Doctor Two-Brains
Joined 10th Dec, 2012 ·
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If any of you feel dissatisfied with my story or feel that I could have done something better, please let me know.
Criticism is important to grow as a writer, and I wish to know of any areas that I could improve in.
Would have liked to have known why Twilight was depressed, in the interest of story dynamics. Also, fleshing out the connection between RD and Twilight would have made the outcome work better, I think. Needs to be about 4k words or so longer. I might do an extended critique, if I have time.
1778290 If you take the time to review my story in full, I would be most grateful.
The main reason the story is so fast-paced is because I wrote it running off of mostly unadulterated emotion. It was mostly just an exercise in my writing skills.
Still, I appreciate any criticism you have to offer.
1778328
Well, since you put it that way ...
I'll add this to a group I just formed for use of symbolism in pony fics. I hope to write a critique of each of the stories I add - yours may be the first.
Until then, my advice is to have a clear understanding of what you're trying to do. Entertain? My guess is no. Create a must-read page-turner? Vent? Communicate?
Articulate the emotion in a more deliberate way. Right now you have water, heat and maybe a bouillon cube, but no protein for one to sink one's teeth into, and no spices.
Metaphors aside, Sad/Dark stories should hurt the reader.
Thanks a lot for the advice.
This story is done, but I'll take your comments into account the next time I write something.
Salamon, I can honestly say that you are one of the worst writers I've ever seen. You should be ashamed of yourself, you pathetic excuse of a human being. This isn't even a story, it's just the ramblings of a half-dead idiot.
Do the world a favor and die. We don't need people like you.
1783248
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So mad.