I would also like to see a Succubus pony, preferably with Twilight, you know,being an egg head and all. I guess she would be the submissive type due to her lack of SEXUAL knowledge and how to handle those experiences. Thus, when she meets the creature, be it pony, griffin, or dragon, she would likely ask the Succubus to "teach" her, you know, in the name of science, but only if this doesn't ruin the story later on of course. But hay, it's your story, write it a as you see fit, I'll follow this five to the bitter or sweet end. Great chapter by the way, can't wait to hear from you again, good luck, and have a good night.
i wonder what we could use for twilight. OH! the person below me said a succubus! that sounds perfect! a succubus pony for twilight, a mimic with a dick for pinkie, and....wait, is it weird that i've given this so much thought?
2191239 not really, cause the mimic could be hiding as an inanimate object, like a cake, before revealing itself. i mean, we all know how much she likes cake.
Like a hawk. I've already got Pinkie planned out, so you'll have to wait to see just what she meets. Applejack's chapter is half-done, so really the only ponies in the Mane 6 left are Twilight and Rainbow Dash. Any ideas, especially for RD, would be welcome.
2191336 I think rainbow should have a Venti (storm spirit). As for twilight, i still like the idea of the succubus. seems kinda fitting, especially since i read a story recently that had her summon one.
"This being one of the finer Canterlot garden parties, what food was served proved to be of little substance, mainly hard bread and tiny diced tomatoes and onions, and to take more than a single serving was quite the faux pas."
I'm loving it already. Your attention to detail is inspired!
Do you mind foals in the story? If not, the cutie mark crusaders might end up in an arachno... arach... a spiderpony's net. Though, the spider pities the little girls and instead tries to have some fun with them, involving tying them up. I think this would be a great idea for someone who likes writing creative bondage.
She had a pale blue coat, and a purple mane that was long and bedraggled and dripped water down her cheeks. Her eyes were blue as well, the deep blue of the ocean, and she had a cutie mark that looked like three wavy lines on her flank... ...Where the mare should have had two blue legs to go with her forelimbs, there were instead eight long octopus tentacles.
I thought the description of the octomare painted a vivid picture. I do have to question the reasoning behind this method of evolution. Why would an octomare need a pair of forehooves? Does she need them to walk or swim?
2191464 how about a Psionic Vampire? they feed of the Life-forces of the living. it'd be simple enough to change it to they feed or MAGIC instead. they look like regular vampires, who in turn look like regular ponies except with paler colored bodies and manes and the fangs, but they have super intense, soul piercing, slightly glowing eyes. oh, and they're alot faster and stronger than normal vampires. don't get me wrong, still rooting for the succubus. but if the writer doesn't like that idea then here's another for them to ponder.
“Look at that mare!” came a shout from across the water. “Somebody get her down!” said another.
I really appreciated your depiction of the crowd. They seem grounded in reality.
(sigh) The crowds in my stories all tend to be a bunch of horn dogs. If I had written this, most of the audience would've already started jerking off by now. Your characters are actually trying to save Octavia and are keeping level heads, for the most part.
An octopus has one main heart called the systemic heart and two smaller ones that are located near the its gills. These two smaller hearts function much like the right side of the human heart. They pump oxygen-depleted blood to the gills, where it exchanges carbon dioxide for oxygen, and then pump this refreshed blood to the systemic heart.
The systemic heart then propels this new oxygenated blood throughout the octopus's body, just like the left side of the human heart!
If the octomare has a physiology similar to her real-world counterpart, then Octavia could feel the pulse of three other hearts inside her. (Instead of just one.)
“Did, what did everyone, did they see?” Octavia asked.
Frederic shifted uncomfortably. “We, um, we saw it all. I’m so sorry,” he whispered.
“Don’t be.” Octavia smiled. “That was the best sex I’ve had in my life.”
I love happy endings.
Overall, I really liked it! I had imagined a majority of the dialogue being Octavia's inner monologue, but you took it in a different direction, which was fine.
The octomare was more of a driving force in this story. Not just for the tentacles, mind you, but also goading Octavia to subject herself to pleasure. It was an interesting take, to be sure.
Thanks again for taking my suggestion! I hope I haven't bored you with my various impressions I had while reading.
Good luck on your future projects! I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter!
