**Edit**
To be honest, this isn't real great. You can still read it and give suggestions to help me out.
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The Grand Galloping Gala is supposed to be where dreams come true and all is well. Unfortunately, this is not the case for everypony. Hearts will be broken and new bonds will be forged tonight at the Gala!
Oneshot involving AppleDash, SoarFire, and SoarinDash
Cover that won't load because my computer is stupid: http://subarashi-sama99.deviantart.com/art/At-the-Gala-REDUX-342901090?ga_submit_new=10%253A1355544470
You may find the image on my DA as well as a textless version.
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Guys, this isn't actually clop.
Chapters (1)
affordablehousinginstitute.org/blogs/us/wp-content/uploads/brilliant_681.jpg AND.......1.bp.blogspot.com/-_TkbcIBMy1Y/T2Ioh3r-T_I/AAAAAAAABGA/BAJcgUhFm7c/s1600/firstpost.jpg
1807491
Thanks
I just read your story dude, ok personally I am not a big Clop fics at all,and I tend to avoid them but I am willing to read and what not's, don't worry i am not going to bombard you with rubbish, because it isn't a bad little story, and it does have a lot of potential, but it needs to be longer, alot longer, it is kinda cut short, so maybe go back and right a couple of extra chapters maybe. to give it more build rather than just be wham bam thank ya ma'am kinda story :P although I am gonna give this a 6/10 because it was good just the length that stopped it getting a higher mark :) /) * (\
I like it
In all honesty: This is really bad One-Shot. The pacing was terrible and the ending came to abrupt .
A good one-shot has an ending that makes you feel happy or sad. My only reaction to this ending was: “I wonder what happens next… it’s over? Woah that was cheap.”
A good one-shot evokes emotions and makes you care about characters. This one-shot was just a clinical sequence of events, making it nothing more than a boring read.
In a good story every part has a purpose and a conclusion. The Appledash Ship in your story neither had a purpose nor a conclusion. I expected AJ to react with shock after seeing RD and Soarin’, calling her out and ending their friendship. That would have given this ship a purpose and had made sense in the context. Instead all that happens is that AJ mentions once that she likes RD and then it’s never brought up again. She just magically disappeared after her last scene. So neither the character nor the ship adds anything to the story.
Your story definitely needs more “substance”. Add more details, more dialogue and more sentences. This isn’t an instruction manual it’s a story and stories need emotions. If you’re rushing from one scene to another nobody really cares about anything that happens.
1809843
Ehh. Just an attempt. I really feel like when I write, I end up rushing. A lot. Thank you for your feeedback.
1807491
Abrupt end because I ran out of ideas.
1807979
Again, I really suck at pacing and just always feel jittery for no apparent reason. I hope to improve in the future.
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Thank you all for the responses so far. It really does make a difference for a person to know where they're going wrong.
lad if your not old enough to drink then i wouldnt recomend writting about drunken sex stick to things you know
what did i just read?
dude I'M TWELVE and i know how drunk sex can go and nope never drank any alchol and prob never will. this is bad realy bad. sorry if i had offended you.
This....is just so fucked up in many ways
why was there so much hate on this...? it was a good story. just a lil rushed dats all...