“Dialogue”
“Words in a foreign language.”
“Quoting in thought”
***
Spitfire's hoof steps echoed loudly in the marble hallways of the castle. The corridors were long and winding, making it very easy to get lost if one didn't have the layout memorized . It was probably designed that way for a reason, she thought. She eventually found her way into a small room in the servants’ wing and knocked softly before stepping through the thick wooden door.
“Hey Cap'n, what did Celestia want us for?” a light blue stallion called from his spot on the mattress of one of the small beds that occupied the sparse room.
“Address me with some respect, Soarin. I don’t want you to get written up if one of the goldies hears you.” The fiery haired mare rubbed her temple with a hoof. Soarin could be such an idiot sometimes.
“Relax, Captain, with the military out of town they all got redeployed to the rest of Canterlot. Hardly any in the castle now. So why don’t you show us what you got?” The stallion rolled around, his normally well-groomed blue mane now a mess of bed hair.
Spitfire sighed and rolled out the parchment on the floor. The always energetic Soarin hopped down from his perch to look over her shoulder. Another mare almost bled from the shadows in the corner of the room - the mare was a darker blue than Soarin with a white mane that didn't look like it would lend itself to stealth. The mare walked calmly from her corner of the room joining the small huddle.
“Fleet, could you not do that? It is seriously creepy.” Soarin shivered and Spitfire rolled her eyes at him.
“Shouldn't you be used to that by now? I mean seriously, how long have you two been on the same team?” Spitfire pointed a hoof at Soarin accusingly.
“It’s still creepy,” he moaned, before Spitfire’s glare immediately shut him up.
Spitfire glared at him for another second and not seeing any more dissent, continued with her briefing. “That’s what I thought. Okay, now that we have everyone settled, this is the situation.”
=====================================================
Spitfire sat on a roof at their objective, keeping watch over the grid of streets she could see from her vantage point. A tiny shiver of dread crept down the back of her neck, the same niggling feeling she had been getting since the moment they arrived. A heavy thump behind her signaled the return of Soarin. “Find anything?” she asked without turning around.
“Sorry, Cap'n, all I’ve seen is just a lot of empty buildings. This place is seriously starting to give me the creeps.” The blue stallion nervously shifted from one side to the other; ever since he entered the borders of the rumored “Everfree City” he had felt uncomfortable. He felt almost like a rookie donning his heavy armor and spear for the first time. This place was unnatural; it seemed to scream wrongness.
I know what you mean. That is probably that dark magic Celestia talked about, everything here just seems unbelievably strange. Any sign of activity?” Spitfire turned to look the nervous stallion in the eye, trying to keep her own composure.
“Yeah, spotted the windmill easily enough. It’s a strange thing though, I couldn’t see any water pumps, or grindstones, or anything. It was just the blades and hub on a stick, weirdest thing.” Soarin sat back on his haunches, taking some of the weight off of his poor hooves.
Spitfire took a deep breath, ready to ask another question, but nearly choked when Fleetfoot tapped her helmet to get her attention. “Don’t do that!” She turned to see the quietest member of the team standing right next to her where she was sure there was nothing just a moment ago. “Did you find something?” she asked. Fleetfoot pointed off down one of the streets. In the distance Spitfire could make out movement from... something.
“Well, alright then. Let’s go check it out, team. Stay low and for Celestia’s sake, be quiet.” Spitfire took off, flying closer to the flicker of movement with her two subordinates not far behind.
They touched down silently and crept over to the edge of a single story building that overlooked a small square of unpaved land. There was a single creature moving around below them, picking weeds out of a plot of tilled earth. This thing was unlike anything they had ever seen. It was tall, bipedal and looked to be mostly hairless, but was dressed in rough, baggy clothes.
“What the hay, is that some kind of minotaur?” Soarin whispered almost too loudly.