I'll be honest, I expected this (by this, I mean the entire story, not just this chapter) to not be very good. I was wrong. Utterly, astonishingly wrong. Not only are they great, but they seem to be improving, as well. Thank you very much!
I think my favorite thing is the subdued enjoyment: full-on rape can be interesting, and jumping in feet first has its place, but your ponies slide in at a perfect pace. And the crowd's/bystander's reactions are great, too. Disturbed, freaked out, with a bit of horrified interest/arousal.
Yeah, the last two chapters got pretty heavy into tentacles. There won't be any tentacles in the next couple chapters at least. Gotta change things up.
No wonder I didn't get a notification of the new chapter. It's not on my favorite list the whole time. Epic fail. Anyways, I'm writing a story, inspired by yours of course. If it's okay with you, maybe you could check it out?
That was... Incredibly arousing...
... yeah
lol? yeah?
I concur with the first and fourth sentiments, though I am sad Octavia didn't get to keep the octopony. Maybe a part 2 is in order?
I would also like to see a Succubus pony, preferably with Twilight, you know,being an egg head and all. I guess she would be the submissive type due to her lack of SEXUAL knowledge and how to handle those experiences. Thus, when she meets the creature, be it pony, griffin, or dragon, she would likely ask the Succubus to "teach" her, you know, in the name of science, but only if this doesn't ruin the story later on of course. But hay, it's your story, write it a as you see fit, I'll follow this five to the bitter or sweet end. Great chapter by the way, can't wait to hear from you again, good luck, and have a good night.
Fic, sorry.
i wonder what we could use for twilight. OH! the person below me said a succubus! that sounds perfect! a succubus pony for twilight, a mimic with a dick for pinkie, and....wait, is it weird that i've given this so much thought?
2190363
no
2190363 Personally, I think a mimic would be hilarious with Pinkie, though that'd be more like a Changeling since Season 2's finale.
2191239
not really, cause the mimic could be hiding as an inanimate object, like a cake, before revealing itself. i mean, we all know how much she likes cake.
2191254 Watch her have a cake-flavored dildo. And that's what the mimic was mimicking.
2191281
hmmmm, i wonder if mr writer person is watching this conversation?
2191315
Like a hawk. I've already got Pinkie planned out, so you'll have to wait to see just what she meets. Applejack's chapter is half-done, so really the only ponies in the Mane 6 left are Twilight and Rainbow Dash. Any ideas, especially for RD, would be welcome.
2191336
I think rainbow should have a Venti (storm spirit). As for twilight, i still like the idea of the succubus. seems kinda fitting, especially since i read a story recently that had her summon one.
2191377 Nah, she needs something special. Are there any monster mares that feed on magic? That'd be the best, so she definitely CAN'T fight back.
Or, you know. There's always a drakony. Half-dragon, half-pony.
Octavia and the octomare seemed to have a lot of fun Now Octavia can play by the water side for the octomare then have amazing sex after.
First off: yay!
I'm loving it already. Your attention to detail is inspired!
I personally would've gone with "Braythoven" (as in a braying donkey) or "Beicloven" (as in cloven hooves), but yours works fine.
Surprised you didn't go with "Johann Sebastian Buck."
Do you mind foals in the story? If not, the cutie mark crusaders might end up in an arachno... arach... a spiderpony's net. Though, the spider pities the little girls and instead tries to have some fun with them, involving tying them up. I think this would be a great idea for someone who likes writing creative bondage.
Octavia being dragged underwater was a nice touch. As we all know, wet-maned ponies are the best.
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTIvMTEvMjEvMDBfMzRfMzVfODYwXzE1ODM4OV9fVU5PUFRfXyJdXQ/158389__suggestive_octavia_wet-mane_shower_artist-mekamaned.png.png
I thought the description of the octomare painted a vivid picture. I do have to question the reasoning behind this method of evolution. Why would an octomare need a pair of forehooves? Does she need them to walk or swim?
2191464
how about a Psionic Vampire? they feed of the Life-forces of the living. it'd be simple enough to change it to they feed or MAGIC instead. they look like regular vampires, who in turn look like regular ponies except with paler colored bodies and manes and the fangs, but they have super intense, soul piercing, slightly glowing eyes. oh, and they're alot faster and stronger than normal vampires. don't get me wrong, still rooting for the succubus. but if the writer doesn't like that idea then here's another for them to ponder.
I wasn't expecting the octomare to speak English. The monsters in the two previous chapters didn't talk.
