esque rural codfish aristocracy and you get this.
Applebloom: It's simple, really. She always wants the the door to be for her. She's a little filly. It's like that time Calvin flipped through all the mail in the mailbox, saw nothing was for him, then went into the house, empty-handed, and said "Mail's here." As well, she really, really likes being with Zecora. This is before Granny Smith started putting on the pressure for Zecora to "put a ring on it" so she can hit her with a "zap-zap, no takebacks" should that ever happen.
I can see what you are saying, it does have a feel like a "Dash" story. I did my best, with AJ's self-loathing and critical judgement of her obedience and orderliness. But I guess that was not enough. Thank you for the honest statement. It was quite informative. I now see that it wasn't a bad story. It just had the wrong focus.
2122195
I admit I haven't read any of your other stories either - so some details that you've mentioned existing is something I did not see. It's context to the apple family that we didn't have in here, at least. Maybe more detail would have cushioned their oddity XD
I do see your point about AJ, which admittedly happens often enough. It's just that it felt more like Dash vs Granny, than AJ + Dash. AJ reacted, but.. until the end, not really enough. Some tweaks to expand her role in the fic some would help a lot, I'd say :)
Glad I didn't come off as too brusque! >_>
2122221
Oh not at all! You were quite wonderfully pleasant!
I feel that I should leave this story as it is, but let me explain. I realize that it did not quite meet the expectation of the contest for which it was written, but in a strange way it meets the requirements that I have for a world-building story in this universe I have knocked up. It fills in some Ponyville-centered gaps between some other stories, most particularly between the end of "Elements of Discord" and "The Unfavorite" and then "The Unfavorite" and "The Bad Apple Chronicles" part one which is, actually, very close to part five. Yes, I am a dork and everything is interconnected.
Excellent story! A near two hour read, but still an excellent story. I look forward to reading more stories from you and I wish you well in your future writings.
2232530
Thank you! It's good to know my efforts are appreciated.
Two hours? I had almost forgotten just how long it is
This was a great story. I kind of wish there was a MLP version AA or Al-Anon instead of just a detox.
9145989
They have groups for that. Berry Punch is in one. But you have to go to them. Berry's fully committed to it, but Dash never seemed the type.
9146752
I think I had a great uncle who was that way. He sobered up and quit drinking when he married his second wife. She had been married to an alcoholic and told him if he ever got drunk, she'd leave him. Well, she went out of town for a week and he fell off the wagon. My grandparents had to sober him up quick and the whole town had to keep his secret. He never drank again.