“Shut up, you idiot, it's going to hear us!” Spitfire scolded, but it was no good. The strange lanky creature below had already heard something and was searching for the source. It began looking around into buildings and staring down streets and alleyways. Strangely, it never once thought to look up. The three soldiers kept low on the rooftop, watching the creature closely. Eventually it returned to its previous task digging in the small plot of soil. They silently watched it work for several hours, observing how it moved. Spitfire waved a hoof at her two teammates, a signal to retreat. They crept back over the roof away from the creature before taking fight again ending up on a roof several streets away.
“What the hay was that thing, what do you think it is?” Soarin could barely keep on his feet, flying so quietly in heavy armor was difficult, and with the oppressive feeling all around them, it was even more straining.
“I don’t know, but I have a feeling it might be able to lead us to the source of this mess,” Spitfire said, before Fleetfoot tapped her on the helmet again and pointed in the same direction as before. In the distance the creature was seen putting away its tools and quickly walking off down one of the streets.
“Quick, after that thing and keep out of sight!” The three quickly took to the air, stalking it all the way back to its home. The three watched as the creature strolled right through the heavy wooden doors. Spitfire waved a hoof and the trio split up, looking around the outside of the strange building. It was only a few minutes until the bell in the small tower attached to the building started to ring. They used the opportunity to move around quickly, taking in the terrain. The place looked like it was made of some kind of light brown stucco and was covered with strange statues, all of them representations of the same species as the creature. The grounds were clean and well kept, and the path to the front door led up a small flight of extremely narrow stairs.
“This place totally looks like some kind of evil temple. This has got to be what we're after,” Soarin whispered. “I'm going to go for it.”
Spitfire called after him in a harsh whisper, “NO! Soarin, what are you-” She didn't even get to finish her sentence before the stallion slipped through the heavy wooden doors. Spitfire and Fleetfoot quickly flew to the windows on either side of the door. “That idiot!” she cursed. “When he makes his move, get ready to support him,” she called to Fleetfoot who nodded in confirmation.
=====================================================
I stood there, frozen in fear. The creature was only half my height but it wore armor and carried what looked like a spear at its side. This was obviously one of the native people, but a pony, really? I could see its eyes narrowed through its visor, looking rather suspicious and agitated with me.
I instinctively held my Bible to my chest in front of me like some kind of shield and took a few steps back. The creature snorted and took a few steps forward. I raised my hand trying to make soothing gestures and calm things down. I didn’t know what it might have been capable of and I really didn’t want to find out. I started to speak slowly, in what I hoped was a soothing voice. “Easy, easy, it’s Okay, just be calm.”
“In the name of Celestia, surrender!”
Oh God, it was shouting at me!
“Just calm down, I can’t understand what you’re saying, please just be calm!” I knew it wouldn’t understand me, but I had to try. As adrenaline began to pump through my veins, I felt less and less inclined to be diplomatic. This thing looked like it’d probably be easy to overpower... NO! If I just relaxed and used my head, everything would work out fine. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, I chanted in my mind. I might be scared, but it wouldn’t be right to just fly off the handle. Right? The little creature brandished its spear, jabbing it in my direction and forcing another step back towards the door. “H-hey, please just hang on a second. I’m sure if we can just talk a little, there won’t be any need for violence.”
The creature had other ideas. The windows behind me were abruptly shattered by something and I suddenly found myself wrapped in a rough net. I tried to pull it off but something was trying to pull me down and made it difficult. Finally, I managed to wiggle out of it, rapidly crawling in between the pews and looked over at my new attackers. I caught my first glimpse of two new creatures that had apparently broken through my windows. They wore the same armor as the first one but their coloration was wildly different. A striking red orange and yellow flame motif for the one on the left and a pale blue and white for the one on the right. They must have left their weapons elsewhere, since I couldn’t see any spears or other pointy things on them, thank God.
“Just surrender, monster, you’re not getting away from us.” The orange one spoke, and from the voice I guessed it might have been female. It definitely sounded feminine.
