Private Investigator from Chicago transported to Equestria by means unknown. Just trying to survive as the only Human around.
When a wealthy Manehattan socialite is murdered in her apartment with a gun, Johnny Northrain and partner Lyra Heartstrings are tasked by Princess Celestia to investigate. The case takes them from the high society of Manehattan to the city's underbelly in pursuit of gun runners and moonshiners. When the head of the gun runners turns out to be one of the most respected citizens of Equestria will they be forced to turn them in or let them go?
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"Dead ponies don't wear plaid"
I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.
I'm loving this fic so far. It's definitely one of the better written stories on this website, from my initial observations. Critical analysis is pending.
Okay, here's what I've got for you. So far, most of your errors have been minor slips in the narrative; you often forget to add commas and occasionally you add a little bit of necessary detail into your descriptions. Other than that, your prose is great, the plot is rather sound and I'm not finding a ton of problems. Oh, one other thing; I would recommend a more extensive exposition than simply what you've written here about the city's contrasting socioeconomic state.
Sorry if this comment posted twice. For some reason, that's been happening a lot lately.
1680081
This type of first person narrative style is a bit new to me. I had intended the first one Killing Time to be more like this one but It quickly took on a life of it's own and turned into more of an adventure. I'm watching several noir films and reading some crime fiction to get an idea of how to play it out. The exposition will be on coming, Thanks for you input.
1680026
Cleaning woman? CLEANING WOMAN!
Not bad. I'd get a beta reader, though.
I am a butler, not a catcher.
1680340
I tried that before and it did not work out so well.
1680467
One of my favorite lines. Then of course the next scene is pretty great also.
1686614
An excellent movie. One of my favorites.
On a different note, how do earth ponies fire guns that need fingers to pull the trigger?
1687388
We've already seen how ponies grip with hooves, the firing will come in to play in the next couple chapters. I have a good explanation that works for that.
1687654
Oh
How tall are the ponies?
1740730
Not as short as in the cover image. I always kind of though that a pony's would be about 3/4ths as tall as a human. So when they stood upright they'd be somewhere around 5'4. The artist who did the image for me was brilliant in making Lyra smaller and slimmer in the foreground and Johnny bigger and more looming in the background.