Kick-ass mini-chapter 1
Rarity's Boutique
Crunch read book after book for hours, sometimes having multiple open at a time to compare facts. He had pencils and paper lying around him, all of the papers covered in notes and statistics. He had grasped, in that short time, a deep understanding of the pony brain and how it reacts to certain situations. He still couldn't figure out how to make everypony like him, though. It frustrated him.
Frustration- that was an emotion he had felt many times before this. He was frustrated at himself, frustrated at his mother, just frustrated at life in general. Everything was so... frustrating. Applejack stayed by his side, though. She was a good friend, even though she fell asleep at about ten o'clock. Twilight was frantic with the way he tossed books to the side when he was done. He finished quickly, so she stayed with him at first to fix the books as they came flying out.
As the sun started to rise high into the air, Crunch kept reading. Eventually he noticed that he had been reading the same word over and over for... a while. He noticed that and realized that he was bored of reading, another first of many that this changeling has faced. He closed the books and glanced over at the window. Applejack was taking a nap, and Twilight had left for some errands a while ago.
Crunch grabbed a small chair in his mouth and dragged it over to the window he was being watched through previously. The black changeling sat there, staring at the ponies gong about their business, only the odd filly or foal noticing him. The parents simply put it off as making up stories, so he went mostly undetected for quite a while. He checked the clock frequently, glancing over at the sleeping pony every once in awhile. He was very bored. Hunger wasn't a problem (Twilight had stocked him with snacks throughout the study session).
An hour passed. It was twelve o'clock. Than another hour passed, and he continued sitting and waiting. And waiting. And waiting. Finally, though, at three in the afternoon, Applejack began to stir.
"Get those darn timberwolves away from ma' apple tress." she muttered, still half asleep. Crunch laughed, not caring if he woke them up. It worked, and Applejack woke fully.
"How's it going with those timberwolves?" Crunch asked teasingly.
"You be quiet." Applejack said, blushing as she realized that she had talked in her sleep again. She went over to a mirror to fix her mane, but it was fine. Even her hat was in perfect order.
"So, what can I do here?" Crunch asked. "I'm bored of reading."
"Hmm... well, I s'pose we could head over to Rarity's. She might help make you look presentable." She suggested.
"Gee, thanks. That makes me feel so much better." Crunch said sarcastically.
"Oh, you know what I meant." Applejack said. "Let's just get a move on."
"Sure, sure. Whatever you say, um..." Crunch trailed off. He had forgotten Applejack's name. "Hey, how do you spell your name?"
"You're kidding, right?" She said. "You can't spell Applejack?"
"Never mind then." Crunch said, content. Applejack just rolled her eyes and started through the door, a random burst of politeness, Crunch held it open for her with one hoof.
"Thanks, Crunch." she said approvingly. Crunch smiled at this. Approval was rare to him. He had never felt it too often, and it felt nice.
"On to Rarity's?" Crunch asked, tailing behind her.
"On to Rarity's." She confirmed.
"Applejack! How dare you bring such a beast into my boutique!" Rarity shrieked.
"I'm not-" Crunch began.
"Let me do this." Applejack cut him off. She went through the explanation as he had given it to her, almost word for word.
It was long, and Rarity found that she was sitting and listening to the story with anticipation, as though watching a good play. It was simply enthralling to hear this changeling's story. It was like a story from a novel. It was simply unique and heart-breaking, as well as inspiring, at least to her.
"Oh, darling, I'm terribly sorry." Rarity apologized. "Please, allow to make it up to you for insulting you so rudely."
"Uh, sure, I suppose. What did you have in mind?" Crunch asked.
"I'd like to give you a fedora, and some tinting to your coat." She said. "Instead of black, why not a dark gray, or a lovely white?"
"I'd rather stay black, but a fedora is nice." He said. "And I do like the color white. Would you happen to have a white fedora?"
"Ooh, a sense of style. I like that!" Rarity said. "Yes, I have one. Let me get it for you quickly."
"Sure thing." He said. He sat on the floor and watched as she dug through the closet, facing away from him.
"Like what you see?" Applejack asked teasingly.
"Oh, shut up." Crunch said, blushing furiously. He hadn't thought about relationships for quite a while, and certainly wasn't now. He looked around to distract himself now that it was in his mind and he saw only the window to catch his attention once more. He looked out it from afar, and saw something that made his heart stop for a second. The gray pony with a yellow mane he had seen from above as he entered Ponyville. She was breathtaking, even at a distance. Other ponies seemed to shy away from her, though, and avoid her like they did him. She wasn't scaring the heck out of them, however, so she had it a little better. But she was still so attractive as a pony altogether, her entire being, to Crunch. He didn't know what it was.
"I found it!" Rarity said in a sing-song voice. Crunch turned and saw her carrying a white fedora with a purple feather at the top. "I used to wear this until I stopped wearing hat altogether. It matched my colors perfectly!"