I jumped up and ran to the other side of the room, away from the creatures, and like a well-oiled machine they sprung into action. This was one of the most terrifying moments in my entire life and suddenly finding a small terrifying creature in front of me, I reacted in said terror. My Bible was still clutched in my hands and before I could even think about it, I pulled it back and smashed it across the creature’s face. It cried out in pain and the other two shouted in anger. I quickly sidestepped my stunned opponent and bolted for my quarters. The narrow hallways and unfamiliar layout would make my escape all the more easier. I crashed through the hallways, tipping over decorations, trying to put as many obstacles in between me and them as possible.
I barreled through my bedroom door and slammed it closed; there was no lock so I pulled over the desk to act as a barricade. I could hear them right outside the door. A moment later I heard a crash - they were trying to break it down. Gasping for breath, I stuffed a few necessities in a small duffel bag. I didn’t know how far I could get, but if I got away I wasn’t going unprepared.
“Alright, enough of this! Soarin, breach the door.”
I heard the door start to splinter behind me and turned to see the shiny, razor sharp tip of the spear sticking through the wood. Shit, they were serious! The spear tip started to pry back and forth widening the gap in the flimsy plywood. I grabbed the shaft behind the iron head and pulled, hard. I heard someone yelp and then a crash against the wood of the door. Somewhere beneath all the layers of fear I couldn’t help but find that a little bit funny.
I didn’t pause for long before I jumped up onto my bed, pushed open the window that sat high on the wall above it and quickly slipped through. I pulled the window closed behind me, figuring the longer they spent searching the room, the farther I could get before they figured out I was long gone.
The sun outside was still as bright as ever; occasionally a cloud would pass by and cast the street in shade. I stalked down a dark alleyway, getting closer to the center of town. I hoped to make it to the fire station where I had stored the few vehicles I used on a regular basis. If I could get to my fuel truck (It being the closest one capable of going off road), I could beat a retreat and even head out through the forest or maybe even over the mountains if I could find a path. I realized then the absurdity of my plan. I was going to leave my town to just three little creatures. I had fought off giant demon lions and wooden wolves all this time, but now something that can talk shows up and I bail, just like that?
I shook the doubt from my mind. I didn’t want to leave, far from it. The town had been my home for nearly a year before the event and I loved the place... all of the memories. I had to shake my head to clear the sudden rush of bittersweet images. I couldn’t bring myself to seriously hurt the locals that came after me. Even if they weren’t human, they were obviously people in a respect. I refused to put myself in a situation where I would be forced to kill them, or let myself be hurt or killed. Honestly I shouldn't have even been thinking of killing them at all, as they were thinking beings with souls of their own and spilling innocent blood was not something I wanted on my conscience.
The center of town loomed ever closer and my mood lifted when I could see the sand-colored brick of the fire station only a block or so down the road. I almost stepped out into the street, but then I heard a strange noise. It was a sound not unlike the sound a bird’s feathers make before landing, but the muffled thumps that came next betrayed that whatever was flying, it wasn’t a bird.
================================================================
Surrounded by a seemingly infinite black void, a small spark of dark energy grew. To this spark, across the bounds of space and time, all the darkest emotions that had ever been felt in this world were drawn - all of the anger, all of the sorrow, all of the hatred that had ever been. For the blackness was not a void at all, but instead the perfect medium to grow, and the magic of this new world the perfect sustenance.
A/N
Well there we go chapter 2. The action is starting to pick up and we get a front row seat!
I would like to thank L0n3w0lf for his help with editing this and chapter 1. Its him that has assured only the best possible quality work gets back to you the reader and The Missionary would not be anywhere near as successful without him.
I would also like to thank the other prereaders who have helped me up to this point, they have also helped with things like punctuation or making sure i have my facts right.
And lastly thank you to everyone who has read and enjoyed this, as it is you who inspires me to keep writing.
