A 13 year old boy gets sent to Equestria or does he?? Can he save Equestria from certain doom?? Can he save it form changing forever?? Only one way to find out.. read it please and tell me what you think.
Chapters (8)
- Member Since 7th Dec, 2012
- offline last seen Jul 7th, 2016
Iceflame
I love to write and read. I love My Little Pony Friendship is magic it is a really good show. I like winter more then any other season. Favorite colors are red cyan blue and black.
Iceflame
Joined 7th Dec, 2012 ·
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MY BRAIN
This fic gave me
OH BOY; WATERMARKED, UNRELATED, UNFUNNY, AND UNNECESSARY COVER IMAGES! WE'RE OFF TO A GOOD START!
I-
th-
8th-circuit.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/500x262/deadpool-you-have-failed-me-brain.jpg
When I get up tomorrow, I'm probably going to review this.b!!engage ACTIVE REVIEW mode!!
For starters, I'm ignoring ALL THINGS GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT until the end of this review.
Okay, let's start at the start, shall we?
This is all good 'n fine so far, but I know nothing of the character. What is your character's appearance?
The TV remote was in the kitchen?
From what you've described, your character hasn't looked at a clock. At all. How does he know what time it is? Is he the best time-keeping thirteen-year-old to have ever existed?
He 'flew' over it? Didn't 'jump' or 'leap' or 'briskly walk around' it? When you say 'flew,' I imagine he literally flew over it like superman.
Okay, NOW I'm going to bed. I'm too tired to review this.
I'll see you in the morning.
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1761347 Yeah, same.
1761313 one of my tp 5 favorite gifs of the fandom haha
helpful time!
I suggest you get a cover image that has more to do with the story, or at the very least remove the watermark, i'll do this for you if you like.
also your title is incorrect "One day to change it all" should be "One Day to Change it All"
in the future don't release a bunch of chapters at once, if you lengthen them out to about 2-5000 words per week you can keep readers interested and give yourself breathing room to prepare more of the story.
I won't tear into you too hard since this is likely your first story and you only signed up to fimfiction to post it. but it would be wise to research some other HiE's and find what appeals to the readers.
good luck!
HA HA! Vaporized!
If you're going to write something about cartoon ponies in the real world then you need to use real world physics. A meteor, the size of a school desk, would have the force of about 1 ton of TNT. That's more than enough to destroy your house and the surrounding neighbourhood.
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Oh boy! Another self-insert Mary Sue pile of crap!
1761201 Who else but Regidar?!
NNNNNNNOPE
No. No no. FUCK no. Listen to me pal, this is a self insert obviously. THIS FUCKER IS 13! HOW DOES HE KNOW HOW TO PILOT, DRIVE, AND FUCKING WHATEVER ELSE.
I'm being harsh, I know.
That ending. Also a big fucking NOPE. Seriously? You really think showing someone that they are simply the creations of someone's imagination? Wouldn't the be fucking crazy? To know that your moves are not your own? That is why you don't fucking do that..
No. I'm sorry. Hell, my first fic was a damned Alicorn OC fic and it is doing better than this. There should be no "Oh and I do this so i can do this like a god". Jesus you need help.
nope. no sir. no thank you, sir.
http://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=group&group=1977
we can help you come and we will help you fix this
Hey man, you just wrote 19 thousand words. That's fantastic. I'm guessing you're young (your protagonist is 13), and if you're writing nearly 20 thousand words of anything, then you're off to a great start. Keep it up, and you'll notice yourself improving greatly.
Congrats on this so far, and I applaud your commitment.
This is hilariously bad. Seriously, I love it. Write more.
1761201 :3
I was just about to feast on the flesh of an innocent when I saw which song you posted for me to listen to. After cooling down to some Nice tunes I instead took the eyes of a crow and then fired them from an air rifle at said innocent.
Hmmm.... I'm not sure what to think. There's a lot of run-on sentences and unnecessary words and stuff. That makes it a bit hard to follow because I want to stop every time I see an error and yell, "Whoa! There should be a period there!" or something along those lines. But you DID write eight chapters, and that's pretty darn good! You're clearly determined, and determination is exactly what you need to become good at anything. All I'm saying is, keep practicing, keep that awesome determination, and you'll be an awesome writer!
(And if this makes you feel better, my fic got like, twenty dislikes in the first ten minutes, and a whole lotta *facepalm* comments, too. So you're doing really well!)
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2812-132895365478.jpg
Can you possibly have enough commas???????
Element-based username? Check.
OC alicorn with multicolored mane? Check.
Terrible, terrible grammar? Check.
COMPLIMENT: Respectable troll 9/10.
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Not exactly very spectacular story or plot. The grammar is really off, the phasing is bad and the OC is horribly Mary Sue-ish.
I would write a five paragraph long review as to why this story has so many dislikes but I believe four gentlemen here has already pointed out the reasons.
Alot of the feedback on this story is probably not doing anything for your motivation, no matter how true it may be, so I suggest you follow the link Mr Stargaser set up; it will do you alot of good. Better luck next time, chap.
Look people if you don't like it don't be so harsh I bet your first Fanfic didn't do so well either. I have been reading bigger books then everyone my age since I could read. I realize my mistakes now but you don't have to be so immature about it. Stop thinking your all that and the best there will ever be, if you don'y like it just say "Hey you tried but there are some mistakes and if you want I can point them out". You think you are mature but your not. Don't be a disgrace to the brony community and be jerks it's called Love and Tolerance and if you were a true brony you would know that.
Look people if you don't like it don't be so harsh I bet your first Fanfic didn't do so well either. I have been reading bigger books then everyone my age since I could read. I realize my mistakes now but you don't have to be so immature about it. Stop thinking your all that and the best there will ever be, if you don'y like it just say "Hey you tried but there are some mistakes and if you want I can point them out". You think you are mature but your not. Don't be a disgrace to the brony community and be jerks it's called Love and Tolerance and if you were a true brony you would know that. 1765189 I thank thee who was nice to me.
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Take my OC! * Through OC*
facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=140638366086064&set=a.104979922985242.13184.100004197036657&type=1&theater
this is awesome why all the dislikes ^^
one thing (beside awesome) well 2
one: Well that escalated quickly!
two: the music quotes are a bit anoying
Taking first comment on all these vids ^^ PS I want IN this is awesome and damn can I sing (all state choir)
PM if you want info
again why all the hate
DISCORD! CHAOS OFF NOW!!!
I still think it's awesome ^^ ps you just got spammed
Jackin' my idea for the Character Interview, eh? wtf, man?
JK, do that shit.
I'm confused Since when did a 13 year old drive a car? And how dose he know how to drive?
Please clear this up for me
1761626
When I was 13 I did both of those things