Cloud Kicker is usually a good student. So why was she so distracted during class today?
Side story to The Life and Times of a Winning Pony. It's awesome, go read it if you haven't already. If you have, go read it again!
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 28th Jul, 2012
- offline last seen Mar 4th, 2020
sidewayz2013
I like ponies, Hondas, other cars, drifting, driving fast, and skating. I also do other things. I am building a Rainbow Dash Itasha Honda Civic: http://bit.ly/1DFAX6S
sidewayz2013
Joined 28th Jul, 2012 ·
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Ha this sounds like it should be good. Will read when I get the chance.
First?
Finally got around to reading this like a day late. Only flaw I saw? MOAR FLUTTERSHY!! MOAR!! Great story I hope to see more even if it makes me sad to know how this relationship ends.
I'll have to read this later when not half asleep ;)
Hey, this was a nice little story. It was funny, a little bit heartwarming, and it made me smile. I declare your first fic a success.
1783942, 1783946 I hope I don't disappoint!
1783955 That was quick. And thank you kindly!
I quite like it. The idea of Cloud Kicker being horribly distracted by her new fillyfriend certainly fits, and it makes for a nice little one-shot.
1784015 Ohhhh this is freaking AWESOME!
I like it too, and the inspiration for this mostly came from it having happened to me all the time.
I agree with Chen, this is short and cute. Nice job!
Great story, but in the middle of the story CK says "aww tits" and I'm not really sure if that works as an exclamation considering the anatomy of ponies
Nevertheless, twas entertaining and pretty well written for a first fic, so congratulations!
This was really enjoyable. Writing in first person is also prett hard but you managed pretty good. Definitly a thumbs up from me :)
1784046 Thanks Comma! I may write more for a different part of the Winningverse, but I'll keep this one as is.
1784057 You're right, that was a lack of thinking on my part. I didn't really have the anatomy in mind when I wrote that, I just needed to show something resembling frustration. So, I put what I would say.
1784058 Thank you!
I like taking advantage of the emoticons, I think...
Very nice. Thumbs up from me.
1784251 Thank you!
1784275 Your compliment is appreciated!
This was pretty good. Uncharacteristically short for a Winningverse story but it is a nice change of pace. If it were longer I don't know if the quality would maintain itself.
(Half of a happy Pinkie)
Overall good job, 3.5 Pinkies out of 5 and one like.
What a nice story.
Although...
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1784343 It was short because I started running out of ideas pretty quick, and had to really stretch it out without having to ask too many people for ideas. Plus, it's a tad difficult for me to come up with 1000 words from such a constrained premise. I made it work!
1784354 Yes, right where that was aimed!
Thanks to both of you!
1784393 Sorry if I came off as a condescending asshole. I know how it feels to be at a loss of ideas. This is a great story. And if it makes you feel any better I rate my own story with 1.5 Pinkies.
Ok, If you insist.
The jokes being juvenile fits the standards of an immature school version of CK (Though the remark about Crack is very off putting and doesn't fit the MLP-Verse at all.), Even so it is still a bit awkward to read,
They are in a cloud building i take it? Then why in particular is there an air conditioner? Unless it is actually a heater.
For that matter why does a building with cloud walls have a linoleum floor? I can only figure the enchantment cost for the floor of a school would be astronomical given the context in which the Winning-Verse has set forth. Also quills being a form of feather are light enough to not go immediatly through a cloud floor, not to mention very abundant amongst feathered creatures such as Pegasi who also would have a simple time of collecting feathers from other flying creatures. (Yes these are background complaints but you said to be critical, so i used logic.)
You did well with the timing of the flow, impatient and quick reflected by the shortness of the story.
Why does CK even wonder about digits being a better tool for writing when compared to magic? Not many creatures presented have digits, Minotaur being the only one with thumbs, Griffons, and Dragons. All of which are either rare, don't have friendly relationships with ponies or have very little context in the series.
Only problems i caught are some of the background elements do not follow quite correctly, and the crack remark is in bad taste.
Good job for a first story, especially since you got to write Winning-Verse.
1784409 Oh no, I noticed no condescension from you. I did ask for people to be brutally honest, so it's only fair.
1784431 Crap man... I didn't even think about some of those...
Huh. And I thought I sucked at pacing...
But apparently continuity is my weak point, so I'll keep an eye on that next time!
Thanks for being honest, your criticism is appreciated!
1784482
You did well with an impatient CK with ALOT of other things distracting her school-filly mind, it fit well.
Perhaps your own perceived short comings in pace are on other speeds, or more importantly the ever dangerous pace change.