Author-Radon18
So far this is a pretty good story. Kinda funny and disappointing that once religion was mentioned in the description, a lot of people go ra ra. I'm a christian and I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter. Not just because you are one of the few people brave enough to incorporate religion to the story, but because it seems to have been done very well. In the sense that your main character doesn't seem like a raving religious zealot and the story is well written. It also helps that you clarified in one of you comments that there will be no deus ex machina where God bestows the main character with some miracle or whatever stu-ish characteristics.
Although a God blessed Scootaloo would be funny.
There's even a emoticon for that. Nice!
Dang... I can't wait for the next chapter. Neat to see that they can't understand each other. Most HiE's have everyone speaking the same language. Be interesting to see how it plays out.
well, its good for seeing they dont speak the same language so it shall be interesting.
now,next chapter please? OR I SHALL DO THIS TO YOU AND THE CHARACTER AND THE WONDERBOLTS
http://racoonkun.deviantart.com/art/Twilight-s-killing-Pinkies-338568161just copy and paste it because it wont work and yes i tryed.
Update faster.
Faster.
FASTER!!!
Woo boy...
Well you got guts I'll give you that. Religion and the internet tend to explode when mixed.
Still, despite your description, so far there hasn't been too much religion in this. Yeah the human lives in the church and tries to live his life as a good Christian, but from the way you described it I was expecting heavy thought and exploration of faith and religion. Maybe that's coming later but right now I can't really see anything that should really offend anyone but the most petulant and petty.
Other than that, so far it seems like a fairly standard HiE fic with a little bit of religious seasoning thrown on top. I like the different languages and a whole human town getting thrown in, but once again it winds up in the Everfree. By this point, the citizens of Ponyville must be used to all these humans wandering out of the forest.
Overall, a decent start. You have some good ideas and I'm interested to see where you take this.
I keep reading this in father Gregori's voice, and I have no idea why. Huh.
Is that Satan coming into Equestria at the end there? Yes, or no. It was really unclear.
1671503 PSST...that would be giving you spoilers...
1671379
The perceived lack of religion is simply because this is not a story about religion in Equestria, this is a story about a religious man in Equestria.
The warnings in the description was just to let people know that i wouldn't tolerate a religious debate taking over my comments section and to leave their prejudices at the door.
And the Everfree was actually chosen for a reason that is directly tied to the plot of the story and not because it is a convenient place away from ponies.
AKA if i had chosen any other place in Equestria and not the Everfree something in the story would not work.
1671503
MUAH HA HA HA HA.......Nope, its not Satan, although i am rather proud of my design doc for this antagonist and im wondering if im going to be needing the dark tag.
1671458
"What is this, another life to save? Ill keep my eye on you, more than this i cannot promise."
1671373 1671362
Im going as fast as i can!
1671309
That's one of the things that always bugged me about a lot of HiE fics. A race of sapient ponies are not going to speak English.
1671271
Yep im going to be doing my best to keep away the Stu-herpies. And thanks for calling me brave. I don't really think i am but its still nice to hear someone say it.
*uncloaks*ahem. sorry but one second.*pulls out a giant holy cross where satan enters the story**satan enters*GODPLEASE HELP ME!(no power of christ compels you jokes because in real life it would be forcing jesus to do something)sorry.*cloaks outside of the story zone back into reality*
1672012
Hmm, Tirak then? An original villain? Perhaps a fallen angel or demon of some sort?
Whatever it is, it's clearly behind the whole "dark magic" debacle. If not, then . . . well, I'm going to be even more confused. I mean, logically the only other thing that could be behind the whole dark magic scare is Celestia deeming Christianity to be evil, but that unnecessarily makes Celestia a villain and contradicts your previous statements about the story being about how religious faith effects people instead of religion in Equestria in political sense. (Or metaphysically military sense, I assume, which is why I'm hesitant to call this villain a demon, even if it is the most likely explanation.)
