Blood and Gems

by Mr Wool

The Aftermath of a Nightmare

This is the next story which takes takes place during the story arc of Devils in the Desert and Predator in Ponyville. I know it might seem odd to write the three of them at the same time instead of just taking on one at a time but I wanted to try explaining the story of my OC Tyranno like this. It should be noted that the three are in no way connected with my other story Beast of Equestria

---

The best way to describe the morning was grey. Just grey. Not dark grey like you would expect to find on a rainy day. Light grey, which meant that by no means was it going to be a nice day or a bad day. Instead it meant that the day was probably going to be relatively boring and more than likely, uneventful.

The streets of Ponyville were empty. It shouldn't come as a shock that they were. At this time in the morning everypony should be in bed right now,

However there was one pony who didn't remain in bed at this time. Throughout the empty streets of Ponyville a dark green earth pony with a brown mane walked alone without the company of anypony.

Being on his own didn't seem to bother him as much as it used to. In fact he yearned for some time to himself over the last couple of months. After the whole Appleloosa incident he, Rainbow Dash and Applejack had become quiet famous around Equestria. News of how they had stopped the creatures that had claimed so many lives spread quickly. Once they had arrived back in Ponyville a large crowd ha gathered at the train station to give them a heroes welcome back.

He had to admit that he enjoyed it at first. It was a great feeling knowing that he had put an end to such a nightmarish ordeal, not just for Appleloosa but perhaps all of Equestria as well. He knew that he owed it all to the fact that he knew the creatures really well and without the help of Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Braeburn he would probably be dead right now.

Naturally Rainbow Dash enjoyed all the attention they were receiving. She had alot to boast about from the whole thing and an almost equal amount of exaggerations to go along with them. She was hoping that after all of it she would surley get into the Wonderbolts, she still didn't hear anything from them yet but her hopes remained as high as ever. Applejack enjoyed the fame when she could but for the most part she remained as busy as ever on the farm after sales had increased, something which of course delighted her.

Tyranno admired the fact that they remained the same after everything they had been through. It might have been three months but he still couldn't get over it.

Tyranno however got most of the attention. Everywhere he went he would be swarmed by crowds He had always wondered what it was like to be famous and now that he had gotten a taste of it he could honestly say that he disliked it.One of the many things he disliked about it was that whenever a large crowd would gather round him it was always the same thing that was asked over and over aagain. The story. He hated having to repeat the same thing over and over again on a daily basis. Most of the time it was just so they could be around him longer, in some cases he felt like snapping at the crowd. The only time he truly enjoyed talking about it was when Cheerilee had asked him if he coud tell it to her class, the main reason being was because he had to leave out the parts about ponies being eaten. He could still recall in his mind the very sight of some of the dead bodies that the creatures had left behind once they had eaten the best parts. It was unpleasant to think and he was certain that Applejack and Rainbow Dash would recall the same images in their minds whenever they would tell the story.

Because of all this he wanted to be left alone or at least have sometime to himself or even be left alone when he was with his friends. That seemed to be like wishing for the impossible though. So with no other option he decided to get up earlier than usual if it meant he could hav some time alone.

Thankfully for him Twilight had kept him busy the past few days after her her curiosity about the creatures was peaked and she wanted to find out more about them. Hours were spent in the library telling her everything he knew about them and any observations he made himself. The question that burned in his mind however was how they ended up in Appleloosa in the first place. He was hoping that Twilight could find some explanation as to how they did but after thoroughly reading through every book she could find that might be of any help she couldn't come up with anything.

Now he had to figure out what to do for the day to avoid his many fans. There was always the option of more research with Twilight although by now he was beginning to grow tired of it just like he was tired of fame.

"Tyranno, what in Equestria dare you doing up at this hour."

He turned around to see Rarity walking up to him along with Spike tagging along behind her carrying a wagon.

"I think I should ask you the same."

"I asked first."

"Getting some to myself before everypony else wakes up and I get swarmed by crowds of ponies I don't know."

"What you actually don't like being famous?" a confused Spike asked.

"Surely it's not all that bad."

"Rarity you have no idea, I can't seem to take two steps without somepony screaming my name and asking me for an autograph, I constantly get bombarded by the same questions on a daily basis, I can't get anything to eat without without causing a stir, I swear sometimes I'm on the verge of snapping"

"Tyranno I understand that it must all be so aggrivating but look at it this way, sooner or later all of it will die down, these past couple of months have been rather unsettling for all of Equestria, those things that showed up in Appleloosa were shocking to say the least and yet you were perhaps the only pony in all of Equestria who knew what were and because of that you were able to stop them before they could take more lives than they already did. I know you must feel terrible that there were some you couldn't save but their deaths weren't your fault and it doesn't change the fact that what you did was perhaps one of the most bravest thing deeds in all of Equestria. Everypony loves a hero whether they admit to it or not and you definitely filled in that role, in a way you make others feel safe even though its been three months. In the end they are all probably just scared that something like it will happen again and you seem to be the most likely pony to be able to deal with it should it happen again."

Her words left him silent. He couldn't think of anything to say in reply to her. He had never thought of it that way at all, perhaps they were just scared and being around him made them feel safe. The possibility of something like that happening again had also came across his mind more than once. He knew that the odds of happening again were high. He knew something that others didn't and it was the most likely explanation for the events which took place in Appleloosa and why he knew what the creatures were. But would the others believe him ?

