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anomaly

Joined January 2012
3 followers

Stories (1)

  • Triumph of King Sombra
    Twilight Sparkle failed her test, and now she must face consequences of her failure.

    5,377 words · 4,172 views · 11 likes · 34 dislikes

Blog Posts (1)


Twilight Sparkle  failed her test, and Crystal Empire was taken over by evil King Sombra. She managed to escape from her stone prison, but has to return to Canterlot to face the fact the she won’t get A from her test. Neither will she get B.

(Oh, and her friends and whole world is screwed, but that’s not important.)

**WARNING: may contain some butthurt about crappy 3 season **

Inspired by hate - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Oih9UHP28c

First Published
29th Nov 2012
Last Modified
29th Nov 2012

Comments ( 23 )

#1 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

This... this sucks.

Parody is one thing. Hatefics are something i can understand, and they can even be good. But this... sucks.

#2 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1707512

Well, "this sucks" is not the most helpful opinion, but nevertheless thanks for first comment.

I guess I'm about to get siderodromophobia.

#3 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

Okay, so I can see immediately that there's a King Sombrero Sombra joke.  In the image.

Oh, this should be good.

Engage ACTIVE REVIEW!

'Evil King Solstice Sombrero had won.'  How is she still alive?  Wouldn't she have been trapped or killed or something?

Slight excessive/misuse of commas here.

She (remove comma) and Shining

faithful student (remove comma) now regretted

Other grammatical stuff, too.

important now. (What was) Important was that

pony who (remove 'had been,' insert 'was') supposed to rescue

Oh, now I see.  She teleported out.  That sorta still makes no sense, considering she tried to do that and her spell backfired due to Somnia's Sombra's crystals... or something along those lines.

report back to Princess and seek

Which Princess?

and rescue (the) others from (the) Crystal

“It’s Twilight('s) test, we cannot

Okay, this is really sounding like an okay story so far.  The only big problem I'm seeing right now (aside from Twilight suddenly being able to teleport away) is that you need an editor.  Little mistakes like this can ruin a good story and its immersion.

those poetic metaphors (remove comma) that I snapped

Are you reading these things aloud?  Seriously, read them out loud and put little breaks where the commas are.  Commas indicate small breaks and should be placed accordingly.  If the breaks make no sense, then remove the commas.

stronger than thousands years before,

I thought it was just ONE thousand.

and (the) whole World in

“First of all, it’s thanks to all those poetic metaphors, that I snapped at you 1000 years ago. I’m working on report which clearly states that my night is clearly more safer than your day,”

Fine, fuck it. At least I have more dialogue lines than in previous multi-part episodes.”

Excuse me?  Did Princess Luna just swear?

That's pretty darn OOC, if you ask me.

Also, where did her speech pattern go?  Between two sentences, she has suddenly taken on a modern style of speech.

How about NO.

Also, fourth wall.

Pinkie is pretty much the only one that the fandom allows to break it.  Limit that.

After all(, insert comma) Star Swirl the Bearded

You seriously need an editor.  You really do.  I can't keep reading.

That is all.

#4 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1707550

@commas

Yeah... :twilightblush: the problem is that I'm not native speaker, and in my country rules about commas are different. I thought it wouldn't be that bad, to make it unreadable, but I guess I was wrong. From now on I will surely get an editor.

@Twilight escaping

Key words are "Her despair had been enough" she saw that King Sombra has won, and she knew that she has to escape from her prison, or everypony will be dead for sure. People were able to open locked car doors by bare hands when someone's life was threatened, Twilight has her enraged fire form, when she is mad. I don't see a reason, why one uncontrolled powerful magic burst couldn't help her in such situation.

@Luna

Well, she's not talking in old style because at this point she doesn't give a damn anymore. :rainbowwild:

Seriously though it has random tag, so I won't see a reason why only Pinkie could make 4 wall jokes. It's supposed to be more random, then normal.

#5 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1707614

Hm.  Point taken.

I guess people can do pretty crazy things under the right stress.

I guess it'd make sense if Luna just dropped the style.  It's not like anyone was speaking it anyhow.

Plus, yeah, random.  I shoulda made note of that.

Quick note: if you need an editor, I'm available for that on the weekends.

#6 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

DAT SOMBRERO

#7 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

Ok... I have to agree with >>1707512... I wouldn't go as far as to say it just plainly sucks, but hatefics really don't serve any purpose.

Sorry, but why do you even watch the show?

And "may contain some butthurt about crappy 3 season"? Really? After what... 3 episodes you just declare season 3 crappy?