Also, I agree with Zenigata. Scootaloo should definitely be one of the converts. It's just too good a match to make with that emoticon there.
1672143
Now your getting into spoiler territory, though i will go ahead and tell you Celestia is not the villain, nor is there some kind of Christianity field she thinks is evil. Just be patient i have something clever planned for the antagonist and I'm not going to say what it is, lest i ruin all of the tension in the story.
THE COMPENDIUM ENJOYS THIS. PLEASE CONTINUE!
This is kinda like something I am working on.
Except in mine it's the result of an alien experiment blowing up on their home planet and hurtling through space to strike a small coastal town in Maine and send it to Equestria.
And yes, the small coastal town is from a popular series.
1672593
Wouldn't happen to be anything from Stephen king would it? That guy is hell bent on making Maine the scariest place in the world! Wonder if someone on the tourism board made him angry?
If you were to write a story where it was a town with its inhabitants intact, i would read the crap outta that! you would have to be good with writing a bunch of characters and such but otherwise it shouldn't be too hard.
1672730 No. It's not anything written by Stephen King. But it does have lots of death in it though.
Think popular television series that's been around since the 80's and ran for 12 seasons, with four movies too... it was very popular.
If you can guess what series, I'll give you a brief cameo in the fic.
*Cameo offer only open to Radon18 now.
So do not guess for yourself or supply any answers if you are not Radon18.
now.... this is good. the wonderbolts seen to be a bit gun ho! i hope it turns out ok.
AANNDD, MOAR MOAR AND MOAR MOAR
1671458
This.
Very well done, most exiting i must admit.
1672215
Tension? What tension? There's only confusion on my part. Confusion, trepidation, and a fair bit of curiosity is what I'm feeling. Though, that could just be because of just how cynical I've gotten over the years. There aren't that many fics that have been able to induce tension in me lately.
1674272
You do realize that confusion, trepidation, and curiosity are all types of tension right?
There is little difference between them for a storyteller, so long as we are able to grab your attention and then keep you on the edge of your seat, we are doing a good job,
1672215 Celestia isn't going to be the villain? I'm liking this story more and more. Honestly it gets annoying that author's have to portray her as a tyrant. It just becomes a pretense for much emo angst. And that just makes a story very depressing not just because the character that you lovingly crafted gets ruined but because very few fimfictions can go through the Solar Tyrant path without making it sound too unbelievable. So I'm glad that this story isn't going to be one of those fimfictions.
What I'm wondering is how big is the town? So far there seems to be a church, a gas station, grocery store, hospital, park, lumberyard, hardware store, Walmart, town square, Starbucks, prison, courthouse and possibly a firearms store. So far this is the basis of a very rounded town where the main protagonist can get what he needs to maintain the town. Maybe there should be a library, a small time theater or whatever he might need. It could help to describe the town as much as possible so that any detail added to the story won't sound a bit like a deus ex. But that only happens when you put in something that shouldn't belong there or anything that makes the character too powerful. Like adding a small air strip might be fine but a fully armed air force base will have heads rolling. With this question, what kind of town is it? Is it a mill town where the town is centered around a factory, mine or both? The town certainly has the quality to it. Isolated with only a factory and/or mine as its main source of income. That would definitely help the character without stretching the believability of the story.
Another thing that was bothering me was how did the main character get involved in this strange transition. Did he live in the town when it was teleported or was he passing by and all of a sudden he was teleported to the Everfree Forest like in Silent Hill. This town has that feel to it where there's a light or heavy fog partially obscuring the vision of all inhabitants. Perhaps you can expand on this, and his name.