Crunch took the hat and pulled the feather out with his teeth, putting the hat on his head. He looked different, and somehow less threatening. He didn't notice. He was too busy thinking of that gray pegasus.
Well well well... it seems our changeling has found a potential love interest in Derpy. This'll be fun...
1787015
The irony of this is that I first saw it on my phone at my wrestling meet today. It was hilarious. You gain +10 respect points, plus a bonus mustache.
1791894
Is it love? Or empathy? Or is it just needing more cowbell?
1791926 Definitely more effing cowbell. I love the chapter name btw
Wait!? A changlingxDerpy story and not a ChanglingxFluttershy story!? You are being original!!!! You deserve a mustached spike
1791982 I'm just wondering, have you read my story ham...
1791981
There will be more kick-ass mini-chapters that I put up when I go on vacation. This one was just because I'm too effing tired to continue the real next chapter.
And I may add in a cowbell reference now, just 'cause.
1791982
I didn't even think of it as a shipping... I'm weird. And no, you deserve a mustache!
You, my Good sir should aquire yourself a pre-reader. It will undoubtly help the flow of your story. You need it. On a lighter note, the story is somewhat original and has a lot of potential. The biggest flaw you have at the moment is that you rush your story. Calm down When you write, so that precious information and details don't Get left out! Looking forward to seeing you develop.
My two bits! ~Terolie
1783674
Does Crunch have any distinguishing features, like mane, wings, eyes, color, scars, etc? Or does he just look like a stereotypical changling?
The more I read the more I like . I can't wait for your next update , so do keep up the good work.
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
1791982
YOU WAN'T ORIGINAL?! FINE! I'LL GIVE YOU ORIGINAL!
I will now write a Changeling-x-HiE set in an alternate universe where Nightmare Moon defeated the Elements of Harmony, and has Princess Celestia imprisoned as a filly (there's already a fan-fic where Luna turns Celestia into a filly as a joke though). After much heartwarming activities and d'awww moments between the pair, the Changeling eventually just sucks its partner dry (not literally, jost sap him/her of his/her emotions, leaving an empty shell [this would be how Changelings are made in this faniverse]), because THAT'S WHAT CHANGELINGS DO. Eventually, the filly Celestia finds some way of breaking free from NMM's control, and afer a short while (like a few days), she ends up in the care of the Changeling. Of course, when the Changeling takes care of Celestia, it earns her trust, and after a while, love (like a daughter loves her mother/father). When the Changeling goes to just change Celestia, the spell it casts clashes with NMM's magic, breaking both spells (the Changeling doesn't sap Celestia) turning Celestia back into former self. Seeing the Changeling for what it really is, she... um, whatever she'd do to the changeling to get rid of it (whether it be banish to the moon, outright kill it, etc.), then takes care of NMM, imprisoning the dark alicorn back in the moon for a thousand years.
.
Wow, I overthought that a LITTLE much, but whatever. I'm now actually going to attempt that. Seriously though, is it an original enough idea?
1785326
Progress Report Sir! [img]C:\Documents and Settings\Zachariah\My Documents\My Pictures\Logitech Webcam[/img]
If you can't pull up the pic then please tell me how to fix it so you can!
Longer chapters would me much appreciated.
Offer her a muffin!
1792424
I like you now. You're fun
1792749
The real chapters are getting longer every time. I'm working on writing scheduling.
1793157
Fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun!
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/tumblr_mdcye6bYz11rpjckco1_400.gif?1353563114
Fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun!
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/158135__UNOPT__safe_pinkie-pie_animated_too-many-pinkie-pies_clone_bouncing.gif?1353564430
Fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun!
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdoh5xsGTg1r8z5dfo1_r1_1280.png
1792424 Well that is origani, I give you that. Hope you do good on it.
Should one worshop changelings because they are holy?
This story looks interesting, so I'm going to try and read it later, but for the moment...
Have you considered changing the story title to "Unchangling"?
1794845
I feel connected emotionally to the title now, like we're cousins or something. It would feel awkward to change it, but I like the play on words. I might use that as a chapter title.
1793170
You are now officially awesome in my opinion. That post was just awesome. You are just awesome.
1794537
Hmm, more stuff about changelings (including a custom history) will be added in in a later chapter. It feels like this story is getting popular too early... but I'm not complaining!
1792395
Derpy loves ME?
1795265
MOAR you shall have... later.
1795952
It's not love. She want's them to live, not prosper, just so she can use them to gain more power for herself. At least, that's how it is in my opinion. I based the Hive off of Spartan civilization, where babies deemed lame were abandoned on a mountain, and if you failed you were killed, punished, or exiled. As in Sparta, he was abandoned by his leaders and people. But again, that's just my version.
1795183
Derpy loves everyone
1796154
Well, then, you'll look forward to Kick-ass mini-chapter 1 part 2! And as will Derpy!
1792424
What is this fic you speak of? I must have a name!