And since i am not writing on here just yet it is nice to try and help out.
1784523 Thanks!
Do I say that too much?
Funny story, that's how I started out after I made my account.
This was a really nice little bit of Cloud Kicker's life as a filly. Well done!
1784609 Thanks!
It was good, but like someone else mentioned, the "digits" thing was odd.
Overall though, I liked it.
1784730 Just a little...
Thanks!
needed a good laugh today
A+
1784830 I'm glad I could be the laugh provoker.
D'aww, dislikes...
All in all, a nice read. There weren't any glaring problems (which I've seen often with people who have written many works), so since this is your first fic, I'm gonna tell you right now that you're off on a really good start. But problems could still be found in this short story.
Though technically not an error, since you first said "study very much of this", the sudden switch between "this" and "it" is a little jarring, akin to switching to "this" and "that" when you're talking about the same thing. Although, saying "I didn't study this period" reuses the word "this" which brings about the problem of repetition.
So what I would have done is write "I didn't study very much for this. Scratch that, I didn't study period." or replace "period" with "at all".
It's not too big a problem, but a small detail you could look out for in the future.
Air conditioning vent? In a city made of cloud up in the sky?
Narration tense
I personally really hesitate to write story in the present tense. Tends to lead to a few... problems.
This phrase, and the whole sentence for that matter, was given in the past tense, even though the rest of the story (for the most part) was in the present tense. Not only that, some of the phrasing made in the present tense throughout the story felt a little awkward to me, but I will concede that it may just be me not being used to reading in present tense.
I personally would advise just writing in the past tense to avoid this kind of situation. It makes it easier, and makes more sense in first-person story (to me anyway), since usually, it's the narrator reflecting back on certain events.
And 95% on her test... so 3 questions wrong.
Couldn't resist. 
.
So yeah, all in all, you did a good job.
Your first fic? You're screwing with me, right? This was pretty good
Standard image for a good story,
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/097/657/20533_cooldogdone.jpg
1786427 Thank you for your advice! The tenses thing, I know I'm not very good at staying in one tense, and I try to look out for it, but I slip up a few times.
Oh, you...
1786769
it's my very first MLP fic. I've written in other capacities, but I don't think I'm THAT good. 
1787508 Shush, you're better than me, therefore you're awesome
This was hilarious and well done for a first fic! Gotta love Cloud KIcker.
The Commander seems to approve.
i257.photobucket.com/albums/hh235/Valikdu/373163_372106056166774_1683615658_n.jpg
1797288 The Commander's approval is appreciated!
A solid first outing for a story. Most of the other already caught the significant issues with this story, but the only way to get better at writing is to do more writing. Keep it up!
1798319 Thanks Ponibius! I actually do have another fic idea with this verse, but it's a sad one...
i1300.photobucket.com/albums/ag83/TrollestiaSubject/cuestion/Quiero/81299__UNOPT__fluttershy_animated_plot_diamond-dogs_diamond-dog_fido_a-dog-and-pony-show.gif
1841002 Hah, that's AWESOME!!
1841709
i1300.photobucket.com/albums/ag83/TrollestiaSubject/cuestion/Caught/4461__twilight-sparkle_pinkie-pie_fluttershy_comic_suggestive_plot_ice_artist-alfourman.png
1845338 Moar? Moar. That's totally radical!
1845629
Ok, but stop shaking your x-mas hat.
i1300.photobucket.com/albums/ag83/TrollestiaSubject/Lyra%20Paranormal/datplot.jpg
1845813 Flirting Lyra? That crazy mare... I got her as my fist pony figure :D
Decent quick-read fic. Though the title is misleading.
1875353 Yea, I can't disagree there. But Chen wanted it to sound more like what all the other ones sounded like, so that's what we agreed on. Thanks for reading!
this was an awesome little one-shot, i found the pencil sharpening innuendo, impatience, and leaving the classroom just to talk to fluttershy as very much filly ck stuff.
as for everyone gawking at the AC, when the atmosphere gets too humid, clouds get much denser, although it wouldn't get to the point where they couldn't breath, it would be very uncomfortable to stay there for more than a minute or 2, so they probably just got a small tunnels enchanted into the cloud rooms to help keep air flowing, and since flight camp has 90-95% pegasi, and they are resistant to cold, they may only close said tunnel if it gets too cold, but seeing as how the camp is likely higher up than standard weather clouds, thats practically impossible (but if discord came back you never know)
like i said earlier this a short but sweet story and it's a nice break from the dead derpy verse
1784354
i wish the sad eeyup emote was still there...