The end...

SoarinDash817 stories ·1,248 members

When Dash leaves to Canterlot for a family meeting some events occur and the innocent looking mansion she lived for many years is not so innocent looking anymore.

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Comments ( 16 )

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sierra_seven_

sierra_seven_ #1 · Dec 18th, 2012 · · · 1 ·

You do know the description is for the story, not your reasons for writing said story? You might want to give people some indication of what they're going to be reading.

Col_StaR

Col_StaR #2 · Dec 18th, 2012 · · · 1 ·

This story (at time of writing) has 5 downvotes, yet only 2 views. I think this is a lesson for, "first impressions matter". You really should put an actual description of the story in the Story Description.

roxy_roll641

roxy_roll641 #3 · Dec 18th, 2012 · · · 1 ·

1821247 Actually wanted to change that! But thanks for reminding me anyway!

roxy_roll641

roxy_roll641 #4 · Dec 18th, 2012 · · · 1 ·

1821270 Fixed that!

SkyDreamer

SkyDreamer #5 · Dec 18th, 2012 · 3 · · 1 ·

Okay, I'm going to say it straight.
This isn't the worst story I've ever read, but it's pretty bad.

You say it was a mix of boredom and laziness, and I can sure believe that.
For starters, the description describes nothing. Along with that, there are quite a few words misspelled, and the pacing seems a little too quick.
(Edit: Okay, so you fixed the description, that is at least a step in the right direction)

But perhaps the part that bothered me the most was the dream sequence. In particular:

It was none of her business so she wasn't gonna get involved

This seems pretty out-of-character for the Element of Loyalty.

roxy_roll641

roxy_roll641 #6 · Dec 18th, 2012 · · · 1 ·

1821308 Well I know it seems out of character but I am gonna explain that in another chapter (maybe... I can't promise)
Also yeah I know my writing skills suck but I thought I'd give it a try! As for the misspelled words I can only say sorry but english is not my first language!

Midnight Wonders