Rainforest Dash

by LeoFalsetto

Chapter 1 : The Adventure Begins (Re-Write)

Daring Do stood on a cliff-side, catching her breath. She could hear the roars of Ahuizotl's ferocious feline army as they drew ever closer. Daring peered over the side of the cliff.

“Hmmm...” She whispered to herself, “There's a river down there, but I don't know how deep it is.” Daring turned back and saw the foliage behind her begin to rustle. The beasts were upon her, and she had to act fast.

“Here goes nothing!” She exclaimed as she jumped from the cliff. The jungle cats stopped at the edge, not daring to follow after. Daring Do could do nothing but hope for the best. Suddenly, she hit the river with a loud 'SPLASH!'

The felines looked down the cliff for a moment before retreating, knowing that a fall like that was not survivable.

Daring Do surfaced from the river and took in a deep breath. To her own surprise, she had survived the fall. She grabbed a hanging vine and pulled herself from the river. Daring removed her hat and looked upon the regal ruby relic she had swiped from Ahuizotl's clutches. Daring Do let out a slight chuckle as she walked triumphantly into the sunset, ready and willing to outsmart Ahuizotl whenever the challenge arrives!

Rainbow Dash closed the book and sighed in relief, all the while her face holding a joyous smile. Rainbow Dash couldn't help but feel relieved. She always knows in the back of her mind that Daring Do is going to be victorious, but it's the way the books are that always keep her on the edge of her seat. Rainbow Dash gently tossed her beloved book to the side, landing it softly on the cloud table beside her bed, upon which she was laying.

Rainbow reached for the next book in the pile opposite her, but she withdrew her hoof just before touching it.

"Wait a minute..." She spoke to herself, "Daring Do always has such amazing adventures, and all I do is lay here and read them... I could do what she does. I could do it way better than her too!"

Rainbow Dash jumped from her bed and hovered above it, speaking her determined monologue to herself.

"I've read all of the books, and I'm the best flier in Ponyville, maybe even in all of Equestria!" She was steadily hatching an idea. "Y'know what? I'm sick of reading about the adventures! I need to live one!" Rainbow donned her saddlebags took off from her sky bound home, the idea in her mind not yet fully formed.

Rainbow stopped by her friend's homes to tell them of her idea. She decided to first visit Twilight's library.

"I'm not sure that this is the greatest idea, Rainbow..." Twilight said cautiously, Rainbow having just told her of her to-be adventure. "It just doesn't seem safe, and Daring Do is only a fictional character, with fictional adventures."

"I can handle anything my adventure can throw at me!" Rainbow said, almost insulted by Twilight's disbelief in her abilities.

"I'm sure you can, but reading a book is much different that actually trying to go and have an adventure yourself." Twilight said, trying to dissuade her friend.

"You might be right, but how will I know if I never try?" Rainbow said, offering a falsified sad face to Twilight, instantly striking her with guilt.

"If you really want to do this, I suppose I can't stop you..." Twilight said, offering a small smile. "But I can give you some advice. Go and talk to Zecora before you leave. She might be able to help you find a place to go."

"Thanks Twilight." Rainbow said, instantly perking up. "Don't worry, I'll be back in just a week or so."

"Yeah. Bye Rainbow." Twilight said, falsifying a smile.

"Bye Twi!" Rainbow shouted as she bolted from the library. The conversations were about the same through the remainder of her friends, save for Fluttershy, who cried loudly when Rainbow said she was going away. Having her goodbyes done, Rainbow set off for the marketplace.

Rainbow Dash quickly reached the market section of Ponyville, her saddlebags primed with bits to purchase anything she needed for her journey. She decided upon buying a box of matches, an outfit made for survivalists, and a machete. She figured that anything else she'd need she had at home, or could find along her travels.

With her gear fully prepared, and her mind set for an adventure, Rainbow stopped by Zecora's and asked for her help. Zecora, just like her other friends, told her how bad of an idea this was. Zecora, however, eventually buckled and gave Rainbow Dash the location of a mostly unknown rainforest, hoping to keep her as safe as possible.

Rainbow Dash thanked Zecora before departing once more, finally getting her own adventure under way. She had a goal set for herself. She wanted to survive for one week in a rainforest, with limited use of her wings. Though she was still understandable nervous, she knew that she still had her wings to get her out of harms way, in case of an emergency.

After about an hour of flight, Rainbow squealed in excitement as the rainforest that Zecora told her about came into view. Rainbow Dash sped toward the dense jungle, flying over it, looking for a clearing to land.

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"What the hell is that?" A zebra asked, addressing a light red pony standing next to him, also watching the sky.

"I don't bucking know, man! Shoot it the hell down!" The red pony said angrily, motioning his head toward the airborne pegasus with the rainbow streak. The zebra nodded and moved toward a primed catapult, armed with numerous fair sized stones. As the zebra pulled the release cord, the loud sound it emitted caught Rainbow's attention, as she stopped and looked around. She suddenly saw a few large stones speeding her way. She couldn't get out of the way in time, as the stones collided with her side, crushing one of her wings and sending her hurdling toward the ground below.

Rainbow slammed into a sturdy branch, cracking it, and at least two of her ribs. She screamed in pain and fear as she fell. Numerous other branches intercepted the falling pony, as she slammed into them, one after another. In a clear section of her fall, Rainbow thought fast and spread her wings to try and steady her fall. The branches caught up to her all to quickly however, snagging her already broken wing. Rainbow's momentum carried her forward, stretching and cracking the bones within her caught wing. She screamed in utter pain before the branch snapped, sending Rainbow directly toward the ground. She hit the ground with a great intensity, landing on her back. She was knocked out cold, yet surprisingly still alive.