Sure, compared to all other vilains Sombra wasn't great, but he was NOT the main focus of the episode. Why don't ppl get that?

#8 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1707884

Normally i wouldnt just say something sucks, but here there wasnt much else to say. It wasnt even entertainingly bad, or had one seriously hideous downside in an otherwise mediocre work, it was just everything of it was bad and boring, not even negative highlights.

I wouldnt even be so generaly say hatefics dont serve any purpose, even a hatefic can be done entertainingly (although it admittedly is rare)

but this was... not.

#9 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1707884

*cough* 4 episodes *cough*

#10 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1707884

Well firstly. I don't say that this season is worst than anything. Maybe I should skip this part in description, but I'm saying that, in my opinion, for now this season is  nothing else, but disappointment. Still I think, that it is at least as good, as an average cartoon, but the thing is that from this show I expected more. You like it, it's great, but you've been warned that I don't.

Secondly, although I said and it is inspired by hate, it isn't meant to be just hatefic/trollfic. I've even gave it to read, to person, who doesn't say that this season sucks, and he didn't told be that it's just a butthurt, and he actually liked it. (Or he was just trolling me.) He is also non native speaker, so he couldn't help me with grammar that much.

Please, don't tell me that you thought that I've actually thought, that new team is better than old, or something. :rainbowwild:

Finally. I really don't like this season so far, because:

Episode 1-2:

Rainbow Dash is a bitch to Fluttershy.

Twilight and Celestia are treating everything like it's a test. You know, if lives of all nation, and Captain of Guard, and princess would depend of it, I wouldn't take it as a test, but I would send army, and both other princesses. Sure, they cannot fight Sombra (still I don't get why Princess Celestia/Luna can't, but let's say it's okay), but they can at least help looking for a clues, or give some refreshing spells to Cadence, so she wouldn't lose her powers so quickly.

And there are many more things, that are wrong with these episodes. I've parodied some of them in this fic. Sure, a lot of them are small things

Of course, that not every thing was bad - scene when Twilight comforts Spike, that she would never get rid of him is great. But it's only cherry on a pile of shit.

Episode 3:

For me it was the best episode this far. Scene with Pinkie Pie quietly jumping to water was brilliant. But still, it's the same writer, who wrote Feeling Pinkie Keen. He sure, likes Pinkie Pie, and he surely thinks that Twilight is an idiot. Come on, shooting (probably) false Pinkie to oblivion because, she was scared when other sneezed aloud? She sure was concerned about not getting false positives. Not. Actually, judging by her bad jokes in next episode I'm pretty sure, that they've sent away real Pinkie. if that's the case, then maybe it won't suck that much.

Episode 4:

Oh, boy. Barbs Seed. Filly who was bullied, but that expressed only but one sentence which Applejack said. Also Cutie Mark Crusaders, who wanted to throw her off the cliff, and Applejack who really does take all of this lightly. Yeah...

I wouldn't mind this that much if creators would post stupid things, about how proud they are, that they've touched topic of bullying.

Episode 5 preview and premise:

Twilight is banished from Ponyville.

...

Is Twilight really that stupid? Is Ponyville really that stupid? And why black cloak? And is Trixie being reduced to stupid villain/Sombra's puppet.

My headcanon cries.

Who knows, maybe I'm wrong, and from this point season would be great, but for now I don't like it.

#11 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1708090

Love it how most people have stopped watching the episodes for the sake of a nice cartoon and now just looks for things to hate on... How about you look at the good things instead?

1+2

RD and Flutters: say what you want, but that is class A shipping material :derpytongue2: Apart from that, Dash maybe just wants Fluttershy to stand up for herself.

Celestia: Duh... It IS a test. She trust in Twilight, and obviously there's more coming for Twi in that sort of test. As in preparation for future episodes.

Sombra: Yeah, yeah i get it. 1/10 on the Discord scale. Still, as said the episode focuses on Twilight's fight (mostly with herself).

3

Does the writer really matter?

The idea of letting paint dry isn't my kinda idea of how to get the real Pinkie either. Still, i like the episode for the comedy.

4

This is an episode on bullying. If you have never been bullied, you might not understand how big of a thing that is. I'm from a country with one of the highest suicide rate, and many of them are caused by bullying. While I don't really like the song that much, I think it's a good episode. And Pinkie Pun wasn't THAT bad.

5

srly? You judge an episode before you have seen it? Sorry but it's clear you're already biased for the future episodes.

