The end times have come!
Even Royalty Can Feed
The princess of the sun looked out her window at a fortified Canterlot. Barricades and gun towers littered the once peaceful streets, soldiers manned their positions, waiting.
"It used to be so peaceful..." She said, grief overcoming her features as the scarred image of the land hit her forcefully, making itself apparent.
The human regulars were running up and down the street, shouting orders and commands. The royal guard unicorns followed them in a three by three rank and file as their human officers aligned them for battle.
The pegasi flew overhead in battle formation, light machine guns held by their hooves. It would be the battle of the century, for the century had not seen a real war since its beginning.
Celestia sighed and walked inside her castle. The walls were once decorated and bright, but now they stood grim and decaying. The constant bombardments that the besieging forces launched were responsible for that.
As the sun goddess approached the center of the room, her generals moved to meet with her.
"Princezz Celeztia, the fourth army stands at the ready by the front gate. Fear not, as long as the vodka storage room stands behind our lines, we shall not falter!" Zakarov, the Russian ambassador and military strategist from the allies, saluted sharply.
Celestia nodded and moved forward. She had several other generals to talk to.
"Princess Celestia! France shall defend your streets and alleys with such fierceness and determination, it will take more than a couple of minutes before we surrender!" The french general bowed and greeted the ruler with respect.
Celestia nodded yet again and continued her trek to the throne room. Many more human generals and advisers saluted and greeted her. The princess acknowledged them all.
"Princess! Dont'cha worry none! America has hired plenty of others to defend your third world country while we sneak out the oil!"
Celestia rolled her eyes and kept on walking. She hadn't originally asked for the Americans help, but they had a way of getting into your business.
As the sun goddess sat unto her throne, she gazed over the many men and ponies around her. So many, so brave and plenty... But she knew it wouldn't be enough...
"Dear friends and allies! We stand together for the final battle against a foe that has overcome many! The mere fact that we-"
She was cut off by a flatulent sound coming from the middle of the crowd, followed by the maniacal laugh of a certain Italian everyone knew and loved...
"Who let Mussolini in!? Get him out!" The french ambassador shouted and several men and ponies jumped to stop the former dictator. The guy had a talent for getting on your nerves though, he wouldn't give in so easily.
The Italian threw aside the balloon he had used and ran to the front of the room, shouting and waving his arms frantically. Three German soldiers tackled him and repeatedly pummeled his face with their fists.
Celestia sighed and pondered on the dire situation. How could she defend her home? Her ponies were in need of her! She could not let them down!
Mussolini kicked one of the Germans across the room and flung the other two to the side with his powerful arms. Years of making pizza with mama had turned him into one tough bastard.
The goddess of the sun looked out the window nostalgically. She recalled the times when the land was at peace, when war and suffering had no place in her home. Days long gone and forgotten by her subjects, ever at the mercy of war.
The Chinese and Swedish ambassadors pulled out crowbars and charged the Italian dictator, screaming in effeminate voices as they neared their foe. Mussolini hollered some fairly sound arguments against common beliefs on dental hygiene and pulled out an Italian salami.
Celestia felt a tear forming on the corner of her eye, for how much misery can a single mind take before collapsing? How much suffering and pain can the soul sustain before the curtain of sorrow and damnation dooms the body and mind into an eternal state of chaotic and self destructing pain?
Mussolini swung his mighty piece of meat and hit the Chinese ambassador square in the baby maker, the man's screams of pain resounded throughout the chamber as meat met meat, even if the other meat was much smaller than the first meat...
But right then was not the time for meats! As the princess felt her knees falter and her resolve crumble, for it was too much pain and misery, too much uncertainty and despair! Oh woe is me that the world could let so much weight fall upon the shoulders of a single soul!
Mussolini fell to the floor as the swede landed a blow against the Italian's head.
Poor princess! Will you ever find peace and love for your subjects?!
The Italian was back on his feet, screeching and screaming while his salami battered the swede into submission.
Pain and suffering! Nostalgia for the olden days! Think of the children!
Two royal guards jumped into action. They tackled Mussolini and tried to hold him down while a couple others unsuccessfully tried to reanimate the Chinese and Swedish ambassadors.
