fyi: the pace will pick up with the next chapter.

Your chapters are too short. Many will instantly dislike a story just because the chapters are sub-one thousand words in length. Aim for a twelve hundred minimum.

EDIT:
Quite frankly, this is pretty well written (and by that I mean grammar-wise, I personally felt a little bit sick in the gut from reading this. Which, I assume, is good.) I noticed one or two minor errors, but aside from that it's not...poorly written.

Though you're still gonna garner hate from the short chapters and the ripping-off of a very infamous gore-fic (even if only for satirical purposes).

I am both offended and disgusted, yet I will favorite this because I am a glutton for punishment.

I smell Sweet Apple Massacre rip-off.

1887742

Thanks for the advice, I think I will consolidate the first two chapters into one, the next chapter is in the works and will be much longer overall anyway.

1887813

someone didn't read the authors note.

1887845
Who even reads?

Nah, I liked your stuff.

1887845 You're welcome

Dah fauq did I i just read ?
I dunno but I think I like it

proceed

where is the next chapter?

1965552
By the end of the month, I only write when I'm extremely bored but have set a deadline because I otherwise would never finish it. If I finish it before the end of the month I will post it then.

I'm a horrible person.
Why am I still here?
I know why. For the same reason I read Sweet Apple Massacre.
When I start, I can't stop 'till I finish it.

3858494
like watching a train wreck...then when no one is looking going through the wallets of the deceased.