October 14th 2015. Universally accepted as simultaneously the greatest, most incredibly strange day in the history of humankind. A seemingly normal Wednesday morning that turned into the greatest political, scientific and sociological event ever known. The day that Man first made contact with another sapient race. A day that will be remembered vividly by every person on earth who lived to see it. All of the most important and influential people on earth, united with a common purpose; to represent a unified earth, and all the best that humanity had to offer.
---
"Your Majesty, the conference is about to convene. The Prime Minister is in attendance, as are most of the other world leaders." The Head of Security spoke calmly, his demeanour reflecting the years of mental and physical training that had steeled him against all distraction.
The elderly figure rose from her seat, her gloved hand trembling for only a moment in anticipation. Queen Elizabeth had reigned over her country for over sixty years, and was very infrequently taken by surprise. The knowledge though, that she was soon to treat with extraterrestrial life forms, Diarchs of their nation among them, WAS something new. A faint smile touched her lips. It would be good to exchange pleasantries with royalty outside of the family for once.
---
President Obama did not acknowledge the media attention as he disembarked Air Force One that morning. The flight had not been particularly rough, but still something had turned in his stomach the whole journey, and he had not managed a wink of sleep. A winkle of doubt wormed its way into his mind as he was nearly blinded by the flash of cameras, but was immediately dispelled.
'At least Romney didn't win the election' he thought, trying hard to keep the amusement from showing on his face. 'I'm not entirely convinced his foreign policy would be quite up to this particular task'.
---
"Your Majesties, your escort is ready and the portal is stabilised" Shining Armor saluted as he addressed his rulers. "Shall we proceed to the conference?"
Princess Celestia inclined her head, a cool diplomatic mask shrouding her true emotions. "We shall. Are you fully prepared Sister?"
"We are prepared." Slipping easily into old habits at the gravity of the imminent proceedings, Princess Luna twitched a little in annoyance. It had been months since her last slip.
"And what of the ambassadors?" Celestia enquired, ignoring her sister's momentary lapse.
"The griffin, dragon and zebra envoys are preparing to depart at any moment" replied Shining Armor.
"Very good. Let us engage in diplomacy."
---
"CLARKSON!" Richard Hammond was considered by many a loud man for his size. Still, this particular outcry was something special. James May watched on in amusement as the small man stomped out of the garage, monkey wrench in hand and screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs.
"The producers wanted him for a moment, you can murder him when he gets out" James said calmly, sipping from a cup of tea as he unfolded the newspaper. "How about these aliens, eh?"
"You! Did you have anything to do with this?" Hammond's face screwed up in petulant rage, advancing on James, weapon outstretched.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Of course you don't." Richard might have continued, but at that moment, the arrival of a certain buffoon attracted the entirety of his attention.
"You." The amount of rage that went into that one syllable was palpable.
"Yeah, me, look guys, we might have a bit of an issue here" Clarkson said, clearly disregarding his impending death.
"You did this."
"Yeah, look, I know you're mad, but this is more important than..."
"YOU PAINTED MY LAND ROVER PINK!" By now, Hammond's face had gone a bright red, and spittle was flying in all directions.
"And I'll let you bash me with a wrench after I tell you both something important. The producers just gave me our next challenge."
"And?" James asked, now mildly interested in the proceedings.
"And we're all fucked." Jeremy replied, handing over a gold envelope.
James took a moment to read the paper. Then he took another, longer moment to reread it, just to make certain that he hadn't missed the great big JOKE that should have been written somewhere amongst the insanity that was their newest challenge.
"Cock."
Oh my Christ, sir, I don't believe I have laughed as much in a long time.
Man, i need to watch top gear soon
keep it up!
Only thing I could find that was that periods should fall within quotations.
OMYGODTOPGEARHIEICAN'TEVENTHINKRIGHTNOWERMAGERD
GAHAHAHAHAHAH THIS IDEA IS PERFECT IN EVERY WAY, SHAPE, AND FORM
>>>'At least Romney didn't win the election' he thought, trying hard to keep the amusement from showing on his face. 'I'm not entirely convinced his foreign policy would be quite up to this particular task'.>>>
Are you kidding? Romney would make sure to have trade agreements in place within the hour!
Making billions more for Bain Capital! (Alondro would have bought stock....)
"Cock." I think that's my favorite quote from May, just the way he always deadpans it.
does VIP stand for very important plonkers?
"YOU PAINTED MY LAND-ROVER PINK!!!"
best part.
Clop Gear!
...wait, no
1707779 Wasn't Romney the one who wanted to go back to George Bush's style of diplomacy?
What is it with Hamster's stuff and spontaneously turning pink?
Oh dear god, why did I not find this until today?
S.S. Portland, Atlantic Ocean, 1898
Lookout: Sir, shitstorm dead ahead!
Bridge Officer: Good lord...Full reverse! Hard to port!
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/124/268/13056787991.jpg
1.bp.blogspot.com/_GF0KEy-tqTo/TAwU89kPlYI/AAAAAAAABrU/uCo0A_wKWnw/s1600/SS_Portland.jpg
Oh my gosh, I just had to read this because my younger brother watches Top Gear all the time on netflix. I thought it was funny when Hammond said "YOU PAINTED MY LAND ROVER PINK!" That was hilarious.
INSTA-FAVE!
Sorry, this caught my eye. Even if you mean this to include extended family (which would include most, if not all, the European royalty), there are still the monarchs of Arabia, the Far East, and the Dark Continent. I highly doubt Emperor Akihito, for example, is actually Queen Liz's cousin x-times removed.
Incidentally, she also meets royalty whenever she meets the president of France - the Co-Principality of Andorra is ruled by a bishop, and the French President. Which, if anything, is actually _more_ weird than two sisters sharing a throne.
Other than that, admittedly very minor, point, this looks quite interesting.
Anything Featuring Jezza, Hamster and May get's my Like! on another note anyone else watching the new series at the moment?
OMG this story is funny AF!
I love this chapter, all calm, serious and determined as the world leaders gathered, then...
"CLARKSON!"
Minor nit.
The queen does not rule. She reigns.
(she has no actual power)
A pink Land Rover sounds nice, depending on which model it is, I'd like to see a Defender in pink. Hm.. interesting.cdn.ubergizmo.com/photos/2009/5/transmutant.jpg s1.cdn.autoevolution.com/images/news/land-rover-dealer-creates-pink-evoque-55370_1.jpg Told ya it dose'nt sound bad.
Now that I know the difference between sapience and sophonce, I get kinda triggered when I see sapience misused. Don't know why...
Cock
10494772
Cock