Derek, a normal teenage guy, is stuck in the wilderness where monsters from mythology are real. He needs to find help from the people of this land. Little does he know, that he isn't just stuck on Earth, he is in a whole different world.
Derek ventures out of his wilderness hide-out to find a way out of this forsaken forest. He will soon find out about the people who live in this world.
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Hm nice survival start.
Now let's see how you create the inevitable first contact.
Oh and also this
1.bp.blogspot.com/-_TkbcIBMy1Y/T2Ioh3r-T_I/AAAAAAAABGA/BAJcgUhFm7c/s1600/firstpost.jpg
Interesting concept. I will track for now and see where this goes. Though a week for such a small chapter? Not my place to judge or anything, just asking a rhetorical question.
As a writer of survival fics myself, I couldn't help but take interest in this. Now, there's a few things you need to look at immediately; namely spelling, grammar, formatting and consistency in general. I know, hate to be a bore, but lots of little errors are spread throughout this fic, and while they're not glaring on their own they become an eyesore when encountered en masse like this.
First off, you switch between present and past tense at random. I don't know if you're just unaware of it, or if you're intending it to be an inner monologue of sorts, but either way it sticks out. In a bad way. Look through your fic and clean out all examples of this:
>My feet crunched on the the dirt below me. I looked down and noticed that I was on a trail! A trail! Oh my god, I did it! There has to be somebody out there. Now just to follow the trail!
Either standardize it to one single tense, OR if you're intending it to be an inner monologue, CLARIFY this by using (for example) italics.
Secondly, get rid of amateurish penmanship like this:
MY FEET HURT!!
All caps=bad. 2 exclamation marks=unforgivable (pretty much). Please fix it and make your character seem like less of a 10-year old throwing a tantrum.
Thirdly, your pacing is a bit fast. The opening segment with the manticore is very well done, but after you clear that scene, the flashback and everything after it gets quite rushed. This also shows in the amount of mistakes you make. I'd advise running an extra check through it all, and put some more meat on the plot bunny's bones. Don't want him to starve!
Again, do a thorough spell/grammar check to remove misses like me/my and so forth. That's all for now, and I hope you can use this advice to improve the story - for all the clichés it seems to invoke (like the manticore) this seems like a pretty interesting premise. Good luck!
//Proofreader who is a viking
1815320 Yeah, I like to over-estimate my time on these. I don't know if my schedule will change. But I have gotten pretty far for my next chapter.
1816705Sweet.
Every HiE fic has 1 thing in common. BLACKOUTS (a lot of other fics too)
Although this one is quite original.
Giving himself a concussion
1832088 Thanks! I am trying to go against the grain of all HiEs. I hope you enjoy my coming chapters!
Awesome story so far. Though I'm one to talk since I've never made a story so I got nothing to back myself on and shiz.
Anywho neat story and I will patiently wait for more chapters.
A vast improvement from the first chapter. I'm liking how you're taking this story.
I can't decide much yet, some plot needs to deployed yet.
Try pacing things a little bit more.
Otherwise, this looks amazing, really interested where this is going.
Good work!
A little fast moving could help if you slow it down a tiny bit
Gonna track this one....
Fave and thumps up!
"Now dance fucker dance" is my basic favorite lyric in You're Gonna Go Far Kid.
1902633 Thanks!
1904398 Those are the BEST!!
Darn, somebody disliked it again. I guess a 35:2 ratio is okay though. Thank you everyone who likes it!
This story is going quite fast.
mrchervin.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/gorilla_facepalm2.jpg
Bad grammar this early on makes the reader wonder
2096217 I totally missed that. I will go and change that now. I feel ashamed...
Last time this was updated was back in January? Well, I can't remember what's happened. Guess it's time to re-read.
2154657 Yeah, sorry about that. I have been working through finals and getting my GPA up in the early semester. I have been working on it as much as I can.
2154668It's all good. I'm having he same problem wth my fic.
2154721 haha, yeah. Thanks for the support
Cool chapter, and interesting new stuff! I shall wait for more my good fellow.
2172197 Thanks, I think the next chapter will amaze you!
you seem to have a bit of a problem with grammar. I have seen a few know one instead of no one( even better is nobody)
2179158
Did I seriously write "know one" rather than "no one"? And I agree the nobody is the best answer.
What chapters did you find these in? I will go and correct them immediately.
2180796 In the latest chapter. Just use ctrl+F and type in know. You'll find it very fast.
Every time you update, I forget what has happened.
2401926 Oh thank you!! Thank you SO much! I love to have my work liked.
2401939
Sorry, I have been away for a while. I do hope that you like the newest chapter though.
2401949No Equestria? Don't really care. I read it, but I didn't really get anything out of it.
2402025 Yeah, sorry about that
, but I thought a cliffhanger was the best. 
. Next chapter has a lot to offer though, doesn't it? I think you'll like it.
Man I have to reread a lot of this as I have forgotten what happened before.
Although I do wonder what will happen now that Rachel ends in in Equestria.
2405051
2409213 You just love to keep us hanging don't ya.
2409692 Sorry, just hang in there! New chapter soon. Hopefully by Sunday night at the latest.
story is faced paced abit. you also don't bring fluttershy back in since she's the one that found him. out of character abit since flutters would always come back for an animal reguardless of what it looked like. even if she was scared. applejack, i can understand. also the only bullies to tease the CMC are diamond tiara and silver spoon. others would be intimidated since the girls work together as a unit. you also didn't mention ANY of her friends at all. even in the tree house explanation. this "rachel" person just falls out of nowhere too.
theres no explanation for the "thing/mist" that brought them there. noone even noticed the mist the first time or MENTIONED it until they went out to search for rachel.
i like the idea but it's fast pace and many things are off,. rewrite
2417056 Thnx for the input.
As for the fluttershy, I did write that out of character and I regret that part.
I do think that there can be other bullies though. Even if they work as a unit, older colts can still be mean.
Im sorry to say that Rachel was brought in awkward and I have been trying to smooth out that problem, but she has been in my plot since I first thought of it. I didn't just bring her in for the hell of it.
The mist is still a mystery and will be addressed in later chapters.
I have one question for you though. Are you an editor or critic? I checked out your profile and you didn't have any fics, so I have been wondering.
This is my second fic. My first to actually have had a completely plot
2417617 i'm an editor. i can't write worth a damn but i read ALOT. especially on free time and since i'm on disability. i read alot. my talent is in art unfortunately and i can only write chicken screatch
2417691 Okay, anyways. If you truely think this needs a rewrite, I with start debating it. I think that I have introduced a lot of characters and major points awkwardly. So, I can restart from scratch and have the same plot line with better, more interesting characters(hopefully) or I can try to even out the plot and write my next chapters to slow the pace and create a more indepth look on the humans, maybe create some side plots. My last choice is to just scrap this one all together and write a completely different fic with a new plot and new characters.
Can everyone please give me a vote?
2417731 i like this story idea too much to vote on scraping it. my vote is a rewrite