Why won't anyone think of the children?!
Mussolini called upon the olden powers of Italian ancestry and his eyes glowed a bright green, from his mouth the glow emanated in a yellow coloring and from his fingertips the might and power surged in a red tone.
All froze and gazed upon the might of the Italian, for his body was power and his power was body.
"I am lord of lords! Master of masters hath sent mine soul forth into thine lands! Thou shall face mine wrath for thine lack of chilly!"
And all was consumed into fire and rage as the glorious panini of doom descended from the heavens and onto the land, glorious glory of gloryficating gloriousness spewed forth from its might and seasoned bread.
"Its the end times! The end times have come!"
And so they did, friend. So they did...
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I'm so sorry guys, so, so, so, sorry... I swear I am never doing this again...
What the fuck just i read?
1632882
The result of a restless night of sleep and a slice of cheese in the morning... I don't usually do this, please forgive me...
The amount of fuck I did just read.
Way too much.
Apology accepted, but it was totally funny.
And I was like.
I AM ITALIAN.
And I laughted so hard that I had resuscitated mussolini himself
Now imma going to get a salami to impale him, just like a vampire.
Ps: sarcasm aside, at first i felt a bit offended, but thinking that nonsense scene made me.laught a bit.
Also:
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcubf0XZfY1qkv381o1_500.gif
1632956
Haha, thanks!
1632961
Sorry if it did, it wasn't my intention
Glad you liked it though, thanks! 
1633004
Darn it man! As if the story itself won't get enough hate, now you have to pitch the religious community against me too? Ain't fair!
btw: lol
1633033
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9vycxHaq11ryrykqo1_500.gif
Kurt makes everything better.
1633039 Referred this to TWE and gave you credit.
1633957 TWC?
1633964 Fucking dyslexic hooves.
TWE
1633974 There we go!
And why me, of all people, to take the credit?
1633983 Go see for yourself.
1634002 Aw, thanks
I'd forgotten that was the one which put you over the edge and joined the ranks of the Regidar Cul-Fan association.
1634034 It's rare I find something so funny. It was a great spirit lifter.
1634045 Which is weird, because I wrote it under a "Fuck this shit" attitude.
I was seeing how far I could go without turning into this.
1634094 Mr. Happy will never be replaced... and he will never return... Which is, actually, a very good thing.
1634119 I lol'd at several of his stories. Big Mac Masturbates with Razorblades is a timeless classic.
The only difference between me and him is that I'm still around.
What I want to go for now is capture some of the beauty Shortskirtsandexpl- I mean, Imploding Colon put into Austraeoh. That's a fucking timeless classic.
Also, not to brag or anything, but SS&E totally commented on my page.
i.qkme.me/3olyld.jpg So many fucks. I applaud you sir.
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2143-131314502054.jpg
Alright. Listen guy. I will admit that I laughed a lot during this story. It was bucked up beyond imagination and so random that I couldn't stop reading it. I don't read descriptions, but I thought it may be strange when I read the title. I was right. Well, just because of effort and being able to entrance me into this weird world of salami swords and strange falling sandwiches I shall give you 3 out of 5 mustaches.
1634876
1634967
Always glad to bring that little extra weirdness into your lives!
1635019 It was a bit of fun though. I'm weird myself so I mean it's only fitting that I tend to read weird stories.
what in the name o Celestia
did i just read
I am disliking out of pure respect for you
1636859
I am honored to receive your dislike then.
UN debates in a nutshell
This... There are no words to describe this...
Read the story again. Fapped. Read again.
1632515 So when's the sequel?
2647591
Should come out in a little while.
I'm gonna make fun of our admins on the next one too.
2647629 I'm not focused enough on the group to entirely get the experience, but I'm sure I'll enjoy it nonetheless. Will you have one that makes fun of the members?
2647694
Hmm? I meant the site admins.
Ooh ya. I'm hardcore like that.
I'm calling in some tactical-racism with a side of rapid-fire What The Fuck!? And to top it off, I'm going to cover it in flaming absurdity!
I am Norman and I approve of this message.
/)