Kinky.

Hot.

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I'm a big fan of sex without intercourse. Expect more in the next chapters when I get around to them.

Alrighty then, let's see where this goes

I like it a lot... but the tenses bother me... for example

"and when she would come down towards his balls she’d moan a bit"

sounds awkward, I don't think you're supposed to use "would." Would is the conditional tense (i think), not past.

It still works, it just bothers me.

Still very good.

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I'll work on that. This isn't my first rodeo but it is my first clop fic.

For a very first clop fic its pretty well written
P.s. Maybe you can read my story called my day in ponyville