---

Outside of Ponyville it remained quiet except for the low sound of digging which came from a single Diamond Dog who had seperated himself from the others and was now digging up the ground looking for what they naturally looked for. The silence that surrounded the place did nothing to deter him away from the plentiful gems that may lay buried beneath the ground, after all this was their territory and very few creatures dared venture into it. He continued to dig until it became clear that there was nothing there so he turned to the next spot with high hopes.

While he repeated this routine he remained completely unaware that he was being watched from a distance. Something that saw this odd looking creature that it had never seen before as nothing more than its next meal. Some time had passed since it last fed and now if it didn't find food quickly it probably wouldn't last another day. It kept its crimson red eyes fixed on the Diamond Dog the whole time. Seeing as this was something it had never seen before it didn't know exactly how it would respond to being attacked, it might run away or even fight back, either way it didn't have the enough energy for both so the only option it had now was to ambush it. It needed the right chance to make its strike, not once did its eyes venture away from its prey. It breathed slowly and quietly. It waited.

Then the opportunity it was waiting for presented itself, the prey had its back turned to it. It narrowed its eyes and mustered up whatver strength it had and charged head on.

The Diamond Dog could only grunt as it fell flat on its stomach from the force of what felt like a tree trunk striking him. He lay face down on the ground. Before it could even get try to get back up its attacker placed its foot on his back and pinned him to the ground. The next thing he felt was a sharp sensation piercing his neck. The attacker visciously shook his head from side to side tearing apart his windpipe as it did. For the Diamond Dog it was all over.

Luck seemed to have favoured the creature, its attack was over quickly and after going for so long without any food it finally had something to satisfy its hunger for the flesh of other creatures. It wasted no time and immediately tore out a bit of flesh from the neck of its prey and swallowed it down just as quickly. It felt great to taste flesh again after such a long time.

Comments

[Regidar]

Wrong.

[Regidar]

1764544 Hey, some Self-Inserts have worked.

[Pixels]

media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqc8gsKPqF1qafrh6.gif

The PC OC copy and pasted on to the image looks ridiculous.

[Fimbulvinter]

This story appears to be taking a dive.
Here are some hopefully constructive comments that may help you with later chapters.

Plot
The basic plot seems ok as far as this chapter is concerned, but several plot elements that should be present seem to be lacking.
From the way it reads, this story is meant to be part of a larger multi fic story arc, something that you mention at the end of the story. This kind of information should be avaliable at the start, or on the title page. In addition to that, you need to consider cold readers. You mention that Tyranno, Applejack and Rainbow Dash defeated something in Appleloosa, but don't give much information regarding it. You tend to just refer to them as 'creatures'. This leaves cold readers somewhat out of the loop. Give some additional description of what actually happened out there to that new readers can catch up without having to go hunting through other fics, or put up a link directly to the relevant stories.

Characters
The way that you describe the mane6 ponies tends to fairly well done, the way that Rainbow and Applejack are depicted as reacting to their new found fame is accurate to their canon personalities. Personality and character for Tyranno seems a little bit thin though, as aside from knowing that he is a green earth pony we don't get much information on him. With OC's, the more information we can get on physical apperance or personality, the better. Things like where he came from and what he did. As it stands now, Tyranno is just another OC who has done something remarkable without any context. All we know is that he doesn't like his status as a hero, we don't know much about him.

Grammar
Actual structural elements to the grammar tend to be fairly good through out the story, your use of new parapgraphs for a new idea and speaker to seperate the story check out well. Much of the issue I had with this section came from small mistakes that could be caught with another round of editing and proof reading - spelling mistakes, missing spacing and punctuation, etc.

Some examples

The streets of Ponyville were empty. It shouldn't come as a shock that they were, at this time in the morning everypony should be in bed right now,

Needs a fullstop after now, not a comma

Naturally Rainbow Dash enjoyed all the attention they were receivingt

Should be recieving.

She was hoping that after all of it she would surley get into the Wonderbols

Should be Wonderbolts

she still didn't hear anything from them yet but her hopes remain as high as ever

You switched tenses during this line from past to present. remain should be remained

It was unpleasant to think and he was certain that Applejack and Rainbow Dash would recall the sameimages in their minds whenever they would tell the story

Missing spacing in sameimages.

So with no other option he decided to get up earlier than usual if it meant he could hav some time alone.

Should be have.

"What you actually don'y like being famous ?"

You do not need to put a space before a question mark. This also occurs later and on the title page.

Seeing as this wassomething it had never

Again, check spacing.

Finally, all examples of dialogue should finish with a full stop to indicate the end of a character speaking.

Final Verdict: Not a bad idea, could use more description of the creatures and OC
Reccomendation: Another round of proof reading to check for little errors

Hope this helps

~ Fimbulvinter. Section Trainee for the Impartial Investigation Ensemble

[Mr Wool]

1764800>>1764714 I admit that I myself find the image ridiculous but it is only temporary while I am creating a proper one.

[Mr Wool]

1764883 Thanks for the tips and pointing out the any grammar and punctuation errors, I tend to type fast and read through even faster so I usually miss small stuff like that.

[Fimbulvinter]

1765499 No problem. It's always nice to get a response to a review.

[Eldorado]

If you want help with grammar, spelling, and that sort of thing, I'd be willing to work with you as an editor. Let me know if you're interested.

Also, I had exactly nothing better to do so I remade your cover art in about 40 minutes. Not the best thing I've ever done, but I just kind of slapped it together because frankly the weird brush tool artifacts and layering derps inspired me to open Photoshop.
i45.tinypic.com/1214ikg.png