1682516
Sure i can answer a few of those questions. The town im using is called Martinez, its an east bay town in California. Its a very diverse place with tons of different things littered around. One of the main set pieces in the story that hast quite come up yet is a Shell gasoline refinery, which the town is kind of centered around. If you would like to know more about whats in the town you could possibly check their website. There is a theater next to the wall mart and grocery store if i remember correctly, movie theater not stage theater. There is a library next to the courthouse i haven't mentioned as well as a a ton of little shops on main street. Read chapter 2 a little more closely, it states that the character had been living there for nearly a year before the town got teleported. There is no airstrip in the town itself, closest one is 20-30 miles away witch is waaaay too far to include it. So im not going to tell you the mechanics of how the place got teleported, that's up to your imagination. What i will do is elaborate on the result. The town is a perfectly circular cut out of the area it was in. Like imagine if you took the town and cookie-cuttered it away from its surroundings and swapped it with the same area of land in the Everfree. There is all sorts of areas where the landscape doesn't match up and changes height/composition suddenly at the boarder of the old and new. There is also plenty of buildings that are cut in half and roads that just end abruptly. I haven't gone into much detail about this simply because the protagonist stays near the center of town and rarely visits the edges. The next chapter will contain a better description of this. And his name is currently waiting to come out of the woodwork, i have to decide on certain events before i make a decision on that front.
That makes it easier to understand how the town will look like. And considering the fact that you don't want the piece of the town to be too big, I assume it would be cut in a 1-2 mile radius since that would make the town much to large for one person to scout and maintain. And while I was looking at the map, I found a firearms store called Canyon Sports which is located on 887 Howe Road Martinez, CA 94553. So if your character needs guns and ammo, there's the place. Unless you already know and I'm just reciting old news. It's also good that the town has a Shell gasoline refinery. With all those large oil tanks, there's definitely enough fuel to last him dozens of lifetimes over. There also should be several different kinds of fuel like diesel and maybe even aviation fuel. Sure there's no planes or helicopters in the town but the higher quality fuel can be weaponized or something. At the very least it opens an avenue of options that the character can go. Who knows, he might want to build a rudimentary air plane.
Anyways since you're including all of the buildings in whatever circle you cut out, I'm sure there's plenty of things the Mane six will find interesting. Course Twilight will go after the libraries (3), schools (9), and museums (2). If Twilight goes gaga for a library from a somewhat known civilization that disappeared for a millennium or so, what about the libraries from an entirely new species.
1684974
Oh im sure there is tons of things they would love to get a look at. The question is, will they get the chance?
If I have any problem with this story so far, it's that the pegusus's name is Fleetfoot, when ponies dont have feet.
Other than that lapse of logic, keep up the good work.
Action is picking up!
Okay, so going to investigate the strange noise, without a weapon, was pretty stupid in retrospect. Especially considering the whole 'lives in a town surrounded by monsters' thing.
But still - ceding his home to the invaders because he doesn't want to harm an ensouled being?
Not only am I impressed with his fairly enliughtened thinking, but as soon as I get past the fact that he's not defending himself against an attack, I'll be very impressed with his dedication .
That said - does 'recon' mean something different to Ponies? Because, as far as I'm aware, capturing beings falls some way outisde of the parameters of a 'recon' mission.
Way to do reckon mission. Reckon don't mean "wreck place up" but "take a look, gather some intel, go back". Soarin and rest are acting like newbies not weteran and elite army squad.
They see "evil temple", one moron get inside. He should be dumped from the squad after it if he survived. They have no idea if this place is any evil temple, what wards or traps can be there. They could spend there at least a full day and go back all, or send one of them to the supervisor for more orders.
But what I do now.
Apart from that story is looking interesting so far, only this freakin reckon is...ugh! Annoying as hell! Makes me want this guy to start blasting fireballs on stupid ponies.
3453441 Its Slender Denim and Jean From Gundam all over again.
3453441
I believe you mean recon, as in scouting, not reckon, as in thought or consequences.
Hey bro evil temple that's where I go every Sunday you ass hole QUICK throw holy water at it!
2077478 that's her canon name though, not a made up one. Blame Hasbro for the weird name. You might know this already, but this is just to make sure.