Communication makes the octomare more relatable to the reader and is less scary as a result.
That being said, it's refreshing to see a tentacle monster that can articulate.
2191606 I think I love you. Wanna make a baby?
.... No homo....
There's something about your word choices that makes the scene seem so... visceral. It's the same feeling I get in the pit of my stomach whenever I watch 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.
3.bp.blogspot.com/_sWB1SFafcgc/S_K9NX_hWDI/AAAAAAAAAGo/98UTsu_S0SI/s1600/20000squid.jpg
I really appreciated your depiction of the crowd. They seem grounded in reality.
(sigh)
The crowds in my stories all tend to be a bunch of horn dogs. If I had written this, most of the audience would've already started jerking off by now. Your characters are actually trying to save Octavia and are keeping level heads, for the most part.
I admire your restraint as a writer.
So, is the octomare a sadist? Does she want to humiliate Octavia, or is she just giving Octavia what she really wants?
There's the payoff.
Here's the set up:
Well done. I love me some good foreshadowing.
Your descriptions during the clop scenes were quite good.
When dealing with unique creatures, sometimes a little extra research can add new wrinkles to the narrative.
For example, did you know that all octopi have three hearts?
cephalove.southernfriedscience.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/hearts.jpg
An octopus has one main heart called the systemic heart and two smaller ones that are located near the its gills. These two smaller hearts function much like the right side of the human heart. They pump oxygen-depleted blood to the gills, where it exchanges carbon dioxide for oxygen, and then pump this refreshed blood to the systemic heart.
The systemic heart then propels this new oxygenated blood throughout the octopus's body, just like the left side of the human heart!
If the octomare has a physiology similar to her real-world counterpart, then Octavia could feel the pulse of three other hearts inside her. (Instead of just one.)
I love happy endings.
Overall, I really liked it! I had imagined a majority of the dialogue being Octavia's inner monologue, but you took it in a different direction, which was fine.
The octomare was more of a driving force in this story. Not just for the tentacles, mind you, but also goading Octavia to subject herself to pleasure. It was an interesting take, to be sure.
Thanks again for taking my suggestion! I hope I haven't bored you with my various impressions I had while reading.
Good luck on your future projects! I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter!
2191626
i love me too! jk but this is kinda my thing, mythological stuff and fantasy. spells and magic and shit. all right up my ally.
2192578 I like mythological stuff as well, though I'm not always great about remembering origins.
2192753
i know whatch ya mean.
2192792 For one example, I cannot remember if Hephaestus, God of the Forge, is Roman or Greek.
2192863
Greek. His Roman counterpart is Vulcan.
2193745 Danke!
2192863
greek. cast off olympus because he was ugly as fuck.
2193909 Oh, good. Just like me, then.
I'll be honest, I expected this (by this, I mean the entire story, not just this chapter) to not be very good. I was wrong. Utterly, astonishingly wrong. Not only are they great, but they seem to be improving, as well. Thank you very much!
I think my favorite thing is the subdued enjoyment: full-on rape can be interesting, and jumping in feet first has its place, but your ponies slide in at a perfect pace. And the crowd's/bystander's reactions are great, too. Disturbed, freaked out, with a bit of horrified interest/arousal.
Wonderful chapter.
As for requests..... Vinyl/Vine Monster?
Dash/!!Anthro!! Dash?
Nurseheart/Frankenmare?
a spinx? or is that not part of the pony version of monster girl encyclopedia
The Truth:cdnimg.visualizeus.com/thumbs/c1/e6/lol,,,,amusing-c1e69b568cc2c063b00c503b88e2b5e5_h.jpg
2211508
Yeah, the last two chapters got pretty heavy into tentacles. There won't be any tentacles in the next couple chapters at least. Gotta change things up.
Awww, a bonus chapter? My only request, then, is that you may somehow include Tavi again in later chapters.
I would be really interested if you managed to make one of those whit a Gargoyle
No wonder I didn't get a notification of the new chapter. It's not on my favorite list the whole time. Epic fail.
Anyways, I'm writing a story, inspired by yours of course. If it's okay with you, maybe you could check it out?
Dash and Arachnipony. Think about it. Dash can be the 'little fly' that lands in her web and Arachnipony decides to eat her!
*out.
I'd have to vote Dash vs The Tykes. Feel like that'd be an interesting one.
...MOAR pleeze!!