Two zebras approached the downed pegasus and dragged her unconscious body away.

Rainbow Dash woke up a few hours later. She looked around frantically, finding herself in a bamboo cage, her fore-hooves tied behind her back and to the cage wall. She struggled to free herself, but to no avail. She looked to the sky and saw that night had fallen. Gazing about her surroundings, Rainbow saw a table nearby with her saddlebags on them. they still appeared to have all of her possessions in them. There was a makeshift shack a few feet meters from the cage, and a path to beside the shack was outlined with a few torches.

Rainbow struggled to free herself again, but this time, she was interrupted by a rather intimidating zebra approaching from the path beside the shack. He stopped next to her cage and looked in at her, his face filled with spiteful rage.

"Who the hell are you?" The zebra asked, a thick, unidentifiable accent on his breath.

"Where am I?" Rainbow asked frantically. She felt herself beginning to sweat. The zebra pounded on the side of the cage, cracking the bamboo slightly.

"I ask the damned questions!" He shouted. The anger in his voice made Rainbow shudder in fright. "Who. Are. You?" He repeated.

"R-Rainbow Dash! My name is Rainbow Dash..." She choked out. She gulped as the zebra backed away from the cage slightly. He suddenly lunged forward, striking the cage again, causing the bamboo to crack audibly. A voice called out from beyond the shack.

"Faru! Stop toying with the hostage!" The word 'hostage' churned in Dash's mind, causing her all sorts of feelings of unease and terror. The zebra backed up from the cage once more, turning to face the path.

"Fine! I think Tarik needed my help with something anyway..." The zebra shot Rainbow Dash one more malicious, bone-chilling smile before departing down the path once more.

Rainbow Dash needed to act fast. She tilted her body, pivoting on her tied fore-hooves, and kicked the cracked bamboo with her hind legs. With one powerful thrust, the side of the cage shattered. The noise was enough to worry Rainbow as to whether any of her captors had heard it. She bent down and picked up a sharp shard of bamboo in her teeth and grasped it with her one good wing, the other having been previously crushed by some skyward boulders.

She carefully handled the bamboo shard and cut her binds, freeing her mobility. She quickly stood and retrieved her belongings before preparing to run away as fast as possible.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" A thickly accented voice asked.

Author's Note:

So I decided to take some time on this one and actually break it up into chapters. Not entirely sure where i want to go with this yet, but I know where it'll eventually lead. It's the story in the middle that I need to work on. Rest assured, though, I'll upload them as soon as I make them.

This chapter was re-written, due to the fact that I hadn't much enjoyed the first iteration of it, and I had rather rushed it, so this time around, I decided to give it the time it deserves, and re-detail a few things.

As always, comments/concerns are greatly appreciated, threats, however, not so much. Thanks for reading!

Comments

[Nazkan]

I'm going to go with that one Lara Croft game where they tried to reboot her to be gritty, but still didn't understand that such a thing is kind of hard when she still possesses breasts the size of the 'that's no moon' Death Star, but I digress.
Man, possesses is the most snake like word I've ever seen. Why don't I have a reviewing snake for my yacht yet?

Moving on, let's get this over with.
Grammar wise, you're pretty fantastic, good job. Everything flows cleanly and besides the occasional mistake (ashed her, for example) I can see you've put some basic effort into this.
You do have a slight problem with 'Show, don't Tell.' Half the time you're on the right track and everything is fun and imaginative, but the other half of the time you've pulled us down a bit and simply told us what is going on. For a good example, look at the last paragraph of the Daring Do book, and Dash's reaction. One reads like it was written for a science textbook, while the other is packed with all these little subtleties and descriptions which really do wonders for the scene.
I'd recommend just running through this again and just trying to pick out moments where you fall apart and rewriting them a bit. Rainbow getting hit by the boulder is good, Rainbow crashing is not. Study the difference and try to improve on this.

Characters are pretty top notch, and the chain of thought that Dash follows feels really organic and in character. I also like the names for the other ponies, since I know making names is pretty hard thing.
All in all, characters are pretty good.

Finally, plot. Plot is good, I like this plot. It's something that hasn't been done before, so it immediately gains my approval. I'm a little concerned about the gore tag attached to this story, and I'm afraid that you may simply insert gore for gores sake instead of giving it a reason and a place, but I trust you as an author to avoid that, so don't let me down.

I give this story...three pirate X's and a DVD of the Titanic.
Keep up the good work.
Nazkan.

[N00813]

'In some inland post feel the savagery, the utter savagery, had closed round him—all that mysterious life of the wilderness that stirs in the forest, in the jungles, in the hearts of wild ponies.'

Sounds good. Fits with Dash's brash personality, she's not going to think twice before going on a suicide mission. Wonderbolts, though? Just make her sweep past another rejection letter, or something.

Sounds like the Far Cry 3 start.

[LeoFalsetto]

1819995
Thanks for the feedback! It's really refreshing to get some actual critiques on my stories. I'll be sure to take the pointers into account on the remainder of this, and future projects.

[LeoFalsetto]

1820156
Congratulations! You win the three internets! Don't spend them all in one place... Or do, y'know, your call.