That being said... "thanks for the spoilers"... I try to stay away from them.

All in all this season has just started. And while it has been the weakest season start in MLP:FIM yet, it has a lot of room for potential. I for my part am gonna wait and see.

#12 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1708427

Oh boy...

Love it how most people have stopped watching the episodes for the sake of a nice cartoon and now just looks for things to hate on... How about you look at the good things instead?

I knew mentioning parts I liked in episodes 3 and 1-2 was bad idea. It totally ruins your strawman.

RD and Flutters: say what you want, but that is class A shipping material :derpytongue2:

:twilightoops: wait... let me get this straight... Rainbow Dash abusing Fluttershy is class A shipping material?

Okay... *backs away slowly*

Celestia: Duh... It IS a test.

Yeah, and life of hundreds of crystal ponies is worth nothing more, than a grade to Twilight. Great moral.

Sombra: Yeah, yeah i get it. 1/10 on the Discord scale. Still, as said the episode focuses on Twilight's fight (mostly with herself).

And guess what? I know it's not about Sombra! You don't have to repeat it two times. You know, even this fic is mainly focused on Twilight.

3

Does the writer really matter?

The idea of letting paint dry isn't my kinda idea of how to get the real Pinkie either. Still, i like the episode for the comedy.

Yes if he/she repeats the same stupid things over and over, than it matter. Also, if writer doesn't matter, let's make Uwe Boll produce this show from now on. Also as I said, I think this was best episode so far.

4

This is an episode on bullying. If you have never been bullied, you might not understand how big of a thing that is.

Whew, good thing to know, that I was never bullied. After all it were just false memories.

You know I really would like to see episode(s) about bullying. I would even like to make it three parter instead of having Crystal Empire. Bullying is more important issue to kids - target of this show, then some evil villain.

Problem is, that while idea can be good, realization is bad. Showing that CMC would not told anypony because they would be squealers or something is bad. Reducing all idea that Babs Seed was bullied to one sentence from Applejack is bad.

You know what... screw this. I'm not going to persuade you anyway. Sorry but I'm begging to think that you labeled me hater already, and you didn't even read my comment. You like the show? Great. I don't like it for now.

Oh and:

That being said... "thanks for the spoilers"... I try to stay away from them.

When I want to avoid spoilers I'm adding fimfiction, ED and other pony sites to leechblock. Try it.

#13 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1708590

:facehoof:

This is pointless. We're stuck in a confirmation bias. Neither of us is gonna take what the other said serious since we both have our opinion set.

And that's good, actually. I think everyone should have his/her own opinion. So let's preach the mlp ways and stop fighting.

I had a run in with jehovah's witnesses today, and I have enough of people who stay firm on their views anyways, for the rest of the year.

So I to end it on a good note: I have learned today that I should not read/click on something which is obviously a Toll/hatefic if I know it's gonna annoy me. I hope you use your writing skills for a story even I will enjoy the next time and wish you a good night.

#14 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1708590

wait... let me get this straight... Rainbow Dash abusing Fluttershy is class A shipping material?

Okay... *backs away slowly*

You'd be surprised. This was in the feature box a few weeks back.

#15 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1708827

It's clopfic not shipfic. I'm completely OK with these theme as a clopfic (I even have it in my faves), but if there would be serious shipfic based on this theme, or another toxic relationship it will make me shudder. Like this.

#16 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1708904

Clop does not a clopfic make.

Just as butter does not a butterfly make.

I'm pretty sure the type is decided by MAIN focus. The focus was the comedy, the aftermath/topping was the clop.

Learn the difference, foo'.

~Dimondium,

Shipper and 45 week vet to FIMFic.

((We're both wrong, though: the fic in question is more comedy than clop. I laughed too hard to even CONSIDER clopping.))

((Also, it's been done. Flutters ended up with bruises. But the entire theme was APOLOGIES, FROM RAINBOW (gasp), not pain. So

don't be so quick to judge by a concept.))

#17 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

I can't believe it, but this is the second time i have used this.

#19 · 90w, 20h ago · 1 · ·

>Reads about ten words of this fic

#20 · 73w, 2d ago · · ·

>>1712315

Ah good, then just let me express that we have shared feelings :moustache:

#21 · 20w, 3d ago · · ·

i think you over did it...:ajbemused:

#22 · 5w, 5d ago · · ·

Why is this so hated?

The beginning was promising.

The rest was funny.

And the ending was unexpected and funny.

#23 · 3w, 2d ago · · ·

Hail ILL Celestia XDD Great fic

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