CHAPTER NUMBER
CHAPTER TITLE
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"What's up, douchebags! Crunch narrating here. This chapter will be narrated by me, even though it's obviously the author. He works very hard, by the way. You should advertise his story everywhere and get him like infinity likes. ON WITH THE STORY!"
Derpy flew along, occasionally doing a barrel roll. It wasn't hard. You just had to Press Z or R twice!. Her plan was to get the Ursa Minor that almost killed the entirety of Ponyville and bring it back. Perfect plan, right? Whatever could go wrong?
Well, an assload of things, as it turns out. You see, the Ursa Minor happened to be a female going through its first heat. It was in a hormonal rage as it rampaged through the town searching for a worthy mate. It found it in the town hall building. The details, or 'Deets' are too mentally scarring to put here, so the author decided against it.
So, this big ass bear- excuse me. This big ass Ursa Minor comes into town and starts to rape the town hall. Somepony's gonna get peeved, right? Wrong. Everypony just watchedd in awe. Except me. I ran away and kinda peed a little bit. Still, I did manage to find a rabbit and steal its emotions. I heard FLuttershy calling out for some guy named Angle, but whatever. Not the bunny, not important.
Derpy was happy with what so did. She impressed me, apparently. As a way of expressing this, she snuck up behind me as I was stopped in the woods (after eating the bunny joy) and slapped in the buttocks. Hard. I had internal bleeding on my left cheek and she borked the skin on my right one.
This unique combination of events, mainly a huge bear getting it on with a building, led to a space/time rift. A man name Arin, otherwise know as 'Egoraptor' fell out of it. He didn't get to play a role in the story, though, as the fall broke both his spine and his rectum. Ouch.
However, also out of this rift fell a black man, Equestria's first. He ran like the devil the the bear, who happened to be racist. The bear finished with the building and ran off screaming like Toby Turner, or maybe moar like Sarah Jessica Parker. I don't know. Can real horses scream? Well, whatever.
This paragraph is just a filler. I need more words to make this chapter seem long enough to reed, so I'm putting this stuff in. Don't ridicule me! This chapter doesn't even matter!
BACK TO THE STORY! Yeah, the black man turned out to be a murder (not because he's black, I swear!). Derpy was killed, and as was Applejack. He hugged them to death. Immediately after Applejack died, Celestia teleported in carrying a large leather whip and hit the black man whit it. She was shunned by her people for racism and Equestria fell under the rule of Luna. Luna ordered night to be forever and it was so ugly that everyone died. The end!
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lol
This was odd.
1917085
So is childbirth.
I'm ready to be called the Lone Wanderer and have people follow me wherever I may go!
1917118
Oh, are we still doing that? Well, in that case...
I'm ready to go to the Vegas strip and have sex whit countless scantily clad prostitutes for little to no cash, and then kill them and steal their outfits!
The fuck did I just read?
1917128
Well, I did say a big chapter would be coming soon...
When? Back on the Dragon Ball P comments?
1917154
I honestly have no clue. I have a terrible memory sometimes.
Somehow, I feel like that isn't even in the top five weird things I've read on this website.
Better luck next time
Ever since I followed Regidar, crazy shit's been happening, are you in on it?
1806336 Woah dude, that was harsh, even though what you said was true, but I choose to ignore them and enjoy the story.
1917320
I wasn't, but I am now.
1917291
Yay?
1917401
I do take comments like that into account and try to edit the chapters slowly so as to appease to everyone, but there are always those who nitpick and are just going to hate just so they can hate.
This chapter is where hamalammahdingleydongs go to get it on with tomatoes.
1917658
This guy gets it!
1917522 I was merely stating it wasn't THAT random.
Have you noticed that the Twilight Blush and the Twilight Sheepish are the same? I just saw that.
1917756
I KNOW, RIGHT?! It bothers me so much! Just call it Twiblusheep or TwiSheBlush or something!
1917756 1917798
OBJECTION!
Under Twilight Blush's eyes there is obviously a red blush -
Whereas on Twilight Sheepish, *slap table* There is not!
The evidence is clear...
1917935>>1917910
Excellent point with the blush/sheep incident. You win. I'm an idiot. Whoopdee-freaking-doo.
And as the the DT and SS- I will not have Crunch become a ravenous pony who... wait, that's actually not a bad idea. i can't have Blueblood, though. He'll have his personality forcibly take over and Crunch will become and arrogant twit to national heroes.
1917935 W-what? NonononoNONO! I have been defeated, by someone with a careful eye.
1917959 He must feast on the ponies. Only then will he become one with their personalities.
1917959 1918003
I noticed after I posted I left out a TAKE THAT!...
WHY??!
1918025
That's karma.
1918003
Why the hell would he want to merge with Blueblood's personality?!
1918039
So when he meets DT/SS, make sure he doesn't eat too much of their self-importance. Otherwise they'll start taking up self-destructive behaviors, which would be bad.
Of course, that could lead into some interesting drama, if you wanted to go that route.
? ... ? ... ? ... ??? ... !
1917910
Thats what i was trying to say. I wish i had thought of Blueblood.
Lol wut!?
trollolollolololololololol
1919035>>1918993>>1918308>>1918211
EPIC REPLY-ALL!
Yes, 'Trololol'
Yes 'lol wut',
Yes, '' or whatever
No, he will not eat the bitchiness of DT and SS. I don't want any of that satanic mixture inside him.
What....?
1919731
Exactly.
Oh...
1917687pork.
Egoraptor? too much newgrounds dude xD
*sheds tear* I wish all your chapters were like this, I understood the whole story.
Wellll... ok then.
1918025 WHY??! What ever do you mean by that?
1918039 Did I say he would devour Blueblood? No. He should "gain the personalities" of those with a more favorable demeanor.
1921618
Blueblood has none of those.
1921797 Which is why Blueblood is off the menu and most other ponies are on it.
1922024
Precisely.
1921618
What do I mean by that...? What do you mean by that?
1923652 He must absorb their emotions until they cant feel that emotion anymore or devour their flesh to gain their personalities, that way he will be able to feel bad about doing it.
1923814
Oh, you misunderstood what the WHY was for.
It was me mourning the fact that I neglected to make the second obligatory reference to Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney in my post.
1917756 Actuallly I think that if you look very closely TwiBlush has a bit of red on her cheeks not seen on TwiSheepish. I really need to go to bed.
1923881 Oh... I have never actually had any experience with Phoenix Wright, so unless you put "OBJECTION", it would have gone over my head.
1924746 Don't worry about it, Kage No Brony already called me out on it. Jeez; not one, but two people have called me out on it.
1927618
Make that three. if you look closely, Twilightblush has a bit of red on her cheeks that is absent in Twilightsheepish.
1927855 Alright, I'm calling BS right now. You are the ONE person that cannot complain about it, I mean, you agreed with me. I am just more known on this matter, which is why nobody has said anything to you.
1928495
You make me sad.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mba9f2ZjlC1ru00bs.gif
Very well, though. Have it your way.
I shall simply pass through this chat without any more trouble or problems.
1928495
I said something to him...
And in my original correcting post, 1917935, I actually did include an OBJECTION!
I just forgot to add in a TAKE THAT at the end, which is what i was mourning.
1928624 Hey hey. Dont be sad, you can keep talking... I shall allow it.
1928657 You already said something to Kira?
1932798
See the referral in the exact middle of my last post.